I FIND IT SO HARD TO PUSH MYSELF THESE DAYS.

Oh the boring life.

If I dont push myself, who will?

Gonna be out with Gappies later. Wonder what fun will I get.
At least its not alone at home on my off.
Jog.Shower.Study.Out.Thatsit.

Back to work.

Yesterday went Discussion with GAP!
SO LONG since leisure for me.
Ever since I started working, theres no LEISURE.
I LOVE DRINKING!
I loses all my inhibition to just be myself.
No more social anxiety!
Therapy session?! It is profitable.

Boss told me Discussion gonna close down soon.
My 2 year memory. =/

P.S I left my newly bought ciggie there. Not the first time. - .-
P.P.S I had fun.

Constipation = farts.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Fucking cellphone. AUTO SHUT DOWN.
I should be in Discussion now if it hasnt SHUT DOWN!
So long since I drink. I MISS DRINKING.
And yes, we will wait til our pay XY.

So much farting stories at work.
No time to write it out.

CONSTIPATION FOR FOUR DAYS.

Nights.
P.S You have no rights to say that as you did as well.
P.P.S I need friendSSSSS.

THE APALLING AND HOPELESS OFF DAYS.

SOMEONE ANYONE please go to SINGfest with me!
I wanna watch A7x and The academy is...!
I NEED A MALAY FRIEND FOR AFF SAKE.

SINGfest

SINGfest

Wednesday, 8 August
Cyndi Lauper
Pet Shop Boys
Sasha Bach Band
Shaggy
The Stranglers
Sugar Ray


Thursday, 9 August
The Academy Is...
Avenged Sevenfold
Cobra Starship
Great Spy Experiment
Gym Class Heroes
Hinder
MxPx
The Noisettes
One Buck Short

2 Day Pass available at $200 NOW!
Tickets range from $150 (til 1st August), $175 (2nd to 7th August) and $200 (at the door).
Buy your tickets from Sistic.
http://www.sistic.com.sg/cms/events/index.html?content=1070


Fuck. I wanna watch A7x and the academy is. At this point is where I need a Malay friend the most.

That guy.

-

Another day of barely four hours of sleep.
WORK FULL!
In the morning, I was still having my tummy upset.
Was so reluctant to go for work. Im glad I did. It shows that I have changed. HA.

Night.
Was walking home from Admiralty, dozing off.
I saw someone that made me smile through the walks.
MY PRIMARY SCHOOL FRIEND!
Couldnt remember his name.
I saw him and hes like, *Wave hands frantically*
SO CUTE! That malay guy.
Must remember to ask xhuii whats his name.

Ask me out!
Thursday and Friday OFF.
Saturday FULL.
Sunday AFTERNOON.

Chaw.

Bubbled dreams.

Things I wish to fulfil and yet im drifting away from,
because of not reminding myself.

`Learn the guitar.
`Learn dancing.
`Losing weight. (This is what i remind myself away and yet its progressing very SLOWLY.)
`Learn portugues. Tho I know the basics.
`Learn tagalog.
`Go to Poly. (This is what I have been drifting away from.)
`Learn everything about Psychology and Crimes.
`Everything about overcoming Social Anxiety.
`Books and bookselves.

Pictures.

Yesterday felt like I just been through hell.
I literally slept for two days. Yar no shit.
I dont even feel like talking to anyone because my head hurts when i starts speaking.
I dont even feel like moving. Cause it hurts to move.
I feel so breathless even tho I aint doing anything.
I feel so cold even tho I sweat alot.
I dont feel like eating tho my gastric hurts.
It make me feel like puking.
I just wanna sleep and have a full body massage.

I remember this line I was saying when we had Michelle's celebration.
"I hope I kena food poisoning then I dont have to work."
Great.
Now its food poisoning and high fever.
Though I suspected it was Dengue fever.

-




From this picture onwards, i am in every background HAHA.














My punishment for being late.

F u 2.

Mom : "... ... but your family wont ever do this to you, that I realised."

To that, she broke down crying. I cried too.
It hurts me. It pains me to see you cry.
Be strong Ma. I love you.

