Anyway.. Feel like breaking him le... Got stead feels like none.. Wtf. Does he treat me like his stead.

Just woke up... Wondering why xy never call me.. I thought she told me to wake up at 4pm tehn after that meet her father why she didnt call? Ncm anyway.. ytd go clark quey.. It was whack.. But luckily we got a taxi driver to drive us around lol.. FREE. lol in the worning drive go eat drink smoke and talk cok. lol Now that was fun.. I haven laugh out in a while.. Hhahah anyways hope can like this again lol

Hearing those songs... His back again... His shadown is back in my mind.. Sobs... SAve me!

Wondering... Was it a trail of unwise decision? Or a blessing in disguise?

Wrong wrong wrong! Everything is going wrong! Save me!

Lol.. He so cute lor.. This few days keep talking to him on phone.. yep.. Then feel that he very cute lei... Dunno lei then i just scare that he would be disappointed to see me looking like this... Maybe he thought that i will look pretty then he jio me want... Then dunno la.. whether to accept anot... Then we can get along quite well.. I dunno if he is sincere anot but he sounds not really sincere lei... Like just finding a stead to acc only... soo..... Dunno lahs...

Hm.. Today went to ps actually plan to go look for a job but we wear kinda too improperiate to go for an interview so we plan to go on monday... Then go there to repair my fucking shoes which i bought for just one fucking week and its fucking spoilt... And im fucking hot... Then after that went to look fer daniel.. After that I saw a two niggaz and they say hi i say hi back then they come over.. We chatted and he asked for number.. And guess what? They are from america!! o.m.g... Lol Very nice to chat.. Seem like a million things to talk about... Then they acc us walk to bugis and then we went seperate ways. then we went to find mingkar gabriel and his friends.. After that we went to his friend's hse before that i think they eat pills.. Then kinda weird... A while after we went off sit at bus stop chatted for a very long time... She say she dare not say cause scare i angry then don care her but i told nah just say out everything no need scare want.. Next time anything just say out... Then we chatted very very very long and after taht chat we felt even more closer.. And after then sit cab go home.. The taxi uncle also very good to chat lol.. Talk cok with him all that lol

Wtf Fuck you.. The moment i just thought of you u appear just at ma face.. And what is that fucking expression?! Don wanna see me again izit?! Wtf is that busy stuff? Busy going out playing pool or hanging around with yer girls.. Fucking ji hong. Ooooh soo cuuute with that fucking sunglasses on is it.. So cool so cute. Ugh! Pui! Yer taste fucking sucks! Eew! Pp EE U! So fucking short i guess even shorter than me.. So I guess you like toot toot innocent girls Y?! For you to fuck izit for yer to cheat again fucking right? Fucking geeks. Wtf Do you think you are mr Charm.. Charm any girls you want.. I sincerely spit on you... You ruin ma day.

What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU.

-ji hong kia!!
-ji hong kia!!
-ji hong kia!!

-decided to slowly take my time to it...
-sort things out clearly before i make move
-and not to make those same fucking mistakes again
-try to change ma self first though

.. Haiz.. I really dunno what to say.. Feel like calling him but i cant find the courage to call him... Its like very thick skin and im also not very chio then like very bo bian and dun want face like that... Thats what i felt.. It really saddened me that y do i look this way... Then today he rejected me.. Like so paiseh lor... Not really a big deal cause it just an offer to go out lol.. Im just waiting for him to ask me that fucking qn that wont get out of his mouth... haiz... how long do i have to wait... But i do really hope if i got a chance i hope it last long.. Cause im kinda sick and tired of short relationship... Im afraid if i called then there would be some mins of sinlence cause it would be awkward if there were nth to talk about.. Im in a dileima now! Should i call or not?

-sry i hate it when theres much spelling mistake in my entry...
-lol kwang called me in the afternnoon
-Should i call him?
-Still thinking about the taxi thingy
-Nice one heeh

Hai... Fucking family... Friends my sim card kana confiscated soo... Don msg nor call... Call me directly to ma house or xueying to find me... thz...

-Bad gastric
-Nv eaten most of the times
-I need a fucking job!

lol. Nice one Tsk... You are so wasted. After going to Indonchine, vomit in the cab... taxi uncle was 38 hot.. I was like sorry... lol. Reaching hougang plaza alone.. went up to the toilet and fucking vomited again... Lie down in the toilet kiao ka and slp lol... For half an hr... ppl keep calling dunno wtf they wants.. When to meet ah long then slp all the way until andy bring me to stairway then we talk all the way... then after that dunno go where then i go home...

-In cab.. darren what r u tryna do?
-Anyways.. nice one
-Slow and soft... :P hahz

Bored to tears... Wonder later going boat quey or not... Free liquor again yea.. that rox..

-Will he be mine?
-Im too ugly fer him?
-em bore with me?

... don like this template.. its just not me.. not my style... no time change..

Why did he do that? Why did he call me up for a chat with me when he has been ignoring me for the past months... Or is he just wants to have that sleipnir... Wants me to teach him how to make that and mixture??? Then i ask him to teach me make that arch angel wings he told me he forget... like wtf? Its like keeping all the good stuff to himself without want to share... All i did was give and he all he did? Take... After that we chatted for a while and he just suddenly said everytime he lie on his bed he will think of me and that... I was like the 'huh' expression... And it sucks... And he ask me did i missed him all that.. And said he'd missed me.. I immediately felt that he was just using me as a spare tyre and trying to make me fall deeper for him.. Then suddenly say all this, the next day wont even have a msg sending to my hp.. Fucked up by it. And wasnt going to care about that and that phone call was just entertaining a fucking me...

I bet shes going back.. This is totally whack.. How should it goes.. My regrets..


Why did he do that? What does he wants??

What is he trying to prove to me??... fuck it...

I want to say thank you Alphy for this few days... lol.. He will be leaving in less than two months time to uk... aww so sad... dont want you leaving so fast wor... If not no one bring me out le.. lol...

Let me introduce you to my thinking process.
Murders happen all the time, right? Well, what's so fucking bad about it? The person doing the murdering is doing a huge favor by killing, as this life is a waste of time, and is pointless, as everyone I hope, knows. But, if the murderer is put into a jail cell for the rest of his life, that won't do much. One, it takes up space, and two, this will make the murder more pissed. So, if they were given a death penalty, like a beheading, it would be better, and also, it would reward them, for they will get removed from this life too. It's like doing people a favor, killing. See what I'm saying?
And hanging heads and dead bodies around places would warn those who are afraid to die, so they woudn't do a crime, like stealing for example.
Also, what's so good about this 'god'? It's just not in a person's true nature to go through life like a Barney episode. It just makes more sense the other way around. It's just way too hard for me to explain on how I feel about this. It really is. Jesus was probably indeed an actual person who SEEMED to do great deeds and had messangers at his side. Angels are what 'messenger' means in a certain language; I forgot which. And people probably later looked at this Jesus as a 'god' and worshipped him. And he died and one of his messengers, Lucifer, betrayed him, for reasons I can completely agree with, and so god just bannished him to a place actually better than heaven.
If people keep being all happy and continue breeding, this world will evantually be a huge trash pit. Full of houses, roads, pollution. And if this 'god' didn't want his world to suffer, he wouldn't let it, would he? He is a fraud. And if indeed he did 'create', then people are the worst possible mistake you ever could make. Did he create people to become his allies against Lucifer? IS HE THAT WEAK? IF HE IS GOD THE ALMIGHTY, WHERE THE FUCK IS THIS 'MIGHT'? WOULDN'T LUCIFER BE DESTROYED BY NOW?
As I said before, this is all very hard for me to explain how I feel. But let me just sum it up: Do we want to live in a world so bright it blinds us?

... Today i sms him hows ya.. he told me let like lor.. now a days got group togethre with a lot of ppl then in the group got one girl closer with me... I was like.. damn it..

