Getting better from depression was like that. Missing dimensions popped back up. Plain old normal days tasted crisp and delicious. And then there were the bittersweet replays, when I traveled through the previous months and years, and counted all I’d misheard, misfelt, and missed. Depression isn’t noble or interesting; it’s monotonous, self-absorbed misery that leaves little room for art or kindness or other people.
I’m back, I wanted to shout last spring, that hunched crone was a changeling, not me! I wanted to learn how to get better without running from the site of misery; how to return to people who hadn’t realized I’d been away. I would have liked some scars to point to, to explain my absence. It was shocking, in a way, this drug-borne proof that I’m an animal, washed with chemical tides, turning seasons, light, and food into moods. When you reduce my suffering to a curable disease; to symptoms, postures, and intonations, I’m no longer especially special. All those causes for my sadness fluttered down like snotty Kleenex.
It’s been more than a year since I got sick, and months since I got better. Every day I think of the scientists who mashed up rat brains to create the drugs that brought me back to life, and I’m grateful. And I wish more people could shuck that hollow shell.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
The nasty transaction.
SHOPPING SPREE!
1 top from WAREHOUSE - $89.00
1 pair of heels from PRIMAVERA - $49.00
3 dresses from MANGO - $91.00
So happy! *Smile smile smile*
Okay, MANGO was fucking crowded. I bought two dresses with the same design but different colour. WHAT?! Booya. This is what I call impulsive buying. JUST BECAUSE the crowd is too huge. It gave me a feeling of "there is no time left". When I came out of MANGO, I heaved a huge sigh and said,"That was so much fun."
And yes, squeezing with a bunch of girlies, desperately trying to grab something, anything. Cause, ITS THE GREAT SINGAPORE SALES! GEES.
And I saw an awesome white dress from WAREHOUSE. I didnt get that tho I could have.
=[ its $112. After five hours, im still telling myself, "Get out of my mind, fucking white dress."
We drove to Geylang to have TimSum! Cant forget the prawn rolls thingy.
And theres nothing I could do but to let it stay in my stomach. Tomorrow I have to compensate my SINS! No food and jog my ass off. Self control girl.
Nyah my collections of heels.
Nights.
P.S WHITE DRESS! CRYS.
1 top from WAREHOUSE - $89.00
1 pair of heels from PRIMAVERA - $49.00
3 dresses from MANGO - $91.00
So happy! *Smile smile smile*
Okay, MANGO was fucking crowded. I bought two dresses with the same design but different colour. WHAT?! Booya. This is what I call impulsive buying. JUST BECAUSE the crowd is too huge. It gave me a feeling of "there is no time left". When I came out of MANGO, I heaved a huge sigh and said,"That was so much fun."
And yes, squeezing with a bunch of girlies, desperately trying to grab something, anything. Cause, ITS THE GREAT SINGAPORE SALES! GEES.
And I saw an awesome white dress from WAREHOUSE. I didnt get that tho I could have.
=[ its $112. After five hours, im still telling myself, "Get out of my mind, fucking white dress."
We drove to Geylang to have TimSum! Cant forget the prawn rolls thingy.
And theres nothing I could do but to let it stay in my stomach. Tomorrow I have to compensate my SINS! No food and jog my ass off. Self control girl.
Nyah my collections of heels.
Nights.
P.S WHITE DRESS! CRYS.
To the end?
Har har. I call it Karma.
The only place im escaping from, comes all the way back to me in the end.
Appointed examination centre: Si Ling Secondary School.
Eff. How scary is that.
The second place I have been avoiding all my life, still, returns to the beginning.
It really felt that my life evolves around Hougang. Eventually, I still make it there.
My mom told me, she had noticed the changes.
To that, im good. Im fine. Just the hear one person tell me that.
Assurance.
I can tell - Saosin
Morning.
P.S My piece of advise, Kwang. Seek professional help from a psychiatrist. I know your confused. This is my sincere piece of word.
The only place im escaping from, comes all the way back to me in the end.
Appointed examination centre: Si Ling Secondary School.
Eff. How scary is that.
The second place I have been avoiding all my life, still, returns to the beginning.
It really felt that my life evolves around Hougang. Eventually, I still make it there.
My mom told me, she had noticed the changes.
To that, im good. Im fine. Just the hear one person tell me that.
Assurance.
I can tell - Saosin
Morning.
P.S My piece of advise, Kwang. Seek professional help from a psychiatrist. I know your confused. This is my sincere piece of word.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
54.
I want to......... laugh, at how easy to the familiar ranting of "Oh i wanna lose weight but it wont go awaaayyyeeee!"
HAHAHA down to 54 in less than a WEEK. Im so proud proud proud of myself. Something to live for everyday.
Bought a $30 contacts. I AM SO MAD at myself for listening to the salesperson. Its not like im indecisive, its just because of her effort and so i bought it. Simple but FOOLISH. This is so maddening.
Today was a productive day. Thats all I can blog.
Rooftop - Lost prophets
Chaw.
P.S Everyone I come across, take me as a fucking ride.
P.P.S I still wanna laugh about how easy it is to lose weight. Go away flabs.
HAHAHA down to 54 in less than a WEEK. Im so proud proud proud of myself. Something to live for everyday.
Bought a $30 contacts. I AM SO MAD at myself for listening to the salesperson. Its not like im indecisive, its just because of her effort and so i bought it. Simple but FOOLISH. This is so maddening.
Today was a productive day. Thats all I can blog.
Rooftop - Lost prophets
Chaw.
P.S Everyone I come across, take me as a fucking ride.
P.P.S I still wanna laugh about how easy it is to lose weight. Go away flabs.
w880i
My sis just bought a W880i. Althought I didnt really like it but I still feel happy for her.
Just sitting here, sipping on Earl's grey tea, listening to my playlist, I feel somewhat satisfying. Its cool, lifes good.
And they call this tragedy - Alesana
Nights.
Just sitting here, sipping on Earl's grey tea, listening to my playlist, I feel somewhat satisfying. Its cool, lifes good.
And they call this tragedy - Alesana
Nights.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Bulimia
Its not like im doing this for anyone's sake. My insecurities are like a time bomb and I guess this time, I wanted to end it once and for all. I was so desperate.
And now, im am getting so into and so addicted to it, throwing the fact that it ruin my health away. Im beginning to fret, to feel guilty and uncomfortable of leaving just a little amount of food in my body, althought 90% of it are out.
-
I want to befriend my Dad's young malay friend. LOL. I think, it isnt the first time I saw him.
Sway - Lost prophets
Late.
And now, im am getting so into and so addicted to it, throwing the fact that it ruin my health away. Im beginning to fret, to feel guilty and uncomfortable of leaving just a little amount of food in my body, althought 90% of it are out.
-
I want to befriend my Dad's young malay friend. LOL. I think, it isnt the first time I saw him.
Sway - Lost prophets
Late.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Always - Bon Jovi
Sis: You know when I listened to this song Always - Bon Jovi in the morning on your phone just now, I looked at Lan's picture and felt sad for you. I almost even cry when listening them sing this verse, "Its been raining since you left me, now im drowning in the flood".
Me: Really? Wow. I once dedicated this song to him on my blog when I was still with J.
Sis: Does Lan knows?
Me: I dont think so... =/ Shit you just gotta make me think of him again.
Sis: But I dont like him. He made you sad.
Me: Well, but everytime when I thought of him, its the happy times that are there. I cant remember anything sad. I almost cant find any flaws on him.
Its just something I kept in my heart. I stored it well. I had stop reminiscing just because I am so familiar with it. Whenever, wherever, I will still smile by the tune of To be with you - Mr B.I.G. I hope your happy. I hope you would think of me sometimes and smile to the days. To the 500 witherless roses.
To the best man.
Miraculously, he came online after my sis and I finished our talks. The song of Always was playing. And no, we didnt talk.
-
Days like these, I appreciate.
Waking to my sis's ramblings about her bad dreams and talking to her while im half asleep and finally laughing so loudly and couldnt get back to sleep. Listening to the cadence of the birds singing. Be the first to wake up and have a hot tea, listening to those assuring music while waiting for the rest of the family, one by one yawning as they sat in the living room. Greeting each of them morning as they smile gratefully. Bidding my granny a cheerful goodbye as she went for her morning walks. Talks and laughters would start to blend in when my eyes glow with thankfulness.
This simple bliss I refused and failed to realise in my younger years.
20 hour drive - The red jumpsuit appratus
Baiiee.
P.S Would you have had asked me out for dinner if I didnt msg you? But im done with it. This will all goes away quickly.
P.P.S In this state that im in, without a proof of at least a cert of intellectual, I still think that im good enough for Poly. Well its sad. Its a pity for me to go to a waste. I guess ive met my criteria but not theirs.
Me: Really? Wow. I once dedicated this song to him on my blog when I was still with J.
Sis: Does Lan knows?
Me: I dont think so... =/ Shit you just gotta make me think of him again.
Sis: But I dont like him. He made you sad.
Me: Well, but everytime when I thought of him, its the happy times that are there. I cant remember anything sad. I almost cant find any flaws on him.
Its just something I kept in my heart. I stored it well. I had stop reminiscing just because I am so familiar with it. Whenever, wherever, I will still smile by the tune of To be with you - Mr B.I.G. I hope your happy. I hope you would think of me sometimes and smile to the days. To the 500 witherless roses.
To the best man.
Miraculously, he came online after my sis and I finished our talks. The song of Always was playing. And no, we didnt talk.
-
Days like these, I appreciate.
Waking to my sis's ramblings about her bad dreams and talking to her while im half asleep and finally laughing so loudly and couldnt get back to sleep. Listening to the cadence of the birds singing. Be the first to wake up and have a hot tea, listening to those assuring music while waiting for the rest of the family, one by one yawning as they sat in the living room. Greeting each of them morning as they smile gratefully. Bidding my granny a cheerful goodbye as she went for her morning walks. Talks and laughters would start to blend in when my eyes glow with thankfulness.
This simple bliss I refused and failed to realise in my younger years.
20 hour drive - The red jumpsuit appratus
Baiiee.
P.S Would you have had asked me out for dinner if I didnt msg you? But im done with it. This will all goes away quickly.
P.P.S In this state that im in, without a proof of at least a cert of intellectual, I still think that im good enough for Poly. Well its sad. Its a pity for me to go to a waste. I guess ive met my criteria but not theirs.
Drunk and single in NYC.