-

Bad day? Kind of.
I had barely 4 hours of sleep.
Yet I have to face my fears.

Dont think I can make it to work tomorrow.
Food poisoning. Might be.
Fever. Body aching. Bone aching. Headache. Vomit. Dizzyness.
BU SU FU!

How small is Singapore?
Guess who did I actually saw today.
BARTENDER MENG LOL! He is actually Yong kang and Ah long's friend.
I dont know why but I felt kind of awkward.

Maybe I need a therapist, instead of being a therapist.

Worn out.
Nights.
P.S It sucks to not be myself even when you tried that hard.


EDIT:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHELLE!
Yesterday was although not much activities and excitement,
but it was relaxing and its not like we get to meet up often.
And catching up pieces of their lives.
Reached home like 4am. Slept at 6am. Woke up at 10am.
Prepared for work although late.

Pics to be posted soon.

Boy, your so fine.

Reason im so in love with this song, "Angel of mine - Monica" is because of this picture.



Apparently, I dont know who the three of them are.
The song was playing when I looked at the guy in the middle. Hes so fine. But my mind wanders to someone else. Most of you prolly knows who. Yada yada the same one. The unexpressable feeling.

Obscure tingling of voices.

Looking at my friend's secondary school pictures.
Yes indeed it was the best time of their lives.
And when was mine?
I couldnt quite remember.
I had a vague memory of my youth.
It past.
The recollection could never be mend.

Celeste Chen blah blah blah blah blah, but, I adore/admire/envy/in awe of her.

Working with Xiao Hui is FUN can! Time passes so fast la!
BUT IM STILL MAD. Stupid ang moh, take picture with her but not ME!
I TALKED TO HIM FIRST OKAY! Hmhp. First thought that came, "Im not slim enough." ;[

Im tired.
Nights.

Disgusted.

No one is really sorry until they put the words, "Im sorry." into action.
Words are meaningless.

You said you love me but you dont know what love is.
So dont say you love me.
You should grow up and experience the world.

Your only chance to make it up to me,
yet you refused it cause your just narrow-minded.
And its the only simplest thing you could do.
Never seen anyone so ungrateful before.
Or should I say, unmanly and immature.
And all the attributes any girl wouldnt want in their guy.

You owe me too much boy.
You can never pay back in this life.
You owe me and him/her too much.
Your an unrepentant sin.
Have you no remorse?
And call yourself a christian.
When you go to heaven,
you'll see this innocent child calling you,
"Hi, Dad. Why dont you want me?"

Guess time had pass but your still the same.
Your my only regret.
For choosing you.
An ultimate disaster.

Crispy life.

I dont know what to write about for these past few months.
Like I said, getting better from depression was the best.
During depression, you have no real problems, the only problem was yourself.
Now, I tasted the value of time.
O, how I had wasted them and let them past.

Let the pictures talk.

YOUR REPORT CARD:
Category	Grade
Love	B
Friends and Family	A+
Body	B
Mind	A+
Finance / Career	B
Your Life's Average Grade: A
'What is your Life Grade?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Blah.

Yesterday.
Drinking at YT's house. As usual, mahjong session, leaving me to drink.
Went out to smoke. YT and YJ joined. Their only motive was to get me drunk.
Went home at 4am.

Today.
Worked PM shift.
What a suprise. Ryan came to look for me when I was having my break. You came at the right time!
After break, Justin came to look for me. Sorry cant talk to you.

I find it so hard to be myself in the eyes of many.
What should my next moves be?
Why cant I stop thinking if im being weird? Aff.

AKU MALAYU!

Wee! 11 girls in the house tonight!
Why is it I am always the one bringing the liqour. And NO, not because i am the only alcoholic. HAHA.
SAD gotta sacrifice my Chivas. *CRYS*

Whos gonna buy another bottle of Chivas for me? ;D
Lets get wasted!

English Oral. I dont think I did very well.
Made some friends at the Oral. LOL What a small world I must say. That girl, Mas at the Oral asked, "Are you Trish?"
Yes how did you know?!
"Ohh you know Siti? She called just now and tell me you are having Oral at Siling sec. She said that girl that look like Malay but is Chinese and with black black eyeliner."
HAHAHAHA

Mas had gone for the interview at GAP TOO! Cant wait to work with her!

