Ouch, my heart is dying...

Should I do this beautiful mistake? Should I do it?
Will I live to regret? My love...

So afraid we wont last to the next month annivesary.
Guys are all the same.
Just tell me what you want.
TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT.
-
Sis and I went for a sushi meal, kinda rush cause she got to work. And z0mg, that wasabi! Maybe thats why im down with flu now >_> Allegy to Wasabi? o.o
Went to dinner with Darren at night then saw py.
Thats all. Boring day.
-
Cant believe the state the relationship is going. I cant see anyway to salvage it.

Hooray for sushi!
Yay for kaiiii <3!

*Yawns* Boring life.

Theres no blame for how our love did slowly fade
And now that its gone its like it wasnt there at all
And here i rest where disappointment and regret collide
Lying awake at night
-
I think im becoming scare of working o_o "Kong ju gan" ya know >_>
Envious of my sis =[
Obvious how a failure I am. All I do is sit around.
-
I know youll never change
I wont be good enough for you
I know youll make it through
Ill never be around to see

All carb diet, all carb diet.
No rice for me pls. =x

Maybe its love but its like you said "Love is like a role that we play"
But I believe in you so much, I could die for the words that you say.

-
And going back wont feel the same if we arent staying

Going back to get away after everything has changed

Could you remind me of a time when we were so alive?

Everything has changed

Do you remember that? Do you remember that?

You chose to ignore and forget.
I guess this is it.

SERIOUSLY. This guy gotta JERK OFF. Go masturbate or something and stop bothering me with ur pathetic faggy crap. You wanna die? Okay thanks and bai go on and stop bothering me telling me you wanna die or you feel like dying or blah blah blah you cant take it anymore. Seriously, you only know me for two days yo. And your telling me your in love with me? O please thats more like disturbing. Fucking shit even fake your crying on the phone. Honestly I didnt wanna hurt you but you cant stop asking me if i wanna be your GF. You wanted me to answer you fast so like, FINE im not interested in being your GF so why dont you screw off. Then seriously started sniffing and shit. Im not gonna take that from you. Then your like, ok... you go on watch tv... imma go. Then im like kthxbai and hung up the phone. Then you called saying wow you really hung up the phone? Then im like yo ur weird dude, you said bai and of course i hung up. WTF?! Dont try to txt me, i will NOT reply -_- Stupid immature boys. Like omfg your 21. Retarded?

Mmmkay.
Nothing helps. I cant do anything. Trying to make things work out. Just fuck it.

Mmmfuckit.
Hate how thing changes like snap.
Remember this phrase in my past post. "I hate how thing ended like snap."

Watched a movie. Undercover operation. Its niceeeee! Its like Wu jian dao. Nice nice. Cute and handsome guys ;P
Went home after that. Still thinking much.

One month left. Feels like nothing will help. I should just waste these months. Or should I give it a last try. And prolly my dad would fork out some money.
Feels like im back feeling useless. Feeling helpess. Feeling lazy. Feeling demoralize. Going emo again. Fffuck. Who will be there...

Waiting everyday. I rather be the one who waits at home for him. Waiting here seems so pointless. Mmm o.o

If I lay here,
if I just lay here,
would you lie with me and just forget the world.

Weee Kwang treat me eat sushi =D So happee.
And then the guy I met at Bugis, Jin Wei kept calling. Friggin irritating. He was like mad and pissed I didnt go out with him. >_> And like wtf I told him last night, "Like I dont go talk to a person on the phone for a night then be his bf." Seriously, people like that gotta go jerk off.
Then went to play billiard or pool w/e. And yes yes one more good thing. Kwang bought me ciggieeeee SO NICE OF HIM.

And I went home. Jin Wei kept calling. >_> Effffffffff. Dunno if im gonna go out with him tomorrow >_> But seriously I dont wanna go out with this kind of person.

Finally we talked. (: Dont want others attention. I need only yours.
Time doesnt seems on our side either. Sigh.

Hate LVER.

Omg dumb Kwang. Install a fake windows xp now I cant update my wmp ;(

Im just craving for some attention here.
Anyone o.o Gimme some?

But wow.. What ludy luck am I getting.
Now the guy I met at Bugis takes his turn. Zzz.