"Truth is, no matter how much I deny it or pretend otherwise, I am a woman. Biology programmed me to be obsessive compulsive about the men who sleep with me in my bed. It’s my instinct to find the most burly man to provide for me and my brood and to make him stick around and rear our children. Make him stop playing Johnny Appleseed, sharing himself with the rest of the species. "
-
"But life lesson:
If something requires too much effort, you're forcing it. Let it go and get something else because hands down, when its the right fit, the ease and comfort of the process will let you know.
The same lesson can be applied to relationships, job searches and even sex."
-From Shannon.
-
"But life lesson:
If something requires too much effort, you're forcing it. Let it go and get something else because hands down, when its the right fit, the ease and comfort of the process will let you know.
The same lesson can be applied to relationships, job searches and even sex."
-From Shannon.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Discussion.
Yesterday night.
XY called me at 9pm telling me to come down to Discussion at 10+. I was like shit, why so last minute. I reached at 10.30. Stood outside 7-11 waited for her for FREAKING 1 HOUR. Pissed off. BUT there was a group of MALAY skateboarders. OMG. D: One of them was called chris. They were so funny.
Finally. I saw the bartender when Im sober. STILL CUTE. I keep telling XY Shit I finally got him off my mind why did you bring me to look at him again. AHH. And we kept giggling about it. Bartender Meng was too busy didnt get to talk to him, only once or twice when he came to talk.
Something incredible. WE SAW AH YI BAO YU. I was like SHIT DOES HE RECOGNISE US?!?! He used to go HP very often. *AHEM* Its still funny.
The night I was so tipsy. I was okay until I decided to go over to the other table to play drinking games with that guy whom I and XY stole two packs of cig from when he was drunk few months ago ROFL. I kept losing, its fine. Call it karma.
Alphy didnt fetch me home. He was asleep. Omg the cab fare. -_- I need a job. Its not like last time when I had Darren to sent me home everytime I go Discussion without paying. HAHA.
Still it was a funny night. Especially when we saw Ah yi bao yu.
XY called me at 9pm telling me to come down to Discussion at 10+. I was like shit, why so last minute. I reached at 10.30. Stood outside 7-11 waited for her for FREAKING 1 HOUR. Pissed off. BUT there was a group of MALAY skateboarders. OMG. D: One of them was called chris. They were so funny.
Finally. I saw the bartender when Im sober. STILL CUTE. I keep telling XY Shit I finally got him off my mind why did you bring me to look at him again. AHH. And we kept giggling about it. Bartender Meng was too busy didnt get to talk to him, only once or twice when he came to talk.
Something incredible. WE SAW AH YI BAO YU. I was like SHIT DOES HE RECOGNISE US?!?! He used to go HP very often. *AHEM* Its still funny.
The night I was so tipsy. I was okay until I decided to go over to the other table to play drinking games with that guy whom I and XY stole two packs of cig from when he was drunk few months ago ROFL. I kept losing, its fine. Call it karma.
Alphy didnt fetch me home. He was asleep. Omg the cab fare. -_- I need a job. Its not like last time when I had Darren to sent me home everytime I go Discussion without paying. HAHA.
Still it was a funny night. Especially when we saw Ah yi bao yu.
Friday, June 15, 2007
Chivas.
Sorry girls I didnt make it to Sentosa. Well its kind of DEPRESSING looking at nutrients-deprived people. Okay I know im being cynical. BUT YA it is demoralising. But dont worry! There will be next time soon ;]
Saw Jia wei at Hougang. HE COULDNT RECOGNISED ME! Its nothing suprising either. I met a primary school friend who told me I kept changing all the time. I think its my hair LOL. I love doing obvious changes to my hair. From very long hair to SHORT to shoulder length to SHORT to very long and SHORT again. Seems like I love short hair more.
Tell me to get over my new hair, NO I WONT AND I CANT. Get over telling me to get over my hair. I look like a real chinese now.
Seth dragged me out of the house yesterday night. You know how expensive adult fares are now. -_-! I miss the 45cents days. Rys lost his wallet AGAIN. When was the last time I heard this familiar line. Two days ago? Jees.
Taking 161 at night felt like going way back to sec3. XY told me, "You yao xiang yi qian zhe yang ar?" And I laughed. It definately worth the laugh thinking back.
ALPHY didnt managed to bring a bottle of Chivas back for me but I got a bottle of Bacardi instead. Actually, its all good tho I would have prefer Chivas more. I WANTED A BOTTLE OF CHIVAS FOR MY 18TH BIRTHDAY OKAY. But its cool, its fine. I go where ever the liqour is.
Hopesfall - Icarus
Later.
P.S I just thought he seems such a nice guy thats all.
EDIT: LOL
MSN
Alphy: Bought Chivas for you liao.
HAHAHHAHAH THIS IS SOOO FUCKING FLY. Chivas and bacardi <3
BITCH WANNA GET WASTED WITH ME!
Saw Jia wei at Hougang. HE COULDNT RECOGNISED ME! Its nothing suprising either. I met a primary school friend who told me I kept changing all the time. I think its my hair LOL. I love doing obvious changes to my hair. From very long hair to SHORT to shoulder length to SHORT to very long and SHORT again. Seems like I love short hair more.
Tell me to get over my new hair, NO I WONT AND I CANT. Get over telling me to get over my hair. I look like a real chinese now.
Seth dragged me out of the house yesterday night. You know how expensive adult fares are now. -_-! I miss the 45cents days. Rys lost his wallet AGAIN. When was the last time I heard this familiar line. Two days ago? Jees.
Taking 161 at night felt like going way back to sec3. XY told me, "You yao xiang yi qian zhe yang ar?" And I laughed. It definately worth the laugh thinking back.
ALPHY didnt managed to bring a bottle of Chivas back for me but I got a bottle of Bacardi instead. Actually, its all good tho I would have prefer Chivas more. I WANTED A BOTTLE OF CHIVAS FOR MY 18TH BIRTHDAY OKAY. But its cool, its fine. I go where ever the liqour is.
Hopesfall - Icarus
Later.
P.S I just thought he seems such a nice guy thats all.
EDIT: LOL
MSN
Alphy: Bought Chivas for you liao.
HAHAHHAHAH THIS IS SOOO FUCKING FLY. Chivas and bacardi <3
BITCH WANNA GET WASTED WITH ME!
Thursday, June 14, 2007
IMEEM cut my song to a 30sec preview.
Can i just be something
Somewhere in your room
That you wont notice
Maybe ill be paper
Or books thrown on your floor
Move me when you want to
I'll live where you put me
In your VCR
If i become a cassette
Or on top of your computer
If thats where i would fit
Then so be it
I will not say one word
Ill just hang around
I wont annoy you at all
When you move out ill stay
Until im thrown away
But then it wont matter
-
Yesterday night, I had a blast. Me and my music. Its nights like these that make me wanna lose my mind and go crazy over music. Devouring every musical seemingly notes from every instruments which sounded ever so assuring in my ears. I looked out the window. Beyond the facade of the world, only music felt so true, so sincere.
Armor for sleep - Kind of perfect
Ciao.
P.S I be fine. I know you will make it through, I wont be around to see.
Somewhere in your room
That you wont notice
Maybe ill be paper
Or books thrown on your floor
Move me when you want to
I'll live where you put me
In your VCR
If i become a cassette
Or on top of your computer
If thats where i would fit
Then so be it
I will not say one word
Ill just hang around
I wont annoy you at all
When you move out ill stay
Until im thrown away
But then it wont matter
-
Yesterday night, I had a blast. Me and my music. Its nights like these that make me wanna lose my mind and go crazy over music. Devouring every musical seemingly notes from every instruments which sounded ever so assuring in my ears. I looked out the window. Beyond the facade of the world, only music felt so true, so sincere.
Armor for sleep - Kind of perfect
Ciao.
P.S I be fine. I know you will make it through, I wont be around to see.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Uncle kenneth.
From my dearest successful uncle.
Hallo Ah mei, how are you?
How are you coping? Work / studies? Any luck?
Dont push yourself too much okay. Go slowly. The going is tough but you will succeed if you cross your own hurdle/barrier. I think you are not strong in your social skills leading to poor self esteem, low confidence and depression. I would encourage you to be open and communicative with your parents and sister. This helps to clear your head.
Previously, I went for phycologist sessions to help me cope with my depression. Actually, the sessions didnt help much though the phycologist was great. It all depends on your willpower to overcome your weaknesses / development points and you shouldnt be ashame of your development points. Everyone has it.
I hope this email ensourages you along your tedious journey into adult life. Remember you have a great family to rely on. You are still a teenager and have a whole life ahead of you! You have not missed the boat yet, trust me.
Take care and anything email me. I will give you a call sometime soon.
Cheers.
Ken
Hallo Ah mei, how are you?
How are you coping? Work / studies? Any luck?
Dont push yourself too much okay. Go slowly. The going is tough but you will succeed if you cross your own hurdle/barrier. I think you are not strong in your social skills leading to poor self esteem, low confidence and depression. I would encourage you to be open and communicative with your parents and sister. This helps to clear your head.
Previously, I went for phycologist sessions to help me cope with my depression. Actually, the sessions didnt help much though the phycologist was great. It all depends on your willpower to overcome your weaknesses / development points and you shouldnt be ashame of your development points. Everyone has it.
I hope this email ensourages you along your tedious journey into adult life. Remember you have a great family to rely on. You are still a teenager and have a whole life ahead of you! You have not missed the boat yet, trust me.
Take care and anything email me. I will give you a call sometime soon.
Cheers.
Ken
Drunk and Single in NYC.
"However, genius and creativity go hand in hand with madness, and I find that my observations on human behavior become more acute as I look outward to satisfy that emptiness that comes from a sun-devoid depression."
-Derived from Shannon.
-Derived from Shannon.
Gift and curses.
Mary belongs to the words of a song.
I try to be strong for her, try not to be wrong for her.
But she will not wait for me, anymore, anymore.
Why did I say all those things before? I was sure.
Mary's alive in the bright New York sky,
the city lights shine for her, above them I cry for her.
Everything's small on the ground below, down below.
What if I fall, then where would I go, would she know?
She is the one, all that I wanted,
She is the one, and I will be haunted,
She is the one, this gift is my curse for now.
I try to be strong for her, try not to be wrong for her.
But she will not wait for me, anymore, anymore.
Why did I say all those things before? I was sure.
Mary's alive in the bright New York sky,
the city lights shine for her, above them I cry for her.
Everything's small on the ground below, down below.
