Now my best friend hate me even a fucking stranger hates me too. I think the god hates me. The fucking mac stranger... Y does he hates me??? Like as if he knew me very well like as if I dis him. MAjor problems kept coming I dont think I can take it. Pls god help.

So much pretending
waiting for a happy ending
So long did i waited
So much time did i wasted
Mum finds my pillow wet at night
Friends dun even know if im alright

It hurts so badly inside pretending im not
Ever so deeply it hurt mending no spot
Tears pour through the lonely nights
Still pretending im not. Im just polite.

Smiling as ever. Frowning never.
Tease talk play smile
Please stop grey style
unease angry walk make way slow frown

Becoming apathetic to everything
Dun look as pathetic as it seems
Out?
Doubt.
Returning everything with a sulk
My whole lot of feelings at one time
Right now I have no choice but to end this rhyme
I have no lighter that burns much brighter
But i have a message for the god damn writer
Too bad your are not as pretty
Or miss personality
Im sorry its a pity.

Some day I just keep pretending. Dreaming of a different ending. I wanna hold on but it hurts so bad. I cant keep someday that i never had.

1. :)
2. Inconsideration of other people's feeling.
3. I wish we had not met again.

I had wonderful dream last night! The best dream i had in my lifetime. I dreamt im back in the band! Then my conductor gave me back the stock custom back to me. YEA!~ Then me and my Mr right dance together then i was like can feel the happiness in the dream. WOW! How wish im still dreaming. Haiz... Its over.

I hate the something that is within me. It is overtaking my mind; is controlling me. I can feel it. How i wish i can release this devil that is inside me. My extreme laziness is getting out of control. Im afraid i have to let it be. I have no motivation in my life. I have no motivation everytime i wake up in the morning. I cannot find the motivation in the morning to go to school. How i envy michelle. At least she have the motivation that makes her want to go to school. Her special *her. The way she always wrote it ya? How i wish i can find someone to motivates me...

Just as i thought. So my instincts were right on that day. Yo guys were out. I understand how you feel now.

... ... Like what the fuck?! Everytime i tryta change you guys started scolding me... Im so fucked up. My motivation immediately went down down! Thats what Im talking about! Yea i tryta change yea i wanted to quit smoking. And u know that aight u know that i didnt smoke fer days! Then what did u say today when i take a puff in the toilet. You immediately shouted at me 'I saw the cigarette i throw away!' shouted at me right away! You know my fucking flu came? Everything was fucked up. And today like fer example. I dont wanna go to sch because of that fucking flu u guys scolded me nagged at me. You guys can never know what im feeling. Yo guys keep asking me to tell ya whats on my mind what im feeling whats the problem why like that or blah blah blah fucking blah... How do u ever expect me to talk to ya. When like i ever started talking you guys keep nagging nagging and nagging and maybe ever scolding or say im ridiculous. How can i ever talk to ya. Anyway i dont see the point to go to sch. Maybe thats one. Fer N' levels. Then that nth else. I rather study at home. Its more more MORE effective that way. Take the physics fer example. I study study study and what i get? I know what u expected i will say nth right? NO. lol I understand it all! Thats what i mean. Im even one chapter ahead of the class. When i go to sch, I saw the teacher teaching those things and i know what they were saying like for the first time?

So now i finally understood. Im really just another person in the hood.


Sitting here all by myself.
Wishing I was somebody else.
Head in my hands, nothing to do.
Just thinking I was with someone, anyone, even you.
I’m so bored and I’m so mad.
Can’t go anywhere, because im fat.
Today is so boring.
Oh I know, I wish I was an angel in the great sky soaring.
Life can be fun, life can be boring.
Here I am now, listening to my dad snoring.
All the other kids out playing at the park.
From when the sun comes up until its dark.
I wish I could be them.
Oh I wish I had an M&M.
Here I am sitting here all by myself.
Wishing I was somebody else.

Homework, homework thats all i do,School, work, nothing new
Teachers pushing
Works rushing
All this stress
This whole big mess
It's just a hassle, i must confess
I can't wait till grad day
Or even my payday
Mayday Mayday
I'm going down
hit the ground
gather around
Homework, homework thats all i do,
School, work, nothing new
I have a life
how about you?
English, Biology, Algebra 2
I could add more
Oh, what a bore
There's no more room to store
My brain is packed
A long days task
I just wanna relax
Is that too much to ask?

Haiz... i hope all of this never happen

Im so not right down pissed off. Im just literally pissed by ur 'pissed'. I dont think we should carry on this way. Yea and whats the big deal anyway?! Ur just another clone freak of that girl ur pissed off by. Huh! Ur just as easily tempered as her huh. U know. So whats wrong with me getting back at u? Yo did that pretty soon everytime as i get u too. Everybody does that too so whats wrong dude! Just because im easily bullied? But dude yo got me in get back mode so whats the shit about that dis? But whether is it stating me i do not know but i know one thing that if it stating me then yo so over! Come on! I am so sorry that yo didnt see through me right from da start[like as if i am that sort!]! I am sorry that Im the one THING in ur life that isnt perfect! And you know what its none of my BI business! And if yo wanna carry on, go ahead and be my guest! I dont know whats gotten into you and i dont wish to know I just wanna get out of this childish games. And im so sorry that i cant be ur dog anymore. So is that what yo pissing off at?