No im free... I cant be trapped inside his palm anymore... Damnit... Who the fuck do you think u are

The job is so fun. Lol answering phone and just pressing com. lol But some things are quite complicated... So fucking complicated and no confident in doing things...

Most ppl always think that scooter is lok cok and and sucks. I think so too. But now i've tried and its not so bad... Very comfortable and good to sit... Can move about too. Lol. And its damn cold at night just wearing a tube and riding a scooter. Omg i was shivering man.. So cold... But song lol

Yippe!~ Chivas! Here I come!! Yay today xy father come back from overseas then she called him to buy Chivas come back then he's coming back today! Yea i love hard liquor! Bye bye reality! Come back ma world!

I finally a job... Can get on with my life but kinda little pay with tough working days... but... nvm at least i wont think too much...

Hai today i look at a fucking chain mail and cried.... Xuan qing do you know how i miss you...
I miss you so badly, dearly... I MISS YOU!!!

I got soo wasted last morning.. I even vomited on the bus with no one here talking care of me... I remember the last time i got wasted he took care of me greatly... I will not forget it... His strong arms and his gentle care... But in the bus it felt so cold so lonely so pathetic so weak...

Your not here when i needed you
But its time to face the truth
I will never be with you
You just dont get a clue
Why do i feel so blue
I finally see you through
Your not as good...

Or do i really see you through?
No I dont...

Why cant i just forget you??

WAR OF THE WORLD!!!
Overall a nice show...

The best was the sound effect and the suspension... But what really makes the show bad was the ending. I was really bored off by the ending. Its like too simple and 'too dramatic simple' was like a children ending with a good explanation... But i really really like the suspense in the movie. I could really feel the fear and their acting was superb. They really act out the fear and make it look real. The sound effects were thrilling. I was so engrossed in the movie. I watched every sec and min of it without fail. I even ignored my sis qns. The graphic was ok. Some part of it was funny too. But i really must stress on the suspension. It was really really god damn fanastic. I dont know how should i stress on the word fanastic and i dont know how should i describe it. But i know it was the best suspension movie i've seen. So check it out will ya?

Another day is going by

I'm thinking about you all the time

But you're out there

And I'm here waiting

******************

And I wrote this letter in my head

Cuz so many things were left unsaid

but now you're gone

And I can't think straight

**********************

This could be the one last chance

To make you understand

**********************

I'd do anything

Just to hold you in my arms

To try to make you laugh

Somehow I can't put you in the past

I'd do anything

Just to fall asleep with you

Will you remember me?

Cuz I know I won't forget you

**************************

Together we broke all the rules

Dreaming of droping out of school

And leave this place to never come back

***********************************

So now maybe after all these years

If you miss me have no fear

I'll be here I'll be waiting

**********************

This could be the one last chance to make you understand

And I just can't let you leave me once again

**************************************

I close my eyes

And all I see is you

I close my eyes

I try to sleep

I can't forget you

And I'd do anything for you

Who the fuck do you think you ar?! OmFg! Just look at yourself do yer think ur any man that can charm any girls. Dont be too confident punk. So what do you think ur doing avoiding me here. You suck your words suck even more. I will not take any more of your sweet little lies. I finally see yer through. No way am i gonna fall into ur trap again. Ur just wearing a perfect mask.

Perfect by nature
Icons of self indulgence
Just what we all need
More lies about a world that

Never was and never will be
Your not real and you cant save me
And somehow now your everybody's fool

Look here she comes now
Bow down and stare in wonder
Oh how we love you
No flaws like your pretending
But now i know she

Never was and never will be
Have no shame dont u see me
You know you've got everybody's fool

omg I cant control my emotions now. He really just made me look like a crying doll... I have no expression now. The blank look on my face... The sad smile i often gave... The look in his eyes that made me cry omg omg omg im really going mad.

Its over! ITs over! Its over! Its over! Its over! Its over! Its over! Its over! Its over.... .... GOD DAMN IT! WHY CANT YOU JUST ACCPET DA FACT THAT ITS OVER!!!!!

Nth will ever be the same again. Not if we are friends.
Because no.
I cant turn to you knowing that you will cheer me up again because no you left me that very day i cried.
I cant live in your love and concern anymore because no you dont love me anymore.
I cant hug your arms no more because no you left me here all alone knowing that i needed you.
I cant look at your brown eyes any closer now because no you have to go the moment i was missing you so badly.
I cant often see your msg on the phone now because no I dont even exists in your heart now.
I cant see you that often now because no you are beginning to feel irritated about me.
I cant be your lady now... because no... you left me that very day... ...

Every single day i live with a new hope that you would just msg me automatically just to let me know that you'd miss me or that a miracla would happen or i can see you today. Just a simple wish from you but every end of the day my hope gets broken. I hate the feeling of disappointment repeating just over and over again. Its like living on the day you broke up with me. I cant stand this kind of hurt and sorrow. God please return to me the miracle salvation. I still believe in you... I still believe you would change your mind and come back to me. I still beliee we can make it through this. Im still waiting for that very day. Please dont disappoint me again. Dont hurt me again. Can I see you now?

We broke up... It just happen so abruptly.... Still in the state of shock and confusion. To a point of self-loathing and self-blaming... I will quit sch this time.

Never believe in love no more.
I wait. You will never call.
I am a girl you will never adore.
Somehow everything i see is bloody gore.
I love you to the core, but you made me become a crying doll.
I hate walking alone in the mall
Im here for you to ignore.
Why do you love me in the past? What for?
Im here waiting for your care and concern to store.
Never fall in love no more.

I look at your message on the phone.
I really dont wanna let you go.
Please tell me why i seriously wanna know.
How could you let me go?
Do you still love me? Please dont say no.
Please dont say the word. I know i cant cope.
I dont wanna be there all alone.
I dont want anyone else except you in my zone.
So please dont leave me here lying cold.
You are my only one. My only hope.

So much love so much security in the past... How the fuck did things change so fast.. I dont understand i just dont understand... Pls tell me the truth..

I try to kill the pain but only brought more...

Thank you for completing me
Thank you for making me see
Thank you for accepting me as who i am
Thank you for making my lonliness end
Thank you for holding my hand when im fallin
Thank you for being there when im calling
Thank you for making my everything
Thank you for loving my everything
Thank you for not complaining
Thank you for not blaming it

Ever since the day you went away and left me lonely and cold

My life just hasn't been the same ohh baby, nooo

When I looked into your eyes the moment that I let you go I just broke down

Baby if I ever get the chance to be with you again I would sacrifice

Cuz the feeling that I feel within

No other man would ever make me feel so right

Its nice to smile when I get your phone call at night

But I'd rather have you here with me, right next to me

I miss the way you hold me tight

I gotta let you know I feel so weak without your touch

I never thought that I could ever love a man so much

I gotta let you know I think that we are destiny

For you I'd cross the world, for you I'd do anything

Thats right baby I'm going crazy

I need to be your ladyI've been thinking lately

That you and me, yes we can make it

Just ride with me, roll with me I'm in love with you baby

Break it down now I'll tell you what I feel

From the moment that I met you its been so damn real

My heart seems to skip another beat

Every time we speak, I can't believe I feel so weak

Tell me that you really need me and you want me and you miss me

And you love me I'm your lady

I'll be around waiting for you

I'll put it down be the woman for you

I'm falling so deep for you crazy over for you

I`m calling, calling out to you what am I going to do?