What if I fall, then where would I go, would she know?
She is the one, all that I wanted,
She is the one, and I will be haunted,
She is the one, this gift is my curse for now.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
161
Something I thought of while staring at the greeneries.
"Entrap in a world filled with pairs of eyes of anguish that suffocate her, watching her every moves."
-Over self-consiousness.
-
A good reason to stop wearing glasses nor contacts. To block out the "red eyes".
Honestly, I havent exactly know what the hell am I doing.
I wish there was an acoustic version of Smashed into pieces - Silverstein. It would turn out awesome.
My dad's going to Vietnam for a few months. I WILL MISS HIM! CRYS.
November rain - Guns N roses
Laters.
P.S I still wanna go to Discussion to look at the bartender when im still SOBER.
P.P.S If you think you are wrongly accused, speak it up to me.
"Entrap in a world filled with pairs of eyes of anguish that suffocate her, watching her every moves."
-Over self-consiousness.
-
A good reason to stop wearing glasses nor contacts. To block out the "red eyes".
Honestly, I havent exactly know what the hell am I doing.
I wish there was an acoustic version of Smashed into pieces - Silverstein. It would turn out awesome.
My dad's going to Vietnam for a few months. I WILL MISS HIM! CRYS.
November rain - Guns N roses
Laters.
P.S I still wanna go to Discussion to look at the bartender when im still SOBER.
P.P.S If you think you are wrongly accused, speak it up to me.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Please respect.
Leeched from XH.
Simple personality test.
Only the bold ones are right at the moment.
Right-Right
===========
Loves challenges type
Straightfoward. Once they decided on one thing, will take action right
away. Very curious, and love challenges. Dare to face dangers without
thinking through (sometimes foolishly).
Their weakness is they dont
listen to others, will filter in only what whey want to hear in a
conversation, and very subjective. However, because of their
straightforward attitude, they tend to be fairly popular.
-
I am boiling mad now.
Excuse me? You have no least RESPECT for me.
You and me, drinking alone in your house? And? For? To repeat the same mistakes again?
Makes me feel that I am so fucking right to leave you. Jerk off my face.
Not everything can use sex as a solution dumbass.
You dont respect me as a girl, your out of my life. Not even friends.
So effin yup, kaythxbai.
Simple personality test.
Only the bold ones are right at the moment.
Right-Right
===========
Loves challenges type
Straightfoward. Once they decided on one thing, will take action right
away. Very curious, and love challenges. Dare to face dangers without
thinking through (sometimes foolishly).
Their weakness is they dont
listen to others, will filter in only what whey want to hear in a
conversation, and very subjective. However, because of their
straightforward attitude, they tend to be fairly popular.
-
I am boiling mad now.
Excuse me? You have no least RESPECT for me.
You and me, drinking alone in your house? And? For? To repeat the same mistakes again?
Makes me feel that I am so fucking right to leave you. Jerk off my face.
Not everything can use sex as a solution dumbass.
You dont respect me as a girl, your out of my life. Not even friends.
So effin yup, kaythxbai.
L.I.F.E again.
Mom: At night, please face the mirror down on the table. Dont let it anyhow shine.
Me: Why? Your scareeee.
*Mom walks past behind me, to the storeroom.*
Me: Your scareee.
*Mom walks past behind me, to the living room.*
Me: Your scareeee.
Mom: What for I scare, just dont let it anyhow shine.
Me: Your scareeee.
*Mom walks away*
-
Felt mirthful and joy with life the past few weeks. Like finally, I got a L.I.F.E OGEES. Seems like every morning, Ive something to wake up to. Havent felt like this in a while. And friends have started to ask me out more and more. Its like saying hi to the world again. So, sisters! Ask me out ;] Dont let me indulge into the darkness again.
The taste of ink - The used
Bai.
P.S I havent miss the boat yet.
Me: Why? Your scareeee.
*Mom walks past behind me, to the storeroom.*
Me: Your scareee.
*Mom walks past behind me, to the living room.*
Me: Your scareeee.
Mom: What for I scare, just dont let it anyhow shine.
Me: Your scareeee.
*Mom walks away*
-
Felt mirthful and joy with life the past few weeks. Like finally, I got a L.I.F.E OGEES. Seems like every morning, Ive something to wake up to. Havent felt like this in a while. And friends have started to ask me out more and more. Its like saying hi to the world again. So, sisters! Ask me out ;] Dont let me indulge into the darkness again.
The taste of ink - The used
Bai.
P.S I havent miss the boat yet.
Saturday, June 09, 2007
Notebook please.
My eyes blurred through visions, beyond boundaries when the endless paintings of images spinned into a cyclone. I just stared through time and space.
Groups of people entered into my life.
A group that calls,"Grow up."
A group that sang and dance for you through the apocalypse.
A group that stung through sour teeth,"Your fat and ugly."
A group that just wanna have fun.
It doesnt matter what they did.
Let the ones whom is willing to, diffuse into you and your life.
Shit, wheres my notebook and pen?
The first step is always the hardest, yet the second one is much easier. I kept telling myself to get out of the fence. I never did.
But I did it this time. I was happy and glad. Sitting down with a group of strangers isnt one of my forte. Instead it is terrifying to me.
It gave my moral a huge boost, and I know that I am finally moving on. Not staying there stagnant anymore. I wanna keep moving on. Its a huge turn for me. It may sounds weird but YA. No more prozac? Tee hee.
But sometimes, I love sinking myself into depression and close the doors of the world. Being with myself. But its not always easy for me to reinstate my mood. It is instead, challenging. Dont trigger the bomb.
Do the best of what your conscience signals.
Cant dwell on the past and do something which isnt possible to make amends to.
I know, I know, these whole paragraph isnt contructive and organize. But Im sorry, my brain isnt a notebook. I cant remember what was processing in my mind if I dont get it down.
_
I dont got anything against Christianity or religion. I got something against Christians that neglect the meaning and reason of being a Christian. Just like my Granny. She is a Buddhist. She is a vegeterian. She never ask herself, why is she a vegeterian? She is eating vegetable blindly hurling out the fact of being peace at heart. Stuffs are not to be mentioned here but yes, she might as well eat meat.
Panadol for cold works like a wonder. I am obliged to trust the commercial.
Sorry for being so disorganized again.
_
Really been an eventful day. North south east west in a day. Yesterday 11am, went Tanjong pagar with Seth. Raffles place to Dobby ghaut. 5.30pm, met XY at City hall. Effin sales, no fitting for bras. Before going into the warehouse sales, we pondered about why are there no one carrying bags out. We got our answer when we left the warehouse sales. 11pm to Pasis Ris beach. 7.30am the next morning, reached home.
Groups of people entered into my life.
A group that calls,"Grow up."
A group that sang and dance for you through the apocalypse.
A group that stung through sour teeth,"Your fat and ugly."
A group that just wanna have fun.
It doesnt matter what they did.
Let the ones whom is willing to, diffuse into you and your life.
Shit, wheres my notebook and pen?
The first step is always the hardest, yet the second one is much easier. I kept telling myself to get out of the fence. I never did.
But I did it this time. I was happy and glad. Sitting down with a group of strangers isnt one of my forte. Instead it is terrifying to me.
It gave my moral a huge boost, and I know that I am finally moving on. Not staying there stagnant anymore. I wanna keep moving on. Its a huge turn for me. It may sounds weird but YA. No more prozac? Tee hee.
But sometimes, I love sinking myself into depression and close the doors of the world. Being with myself. But its not always easy for me to reinstate my mood. It is instead, challenging. Dont trigger the bomb.
Do the best of what your conscience signals.
Cant dwell on the past and do something which isnt possible to make amends to.
I know, I know, these whole paragraph isnt contructive and organize. But Im sorry, my brain isnt a notebook. I cant remember what was processing in my mind if I dont get it down.
_
I dont got anything against Christianity or religion. I got something against Christians that neglect the meaning and reason of being a Christian. Just like my Granny. She is a Buddhist. She is a vegeterian. She never ask herself, why is she a vegeterian? She is eating vegetable blindly hurling out the fact of being peace at heart. Stuffs are not to be mentioned here but yes, she might as well eat meat.
Panadol for cold works like a wonder. I am obliged to trust the commercial.
Sorry for being so disorganized again.
_
Really been an eventful day. North south east west in a day. Yesterday 11am, went Tanjong pagar with Seth. Raffles place to Dobby ghaut. 5.30pm, met XY at City hall. Effin sales, no fitting for bras. Before going into the warehouse sales, we pondered about why are there no one carrying bags out. We got our answer when we left the warehouse sales. 11pm to Pasis Ris beach. 7.30am the next morning, reached home.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Fucking haircut. I HATE IT! Now I lost my Malay-looking style. EFF. This hair SUCKS. Usually I wouldnt mind what hair the hairstylist gave me, but it must be different than my previous haircut. Theres totally nothing different or unique to this hair except the front which I hate. I 100% felt that the hair is not 10cent worth. Wasted my 24$. Now im broke. When im broke, this is what imma do.
Im gonna ask the ones who didnt gave me presents and ask for a huge red packet.
First target, granny.
Im gonna ask the ones who didnt gave me presents and ask for a huge red packet.
First target, granny.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
When I was young, I always played a game. I missed it and search it up.
Download Hotdog Vendor
ITS NOT SILLY ITS FUN OKAY. Hmhp.
-
When a person sings, he/she commute into a whole new person.
Download Hotdog Vendor
ITS NOT SILLY ITS FUN OKAY. Hmhp.
-
When a person sings, he/she commute into a whole new person.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
This girl is ruining her life. I pity her mom. =/
15 yr old girl had sex with 300 men.
Catch more of Maury's show. Some are funny some are outrageous. Girl who is afraid of pickles.
15 yr old girl had sex with 300 men.
Catch more of Maury's show. Some are funny some are outrageous. Girl who is afraid of pickles.
Saturday, June 02, 2007
Nothing better.
Will someone please call a surgeon
Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
That your're deserting for better company?
I can't accept that it's over...
I will block the door like a goalie tending the net
In the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry
So just say how to make it right
And i swear i'll do my best to comply
Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together
I feel must interject here you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself
With these revisions and gaps in history
So let me help you remember.
I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear.
I've prepared a lecture on why i have to leave
So please back away and let me go
I can't my darling i love you so...
Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together
Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future
Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures
I admit that i have made mistakes and i swear
I'll never wrong you again
You've got a lure i can't deny,
But you've had your chance so say goodbye
Say goodbye
Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
That your're deserting for better company?