Funny shit at the Oral.
Lazy to organize my mind.

Friday, Sunday off. Ask me out!

I cant make time for my studies. Son of a AFF.
A waste of a genius sitting here.

My arm have the "arm" shape. FINALLY!

Genius?

And thank you too.

I tell myself everyday to get rid of those irrevelant fears.
Social anxiety? No more baby.

After so much we've gone thru, Justin, your still my friend.
And you owe me a treat ;] NOT A FEAST THO!
I miss having a pretty meal.
I still wanna learn dancing.

Bye.
P.S Im addicted to Lloyd. Im addicted to Get it shawty.

SITI! Lets go pierce lips together!
I havent been studying for two weeks.
Working's great.

I guess when the anger had been appeased, the hatred was never there.

I wanna learn dancing with my Di di!

Work's okay. Lots of cuties!

YINGTING You sure you wanna get drunk again. HAHA.

Dont you think we are really just waiting for something to happen?
Why not make it happen. Gees.

BABY PHOTOS!

I SAYS, "ROCK ON!"


















P.S I know I look like a boy. I thought I was a boy too when I was young.

7 July 2007

7/07/2007
Its my parent's annivesary. They celebrated it by eating Popiah and Rojak. Wtf?

I had YT kena fined 200$. Its a must to pay her back because its my responsibity.
I AM SORREH!
All of these taxes and fines are used for the "above-water-platform-thingy" for the NDP which I would never ever get to see or experience, for the gov's fun, joy and laughter, to make the poor civilians to pay. Hes fat ass have nothing to fret and bother about and just sit around here and there so he decided that it is fun to watch every pack of ciggie coming in and out.

Bought a dress from JB. Yingting says its a SM dress.

This week passes so fast. I ate and grew fat.

Oh ya, my uncle ordered two cakes online from Jack's place and delivered it to us.
Resisting temptations.

Night.

YAY for a job.
I say BOO to the usual suspects for pubbing!

4 hours love drive.

Errr fucking wow.
I spent 2 hours trying to sleep without music.
I spent another 4 hours trying to sleep with music.
I stared at the ceiling with opened eyes.
Another 1 hour with horror images in my head.
Fuck, *walks out of the room.*

In the 4 hours of music, I've learnt that,
Sony Erricson's stereo widening:
Bass - Softer
Drums - Softer
Vocals - Softer
Guitar - Stays the same.
The only good point is that stereo widening singles out the instrumental's individual. Just that the guitars and keyboards are more significant.
No thanks, no stereo widening for me thanks.
I still enjoy it once in a while tho.

If I would die, I would rather die of alcoholic intoxication.
If I would die, I dont wanna die suffering from dementia.
If I would die with dementia, I would rather die earlier without a full-blown serious dementia. I would rather die with my memories still intact than none at all.
Then It would be worth dying.

P.S LETS have fun with WHATEVER we do.
P.P.S Now i can positively say, I have changed. [Since my b-day.]
P.P.P.S And you know what? I think I am qualified to say this, "People need to stop being emo." HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.
P.P.P.P.S Everyone is making this big thing about TRANSFORMER. But no, I am not gonna watch it since everyone is gonna.

IMEEM.

Pissed at IMEEM can. Disliked this fuss about piracy. What can a 30sec preview do.

My secret obsession.

Highlight of the day: I knocked my head and chest together at a "wall" while trying to run away from the cockroach. I know the group at the other table saw me making a joke of myself.

Indeed, my boobs have become smaller. I AM SO MISERABLE.

Look, look at my face. I secretly took a picture of myself.



Night.
P.S I am not a usable, portable and rechargable ITEM.

For RYAN'S info.

Century egg, also known as preserved egg, hundred-year egg, thousand-year egg and thousand-year-old egg is a Chinese cuisine ingredient made by preserving duck, chicken or quail eggs in a mixture of clay, ash, salt, lime, and rice straw for several weeks to several months, depending on the method of processing.
Thanks to wikipedia.
LOL.