It's true, no fronting

Its you and no other i can no longer go on without you I'll just break down

If you want to kick me one side then why did you jio me in the first place... i hate you for that... think what ai mai ai mai ar. im not a HoR go to geylang if you want some.. I cant believe you actually said that to me... My eyes just sting... I hate you... I love you

I knew it from the start. U still cant let go of the past relationship. I know u would love her more than u do love me. This few days u kept talking about ur ex. Like what would she do in this that situation. At where when. It hurts me so bad even though i always put up a tough front and makes u think that i do not care. If ever u had a chance i bet u would rather go back to her. I know u still miss remember the time i asked you. Do you ever missed her. U told me you do still. Im so afraid you would go back to her. I cant stand you having another lady occupied another space of your heart. I felt incomparison to her. I felt so small, afraid, tiny and weak. Shes just too great... Shes just too perfect... Shes seem the only one just perfect for you. Even thought ur right beside im know u dont only see me in your eyes. How you wish im her. Im sorry im not her. I cant be her. Shes more unique than me on ur eyes. I always saw something in your eyes that you are beginning to get fustrated about me. It makes me feel afraid. Did you know i even cried? I doubt you don even ur here. Im beginning to treasure. Im beginning to feel it. The pain... I beg you dont push me away. Dont neglect me....

No comments... Just waiting. I know its coming. Is my happy ending coming? I doubt it.

finaly!!! Im back home!! Chill out for four days... Whack out of chip. But kinda lucky some how

Only today i just realise something very important in my life. I didnt know that i ever love him so much... After going to his house when we were talking he suddenly said something thatrunk me unexpectantly and it really pains me to think of his sentence. What if it really going to happen. I dont think i would take it and it didnt happen and I reacted already so what if it happen. I dont wanna think of it. I didnt expect I would reacted that way and i totally screwed up. I tried to control nut failed. Im gonna miss him.

I miss his brown eyes. His playful look. It trips me off ... I love him. Willingly. I finaly dare to admit it. I love you.

Haiz fucked up life... spoke to him on the phone... Thinking* how stress he is with his family... so sad.... Felt very guilty of treating him this way like everytime pang seh him when im with friends. Then i cried silently on the phone even though i dont feel like crying... Stress*
Quit sch mum cried. He cried. Some conflicts. Tired. Sick. Real tired. Broke. Damn. Fucked up.
FUCKED UP LIFE!!!! I HATE YOU!

Like wat the fuck. Some dyke was fucked up and so she went to fucking wrote in her fucked up webbie. And now i was like wat the fuck expression.

Yipee! lol i finally got hp. *like finally*~~ hawhaw... Still not thinking right. Still not making any choices. * bye~ shitting

wah sian.. now at lan thherer then all go blog update then i also come join in the fun nor... lol.. ytd my bday so sian not special want.. but then xq,py,yt and ly come my house give me bday cake so touch. Then that stupid xy never come acc me still saY what sistaz cia... So angry then she come liaoz already 12.15AM liaoz then already after my bday liaoz never give me face. Then i keep saying her. Then so funny. Actually i not angry want then kay kay abit mahz lol. then got one kay po help me type dunno type what then delete. then saw me type this then help me delete again so KAYPO. LOL.

Im starting to get irritated~ You better watch it and stop it or you better try to save it or lose it. But I hate heading back. Watch it.

I wont let you be our obstacle. You wont pressure me.

I love you~... Do I want to? Heeh what the hell. Hecka that.. love you willingly... Muacks!

Not really myself nowadays. I cant believe that im really falling for him? I really dont know. I can see that he is serious to this relationship but I dont know what i really wants. I now dont mind his negative side already but I dont like falling for a person! It makes me miss the person so much that I felt boring without him. I cant believe this is me. I always thought that i wouldnt care if my stead would care about me or not or would he call me or that he really love me. How i wish he wouldnt care much about me or treated me so good. It makes me so sick. Haiz... its so tiring. I want me back! Nvm I just hope im happy.

Im sooo happy! Im finally back with her again! Friends forever! I hope i dont do anything wrong again. Oh man really regreted it.

Did something i never thought i will do.

Cousellor lecture me again.

Happiest moment: At the playground ;)
Suffocating in your care, concern and love.

I hope i can balance those things right...

-Use com still need limited hours want ar. Dont think you are my dad so you can like that lor. I sincerely say fuck.

- I dont care already. Let it be anyway this is life. I hate life. I sincerely hate life.

- Why is it always so whack. What is me? I sincerely hate myself.

Do you really think you can control me by force?! I dont think so. Im stubborn so are you. You do this to me I will do the opposite! Fuck this house!

Im sorry. Please please forget. I will be gone soon. I will cherish it if you are willing to give me another chance. -sniff-

I dont wanna think anymore... Thats the way i am and thats too bad.

Finally we are back together again
But now all efforts are in vain
I wanna sit forever in the train
I wanna walk forever in the rain
I'm at loss and nothing gain
Our memories kept appearing in my brain
I wanna hit myself with a cane
Blood flowing out of my veins
All i felt was fucking pain
I try not to be insane
I try very hard to refrain
Myself from hiding from reality
But it is damn hard to maintain my morality

Please give me another chance
Please give me a second glance
Please accompany through the song and dance
I don't mean to offense
I know it make no sense
But I don't wanna lose you as a friend
So please give me another chance

Now my best friend hate me even a fucking stranger hates me too. I think the god hates me. The fucking mac stranger... Y does he hates me??? Like as if he knew me very well like as if I dis him. MAjor problems kept coming I dont think I can take it. Pls god help.

So much pretending
waiting for a happy ending
So long did i waited
So much time did i wasted
Mum finds my pillow wet at night
Friends dun even know if im alright

It hurts so badly inside pretending im not
Ever so deeply it hurt mending no spot
Tears pour through the lonely nights
Still pretending im not. Im just polite.

Smiling as ever. Frowning never.
Tease talk play smile
Please stop grey style
unease angry walk make way slow frown

Becoming apathetic to everything
Dun look as pathetic as it seems
Out?
Doubt.
Returning everything with a sulk
My whole lot of feelings at one time
Right now I have no choice but to end this rhyme
I have no lighter that burns much brighter
But i have a message for the god damn writer
Too bad your are not as pretty
Or miss personality
Im sorry its a pity.

Some day I just keep pretending. Dreaming of a different ending. I wanna hold on but it hurts so bad. I cant keep someday that i never had.

1. :)
2. Inconsideration of other people's feeling.
3. I wish we had not met again.

I had wonderful dream last night! The best dream i had in my lifetime. I dreamt im back in the band! Then my conductor gave me back the stock custom back to me. YEA!~ Then me and my Mr right dance together then i was like can feel the happiness in the dream. WOW! How wish im still dreaming. Haiz... Its over.

I hate the something that is within me. It is overtaking my mind; is controlling me. I can feel it. How i wish i can release this devil that is inside me. My extreme laziness is getting out of control. Im afraid i have to let it be. I have no motivation in my life. I have no motivation everytime i wake up in the morning. I cannot find the motivation in the morning to go to school. How i envy michelle. At least she have the motivation that makes her want to go to school. Her special *her. The way she always wrote it ya? How i wish i can find someone to motivates me...

Just as i thought. So my instincts were right on that day. Yo guys were out. I understand how you feel now.

... ... Like what the fuck?! Everytime i tryta change you guys started scolding me... Im so fucked up. My motivation immediately went down down! Thats what Im talking about! Yea i tryta change yea i wanted to quit smoking. And u know that aight u know that i didnt smoke fer days! Then what did u say today when i take a puff in the toilet. You immediately shouted at me 'I saw the cigarette i throw away!' shouted at me right away! You know my fucking flu came? Everything was fucked up. And today like fer example. I dont wanna go to sch because of that fucking flu u guys scolded me nagged at me. You guys can never know what im feeling. Yo guys keep asking me to tell ya whats on my mind what im feeling whats the problem why like that or blah blah blah fucking blah... How do u ever expect me to talk to ya. When like i ever started talking you guys keep nagging nagging and nagging and maybe ever scolding or say im ridiculous. How can i ever talk to ya. Anyway i dont see the point to go to sch. Maybe thats one. Fer N' levels. Then that nth else. I rather study at home. Its more more MORE effective that way. Take the physics fer example. I study study study and what i get? I know what u expected i will say nth right? NO. lol I understand it all! Thats what i mean. Im even one chapter ahead of the class. When i go to sch, I saw the teacher teaching those things and i know what they were saying like for the first time?