I can't accept that it's over...
I will block the door like a goalie tending the net
In the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry
So just say how to make it right
And i swear i'll do my best to comply
Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together
I feel must interject here you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself
With these revisions and gaps in history
So let me help you remember.
I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear.
I've prepared a lecture on why i have to leave
So please back away and let me go
I can't my darling i love you so...
Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together
Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future
Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures
I admit that i have made mistakes and i swear
I'll never wrong you again
You've got a lure i can't deny,
But you've had your chance so say goodbye
Say goodbye
Friday, June 01, 2007
Monday, May 28, 2007
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Birthdays.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY XUE YING!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
Uncle Kenneth came to visit us for the last time before he leave for London again. It will be 2 years before he come back to Singapore. He talked to me. I had the same problems with him. I cried. I didnt want to but im still moved to tears cause its real. What he said was true. I didnt want to elaborate. Im still waking up from my drunken state. I only had one huge problem, and its not a inter-personal problem.
"Change the VICIOUS cycle to a VIRTOUS cycle."
Met up with them at 10.45pm. Yup I was late, I watched Condor of the Heroes before I left my house. I regretted leaving my house late. We opened four bottles of Chivas but I aint as wasted as the last birthday! But still it was fun, tho I felt that the night was very very very short. There are still "Yi han" left there. I didnt get to do what I wanted to.
I really appreciate them celebrating the birthday with me and giving me gifts. I was really touched. The fruit cake was good too, I had two pieces. ;P
The bartender, tho the previous one was cooler since the fight at Disc-cussion. But the new one was okay too. ;P Hee hee. Yi han?
The boss treated me well as well. I DO NOT HAVE A GRUDGE AGAINST HIM OKAY!
Its fun, i enjoyed everything. ;] And yes, I love alcohol, I loses my inhibition to talk and socialize. I love it. I love the feeling of being confident, of being able to talk to people I dont know. I love Chivas!
I still hope to go Disc-cussion as frequently as the past few months. Its the place I feel good in. Well sometimes.
Thank everyone! You are in my heart! Tho I am really sorry to drift too far away because of my personal problems. I AM REALLY HAPPY!
My heart goes out to,
Ying Ting
Pei Yin
Xue Ying
Liyan
Michelle
Jocelyn
Lee Yun
Yu Jia
Xiao hui
Spencer
"Andy lau"
Ben
Darren
"Andy lau's sister"
Two of the waitress (Im sorry but I forgot your names, they even invited me to clubbing after pub. So nice of them, we didnt even talked alot.)
Ah Meng
Boss
Jeremy and her sis.
And the people who didnt came but had their greetings.
THANK YOU ALL for making this joyful night!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
Uncle Kenneth came to visit us for the last time before he leave for London again. It will be 2 years before he come back to Singapore. He talked to me. I had the same problems with him. I cried. I didnt want to but im still moved to tears cause its real. What he said was true. I didnt want to elaborate. Im still waking up from my drunken state. I only had one huge problem, and its not a inter-personal problem.
"Change the VICIOUS cycle to a VIRTOUS cycle."
Met up with them at 10.45pm. Yup I was late, I watched Condor of the Heroes before I left my house. I regretted leaving my house late. We opened four bottles of Chivas but I aint as wasted as the last birthday! But still it was fun, tho I felt that the night was very very very short. There are still "Yi han" left there. I didnt get to do what I wanted to.
I really appreciate them celebrating the birthday with me and giving me gifts. I was really touched. The fruit cake was good too, I had two pieces. ;P
The bartender, tho the previous one was cooler since the fight at Disc-cussion. But the new one was okay too. ;P Hee hee. Yi han?
The boss treated me well as well. I DO NOT HAVE A GRUDGE AGAINST HIM OKAY!
Its fun, i enjoyed everything. ;] And yes, I love alcohol, I loses my inhibition to talk and socialize. I love it. I love the feeling of being confident, of being able to talk to people I dont know. I love Chivas!
I still hope to go Disc-cussion as frequently as the past few months. Its the place I feel good in. Well sometimes.
Thank everyone! You are in my heart! Tho I am really sorry to drift too far away because of my personal problems. I AM REALLY HAPPY!
My heart goes out to,
Ying Ting
Pei Yin
Xue Ying
Liyan
Michelle
Jocelyn
Lee Yun
Yu Jia
Xiao hui
Spencer
"Andy lau"
Ben
Darren
"Andy lau's sister"
Two of the waitress (Im sorry but I forgot your names, they even invited me to clubbing after pub. So nice of them, we didnt even talked alot.)
Ah Meng
Boss
Jeremy and her sis.
And the people who didnt came but had their greetings.
THANK YOU ALL for making this joyful night!
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Rockstar INXS.
OH AMMM GEE!
Losing my religion by Suzie Mcneil
It was AWESOME! I had my goosebumps when I listened to it. ROCK ON! \M/
Baby one more time by Marty Casey
A pop song by Britney can ROCK too. Hit me baby one more time ;]
With arms wide open
MARTY CASEY! LOVES! Love his performace on this song. So touching, I almost cried!
Shit, theres a black man singing a rock song. THATS SO WEIRD AND FUNNY! I cant concentrate on the song hes singing, i kept smiling. Catch Ty taylor. Lazy to post link. Dont mean to be racist ;x
THANK JEREMY!
Losing my religion by Suzie Mcneil
It was AWESOME! I had my goosebumps when I listened to it. ROCK ON! \M/
Baby one more time by Marty Casey
A pop song by Britney can ROCK too. Hit me baby one more time ;]
With arms wide open
MARTY CASEY! LOVES! Love his performace on this song. So touching, I almost cried!
Shit, theres a black man singing a rock song. THATS SO WEIRD AND FUNNY! I cant concentrate on the song hes singing, i kept smiling. Catch Ty taylor. Lazy to post link. Dont mean to be racist ;x
THANK JEREMY!
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
TFB!
Two birthday postponed to Saturday.
-
BICTHES! At my work place. Been two days. Gees i say TFB! Two fat beesh.
From now, I DECLARE WARRRRR!
Gotta bring plasters to work tomorrow. >_>
Everyday to Macpherson Rd. God I need my 14 hours sleep. *Eyes black*
I overshot the bus stop and landed myself in Aljunied. >.>
-
I wonder if anyone who worked Mc with me 4 years ago remember this old malay guy who works Mc with us. Today, I was looking down from 161, I saw him crossing the same overhead bridge from Compass point, wearing the same Mc uniform. =/
-
BICTHES! At my work place. Been two days. Gees i say TFB! Two fat beesh.
From now, I DECLARE WARRRRR!
Gotta bring plasters to work tomorrow. >_>
Everyday to Macpherson Rd. God I need my 14 hours sleep. *Eyes black*
I overshot the bus stop and landed myself in Aljunied. >.>
-
I wonder if anyone who worked Mc with me 4 years ago remember this old malay guy who works Mc with us. Today, I was looking down from 161, I saw him crossing the same overhead bridge from Compass point, wearing the same Mc uniform. =/
Monday, May 21, 2007
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Sorry.
It was a VERY rash decision but since I said it...
Ahh well, I am sorry for hurting you so much for these few months. Cause you dont understand nor try to. I know my words are hurting and straight forward.
Now, I cant look at you or listen to your voice without getting irritated. You reminds me of the anger inside me.
After it ended, I dont feel like I've lost something, maybe I felt that your gone very long ago.
I still can picture your sad face and your back as you walked away.
Maybe I need time away from you.
Ahh well, I am sorry for hurting you so much for these few months. Cause you dont understand nor try to. I know my words are hurting and straight forward.
Now, I cant look at you or listen to your voice without getting irritated. You reminds me of the anger inside me.
After it ended, I dont feel like I've lost something, maybe I felt that your gone very long ago.
I still can picture your sad face and your back as you walked away.
Maybe I need time away from you.
Friday, May 18, 2007
>_>
Went to dinner with Alphy. Watched Spidey man 3. I still dont understand why the whole world is so into it. Fucking 1m$ in just one day in Singapore's box office.
The whole movie was boring until the ending part. I sat til my back ache. Boring movie.
I guess I hasnt really change since 2003. Im a huge disappointment to everyone. At this point, Im still not ready to sit down. It seems like I lost directions of what im doing. When can I stop getting into trouble?
From autumn to ashes - Chroloform perfume
Lates.
The whole movie was boring until the ending part. I sat til my back ache. Boring movie.
I guess I hasnt really change since 2003. Im a huge disappointment to everyone. At this point, Im still not ready to sit down. It seems like I lost directions of what im doing. When can I stop getting into trouble?
From autumn to ashes - Chroloform perfume
Lates.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
NEW SPEAKER!
HAPPEE BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAREST SISTER ERNIES!
HAPPEE BIRTHDAY TO PEIYIN!
Concerning the previous post, no, I seriously dont dare to poop tho I feel it coming out soon.
My speakers, bitched up. Couldnt hear the guitars.
Headphones, bitched up. Wires.
My throat sore and dry from smoking.
From first to last - My heart your hands
P.S Punani for weeds.
HAPPEE BIRTHDAY TO PEIYIN!
Concerning the previous post, no, I seriously dont dare to poop tho I feel it coming out soon.
My speakers, bitched up. Couldnt hear the guitars.
Headphones, bitched up. Wires.
My throat sore and dry from smoking.
From first to last - My heart your hands
P.S Punani for weeds.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Poopeh.
Yelled at my granny twice today. Its only 11am. Guess I do have the anger in me. DONT IRRITATE ME NIGS ;]
Another confession.
I dare not to poop. What? Yes, you heard that right. I dare not to poop.
Another confession.
I dare not to poop. What? Yes, you heard that right. I dare not to poop.
Dream of colors.
Watched finished the series on Channel U every 10pm.
I first time I watched it, it was boring and "just another show". But I watched it just to waste the time. As I watched it subsequently, I cant stop!
Its a gooood show. Michelle, from no one to someone. The show is full of hopes. ;]
PLUS Nick and Michelle looks so cute together! <333
My wish is to witness a miracle and hope.
I first time I watched it, it was boring and "just another show". But I watched it just to waste the time. As I watched it subsequently, I cant stop!
Its a gooood show. Michelle, from no one to someone. The show is full of hopes. ;]
PLUS Nick and Michelle looks so cute together! <333
My wish is to witness a miracle and hope.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Happy mother's day.