-

Like I said, my writing literacy isnt proportional to my verbal literal proficiency.
IM IN TREPIDATION FOR MY ENGLISH ORAL! Which is in two weeks or less.
Have to brush up, HAVE TO!
My disorganized mind, my disorganized trains of thoughts like a untangled ball of yarn contributes to my speech becoming a slur of retarded bullshits.

IMPORTANT: Ciggie prices have gone up, AGAIN...................................
.................................................... DOESNT CONCERNS ME HAHA.

Wish resign - Circa survive
Night.
P.S Same lyrics for ya. All at once - the fray.

The closure.

YAY FOR A JOB! Thanks to Xiao hui! Hope I can be working at GAP.
Dont worry I wont quit halfway de!

"In fasting, when there is an inadequate supply of glucose, the fats are oxidized to provide the energy for vital activities of the body."
I read that to my mom.
Mom: "I know. You think I dont know about BIO? I just dont want you to be so obsessive. The more knowledge you have, the more you tend to fall on the wrong path."

"We associate truth with convenience. With what most closely accords with self-interest and personal well-being or promises best to avoid awkward effort or unwelcome dislocation of life. We find highly acceptable what contributes most to self-esteem."

-

Glad we talked, Lan. The final closure. There is finally a satisfying closure between us. I guess the only song that could describe the feeling is "Cool - Gwen Stefani" Always in my heart, Lan. ;]

Everytime I hear that chinese song by Tank, I think of him. I had always wanted a guy to sing for me and he is the only one who did, tho indirectly.
I had to remind myself. A player's a player fo life.

Nights.
P.S I am not asserting enough self-control this week.

Your Candy Heart Says "First Kiss"

You're a true romantic who brings an innocent hope to each new relationship. You see the good in every person you date, and you relish each step of falling in love. Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a romantic dinner your sweetie cooks for you Your flirting style: friendly and sweet What turns you off: cynics who don't believe in romance Why you're hot: you always keep the romance alive

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

ITS SO TRUE about the "You see the good in every person you date."
I dont really care about what rumours the person had.
Everyone deserves a chance.
Including all RACES. *Coughs*

I guess im enjoying the "come and go whenever you want" thing.
Come on, im still young. But in fact im in denial. I dont enjoy it, i hate it.

Effort gone to waste.

Bai.
P.S Oww, my gastric.

IKEA and GIANT with parents.

SORRY bad camera skills! =[




I know its rather outrageous but, im sorry! I never seen so many carrots before in my life!

Grocery with Pa and Ma.

We was waiting at the junction to cross.
Three Ladies walking past behind us chattering about the news, "Then hor the... the volcano plah plah plah."
My Mom looked at me for a second, and burst out laughing. My Pa laughed and I laughed. This became the joke of our day.
And we forced Ma to climb the stairs with the groceries with us. Because she doesnt have the keys home HAHA.

Coming home - John Legend
Later.

Shes wasted.

July 01.
A huge change in just one month. Im happy. Everyones happy.

Yesterday was a blast of madness.
Its funny how when I get to know someone, it always involves liquor.
I was just taking a break from YingTing's house, drinking and smoking alone at the stairway.
Two Indian guys walked past to the lift. Casual chat, they went down.
Then the guy came back and asked for my number and said, "Your the first Chinese girl I took a number from. Are you sure your Chinese? Mix?"
It might not be true that im the first Chinese girl, but it still a great compliment.
AND YES IM CHINESE! AND I DONT LOOK LIKE ONE WOOO HOOOO!
Im only elated when a non-chinese ask for my number ;]

Yingting's drunk. Im drunk.
I hate Bacardi GOLD+Baron.
Think I would prolly never touch Bacardi ever again. Chivas still fits me most.
Time to post YT's drunk pic. HAHA.








The narcissist. =]
Baiiee.
P.S Never see me again.
P.P.S What more can I ask from a pimp like him, with lack of sincerity?
P.P.P.S I got no real problems against homosexuals. Im fine with them.