... ... Until someone do cares.
<\3

Theres poison in my drinking glass
Dont stop just sip it down
And in a swirling masquerade of sound
My body hits the ground
Im beautiful when Im asleep,
martini kisses land
on my blistered bloody scarlet lips
the bottles in my hand

Burn out not fade away

Ill speak in riddles so you can understand
Ill draw in pencil so you can trace with pen
So in love with me, like sand to wet feet
Ill write both our names into the wet concrete.

Were glistening like silver spoons
Beneath the summer night
Oh can you smell the subtle hint of frost
As the flowers start to cry
The Autumn winds are bringing graves
To all the emerald trees
Theyre so beautiful in their dismay
The colors slowly bleed

Still loving you

So ridiculous.
I must get my rightful amount of pay.
I will talk to the one whos handling my pay if I have to.
So see ya til then. Kthxfuckyoubai.

Hmm wth. Gene called me and told me to pass her the MC for today. I was like you told me not to come to work anymore so why bother to get MC. And without MC equals seven days of pay gone. She said the mins i was late will be deducted. 1min deduct 1$. Screw you biatch. W.e I dont know how to put it in words either. Im just too pissed. Fuct up pay. Im working for nothing. All this weeks of hard work and metally 'challenged' and the effin high transport fees. You owe me. Heartless bitch. Burn bitches.
-
Watched a movie. The death note is nice but no ending. Dont wish to type anymore. Ciao.

Stressed and pressurized. I totally broke down in front of my family when I talked to them a while ago.
I dont know why I hang on to that job. Prolly its just because of that one thing that keeps me going. A strong goal. But today, I got so demoralized. When I told my mom and sis about it they felt mad and sad for me. They told me to stop working there. And of course I agree totally. I know I dont got enough time left to look for another job. December.. A special month for me. Thats really whats kept me going. But... I nearly cried at my workplace today. I felt.. like a failure. Its like I could just die right there. I wish I could sleep thru the years. My mom said I was depressed. She told me to go out more often to enjoy but.. I dont got much time left. This two months I just wanna make more money. All for Decemeber. She knows about Decemeber too, she sympathtized but she really dont advice me to do it. She told me to postpone it and dont push myself so hard. But I dont wanna delay it anymore.
I cry cause I pity myself, I know I dont deserve this treatment. Im facing so much judgement everyday.

I tried my best.. Sorry if I couldnt make it at Decemeber. =(

I hate the Vivo bitches.

Weird day.
Working as usual. And I saw a customer wearing a shoe that i was looking for. It really loooked like that show from hottopic. And I was like " Uhm hi excuse me where you buy the shoe from?" Shes like suprise LOL.
And and a customer complimented my sevice and wanted me to work in her shop LOL. Wow thats funny. Thats like betraying my company? Haha but HECK. Imma call her sometime to discuss the details ;P

Uhh fuck it. I hate the one week thing.

Still no uniform yeetttt =[
During break time I didnt eat. Made a call and talked all the way. Tee hee hee. Heard some unpleasant stuffs. Changed my impression of him.

When I reach home i was starving to death. My dad drive me to 888 to eat hehe. AND I saw YuRen-ZiXiong. LOL. Okay that guy look like YuRen of the back and look like Zixiong from the front. HE WAS SOO CUTE. Z0mg. I should go on 888 often LMAO.

P.S I miss him but I cant feel him missing me.

O how much I wanna be as fun as before. But you see, everyone has their own goals and aim. I found it. I used to live aimlessly. Waiting for something to happen. I cant go back to what i used to be. The cheerful me and everything seems always easy for me. O how I miss those times...

Jeeez gotta eat that! Subway smellss so damn nice. Everytime I walk past im like OH GAWD OH GAWD OH GAWD LMAO. Seriously.
-
I dunno how to handle this.

Woot pizza in the morning =D
I still love the Carl jr. And Kwang is friggin annoying at msn. -_-

Putting those potential partners aside just cause i love you. You wont know. You dont get it. You dont understand.
So now tell me, how much do I really mean to you?

Anything for someone whos willing to spend more time with me.

Share with me
Cause i need it right now
Let me see your insides
Or write me off
Cause I'd rather stop now if you won't open up

Disappointing =D

So much for talking the whole day with me on my off.
Nice chat. Im lovin it. Im out.