Mom sent me an sms after she went off for work. I nearly cried reading it. My Mom is so mushy <3
"Is good that you channel your anger into your blog. Stay positive and revive your love in reading. Take care and we love you because you mean alot to us."
I love you too Mom. You mean alot to me too.
"Is good that you channel your anger into your blog. Stay positive and revive your love in reading. Take care and we love you because you mean alot to us."
I love you too Mom. You mean alot to me too.
P.A.S.S?
XY, Seth, thanks for calling.
Me: "Why dont I feel any sadness after the op?"
Mom: "But you feel anger. Its just the emotions that is different."
-
I got a confession. I think......... the doctors put me to sleep and injured me. I got a bruise under my chin. EVIL DOCTORS! D:
Me: "Why dont I feel any sadness after the op?"
Mom: "But you feel anger. Its just the emotions that is different."
-
I got a confession. I think......... the doctors put me to sleep and injured me. I got a bruise under my chin. EVIL DOCTORS! D:
Monday, May 14, 2007
Blood runs free.
I cant run, somehow it hurts.
I cant pee without thinking of that.
It is still bleeding.
The world is spinning.
I cant pee without thinking of that.
It is still bleeding.
The world is spinning.
Went for the op. Cute surgical robe. They lay me on a bed. I listened to the cadence of the nurses talking to the other patients. The repetition of "take off your panty now, the doctor is coming to put the medication." "Sleep first, you cannot get off the bed for 2 hours." Blah blah blah.
The nurse 'pokes' the cannula into my veins. As she is preparing the cannula, I nearly cried. I was so frightened of what to expect next the moment I stepped into the ward. When she insert the cannula in, its not as bad. The doctor came, insert something into my vagina. I had to wait for 2 hours before proceeding into the surgical room. Tried to sleep. Couldnt. Tossed and turned. Fucking cold.
Two hours passed. I went into the surgical room. Doctors gave me the GA. It works like a wonder. Like getting drunk but in a fast forward motion. I woke up. My tummy hurts alot, I was shivering uncontrollably. My teeth shaking away. I told the nurse I was cold. She say its the effect of the drug. It hurts to move. My back ached from lying too much. Finally it was over.
I walked out of the room. He greeted me by saying, "Where are we going to eat" over and over again instead of "You feeling okay? Does it still hurts? Do you feel like vomiting? Can you walk far?" You said your concern is me. MY ASS. Your concern is food. Are you so very hungry?
Over the months, tons of arguements. Not even a sorry. A sorry doesnt mean you are in the sorry. A sorry means making the girl happy. And stop being mad. But no.
Your biggest mistakes is to PRETEND THAT NOTHING HAD HAPPENED.
The arguements is a little matter compared to the baby.
You recieved the news. Pretend nothing had happened.
After the op. Pretend nothing had happened.
How I wish to hear, im sorry you have to go through this. Are you scared? Dont worry you be fine. Im sorry that this happened. But no. To you, NOTHING HAD HAPPENED.
Now IM the one who is suffering, and not you. So stop thinking of yourself only. Throw your HIGH HUGE ego out for a moment. And stop with that tone. Stop trying to lecture me. And PUSH all the blames to me. You are in no position. I AM SUFFERING NOT YOU.
Act like a man. Stop acting like a wuzzy.
This concerns the both of us and I am the only one who is suffering. Think about MY feeling. Try to push me away after I suffered all this because of you, not so easy let me tell you.
And when all this is over, I knew you would be quick to throw me away. You wouldnt even try. I wasnt wrong about you right. ;] Think carefully. The baby is gone doesnt mean im not a threat anymore. Im not the kind who will suffer in silence. Im not the kind who will suffer ALONE.
Think about what else could you have said that would change the way I acted. Stop pushing the blame around. This point, you pushing the blame around, is what my Dad is right. Indians change their talks quickly to put the blame around.
God I feel like im dating a kid.
The nurse 'pokes' the cannula into my veins. As she is preparing the cannula, I nearly cried. I was so frightened of what to expect next the moment I stepped into the ward. When she insert the cannula in, its not as bad. The doctor came, insert something into my vagina. I had to wait for 2 hours before proceeding into the surgical room. Tried to sleep. Couldnt. Tossed and turned. Fucking cold.
Two hours passed. I went into the surgical room. Doctors gave me the GA. It works like a wonder. Like getting drunk but in a fast forward motion. I woke up. My tummy hurts alot, I was shivering uncontrollably. My teeth shaking away. I told the nurse I was cold. She say its the effect of the drug. It hurts to move. My back ached from lying too much. Finally it was over.
I walked out of the room. He greeted me by saying, "Where are we going to eat" over and over again instead of "You feeling okay? Does it still hurts? Do you feel like vomiting? Can you walk far?" You said your concern is me. MY ASS. Your concern is food. Are you so very hungry?
Over the months, tons of arguements. Not even a sorry. A sorry doesnt mean you are in the sorry. A sorry means making the girl happy. And stop being mad. But no.
Your biggest mistakes is to PRETEND THAT NOTHING HAD HAPPENED.
The arguements is a little matter compared to the baby.
You recieved the news. Pretend nothing had happened.
After the op. Pretend nothing had happened.
How I wish to hear, im sorry you have to go through this. Are you scared? Dont worry you be fine. Im sorry that this happened. But no. To you, NOTHING HAD HAPPENED.
Now IM the one who is suffering, and not you. So stop thinking of yourself only. Throw your HIGH HUGE ego out for a moment. And stop with that tone. Stop trying to lecture me. And PUSH all the blames to me. You are in no position. I AM SUFFERING NOT YOU.
Act like a man. Stop acting like a wuzzy.
This concerns the both of us and I am the only one who is suffering. Think about MY feeling. Try to push me away after I suffered all this because of you, not so easy let me tell you.
And when all this is over, I knew you would be quick to throw me away. You wouldnt even try. I wasnt wrong about you right. ;] Think carefully. The baby is gone doesnt mean im not a threat anymore. Im not the kind who will suffer in silence. Im not the kind who will suffer ALONE.
Think about what else could you have said that would change the way I acted. Stop pushing the blame around. This point, you pushing the blame around, is what my Dad is right. Indians change their talks quickly to put the blame around.
God I feel like im dating a kid.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Rainy monday
I dont mind,
you are someone who aint mine
but someone that I'll get.
And you dont know how hard Ive tried
to convince myself that I can easily forget.
But you left this feeling here inside me
One that never fails to find me.
On a rainy monday
A feeling inside me
Like the days of summer
On a rainy monday
I feel it inside me
In the hopes of one day
I wont lie,
I still cant say that I admit we went too far.
And you wont see me change my mind
but i really wish that i could forget the way you are.
I still feel you shine inside of me.
you are someone who aint mine
but someone that I'll get.
And you dont know how hard Ive tried
to convince myself that I can easily forget.
But you left this feeling here inside me
One that never fails to find me.
On a rainy monday
A feeling inside me
Like the days of summer
On a rainy monday
I feel it inside me
In the hopes of one day
I wont lie,
I still cant say that I admit we went too far.
And you wont see me change my mind
but i really wish that i could forget the way you are.
I still feel you shine inside of me.
I am very happy. Not really good to say it here.
But im glad that I know something.
I know you are still who you are. You never change. I was wrong.
-
Tomorrow will be a scary day for me. I dont know how will I go through it. Even though I know I wouldnt find any comfort when im there, I know you will pray for me and hope all goes well.
Still loving you.
But im glad that I know something.
I know you are still who you are. You never change. I was wrong.
-
Tomorrow will be a scary day for me. I dont know how will I go through it. Even though I know I wouldnt find any comfort when im there, I know you will pray for me and hope all goes well.
Still loving you.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Uncle kenneth came back from London!
List of things he bought:
Three huge boxes of chocolate from hotel chocolat.
One Gucci perfume!
One box of Earl's grey tea. The one used in London hotel. 1k teabags.
One bottle of coffee powder. Nescafe. He said it taste different from the one in Singapore. o.o
One bottle of tropical pepper.
Three packs of gums.
A sovenir from Venice.
He talked to me. He went through depression before, he took the long way which lasted 5 years. And so he talked to me... Lots of stuffs.
List of things he bought:
Three huge boxes of chocolate from hotel chocolat.
One Gucci perfume!
One box of Earl's grey tea. The one used in London hotel. 1k teabags.
One bottle of coffee powder. Nescafe. He said it taste different from the one in Singapore. o.o
One bottle of tropical pepper.
Three packs of gums.
A sovenir from Venice.
He talked to me. He went through depression before, he took the long way which lasted 5 years. And so he talked to me... Lots of stuffs.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
200 pounds beauty.
Just finished watching 200 pounds beauty. A little too late isnt it? Got it off from youtube tho.
It is soooo touching! I nearly cried but I didnt.
I <3 her Dad. Hes cute.
I wish I could lose all these weight too. If I could be as pretty as her, I tell you I dont mind doing a whole body make over either. But then again, nah, it feels too weird.
I got the full album of 200 pounds beauty OST.
Msn me for the song.
Tracklist
01. Beautiful Girl - Kim Ah Joong
02. Byul - You Me
03. Maria - Kim Ah Joong
04. Dance With My Daddy - Alex of Clazziquai
05. You Don’t Know I Love You - U
06. Superstar - Loveholic
07. Tulip - Benny(Sang Sang Band) Feat. Jong Hwi
08. Miss You Much - You Me
09. Beautiful Girl(teaser Edit) - Kim Ah Joong Feat. Alex And
10. As a fool - Kim Hyung Joong
11. Byul(movie Edit) - Kim Ah Joong
It is soooo touching! I nearly cried but I didnt.
I <3 her Dad. Hes cute.
I wish I could lose all these weight too. If I could be as pretty as her, I tell you I dont mind doing a whole body make over either. But then again, nah, it feels too weird.
I got the full album of 200 pounds beauty OST.
Msn me for the song.
Tracklist
01. Beautiful Girl - Kim Ah Joong
02. Byul - You Me
03. Maria - Kim Ah Joong
04. Dance With My Daddy - Alex of Clazziquai
05. You Don’t Know I Love You - U
06. Superstar - Loveholic
07. Tulip - Benny(Sang Sang Band) Feat. Jong Hwi
08. Miss You Much - You Me
09. Beautiful Girl(teaser Edit) - Kim Ah Joong Feat. Alex And
10. As a fool - Kim Hyung Joong
11. Byul(movie Edit) - Kim Ah Joong
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Ragnarok online
OMG GUESS WHAT I FOUND! The vocal version of RO's BGM! Listen to it RO addicts ;]
The original version.
