Something.

Whats going on with me and my life?

Nothing much. These few days I have been trying to work for a better life. Not trying hard enough I reckon.
I am working towards a better life, a healthier life.
I want a job. I want a hobby. I want a sport. I want an active life. A fancy life. What I picture in my mind, is so beautiful. But what am I doing to gain that?
Nothing.

Every night, I tell myself that I am strong. I tell myself that I do not give up easily. Wake up tomorrow for a good day. Wake up for a better future. Wake up to accomplish many things. Tomorrow is a greater future. I tell myself that, when I wake up, things looked as gloomy as they are yesterday.

I want to see in two years time when I go on to Polytechnic, I will look healthier, prettier, slimmer, full of confident than I am now.
N level is a test for myself and at the same time a test for my mom in me. I want to earn her trust back.

BUT, what did I do to attain that? Nothing. I failed again and again. I did not try hard enough. I am sick of giving up. I am sick of the inconstancy in my life.

Havent used my will, mind power for two years. Surrendering at every temptations every enticement. I think its screwed up and not for usage anymore.
Well, the 'pushing' continues.

Im feeling very emotional and sentimental tonight. I cried for the most particular thing. Weird. But theres something I've learnt to appreciate.

All I need - Mat Kearney
Lates.
P.S Justin, thank you for being there and encouraging me. You brought light and laughters to my life. You are all I see, I love you! :) Dont worry just yet, I WILL reach Poly. I hope you will be 'the constant' in my life.