I wasnt jealous before we met
Now every woman I see is a potential threat
And Im possessive, it isnt nice
Youve heard me saying that smoking was my only vice
But now it isnt true
Now everything is new
And all Ive learned has overturned
I beg of you

Dont go wasting your emotion
Lay all your love on me
Dont go sharing your devotion
Lay all your love on me

It was like shooting a sitting duck
A little smalltalk, a smile and baby I was stuck
I still dont know what youve done with me
A grown up woman should never fall so easily
I feel a kind of fear
When I dont have you near
Unsatisfied, I skip my pride
I beg you dear

A beautiful mistake - The ataris

Maybe I'm not ready for this, and you know it.
Maybe I'm too scared to tell you what I'm really thinking
It's not fair to stay together because of regrets we might have.
I don't want to fall asleep alone, but do I want to wake up with you?
I'm only trying to be completely honest.

So I guess this is the ending or a beautiful mistake.
And if we both agree that we shouldn't be together why does it hurt so much?
I feel like I lost my closest friend.
I don't want to fall asleep alone, but do I want to wake up with you?
I hope you're happy and completely lonely.

There I am standing all alone on Sydney Harbor Bridge.
And you know I would jump into the fucking ocean if it meant I was truly capable of being satisfied.
Well I ever be?
Did I just give up the best thing I ever had?

Saturday
Sucks. Bitches.
9.15pm : Staring at the entrance for a moment then realise that theres someone staring at me. I turned to look z0mg Darren, Yiling and JW was there. I WAS SO SHOCK LOL. So sweet of them to come look for me. And went to Discussion after that to drink. I didnt want to go in the first place cause I was looking so gay. I was working duh. And and Darren brought me Nachos with CHEEEEESE omfg so sweet of him.
When I was at Discussion, the boss was like. "Why you dress like that? You look so stylish last week." I was like IM WORKING T_T
Had a little drink there but I still puke in the end. Gawd I always puke when I had vodka.
Today
Omfg the bitch gonna dork my pay if im late again. I was like PAPA ZAI WO QU ZUO GONG! Omfg my dad was speeeeding on the bike. I was like hanging on to my life LOL cause I havent wear the helmet properly and its like flying off my head. Jeeez.
And same stuffs... BITCHES.
And around 9pm I saw Darren outside my workplace agian. I was shock too. Cause I didnt expect him to come. And and I told him to buy me a bottle of water and no food pls. AND HE BOUGHT CARL JR FOR MEE OMFG IM ON A DIET DAMNIT. Hahaha couldnt resist it. The food is talking to me.
Then he sent me home. Today my dad sent me to work and someone sent me home after work. I FEEL GOOD NA NA NA NA NA~ lmao =D
And we sat at my house downstairs and talked thruout the night.

LONG LIVE T3H CHICKEN FOLDOVER! Its always there when I neeeded it!
Long live teh chicken foldover~!
So nice of my mom to buy me food. Its like so rare. (:

Started off the day just fine, wasnt late for the first time.

AT break time, I got a suprising call from Kwang. He said hes at Vivo city to look for me at my shop. I was like W.t.F. Then we met for a few mins and I had to go. He said he wait for me til I knock off. I was like o.......k enjoy the four hours waiting (: LOL. But in the end when I knock off he said hes on the way home. So insincere. But I got a feeling he wanted to patch and start courting me again. Hmmmmmmmmm. Sweet revenge? (:

I was at the bus int and one auntie keep talking to me complaining how far is it to work here. I was like im further than you yo. And friggin a, the bus is infested with cockroaches. JEEZ HOW LONG THEY DIDNT CLEAN IT. So effin gross. I was so tense thru out the whole ride.

Kwang said he might find me again tomorrow.

P.S Miss Lan much.

Speaking about JunLong. We had know each other since sec 2. I wonder why all these years had past and he never chose me. Xy and Ly but not me... In fact I had been infatuated with him since Xy was his gf but he never looked at me. I can just stare at him behind my friends.

Ate three pieces of pizza just now AND I dont feel full at all. Maybe I was feeling good and happy for the first time. A glimpse of hope.

Kwang called me just now. He told me JunLong got someone he really likes. I was like Wow thats new. I was even shock when I heard the girl he likes is from a game. I was seeing another version of me. Well I really wish him luck. At least the girl he like is in Singapore too. Unlike me. The one I wanted is so far out of reach.
Kwang wanted to go out with me after my work tomorrow but Darren called me out too. I dont know if im even active to even go out that night.