So now i finally understood. Im really just another person in the hood.


Sitting here all by myself.
Wishing I was somebody else.
Head in my hands, nothing to do.
Just thinking I was with someone, anyone, even you.
I’m so bored and I’m so mad.
Can’t go anywhere, because im fat.
Today is so boring.
Oh I know, I wish I was an angel in the great sky soaring.
Life can be fun, life can be boring.
Here I am now, listening to my dad snoring.
All the other kids out playing at the park.
From when the sun comes up until its dark.
I wish I could be them.
Oh I wish I had an M&M.
Here I am sitting here all by myself.
Wishing I was somebody else.

Homework, homework thats all i do,School, work, nothing new
Teachers pushing
Works rushing
All this stress
This whole big mess
It's just a hassle, i must confess
I can't wait till grad day
Or even my payday
Mayday Mayday
I'm going down
hit the ground
gather around
Homework, homework thats all i do,
School, work, nothing new
I have a life
how about you?
English, Biology, Algebra 2
I could add more
Oh, what a bore
There's no more room to store
My brain is packed
A long days task
I just wanna relax
Is that too much to ask?

Haiz... i hope all of this never happen

Im so not right down pissed off. Im just literally pissed by ur 'pissed'. I dont think we should carry on this way. Yea and whats the big deal anyway?! Ur just another clone freak of that girl ur pissed off by. Huh! Ur just as easily tempered as her huh. U know. So whats wrong with me getting back at u? Yo did that pretty soon everytime as i get u too. Everybody does that too so whats wrong dude! Just because im easily bullied? But dude yo got me in get back mode so whats the shit about that dis? But whether is it stating me i do not know but i know one thing that if it stating me then yo so over! Come on! I am so sorry that yo didnt see through me right from da start[like as if i am that sort!]! I am sorry that Im the one THING in ur life that isnt perfect! And you know what its none of my BI business! And if yo wanna carry on, go ahead and be my guest! I dont know whats gotten into you and i dont wish to know I just wanna get out of this childish games. And im so sorry that i cant be ur dog anymore. So is that what yo pissing off at?

Shocked? I guess you dont know me that well as I thought you would.

Shocked? I guess you dont know me that well as I thought you would.

Ok ok... You've got to stop man, you really gotta stop.... You are right pissing me off... Yea i admit im sorry i once talk about your future... But yo really gotta stop yo another version of fucking me... yea yer got it damn right fucking me... Whats so great about it? Yea yo can street talk all da way if yo want but it gonna sound whack. Yo not a true fan at all. Yo do not like his music yo just like his person. He gonna feel insulted and annoyed. So do not insult him by annoucing that yo a fan.... ... ... Are yo a dyke??? I would really want to have the answer to this insulting qn... Yo keep talking about yer homies and others and what exactly are you heading? Yo just wants ppl to ask you. 'Hey Who is that?''Why is that?''What happen?''Izit to the extend of 143?' Yo are just so naive. Yea U dont even know what is love. Sympathy? nah...

And blah blah blah fucking blah...

Im sorry mama...

Fuck it! I hate this house this family! Why am i born in this kinda family! This is the lousier family I ever guessed! I hate it i hate it i hate it! Why cant i have a perfect fanily?! If they decided to treat me like this then y bother to send me to this world! Change your charactor man! You are starting to piss me off! If you want to be like this dont blame me if i have grown up and be the same way that u do! You are so damn fcking calculative! I've never met anyone like this ever ever ever ever! You are so over! Im so amazed i can find such rare species still here... You totally hit and broke my nerves!

Thank you. Yo have just betray my trust. =)

The night was whack! Far from what i had expected! I shoulda listen to muh dad! A waste trip... In the end?! I had the runs! LAO SAIIIIII!!!! LOL. Luckily got xh acc me to toilet here and there... And luckily they went home already if not they sure complain me so troublesome... heeh... A trail of unwise and unlucky desicions... and the cigarette is taken by xy... damnit no more to smoke... Nth to brood over about already...

While i was surfing the web today... i spot an article which rose my interest more in strange phenomenon and psycology... I finally know the magician's secret and how he mislead and misdirect us... People with intelligence will be easily baffled by the magicians and small kids will see through his trick more easily than people with in telligence because people with intelligence will use their mind and through the theory and why is it possible.. but kids will use the power of their eyes and see where the coins have gone... They will not be misdirected easily because they do not have the basic knowledge to think through.
I have read another article on the phenomenon of synchronicity. Im amazed by those incidents of chances which people thought it was god which helped them through... The real reason or theory, no ones knows...

Haiz! Ytd and today was my fucking mock exam.. I guess i did not do very well ya? I just hope that god could enlighten me and change my fucking charactor of extreme laziness.. damn! So i can study hard enough.. The english paper 1 compo I did it halfway... I did not want to do it at first so i slept throughout then all of a sudden two teachers came to disrupt my world.. Then they kept forcing me to think of something ter write! So when i finally got a good one I havent finish the fucking bell rang. damnit!

After school we hang around outside sch then something fly into muh eyes and got tuck in there.. then fuck! My eyes was like burning! Then michelle walk past she call out then i couldnt answer her cause it was damn pain! Thz fer xy keep waiting fer until i finally dig that fucking dust out...

And i totally forget all about conselling! I suppose to meet her at 2.30pm but i stay in sch till 4.. Now i have to meet her at 5.30pm... damn... Im so so beaten...

Wookiez... Now i needa get ready ter go...
Ps: I still fucking think shes a fucking dyke...

This could descibe what i feel:

Just as your idea comes to fruition, you now get a case of cold feet. An irrational feeling may be holding you back just enough for you to tie up loose ends before pushing forward again. If your dreams were unrealistic, there may be no quick fix. It's time, anyhow, to try and bring them back down to earth.

The fat ass that is sitting on singapore has the dumbest little brain i have ever seen in his world of dumb arse! He had been complaining about greying population here and yet he is murdering his people over minor trivia matters! I cant believe that people can serve a life sentence just by having oral sex! That is totally ridiculous! What against the law of nature! Maybe is not allow fer christians but that doesnt mean fer THE WHOLE OF SINGAPORE!!! What in the universe he get the idea from?! What a useless lame snobbish law of fuckED up singaporeans. I saw a news that a minister or someother bitches says oral sex is totally uncivalized and that his mother also dont approved of it blah blah blah fucking blah. If yer bitch dont agree or you the bitch's son= Son of THAT bitch dont approved doesnt mean the whole singapore dont approved aight! Its just one of yer own wishful thinking! Go fuck yerself up! So why did u dig out people's hearts organs to other people?! Its against the law of nature also to me!~ We are meant to go to heaven in a complete body plus body PARTS! You are destroying one allowing another.. ISNT IT DA SAME?!?! If you want to do something do it completely! Destroying everything i've got to say against you! CAnt do that?! Then let somebody else so it fer ya! Stop thinking that you can control me!~ I will not be like the other singaporeans! Like a slaves to yer! No way! Those signaporeans have no pride! I sincerely spit on them! Well. Send me fer life sentence fer chopping muh own hands off. Kill me fer killing a dog! Whip muh courpse fer suicide! Do all you want imma not going to bow my head down to yer! Death penalty fer those who just killed ONE FUCKING BITCH?! Take a HUGE look around the world! CAVE BITCHES! Yea yea... Greying population?! Kill all you want! See if greying population will cease anot?! Fuck it! Use your fucking brains and think! Stealing and fighting can be send to detention camp .. fucking blah... You are a drama king! You are exagerating! This is a waste of manpower and talent! I've got more to say! Godamn those people that are distracting me in this fucking house!F-Fuck those ignorant fucking brag snobbish cave bitches! Bring yer glock stuff it up yo' ass. Lata playas!