Theme of prontera
Wanna be free!! [This is the BGM you always listen to during WoE]
Theme of Payon
The vocal version.
Theme of Prontera
Wanna be free!!
Theme of Payon
I got goosebumps listening to those. Thats how much I feel for it. I wanted to share these with someone like Lan. Someone that shared the happiest moments with me. Ahh i dunno what to say, I actually had so much to say.
The original version.
Theme of prontera
Wanna be free!! [This is the BGM you always listen to during WoE]
Theme of Payon
The vocal version.
Theme of Prontera
Wanna be free!!
Theme of Payon
I got goosebumps listening to those. Thats how much I feel for it. I wanted to share these with someone like Lan. Someone that shared the happiest moments with me. Ahh i dunno what to say, I actually had so much to say.
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Me:"Can you help me off the window? Its very bright I cant sleep. ... ... Off?"
*Shrugs*
Sis:"But its very stuffy in here, I on the other side of the window? ... ... On?"
*Shrugs*
-
Yesterday night, when I looked at the msg on the screen, I allowed my tears to trickle down and let out a whisper, "But without you..."
Everytime every moment I thought of him, there would be these thousands of glazing blades stabbing deep into my heart. Down under my throat feel like millions of unspeakable words plugg and jam right there as I struggle to catch a wisp of breath without having my vision blur. The lungs in the chest shrink to a air-tight rubber balloon. A movie will then starts playing in my head. A smile, a pair of eyes of longing, a feeling of happiness. My lungs feel lighter and my breathing turns perfectly normal. This is the point where I miss him even more dearly.
Days will pass, memories of him will camoflage into the surroundings, my mind will clear him out. And then once again, things, songs and images will once reminds me of him.
Do you feel the same way too?
*Shrugs*
Sis:"But its very stuffy in here, I on the other side of the window? ... ... On?"
*Shrugs*
-
Yesterday night, when I looked at the msg on the screen, I allowed my tears to trickle down and let out a whisper, "But without you..."
Everytime every moment I thought of him, there would be these thousands of glazing blades stabbing deep into my heart. Down under my throat feel like millions of unspeakable words plugg and jam right there as I struggle to catch a wisp of breath without having my vision blur. The lungs in the chest shrink to a air-tight rubber balloon. A movie will then starts playing in my head. A smile, a pair of eyes of longing, a feeling of happiness. My lungs feel lighter and my breathing turns perfectly normal. This is the point where I miss him even more dearly.
Days will pass, memories of him will camoflage into the surroundings, my mind will clear him out. And then once again, things, songs and images will once reminds me of him.
Do you feel the same way too?
Friday, May 04, 2007
The story.
"Tell us the story behind your favourite songs"
Yes there is always a story behind every songs. Man I love you Sony.
You read my mind!
-
Found a clip on youtube. Memories of k3ro. It isnt that video that counts. Its the comments and the people. Familiar names. Familiar feelings. Familiar words. I miss k3ro. Blind jota, haniel, the BRs quitted after k3ro. SEE I was sure it was the best server.
-
Delivery boy was cute.
Yes there is always a story behind every songs. Man I love you Sony.
You read my mind!
-
Found a clip on youtube. Memories of k3ro. It isnt that video that counts. Its the comments and the people. Familiar names. Familiar feelings. Familiar words. I miss k3ro. Blind jota, haniel, the BRs quitted after k3ro. SEE I was sure it was the best server.
-
Delivery boy was cute.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
GIVE THE JELLY!
This shit hilarious. Audio by dane cook the comedian, anime;naruto. The anime just add the spices to his stand up. This clip has NOTHING to do with Naruto.
"Is that you? Monkey fucking a coconut sir? MFC is that you? MFC? Thats a monkey, it could be a melon and it looks like a coconut."
"I asked you do we have any jelly in the house? DO WE OR DO WE NOT HAVE JELLY! I will break your neck and pour jelly all over your body and pray to the GODS of jelly. AND BURN YOUR SOUL TO THE JELLY-LIKE HELL! NOW GIVE THE JELLY!"
Check this shit out.
"Is that you? Monkey fucking a coconut sir? MFC is that you? MFC? Thats a monkey, it could be a melon and it looks like a coconut."
"I asked you do we have any jelly in the house? DO WE OR DO WE NOT HAVE JELLY! I will break your neck and pour jelly all over your body and pray to the GODS of jelly. AND BURN YOUR SOUL TO THE JELLY-LIKE HELL! NOW GIVE THE JELLY!"
Check this shit out.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Sundays.
So many Sundays had past.
On the Sundays that had past, I always had these words in mind, "I will start studying on Monday".
On the Sundays that had past, I always had these words in mind, "I will start studying on Monday".
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Tsk tsk.
You should be grateful I didnt bring the baby to make a big scene around your neighbourhood at your house. I can pretty much ruin your life like that. But I didnt, you ruin mine but I dont intend to ruin yours. You can show no remorse for all I care.
So for a moment, can you stop being so self centered?
So for a moment, can you stop being so self centered?
Friday, April 27, 2007
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Foooding.
Lists of cravings!
Double fillet
Fries from Macdonald's
Swensens
Mee rebus
Hokkien mee
Duck rice
Instant porridge
McSpicy
What joy, if I could eat them in one day.
WILL add on. Crys.
More sleeping, more eating, more sitting around. I HATE my flabs.
Double fillet
Fries from Macdonald's
Swensens
Mee rebus
Hokkien mee
Duck rice
Instant porridge
McSpicy
What joy, if I could eat them in one day.
WILL add on. Crys.
More sleeping, more eating, more sitting around. I HATE my flabs.
Seize the day
I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry
A melody, a memory, or just one picture.
I found you here, now please just stay for a while
I can move on with you around
I hand you my mortal life, but will it be forever?
I'd do anything for a smile, holding you 'til our time is done
We both know the day will come, but I don't want to leave you
Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over
Trials in life, questions of us existing here, don't wanna die alone without you here
Please tell me what we have is real
But I'm too young to worry
A melody, a memory, or just one picture.
I found you here, now please just stay for a while
I can move on with you around
I hand you my mortal life, but will it be forever?
I'd do anything for a smile, holding you 'til our time is done
We both know the day will come, but I don't want to leave you
Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over
Trials in life, questions of us existing here, don't wanna die alone without you here
Please tell me what we have is real
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
The dark mind.
"Welcome back home my friend, you know you belong here. You know you are never made to be good. Glad your back. You belong to us."
He succeeded again.
He succeeded again.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Against depression.
A great story. Affirming and somehow touching for me.
Against Depression by Dervala
Click
I knew more about depression than most. I’d sat up through the night listening to despairing people on a suicide hotline. I’d seen people close to me live with it—and I do mean live, black jokes and all. I’d read Andrew Solomon’s fat book, The Noonday Demon. Somehow all that unfelt knowledge left me with the belief that if you could get out of bed (even if you’d slept in your clothes), you weren’t depressed. That paralyzing quality, described so often, was one I took literally.
I, on the other hand, wasn’t sick at all last winter. I was just failing and flailing. In fact, I would have liked to have been sick—confined to bed with some mysterious, painless illness that would have let me sleep for a long time and see no one. I thought about that a lot. And I thought about crawling under my desk at work, or into my wardrobe at home. The dark, the hidden, and the confined were the only inviting spaces left. Under my desk, I wouldn’t have to worry about leaking tears, or looking people in the eye, or inspiring my clients to greatness.
A few months before, I’d found things funny. Skipped and sang on Bernal Hill. Turned annoyances into dramatic stories. Said yes to invitations. Now, before meetings, I wrote “BREATHE” on the inside of my left wrist, because I kept tamping down stale air in my lungs instead of letting it out. Then it escaped in windy sighs that I couldn’t hold in any more than sneezes. I walked slowly, hoarding energy. I planned my day to avoid people. At night I would fall into bed in my clothes, as early as I could, only to wake wide-eyed at four in the morning, chased by mean, looping thoughts like a rabbit on a dogtrack.
Have you ever almost really hurt yourself? A badly-judged left turn that makes a truck honk, or a vault off your bike that could have smashed your skull? The knee-shaking shot of adrenaline that wires your whole body after a near-miss is permanent in depression. At that dosage, adrenaline is poison. Every scrap of energy gets diverted to survival. Every fiber twitches: danger—fight or flight? It looks like sloth, but it feels like war.
I felt like I would break, but only kind words cracked me. Luckily, when you’re depressed, you can throw human kindness off the scent: that frowning, sighing slump dries up the cheerful greetings and sends friends away. It must be like being very old, or very ugly. Without the respite of an illness or a convent, I crawled through day after day in which I was an unfit employee, girlfriend, daughter, sister, and friend. My mind plunged into pointless, terrifying rants that came packaged as reality, revealed at last. Life is ugly. No one will help. No one could help. Help with what?
Like rheumatoid arthritis, depression turns your own body against itself. It chews not on your cartilage, but on your brain cells and your sense of reality. It’s as seductive as a wife-beater, shutting out other voices to turn itself into your only friend. The only one who tells the truth about the bleakness of the world. All your energy goes towards getting through whatever stands in your way—struggling, slogging, pushing, through work and small talk and getting food—whatever it is you have to get through until you can be alone again with the voice who can be trusted.
And the last thing it feels like is an illness. No, this monumental, world-swallowing suckage sits outside you: it comes from the project, the job, the love affair, the city, the family, or the decade. For me, these low cycles have always led me to abrupt life changes. It’s a kind of shock therapy: uprooting jobs, careers, relationships, and countries. Those shifts feed the craving for anonymity and reinvention, and they leave behind the shame of a condition that breeds shame.
When I was eight years old I got glasses for the first time. I put them on in the living room, and when I looked out the window, I could see each blade of grass, crisp and bright and distinct, where before there had been a soft green blur. I looked at everything that day, and said hello to all the small things. It was amazing, that all this had been there all along.
Getting better from depression was like that. Missing dimensions popped back up. Plain old normal days tasted crisp and delicious. And then there were the bittersweet replays, when I traveled through the previous months and years, and counted all I’d misheard, misfelt, and missed. Depression isn’t noble or interesting; it’s monotonous, self-absorbed misery that leaves little room for art or kindness or other people.