Marvin and rara met up. Its so nice to hear that. They even got pictures. Whens the day that that will happen to me. I wanna spend my life with him.
Lili started dating too. Everyone is moving on so fast.

-Find happiness by yourself and not in others. Dont wait for others to give you happiness.

Sk-sk-sk-skip working todai =D
Finally I was able to have enough sleep.

When I came ol, Alvin was like hi.
I was like uh huh uh huh hi. He wanted to jio me for a movie. I was like naaah. Then he asked if I do have a bf. I said yup. Hes like why didnt you choose me. I was like thinking, why do I wanna have a bf that think about sex all the time? Then I just told him cause we dont talk anymore. Idiot and he started bragging saying hes been looking everywhere for me but he couldnt find me. What a moron i told him, you know my address duh. And I went back to sleep leaving him talking to himself there hahaha fag.

Funny break today. I went to buy food from that noodle stall then those aunties very talkative ask this ask that. So fun. Then I sat at a four-person table cause there were no more space left. One old man sat with me. I think his bored or something then he kept talking to me about his job, complaining complaining thru out the whole lunch >_> IM TRYING TO EAT MY FOOD YO. But I complain together with him ;P Then I help Gene bought her food. Shes soooo lazy to walk out of the shop >_>
Another funny thing. I hadnt much sleep and I was like blur blur. Then I NEARLY walked into the gents >_> Friggin shit so embarassing. I was like WOOPS >_> Cia sway la.
Then I was chatting the whole day with that part time girl. We were like planning to quit together and find another job together LOL Buttttt of course with Dann.

While I was taking my bus home from Woodlands int. Guess who I saw! Three orange colour uniform, Bala, Satheya and Vinoth LOL I was like BALA! Hes like soooo happy to see me HAHAHA. Then Vinoth and Satheya was there teasing and singing >_> hahaha so miss them (:
Fun guys.

Yesterday passes fast. My new hobby : Standing at the entrance, watching and smiling at cute onlookers walking past.
Hope I can last. Dont break down.
Talked to Lan yesterday =]

Found something that is seriously hilarious.
I was doing my shopping anddd I found something that fits XY.
http://www.hottopic.com/hottopic/store/product.jsp?FOLDER%3C%3Efolder_id=2534374302025502&PRODUCT%3C%3Eprd_id=845524442148274&bmUID=1160416595604

=))

And and I fergot to add.

While I was working, I was standing there spacing out. Then I realise someone walking pass was staring at me for a long time then I turn and saw my ex, DANN LOL!
He was like, FUCK YOU! YOU FOUND A JOB ALREADY! You said you wait for me and we go look for a job together! Hahahahahaha thats not exactly the words. What a small world =D
I was like eh?? You come vivo city walk also ar.

Then when I reach home he called and we chatted a while. Whew its a long time =D
Then he said how I used to be anti social back then. LOL i love to talk about the past, its always funny to talk about. I told him, not used to be. I am STILL anti social now! Its been three - four years and we are still good friends =) Thats really rare. Miss him =D
Somehow reminds me of the song Cool-by gwen stefani.

P.S Im gonna quit that job after a month and lets go find a job together =D At least theres someone to talk to while working LOL somemore both full-time. HA HA

This song is so me.

What hurts the most - Rascal flatts
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it overI would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

Woke up late as usual. Heading to that dumbass habourfront =(
I see bitches.
Then break time I went to that food center and bought food for Aishah then that Malay guy said thank pretty girl, xie xie. I was like sooo cute LOL
-
Was serving an "ah gua" today LMAO He/she/it was wearing a skirt sooooo short. I was actually praying that I dont see balls hanging out LMAO FTW. Gross out.
-
STUPID BITCHES. Thinking I was new, snatching my customers eh. Fucking bitch.
I miss my aunties =[
-
I chose to runaway but yet I wanted to stay.
I love you, say you love me too.

The man I wanted, never cares.
The man I dont need, cares too much.
Lifes so ionic.

Dont I deserve more? I know I do.
Do I worth your love at all?

Wth LOL I saw this video at py's blog.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOsnWWBeKLQ
FTW HAHAHAHA so sad i wasnt there =(

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BULLSHITTTT
Fuckin bs.