Now let me just say I get pissed off in reading the idiotic letters in the Forum page demanding that professional wrestling be banned from TV because "they are eroding my children's values". What they really mean is, "I can't seem to control what my children watch on TV and I need the government to do it for me."

I wish i can leave this sickening place. Singapore is not meant to be lived by the poor. Only the rich can have a comfortable and respectable life here. A place where capitalism has won and has created a shit hole fascist city state. I totally say tt Singapore is a major shithole! They, being guys, are forced to serve in the freakin' Singapore Armed Fuckers for a freakin' 2 or 2 1/2 yrs. The allowance they give is so fuckin' little. After their studies & the army, by the time they can come out to work, they're already in their mid-twenties! That's how they marry and reproduce in late stages of our lives & yet, the fucked up government is still complaining bout graying population. I would say Fuck the government of singapore!In reference to the previous post, we get up in early morning to work/sch, go home at late evening or even night, slp, then continue the whole fuckin' cycle again. the routine goes on & on.

Singapore is the worst place imaginable, I could go on and on about all the bad things that are happening in this fucking shithole. This place is HELL or worse. I wish I had the courage to commmit suicide and end this suffering though I am not giving up. I am still comtemplating of ways to do this with minimal pain and also 'Legally' so the Fucking government cannot desecrate my corpse by whipping it for suicide.

Why singapore sucks?



How about a little quiz?
1) OK, this one is easy. In which of the following countries is oral sex a criminal offense, "unless performed as part of foreplay"?
A) IranB) SudanC) Singapore



2) Which of the following groups is considered by the Government of Singapore to be a dangerous and subversive organisation, possessions of publications of which and membership in which are illegal?
A) the German Nazi partyB) the Klu Klux KlanC) Jehovah's witnesses



3) How much cannabis resin (hashish) do you have to be caught with in Singapore for death by hanging to become mandatory for you?
A) more than 1,000 kgB) more than 50 kgC) 200 grams (enough for about a joint a day for one year)



4) The penalty for smuggling which dangerous controlled substance into Singapore is one year in prison?
A) HeroinB) CocaineC) chewing gum




The correct answers (of course) are: C, C, C and C.
1) Oral sex, if not followed by vaginal intercourse, has been ruled as an "unnatural act" under section 377 of the Singapore penal code which carries a maximum sentence of life imprisonment.



2) Jehovah's witnesses: How can anyone respect the government of a country that feels so insecure that it can't even let its people make up their own minds about the "Watchtower"? Actually, the reason Singapore jails all Witnesses or people found holding their literature is that their religion forbids military service as all killing of fellow human beings (remember "Thou shalt not kill"?), which is the same reason why Hitler sent them to concentration camps.
3) No one has ever died of a cannabis overdose. Scientists say it's about as habit forming as coffee and does not lead to harder drugs, yet the government of Singapore is prepared to kill people they find in possession of it. Singapore is unique amongst tiny countries (the city state has only 3 million inhabitants) in executing some 50-80 people every year, many of them for being found with drugs. Imagine if Japan was executing 3000 people per year and holding 400,000 citizens in concentration camps for using illicit substances and you've got things in proportion. Despite these barbaric punishments the number of illegal drug users in its five drug rehabilitation centres (where people can be detained against their will if they have used illegal drugs) rose from around 5000 in 1990 to 8700 in 1994 [1]. That means two decades after making the death penalty mandatory for a range of drug offences as many as 1 in 300 Singaporean citizens are now undergoing forced drug treatment, tendency rising...
4) Chewing gum: On the other hand, no one has been sentenced for smuggling gum yet. There was a case recently though where a 16 year old boy was sent to a detention camp for two years for being caught with a pack of cigarettes.UPDATE: In May 2004, the government of Singapore lifted its blanket ban on gum sales. 19 "medicinal" and "dental" gums may be sold in pharmacies, provided users show valid ID. Selling chewing gum without checking ID makes the seller liable to a fine of S$5000 (US$3000) and up to two years in jail.

Something really has gotten into me... i guess i dont really know what it is... Im so alone.. i dont know why im always alone.. The emptyness inside, you can see it in da eyes.. I dont know what is happening but i feel that something is changing inside me. I can feel it so strongly since last year til now. Can god tell me what is happening?!?! PLEASE HELP ME WILL YA! Stop dreaming! No one will help you now! I guess I cant carry on...... .... dont let me...

WHOOO HOOOO!!!!!! Ytd im sooooooo happy!!!!! I love ytd!!! I hope ytd can repeat man! But nvm i forward to the new year again! Ytd my crew and I when to orchard first and on the way there LOL some thing very funny happen at the mrt!!! lol But yt say she dont want anybody to know cause its really embarassing!lol!!! Then we walk walk walk.. me yt ly all tired liaoz then mich still want to walk so i acc her then ly and yt sit on the chair waiting fer us... cause they two are sick...hahahaz.... one had stomachache another had a headache... Then i and mich go buy a get well soon card fer them two hahahahz then i buy those glitter to throw ppl cause glitter will stick to ppl want hahahah its difficult to wash off... Then after that they get over their sickness already then we walk to plaza singpura then go arcade, eat, walk to wards orchard then change desicion go singapore river... then they is a party there! Then after that we bought snow spray and went in the party started playing... hahah then got one small boy keep spraying at us man.. then we four spray him back then he not happy all that... then i dont care.... Then i love those caucacians man!!! They rocks!!! Then after that the music start i keep dancing all that...Then everyone was having fun man!!! Then everyone was singing and shouting then all is english songs then my friends dont know what songs is that then they feel so weird there i suppose... lol... lucky i love english songs... LoL Then they started the countdown 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!!! I RAN OUT OF SNOW!!!! GRRR! luckily i wear a cap then they cant spray my face hahaha! Boo Hoo Toooooooo bad hahaha! neni neni po po! LOL! Then too bad the party end so soon.. Then we go see the bungy jump... Then when ppl sit that ride.... i keep screaming DIEEEE!!! LOL very funny.... then finally we sit yt's dad cab home then i car sick i keep wanting to vomit... then finally reach home bath and quickly sleep then now i just woke up and write this thing... hahahhaz haiz im still reminising... lata!

These are the facts: Kip Kinkel, age 15, opened fire in a crowded cafeteria at Thurston High School on May 21, 1998...killing 2 students and wounding 25 others. He also had murdered both his parents either the night before or earlier that morning. The day before, May 20, he was expelled from school for having a loaded gun in his locker. He is now serving a life sentence of 111 years without the possibility of parole...in Oregon.

"Thurston High School---May 21, 1998"
by Aimee

Dead. “That’s such a big word.” Elijah, a senior Varsity wrestler, probably for the first time in his life felt his heart stop. I look around the room and know everyone has simultaneously been punched in the stomach with a sharp knife. Time stops. Silence prevails. The skinny, white-haired history substitute keeps talking frantically, but no sound is heard. He suddenly realizes what he has said. He stops, turns, and leaves the room. Suddenly cold, Megan starts to shake and her boyfriend Jason holds her tight without noticing. Morgan, never lacking for words on the stage or in a debate, sinks quietly into a desk. Igor shakes his head. Nothing like this ever happens in Brazil. I blink. I must not be awake yet. I’d pinch myself if I could remember how, but I can’t feel my arms. My world clouds into nothing. My world no longer exists.

BZZZZ. . Go!! Shut up already! Smack! Wait a minute...How many times have I hit that this morning? What time...? Crap, I’m late! Again. “C’mon, Gabrielle, get up. You’re going to be late for school. You know that Granny drives slower than Mom and Dad.” My eight-year-old sister is sprawled completely sideways across our temporarily shared bed. Her blond hair is all tangled around her face, and her blue eyes are swollen shut with sleep. Up. Shower. Dress. Goodwill jeans, a huge blue men's T-shirt and my cream polar fleece vest. Just like every other day. Way to be creative. Oh, well. No time for make-up, as usual. Hair up in a scrunche. Brush teeth. O.K. “Gabrielle, let’s go. You ready?” I grab my books while she grabs her black Tweety backpack and we’re off. Another day at school. Its okay, though, just seven more after today. Graduation.. Finally.