I’m back, I wanted to shout last spring, that hunched crone was a changeling, not me! I wanted to learn how to get better without running from the site of misery; how to return to people who hadn’t realized I’d been away. I would have liked some scars to point to, to explain my absence. It was shocking, in a way, this drug-borne proof that I’m an animal, washed with chemical tides, turning seasons, light, and food into moods. When you reduce my suffering to a curable disease; to symptoms, postures, and intonations, I’m no longer especially special. All those causes for my sadness fluttered down like snotty Kleenex.
It’s been more than a year since I got sick, and eight months since I got better. Every day I think of the scientists who mashed up rat brains to create the drugs that brought me back to life, and I’m grateful. And I wish more people could shuck that hollow shell.
-
Fate brought me to her page.
TeeVee
Lates.
Against Depression by Dervala
Click
I knew more about depression than most. I’d sat up through the night listening to despairing people on a suicide hotline. I’d seen people close to me live with it—and I do mean live, black jokes and all. I’d read Andrew Solomon’s fat book, The Noonday Demon. Somehow all that unfelt knowledge left me with the belief that if you could get out of bed (even if you’d slept in your clothes), you weren’t depressed. That paralyzing quality, described so often, was one I took literally.
I, on the other hand, wasn’t sick at all last winter. I was just failing and flailing. In fact, I would have liked to have been sick—confined to bed with some mysterious, painless illness that would have let me sleep for a long time and see no one. I thought about that a lot. And I thought about crawling under my desk at work, or into my wardrobe at home. The dark, the hidden, and the confined were the only inviting spaces left. Under my desk, I wouldn’t have to worry about leaking tears, or looking people in the eye, or inspiring my clients to greatness.
A few months before, I’d found things funny. Skipped and sang on Bernal Hill. Turned annoyances into dramatic stories. Said yes to invitations. Now, before meetings, I wrote “BREATHE” on the inside of my left wrist, because I kept tamping down stale air in my lungs instead of letting it out. Then it escaped in windy sighs that I couldn’t hold in any more than sneezes. I walked slowly, hoarding energy. I planned my day to avoid people. At night I would fall into bed in my clothes, as early as I could, only to wake wide-eyed at four in the morning, chased by mean, looping thoughts like a rabbit on a dogtrack.
Have you ever almost really hurt yourself? A badly-judged left turn that makes a truck honk, or a vault off your bike that could have smashed your skull? The knee-shaking shot of adrenaline that wires your whole body after a near-miss is permanent in depression. At that dosage, adrenaline is poison. Every scrap of energy gets diverted to survival. Every fiber twitches: danger—fight or flight? It looks like sloth, but it feels like war.
I felt like I would break, but only kind words cracked me. Luckily, when you’re depressed, you can throw human kindness off the scent: that frowning, sighing slump dries up the cheerful greetings and sends friends away. It must be like being very old, or very ugly. Without the respite of an illness or a convent, I crawled through day after day in which I was an unfit employee, girlfriend, daughter, sister, and friend. My mind plunged into pointless, terrifying rants that came packaged as reality, revealed at last. Life is ugly. No one will help. No one could help. Help with what?
Like rheumatoid arthritis, depression turns your own body against itself. It chews not on your cartilage, but on your brain cells and your sense of reality. It’s as seductive as a wife-beater, shutting out other voices to turn itself into your only friend. The only one who tells the truth about the bleakness of the world. All your energy goes towards getting through whatever stands in your way—struggling, slogging, pushing, through work and small talk and getting food—whatever it is you have to get through until you can be alone again with the voice who can be trusted.
And the last thing it feels like is an illness. No, this monumental, world-swallowing suckage sits outside you: it comes from the project, the job, the love affair, the city, the family, or the decade. For me, these low cycles have always led me to abrupt life changes. It’s a kind of shock therapy: uprooting jobs, careers, relationships, and countries. Those shifts feed the craving for anonymity and reinvention, and they leave behind the shame of a condition that breeds shame.
When I was eight years old I got glasses for the first time. I put them on in the living room, and when I looked out the window, I could see each blade of grass, crisp and bright and distinct, where before there had been a soft green blur. I looked at everything that day, and said hello to all the small things. It was amazing, that all this had been there all along.
Getting better from depression was like that. Missing dimensions popped back up. Plain old normal days tasted crisp and delicious. And then there were the bittersweet replays, when I traveled through the previous months and years, and counted all I’d misheard, misfelt, and missed. Depression isn’t noble or interesting; it’s monotonous, self-absorbed misery that leaves little room for art or kindness or other people.
I’m back, I wanted to shout last spring, that hunched crone was a changeling, not me! I wanted to learn how to get better without running from the site of misery; how to return to people who hadn’t realized I’d been away. I would have liked some scars to point to, to explain my absence. It was shocking, in a way, this drug-borne proof that I’m an animal, washed with chemical tides, turning seasons, light, and food into moods. When you reduce my suffering to a curable disease; to symptoms, postures, and intonations, I’m no longer especially special. All those causes for my sadness fluttered down like snotty Kleenex.
It’s been more than a year since I got sick, and eight months since I got better. Every day I think of the scientists who mashed up rat brains to create the drugs that brought me back to life, and I’m grateful. And I wish more people could shuck that hollow shell.
-
Fate brought me to her page.
TeeVee
Lates.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Friday, April 20, 2007
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Saturday, April 14, 2007
My existence.
I pray.
All these hidings would not deteriorate the relationship between my Dad and my Mom.
I am truely sorry for all that I cause.
Why have I not do anything to please you?
You are the best parents I ever had.
I am sorry.
Your not alone - Saosin
Bai.
P.S It was my sister that made me realised that Friday the 13th was when I recieved the tragic new in grief.
All these hidings would not deteriorate the relationship between my Dad and my Mom.
I am truely sorry for all that I cause.
Why have I not do anything to please you?
You are the best parents I ever had.
I am sorry.
Your not alone - Saosin
Bai.
P.S It was my sister that made me realised that Friday the 13th was when I recieved the tragic new in grief.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Black Friday.
So appalling.
Remove it. The 'it' is not anything. Its a part of you, it is something that belongs to you.
"Im not ready" Oh yea thats a totally responsible answer. Look at the situation, do you think its important if your ready or not? You think im ready either? No I am not. We are young adults, wheres the responsiblity.
You said remove it so easily. Of course.
You got NOTHING to face.
I got EVERYTHING to face alone.
You got NOTHING to lose.
I got everything to lose.
I can list down what I have to face, now tell me, what do you have to face?
I repeat, you have nothing to face.
My life is pretty well screwed up. Every year's a bad year. What can I say? "This is a bad year" thats not my word. "This is a bad decade." That my word. God hates me and I hate him too.
Life is already unstable, PLEASE THROW A BOMB UPON ME AGAIN PLEASE SO I CAN FINALLY NOT TAKE IT ANYMORE.
Bestow death upon me.
And what can you do for me?
The quietness - My house
Chaw.
P.S I hope my Daddy hits me until he kills the liveS. Take my life.
Remove it. The 'it' is not anything. Its a part of you, it is something that belongs to you.
"Im not ready" Oh yea thats a totally responsible answer. Look at the situation, do you think its important if your ready or not? You think im ready either? No I am not. We are young adults, wheres the responsiblity.
You said remove it so easily. Of course.
You got NOTHING to face.
I got EVERYTHING to face alone.
You got NOTHING to lose.
I got everything to lose.
I can list down what I have to face, now tell me, what do you have to face?
I repeat, you have nothing to face.
My life is pretty well screwed up. Every year's a bad year. What can I say? "This is a bad year" thats not my word. "This is a bad decade." That my word. God hates me and I hate him too.
Life is already unstable, PLEASE THROW A BOMB UPON ME AGAIN PLEASE SO I CAN FINALLY NOT TAKE IT ANYMORE.
Bestow death upon me.
And what can you do for me?
The quietness - My house
Chaw.
P.S I hope my Daddy hits me until he kills the liveS. Take my life.
轉角遇到愛
A touching qoute from 轉角遇到愛.
Qing Lang told Xing Lei when shes sleeping.
"Did you really appear in my world?
If so, why did I let you leave my side?
If you didnt, why does my heart hurts so bad?
After you leave, your smell will slowly fades and your face will slowly vanish to a silouette.
I just hope that you can leave something behind to let me know that you are here once."
Qing Lang told Xing Lei when shes sleeping.
"Did you really appear in my world?
If so, why did I let you leave my side?
If you didnt, why does my heart hurts so bad?
After you leave, your smell will slowly fades and your face will slowly vanish to a silouette.
I just hope that you can leave something behind to let me know that you are here once."
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Ignoramus.
Im sorry that im in love with rock. You dont know me, dont act like you do. I am not an angel.
PLEASE do not say something about things that YOU do not know. You have such shallow knowledge about rock, so why say something like that about rock. WHAT DO YOU KNOW. You dont know rock. Dont act like you do.
"Rock music has its roots in 1950s-era rock and roll and rockabilly.
Rock developed a number of subgenres, such as soft rock, blues rock, post-hardcore, progressive rock, psychedelic rock, screamo and punk rock."
It is subgenres from rock. Of course its rock. Wth are you talking about.
"Singing styles can include relativly standard melodic, harmonious rock-style singing; ragged, usually high-pitched screaming; barked shouting, and whispering.These various singing styles can be used by the same band, and often within the same song, and are typically meant to express strong emotions."
I respect that you do not enjoy rock. I did not force you to listen to them. So please respect that I love rock. Do not make any stupid critics of it in front of me if you dont even listen to them or dont have the least knowledge about them.
You dont even respect me. Is this love? Love me for what I am. Do not love me for what you want me to be. Stop trying to change me.
"Rock is a hybrid, a mix of various musical styles and genres."
Its hard to say - The used [Alternative rock, its rock.]
Bai.
P.S I am afraid and filled with trepidation of what will happen after tomorrow. At certain times, I have to remind myself that guys run away with responsiblity.
PLEASE do not say something about things that YOU do not know. You have such shallow knowledge about rock, so why say something like that about rock. WHAT DO YOU KNOW. You dont know rock. Dont act like you do.
"Rock music has its roots in 1950s-era rock and roll and rockabilly.
Rock developed a number of subgenres, such as soft rock, blues rock, post-hardcore, progressive rock, psychedelic rock, screamo and punk rock."
It is subgenres from rock. Of course its rock. Wth are you talking about.
"Singing styles can include relativly standard melodic, harmonious rock-style singing; ragged, usually high-pitched screaming; barked shouting, and whispering.These various singing styles can be used by the same band, and often within the same song, and are typically meant to express strong emotions."