I want Bugis! I hate working at Habourfront ftw. IT SUCKS. Transfere me baccccccckkk I miss those aunties LOL.
Just hope the uniform come quuiicckkk =D Im only aiming for that LOL So sophisticated.

>.> stupid taxi abang. Just because i hitched a ride from him doesnt mean he have to bring me out. Friggin a, kept calling and txting me. I DONT WANNA GO OUT WITH A MARRIED MAN OKAY. Period.

Went to drink after work yest. Omagawdeeee im soo tired now =(
Darren so sweet brought me a peach yogurt when i finished work =D Yesss im working at Habourfront today. Got transfered out of Bugis. Its a new shop at Habourfront. Which means I prolly get my kewl uniform today =D!!!!!
They wear what they sell for their uniform! HOW KEWL IS THAT!
=D No hangovers no more. Im just hungry and my shoulder and feet ache.
I just ate three octopus balls yesterday for the whole day. Friggin flu made me so weak and i couldnt even eat. LOL but I went to drink of course. FOR A BOTTLE OF CHIVAS DUH.
And before we went Discussion they actually wanted to go some other places to drink but in the end we still ended up in Discussion. At around 2+ theres a fight RIGHT BESIDE ME. I was like so scare that he will push him over and i was so scare that a cup will fly over. But on the outside I was like enjoying the whole scene LMAO. Benny the bartender was sooo man z0mg. Stopped him from creating a scene.
Meh aight gotta go work now.
Ciao.
P.S I miss Lan =(

Seems like a thousand years had past.

Slept at 8am today and woke up at 4pm =D
Actually going out with Xy but in the end she went out with her bf i dont wanna be a light blub there so i didnt go in the end.
Then before that, LOL the boss called and fired me. I mean not really like " YOU ARE FIRED" Hes like " Come get your pay i found someone else for the job." Then I was like o........k
After a few mins, that job i went for interview months ago, called. And said im hired. I was like wtf.... I just lost a job and i get one almost immediately. How lucky is that. Lucky bastard... LOL
But its at Bugis seiyu =( So far. Spend one hour on a train/bus and i have to work 10 hours everyday =( like kinda worthless. Basic pay only 1k$. And i have to wear all black and i dont got black pants =( Have to wear my mum's. So gay.
Went for supper with them and laughed all the way home =D
Then while I was walking home, a taxi followed me and of course seeing the chance i hitched a ride from him. I know i know, im one of em hitchhikers whos aint afraid to get killed. But no one cares so why should I =D
Guess thats it. Lates.
*Prays* dont get fired anymore.

.......................................................................................................................................................................... ......................................................................................................................................................................... .......................................................................................................................................................................... ...................................................................................................................................dead.

When I was about to type, "his net is not back yet"
AND HE PMS ME ON YM. I was like OMG! OMAAAAGAWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Hes finally bacccckkk! I misss him sooo much =)
Hes back =)

He txted me yesterday =)
I felt so relief so good to hear from him again.

Sitting here all day thinking hows everything there. How is he. Is he doing good?
Im going crazy thinking about him.
-
Didnt went to work again today. Frggn hangover. Prolly gonna get fired >_>
I want a 5-days job.
-
They called me for dinner but I guess imma skip that. No more cash.

Just reached home from drinking. Darren and xy keep calling me to join them. So I was in the mood so I went to Discussion. And it was quite a fun nuight. Was wasnt quite drunk tho I was drinking the whole nioght. Lan finally txt me at around 1.15am. I saw his msg 20mins later. And he didnt reply me thru out =[
I miss him so much. Hope hes alright and ok. Darren was kinda drunk LOL we kept telling him to drink chivas NIC. =D Not my fault na na na~ Xy kept forcing me to drink LOL toooooooo bad I aint drunk YET =D Damn I miss drinking ;P
And the funny was.. The boss and his assistant was like "Do you have a job now? Do you wanna work here for us?" I was like, "You guys interviewed me before a year ago but no one called, so I guess I pass.," You passed me too a year ago =) now its my turn ;P
Darren sent me home to the lift and I waslike telling him to runaway from the cab. /gg "Keep waiting driver!~"
It was okay the night =)

I miss Lan =(
It feels like a thousand years had passed. I wanna see him so bad, I wanna talk to him so bad,.

AINT GOING TO WORK TOM WEEEE!