I turn and see a blond-haired, blue eyed boy sitting in one of the ugly brown chairs in Thurston High School’s counseling center. It seems almost like he’s waiting to change his schedule. I place a hand on his shoulder. His empty eyes don’t even blink. “Hi.” No response. “What’s your name?” Nothing. I ask again. “I’m Aimee.” He jumps like he just noticed I am there. “I’m Ryan.”
Someone kicks me in the leg. It should hurt. I look at her for a second. She is screaming hysterically. She seems to have no control over her body. She is ripping out her tangled, dirty brown hair and kicking wildly. No one notices. I blink and look at her again. Her over-sized, once brown cords are soaked with blood, and her black T-shirt is turned almost completely around. Suddenly, I notice her. I jump up and almost tackle her, holding her arms at the shoulders as tightly as I can. I get hit in the ear. Damn. I pin her to the ground with my knees on her thighs and my hands on her arms, this time just below her elbows. She’s at least four inches shorter than me, but about my weight and with her adrenaline pumping I can hardly hold her down. I yell at a teacher for water. Decades later she brings me a glass. I move my legs to her arms, and pour the water down her throat while being kicked repeatedly. “Swallow!” As it starts pouring out the sides of her mouth, she finally swallows. I can feel her body relax beneath me. She sees me for the first time as she is thrust back to the present.

“Three. Jake and Jennifer on one side and another girl on the other. I thought it was a skit. You know, like for the ASB elections or something. It couldn’t be real. It just couldn’t. There was so much blood... All three of them hit the ground before I even moved. You know, I just transferred from Mohawk because it burned down. I’ve been here less than a year, and... .I must be a curse or something. Three.” Adam, the sophomore drummer in the jazz band is barely breathing. He towers over me. I try desperately to comfort him, but I don’t even reach his shoulder. “Three.” “Have you eaten? I’ll get you a bagel and some juice. Stay right here, okay.” A woman from the State Crisis Counseling Center floats over to the table we’re standing at and asks if we need to talk. I just look up at him. “No.” “Have you eaten?” “I was just going to go get him something.” “Umm.. Are you friends?” Her last ditch effort at conversation flounders. We’ve never even met before. I shake my head slightly. He looks down at me and smiles. “I guess we are now.”
I drive up to school in a hurry. I hale being late. Its 7:58 and I’m going to get another detention. Crap. Why are all these people here and in my way?!? I can’t get another detention. That’d be three detentions at an hour each. Why is there an ambulance with its flashing lights on pulled in front of the walkway to the courtyard? Did I forget about the Emergency Awareness Day with HOSA again? I thought that wasn’t until next month. I look again. Dang it, there’s a cop car there, too. I must have forgotten. To my left Mrs. Carlisle, the blond teacher that helps out with HOSA, is answering a question from the car behind me. All I can see from her lips is the word ‘‘Shooting.”

I blink. I must not be awake yet. I'd pinch myself if I could remember how, but I can’t feel my arms. My world clouds into nothing. My world no longer exists. Sarah Chambers crumples to the floor in a heap. “She’s dead. Theresa’s dead. She was leaning her head against my back and she just fell. He shot her in the head. She’s dead, I know it, she’s dead. 0h God, don’t let her be dead.” I put my arms around her shoulders and run my fingers through her hair. Amazing. There’s not a drop on her. “Breathe, Sarah. Come on. It’s okay, God’s got her.” Words tumble from my mouth and I hear them as if someone else is saying them. I’m surprised to realize that it’s me. The words comfort her and she starts to nod her head, but she’s still crying so hard she can’t breathe or see. Mrs. Sundahl, my creative writing teacher, comes into the room. She gets mobbed. We’ve seen no one from outside except the sub. We know nothing. “Are there any witnesses here?” She directs the question at me. “Just Sarah.” She is still sobbing inconsolably in my arms. “She needs to go to the counseling center for crisis counseling, and she needs to give a statement.” She tries to get up, but can’t. I look to Mrs. Sundahl for direction. “Take her.” I nod. “Sure.” I leave the secured classroom for the chaos of the counseling center.
“I saw Kip in the hall. He had a funny look on his face. He’s in my Science class.” I listen to Ryan as he tells his story for the first time. “I said hi and he just looked at me. He said, ‘I like you. Go away. Go and don’t come back. Go now.’ I just looked at him. I don’t know why, but I turned to go. He looked serious, I guess. I heard shots before I even finished a step. I turned back around and two guys were laying there two steps behind me. Kip just turned around and shot two guys point blank in the head. Why did he do that?” He takes a drink of the water I brought to him. “I’m glad I was nice to him.”

I maneuver Sarah through the halls. I take her the long way to avoid seeing the cafeteria as much as we can. I almost have to carry her. I was told to be careful. We still don’t know if they’ve caught him, and I don’t want Sarah to go through any more. Finally we get to the door, and someone pulls us in and slams the door behind us. The room is packed. She immediately sees friends of hers and runs to them. “Have you heard anything?” The room smells of something. What is it? I know this smell... Blood. 0, God, its blood. I think I’m sick.
I see Mrs. Graham. Thank God. We smile and hug. Her face is the first welcome thing I’ve seen all morning. She is my mentor and art teacher. A true woman of God. “I wore this cross today and I didn’t really know why. I guess I do now... It’s so good to see you,” she says with a smile. “I’m so glad you’re here. Can I help or will I be in the way?” “You can do as much as any of us. Stay. It’ll be good to have you here.” “Thank you.” We squeeze hands and offer up a quick prayer as we go our separate ways.

I start to shake. I'm so cold. I can’t get through to Tyler or my grandparents. ‘Dear God, please give me wisdom. Let me help here. You put me here, give me something to do. Let Tyler have a peace about me. Tell him I’m alright. Please let something good come out of this. Please.
I'm walking around passing out more water and I trip over a girl. I didn’t see her. She’s sitting on the floor holding her knees, head in her lap, just rocking. Just rocking. I bend over to talk to her, then decide to sit next to her on the floor. She’s shaking, too. I talk to her and she responds. That’s a nice change. “Are you cold?” “A little.” “Here.” I take off my vest and place it around her shoulders. I want to cover some of the blood that is enveloping her. I hand her the water I have, and she drinks it. “I’m Aimee.” “Shelley.” “Hi. Come on. Let’s go clean you up.” She looks like a frightened child you just took from the corner they were hiding in. She looks back. Her eyes are empty. Her blond hair is brown with blood. I’m sick again. She has blood drying on her face, arms, clothes, under her fingernails, even on the bottom of her shoes. We head to the teacher’s industrial sink in the library. We wade through a sea of people packed too tight to breathe waiting in line for the phone, but as they see her, blood-stained, they part like the Red Sea. The room around us grows quiet. “Come on.”
I take a wet paper towel to her face and move her arms under the running water. She has to look away. “It was my boyfriend.” The knife in my stomach twists. Don’t think. I wipe the water all the way up to her shoulders. I dry her off and carefully step her aside so I can wash myself. I make the mistake of looking. I just watch as someone’s lifeblood pours down the sink like dirt. The water turns pink against the terribly white sink. I’m going to throw up. ‘0, God, I’m sick again. This person is dead and I’m washing his blood off like dirt. I don’t even know his name.’ I’m so nauseous. DON’T THINK! Take Shelley back and sit her down. Just don’t think. Don’t think...