I respect that you do not enjoy rock. I did not force you to listen to them. So please respect that I love rock. Do not make any stupid critics of it in front of me if you dont even listen to them or dont have the least knowledge about them.
You dont even respect me. Is this love? Love me for what I am. Do not love me for what you want me to be. Stop trying to change me.
"Rock is a hybrid, a mix of various musical styles and genres."
Its hard to say - The used [Alternative rock, its rock.]
Bai.
P.S I am afraid and filled with trepidation of what will happen after tomorrow. At certain times, I have to remind myself that guys run away with responsiblity.
Wrapped around your finger.
It feels like I havent been blogging for a long time, though I did left a post everyday still.
I had a dream. Weird thing is I dreamt of him. The one that ruin my self esteem back in sec 2. Well the feeling in the dream was weird.
Dont feel like blogging anymore.
Devil and the deep blue sea behind me,
Vanish into the air, you'll never find me.
I will turn your face to alabaster,
Then your find your servant is your master.
Hypnotized by you if I should linger ,
Staring at the ring around your finger.
Mephistopheles is not your name,
But I know what you're up to just the same.
I had a dream. Weird thing is I dreamt of him. The one that ruin my self esteem back in sec 2. Well the feeling in the dream was weird.
Dont feel like blogging anymore.
Devil and the deep blue sea behind me,
Vanish into the air, you'll never find me.
I will turn your face to alabaster,
Then your find your servant is your master.
Hypnotized by you if I should linger ,
Staring at the ring around your finger.
Mephistopheles is not your name,
But I know what you're up to just the same.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
No, i am not enjoying it.
I am categorize as mentally ill.
Mom told my I got 4 or 5 out of 7 attribute and many other signs could be seen in my daily life.
She find it saddening.
I am entrap in this apocalypse.
Trashed and scattered - Avenged sevenfold
Chaw.
P.S Pull me out?
Mom told my I got 4 or 5 out of 7 attribute and many other signs could be seen in my daily life.
She find it saddening.
I am entrap in this apocalypse.
Trashed and scattered - Avenged sevenfold
Chaw.
P.S Pull me out?
Im not emo, im just depress.
Something to think about.
Why does 'emo' posers love to add me in friendster?
Why does 'emo' posers love to add me in friendster?
Monday, April 09, 2007
Be consious.
My mom keep telling me everyday, self-control, be consious of what you are doing. Be consious of the time. Be consious of long have you been on the com.
I woke up late again. I could have slept in the whole afternoon if I didnt had a bad dream. I dreamt of my mom reformat my com and lost ALL the songs. To that, I woke up.
Stars - Simpley red
Laters.
I woke up late again. I could have slept in the whole afternoon if I didnt had a bad dream. I dreamt of my mom reformat my com and lost ALL the songs. To that, I woke up.
Stars - Simpley red
Laters.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Every rose has its thorn.
We both lie silently still
In the dead of the night
Although we both lie close together
We feel miles apart in side
Was it something I said
Or something I did
Did my words not come out right?
Though I tried not to hurt you
Though I tried
But I guess that's why the say
Every rose has its thorn
Just like every night has its dawn
Just like very cowboy sings a sad, sad song
Every rose has its thorn, yeah it does
I know I could've saved our love that night
If I'd known what to say
Instead of making love... we both made our separate ways
And now I hear you found somebody new
And that I never meant that much to you
To hear that tears me up inside
And to see you cuts me like a knife
In the dead of the night
Although we both lie close together
We feel miles apart in side
Was it something I said
Or something I did
Did my words not come out right?
Though I tried not to hurt you
Though I tried
But I guess that's why the say
Every rose has its thorn
Just like every night has its dawn
Just like very cowboy sings a sad, sad song
Every rose has its thorn, yeah it does
I know I could've saved our love that night
If I'd known what to say
Instead of making love... we both made our separate ways
And now I hear you found somebody new
And that I never meant that much to you
To hear that tears me up inside
And to see you cuts me like a knife
Black stone.
FINALLY! The long last wait. I shitted. Ahh, the feeling of satisfactory total evacuation. It was hard and strenuous tho, you can see my veins popping out from my neck as every hard-rock stone falls with a hydraulic plop into where it supposed to be. Okay, I will stop to prevent anyone from stomach upsets.
Couldnt blog more. My mood for the week = apathy.
U2 - With or without you
Chaw.
P.S I almost cry shitting.
Couldnt blog more. My mood for the week = apathy.
U2 - With or without you
Chaw.
P.S I almost cry shitting.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Yet again.
Sometimes, I dont know if I should even trust you. Sometimes, I just dont care. For a reason. I dont want to be the one trying so hard. I had always been the one trying so hard in the past. In the end, it doesnt really matter at all any more.
I hate my facade I displayed. And I felt crushed.
I hate my facade I displayed. And I felt crushed.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Unintelligent entry.
My mom was glad we spent time together, even if its at a food court and not some high-end restaurant. Chatted about Dad, life, me, her, Justin and stuffs over the deserts. Im happy that shes happy.
Its been a wearing and fun day! The whole day was all about laughters. At any point of times, I get stomach cramps from laughing too hard. The stupid things we did to bring laughters. People might say that we are childish but they just dont know how to have fun. Its good to be young, its great to feel young. And I will not miss out what I have to do for my age. Its all about how, what we do to create happiness, joy and fun. This is my teens life. Do not let me miss it.
Bought another SHOE! ME LOVE! It was alright tho, I saw a better one. >_>
Yu Jia is SELF-OBSESSED AND NARCISSITIC! And shes getting SHUAI! Love the smell of her HAHA! HER FIRST TIME SHOPPING WITH US! I was like, "WOW, YuJia's coming too?" Hee hee hee.
Gonna miss the nonsense and craps we had.
CLICK TO ENLARGE
More pictures in pending.
Its been a wearing and fun day! The whole day was all about laughters. At any point of times, I get stomach cramps from laughing too hard. The stupid things we did to bring laughters. People might say that we are childish but they just dont know how to have fun. Its good to be young, its great to feel young. And I will not miss out what I have to do for my age. Its all about how, what we do to create happiness, joy and fun. This is my teens life. Do not let me miss it.
Bought another SHOE! ME LOVE! It was alright tho, I saw a better one. >_>
Yu Jia is SELF-OBSESSED AND NARCISSITIC! And shes getting SHUAI! Love the smell of her HAHA! HER FIRST TIME SHOPPING WITH US! I was like, "WOW, YuJia's coming too?" Hee hee hee.
Gonna miss the nonsense and craps we had.
CLICK TO ENLARGE
More pictures in pending.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Something.
Whats going on with me and my life?
Nothing much. These few days I have been trying to work for a better life. Not trying hard enough I reckon.
I am working towards a better life, a healthier life.
I want a job. I want a hobby. I want a sport. I want an active life. A fancy life. What I picture in my mind, is so beautiful. But what am I doing to gain that?
Nothing.
Every night, I tell myself that I am strong. I tell myself that I do not give up easily. Wake up tomorrow for a good day. Wake up for a better future. Wake up to accomplish many things. Tomorrow is a greater future. I tell myself that, when I wake up, things looked as gloomy as they are yesterday.
I want to see in two years time when I go on to Polytechnic, I will look healthier, prettier, slimmer, full of confident than I am now.
N level is a test for myself and at the same time a test for my mom in me. I want to earn her trust back.
BUT, what did I do to attain that? Nothing. I failed again and again. I did not try hard enough. I am sick of giving up. I am sick of the inconstancy in my life.
Havent used my will, mind power for two years. Surrendering at every temptations every enticement. I think its screwed up and not for usage anymore.
Well, the 'pushing' continues.
Im feeling very emotional and sentimental tonight. I cried for the most particular thing. Weird. But theres something I've learnt to appreciate.
All I need - Mat Kearney
Lates.
P.S Justin, thank you for being there and encouraging me. You brought light and laughters to my life. You are all I see, I love you! :) Dont worry just yet, I WILL reach Poly. I hope you will be 'the constant' in my life.
Nothing much. These few days I have been trying to work for a better life. Not trying hard enough I reckon.
I am working towards a better life, a healthier life.
I want a job. I want a hobby. I want a sport. I want an active life. A fancy life. What I picture in my mind, is so beautiful. But what am I doing to gain that?
Nothing.
Every night, I tell myself that I am strong. I tell myself that I do not give up easily. Wake up tomorrow for a good day. Wake up for a better future. Wake up to accomplish many things. Tomorrow is a greater future. I tell myself that, when I wake up, things looked as gloomy as they are yesterday.
I want to see in two years time when I go on to Polytechnic, I will look healthier, prettier, slimmer, full of confident than I am now.
N level is a test for myself and at the same time a test for my mom in me. I want to earn her trust back.
BUT, what did I do to attain that? Nothing. I failed again and again. I did not try hard enough. I am sick of giving up. I am sick of the inconstancy in my life.
Havent used my will, mind power for two years. Surrendering at every temptations every enticement. I think its screwed up and not for usage anymore.
Well, the 'pushing' continues.
Im feeling very emotional and sentimental tonight. I cried for the most particular thing. Weird. But theres something I've learnt to appreciate.
All I need - Mat Kearney
Lates.
P.S Justin, thank you for being there and encouraging me. You brought light and laughters to my life. You are all I see, I love you! :) Dont worry just yet, I WILL reach Poly. I hope you will be 'the constant' in my life.
Sunday, April 01, 2007
My lovely addiction.
I have learnt of acceptance instead of tolerance.
-
These few days, I've been pushing myself everyday. Pushing myself pushing myself and pushing myself. But thats what many people want to hear. Im getting real tired of it. When can I accomodate to this?
Sleeping is still my biggest enticement. Pushing wont help much, it never fail to allure me into the comfort darkness.
Hereby, I offically agree that slacking is the greatest addiction anyone can get............. ...................................... ................. .............................. .................. ............. .............. ................. ..... asides from music.
Runaway love - Ludacris feat Mary J Blige
Chaw.
-
These few days, I've been pushing myself everyday. Pushing myself pushing myself and pushing myself. But thats what many people want to hear. Im getting real tired of it. When can I accomodate to this?
Sleeping is still my biggest enticement. Pushing wont help much, it never fail to allure me into the comfort darkness.
Hereby, I offically agree that slacking is the greatest addiction anyone can get............. ...................................... ................. .............................. .................. ............. .............. ................. ..... asides from music.
Runaway love - Ludacris feat Mary J Blige
Chaw.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)