I take 10 seconds aside to breathe. I walk to the one semi-quiet corner between the counseling center and the library to just be there with Mrs. Graham. We both breathe for the first time in hours. Lifetimes. Mrs. Bellissimo scurries past us then stops and turns around. She needs a break, too. “I feel like I should be doing something for these kids. They haven’t eaten in hours. I have some donuts in my room. Should I go get them?” She’s talking so fast I can hardly keep up mentally. She looks at us helplessly. I say, “No. Don’t give them sugar.” “What do they need? I don’t know what you kids eat.” “Bagels. They need bagels and cream cheese and fruit and juice and more water. We’re almost out. Muffins, too, maybe.” I can’t believe the authority in my voice. Thank you, God. She looks at me and smiles like a little kid you just gave the privilege of bringing you the remote control. She runs off and twenty minutes later I turn around and there are tables upon tables of muffins, bagels, cream cheese, oranges, apples, bananas, and at least three different kinds of juices. Even water, bottled this time.

Water. Finally. A shower. I can’t get it hot enough. Why won’t this blood come off me? I kicked all my clothes off and threw them into the hail to be washed. They’ll be done by the time I finish with my shower. I’ve washed my hair four times! Why can’t get it clean?!? The water is so hot I am burning myself and I can’t get clean. I can still feel it and smell it. I drop my head to the wall and cry. ‘Why, God? Why?’

I walk around the counseling center passing out water, bagels, oranges; listening, hugging. I hear half conversations. Everyone talks, no one listens. “I wonder when 3rd period is today?” “The one night I actually did all my homework.” “Have you heard anything?” “I guess the test in history won’t be today.” Allen just stands there, staring. “Allen... Allen, talk to me. Please.” “I should have stayed. I shouldn’t have left him.” “What is it, Allen?” “I should have stayed.” “Allen, talk to me please. I’m listening.” “He got shot and he fell. There was so much blood.” Allen was blank. “Tony told me not to leave him. I had his head in my lap. He said not to leave him.” I turn around, half expecting to see jungle or hear enemy fire. The bookshelves and carpet surprise me. “They made me. I shouldn’t have left him... I shouldn’t have left him...”
Through the glass windows I can see across the courtyard and into the cafeteria. Blood. Chaos. Stretchers. So many people. I start to shake. I’m so cold. Don’t think. Just don’t think.
So many people here. “I don’t know you.” “I’m Karen from the State Crisis Counseling team.” “Oh. Hi.” “Have you given your statement to the detectives yet?” “No, I didn’t see anything. I’m just trying to help out.” They are everywhere. The whole library is taken up with detectives at tables, city, county and state police, three or four different crisis teams. They all want to hear your story. You have to sign out before you can leave the room. “Leave your phone number.” I look up at the clock. 10:35. Damn. I’m hungry, but I can’t eat. I can’t even swallow. Adam is talking to a detective now. He can’t get a hold of his parents and he doesn’t drive, so we’ll take him home. Me and whoever is out there waiting for me. I hope Tyler is there. I miss him right now. ‘0, God, please let Tyler be there.’

I walk back down the connecting hall between the library and the counseling center. Stacey is quiet now. We got her to a room all by herself, just her and the water tanks. She seems to have stopped kicking, but I am still leery. She sees me, and I go in to see her. She won’t let go of my arm. “Please don’t leave me.” I calm her down, and take her to a detective. They can’t reach her family, but at least this will give her something to do while they try. My bet is that they are waiting outside. No one comes in, people just leave. Walking or on a stretcher, people just leave. The detective pries her off of me, and gives me a sympathetic look. He asks if I’ve eaten. I pretend not to hear. I just want to go home. I find Adam and we sign out. 10:50. Three hours. I get a teacher to unlock the classroom that my bag was abandoned in and we walk down the deathly still hall.

The sun is shining. It hurts my head. 1 wish it would rain. It should be raining. Usually the sun offers hope; today it just seems to be mocking us, all of us. This seems like it will never be over. Five more steps. We cross the police line. I can feel the air against my face for the first time today, but it is stale. There is no life in it. It still reeks of blood.

Tyler is there sitting on a bench. Good I knew he would be. He stands and walks to me. He looks tired. We hug. I want nothing more than to go home and get lost in his hug. “I love you, Aimee.” I hardly hear him, but his words and the sound of his voice hit me on a much deeper level. He will take me home, and I will cry. That doesn’t seem to make sense, but nothing makes sense to me today. I haven’t really felt anything since I heard the words “Shooting” and “Dead.” I just want to wake up. I just want to get lost in Tyler. I just want to go home. He holds me. For the moment nothing else matters. I can not change it. No one can change it. All we can do is to deal with it, and hope someday to sleep and not see an industrial sink.

Wow! I cant believe it!! I went there on my own on bus ytd at around 7... Then wow they already started cooking le... then i could smell it from the lift... the door was open wide open like inviting me in like that... lol... The food i ate a little... then michelle came later and they have already eaten finish... then i helped her bbq those food cause i find it quite fun... lol Then i drank a can of beer then they open red wine then i drank abit.... then much later on they mix it with champagne it taste much nicer... then then started the present thingy... then py gave me the clothing that i wanted that time at sun tec city.... Then im soo touch by it man... I cant believe it!... Then after that most of the people return home.. then four of us left were staying at yt house... then they started gambling... then i felt bored by it.. then i have no choice but to play along lor... then heng wwe started i went out and watch it... then i came back in they are still gambling... then nvm bout it... i keep playing and keep making a fool about everything... Then it was very funny i just need to laugh... The whole was very funny but some times quiteboring.... Then we talk throughout the night.... Going out of the house a few times just to take a puff... Kinda troublesome...

I dont know if he will be release from jail or not.. one of the article say he will be release when he is 21.. but i believe he wont be release... he will be in prison for more than 111 years for killing 4 and injuring more than 24... without any possibilities of parole... sad man...


Jennifer was one of his victim... she was called for a testimonial.... Many were called too but i posted this one....

Kip shot Jennifer Alldredge in the hand and chest.

Just in case you want to put a name and a face with count 9, I am Jennifer Alldredge and you tried to murder me.
I got to school early that day, because it was my boyfriend, Jake Ryker's birthday. I sat down at the middle front table with all of my friends and we were joking around and talking about a surprise party for Jake that his mom was throwing for him. Several minutes later, I looked up at the clock to see it was time to go to class. When I stood up to give Jake a hug, the cafeteria side door opened and you walked in. There were strange noises, like fireworks, and I thought you were campaigning for class elections like the rest of the popular group you hung out with.
Instead, I felt intense heat and pain hit and spasm through my hand. I watched blood splurt and pour out of my two fingers as my entire hand throbbed. Nauseated and scared I tried to scream, but you had shot me again, this time through my lung and blood gurgled out of my mouth. I fell and went in and out of consciousness. The whole time I had no idea that you had shot my boyfriend as well. I had no idea what events took place that day until several days later when I looked up at the TV when I was in ICU.
The paramedics deemed me a lost cause. Todd Ferguson, one of the emergency paramedics, stepped over me and saw that I was almost dead. It wasn't until I spit a lifesaver out of my mouth that he finally decided to take a chance on me. It hurt to breathe. My body felt heavy and constrictive. My hand throbbed and pulsated with blood everywhere. I could smell it, I could taste it and the memory of seeing it still haunts me. I felt so cold and I just wanted to go to sleep, but the paramedics wouldn't let me. A respirator breathed for me for two days and they removed it the third, after a few attempts to wean me off, but my lungs weren't strong enough and they would collapse again. My index and middle fingers are now fused in one place. I will have my hand deformed for the rest of my life.
In the summer, when I wear a bathing suit or a tank top, people gawk and ask questions about the scars from the bullet holes, 42 staples, 3 chest tubes, and hand scars. I feel as if I have done something to be ashamed of. As if I have done something to deserve to look the way I do. I had to alter the way I hold a pen and write; each day at school and work people look at me questioningly.
I want you to know that I am not falling for this poor little mentally sick rich boy. I don't buy that whole act of burying your head in the table. I'm not going to feel sorry for you or claim you were misunderstood. Do you know that everyone felt depressed and as if they were not seen for who they really are in middle school and their freshman year? I don't buy that excuse. Your parents loved you and supported you, offering to get you help for your depression. You were part of the popular group at school, you were on the football team, and had it made. You had the high school life many of your victims never got the chance to experience.
You made the rest of my high school life absolute hell. I became someone other kids avoided because I reminded them of you and the shooting. Other so-called friends tried to use me to get attention. I became this story and no longer a person. I became the object of people's pity, and that sickens me. My name became "victim" and everyone felt compelled to discuss every gory detail of the shooting and its aftermath with me. I felt alienated from everyone. Between therapy, meetings, doctor appointments, surgeries, and dealing with my own fear that you will one day try to hurt me again, I am so tired of having all of this run my life. I have had to continually deal with the consequences of what you have done. That, to me sounds as if it is a harsh punishment just for sitting in the cafeteria. The fact that you will spend at least 25 years in jail seems so inconsequential.
You killed the two people in your life who loved you unconditionally. Guess what? Mommy can't kiss it and make it better anymore, because you killed her. And not just shot her once, but six times maliciously. Daddy isn't able to bail you out of jail anymore. No one can hug you and tell you everything will be okay, because it won't. It won't ever be okay until Mike and Ben can walk and talk with their families again, it won't be okay until my friends' surgeries are done and the scars have miraculously erased. It won't ever be okay again until every memory, every fear, and every consequence becomes non-existent. And that won't happen unless you can go back in time.
I hate you. I hate what you have done. I hate what I have become because of you. I hate living in fear each day. I hate seeing my family falling apart. I hate hearing the sound of my mom cry at night. I hate how it has become so difficult just to go up to my dad and crawl in his lap and have him reassure me. I hate losing my high school friends because the strain of the shooting always seemed to come between us. I hate that I can't go back to Thurston to visit, without pausing and remembering that I almost died there. I hate that so much of my life for the past year and a half has been devoted to all of this. I hate how difficult it has been to move on and try to find a moment's peace from my anger. ...
I hope you spend the rest of your life in jail. You can't be cured. And if a medication was found to sedate you enough, I don't trust you to take it. You don't deserve to be out of jail. You don't deserve to have the same freedoms your victims have. ... I never want to worry about you hurting my friends and me ever again. I never want to send my kids off to school one day and worry if you have been released. I'm tired of being scared. I'm tired of letting you have that much power over me. You shouldn't ever be able to have that power again.



Im angry for what she have said to him... I hope she will understand the feeling of being kip... imagine having those voices in her head... To feel worst is to feel pain and worst inside you.. Being worst is feel worst about yourself... You want to die more than anything else and thats feeling pain and worst... Not some kinda injuries that hurt sooo much.. That can be cured right? But the feelings inside of you cant be cured...

damn it! why cant you all understand him!!

This is the letter of kip kinkel after he had just killed his parents...

I have just killed my parents! I don't know what is happening. I love my mom and dad so much. I just got two felonies on my record. My parents can't take that! It would destroy them. The embarrassment would be too much for them. They couldn't live with themselves. I'm so sorry. I am a horrible son. I wish I had been aborted. I destroy everything I touch. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I didn't deserve them. They were wonderful people. It's not their fault or the fault of any person, organization, or television show. My head just doesn't work right. God damn these VOICES inside my head. I want to die. I want to be gone. But I have to kill people. I don't know why. I am so sorry! Why did God do this to me. I have never been happy. I wish I was happy. I wish I made my mother proud. I am nothing! I tried so hard to find happiness. But you know me I hate everything. I have no other choice. What have I become? I am so sorry

This is a piece of his journal...

Love Sucks
No, I don't believe in love at first sight because love is an evil plot to make people buy alcohol and firearms. When you love someone something it is always taken away from you. I also would like to add that I hate each and every one of you. Because everything I touch turns to shit. I think if you think you fall in love with someone at first sight it might just be lust. Love at first sight is only in movies. Where the people in the movies are better than you. That is why you go to a pone [pawn] shop and buy an AK-15 because you are going to execute every last mother fucking one of you. If I had a heart it would be gray.
It is easier to hate than love. Because there is much more hate and misery in the world than there is love and peace. Some people say that you should love everyone. But that is impossible. Look at our history it is full of death, depression, rape, wars and diseases. I also do not believe in love at first sight. But I do believe in hate at first sight. Therefore love is a much harder feeling to experience.
I really wouldn't know how to answer this question because my cold black heart has never and never will experience true love. I can tell you one about love. It does more harm than good. I plan to live in a big black hole. My firearms and [illegible] will be the only things to fight my isolation. I would also like to point out Love is a horrible thing. It makes things kill and hate.

I have spent days trying to figure out what I want to say. I have crumpled up dozens of pieces of paper and disregarded even more ideas. I have thought about what I could say that might make people feel just a little bit better. But I have come to the realization that it really doesn't matter what I say. Because there is nothing I can do to take away any of the pain and destruction I have caused. I absolutely loved my parents and had no reason to kill them. I had no reason to dislike, kill or try to kill anyone at Thurston. I am truly sorry that this has happened. I have gone back in my mind hundreds of times and changed one detail, one small event so this never would have happened. I wish I could. I take full responsibility for my actions. These events have pulled me down into a state of deterioration and self-loathing that I didn't know existed. I am very sorry for everything I have done, and for what I have become.

Today i went to suntec city esplanade bugis and plaza singapura... wow! The day was incredible! Wow AND the most amazing happen!! A caucasian asked me and my friends for directions.. and michelle and i was like what what? yes? can i help you? Cause me and michelle was crazy over them! WHOOO HOOO!! IMMA SOOO HAPPY!! Then we even lead him all the way to the station! Haahaz! He is soo friendly and cute! I cant stop myself from smiling! Hahazz i was smiling all the way man! He even offer us the mangosteen that he was eating! HaahZ! He said that his country didnt have that fruit.. And the sad thing was we reach the station.. haiz... and he will be flying back to canada tomorra... This is the first time im talking to a caucasian for suck a long duration... HAHAz and i went shopping afterwards.. I dont like singapore's clothing that they are selling! it totally sucks! I hate it! And my shopping sprees was so budget.. sad...

CHLORINE & TURPENTINE--------------------- Take a small cloth or rag and soak it in turpentine. Quickly drop itinto the bottle of chlorine. It should give off a lot of black smoke andprobably start burning...

ZINC EXPLOSIVE--------------
To make a big flash of flames almost instantly try mixing:
1 part Zinc dust 1 part Sulfur
When these two mix together they will burst into flame almost instantly!Be careful for it does go off in a sudden flash and can singe anything thatit is around if not expecting it. This is not a powerful explosive but itis violent even when not confined, so be careful.

SMOKE PRODUCER--------------
The following reaction should produce a fair amount of smoke. Sincethis reaction is not all that dangerous you can use larger amounts ifnecessary for larger amounts of smoke.
6g zinc powder 1g sulfur powder
Insert a red hot wire into the pile, step back. A lot of smoke shouldbe created.

GENERIC BOMB------------
Aquire a glass container. Put in a few drops of gasoline. Cap the topand turn the container around to coat the inner surface. Add a few dropsof potassium permanganate . To detonate justthrow against a hard object. I hear this is the same as a half stick ofdynamite!

PIPE BOMB---------
A pipe bomb is very easy to make. But is also very dangerous!
To construct a pipe bomb you will need a piece of pipe about one footlong. Some fine gun powder, a solar ignitor, and a battery. Cap one endof the pipe very good with a cap. Pour some gun powder in the other endabout little over the middle. Cap the pipe on the other end and make asmall hole in the middle of the pipe. Now wrap the whole pipe in electrictape and make the hole again. Place in the head of the solar ignitor in thehole. Tape the ignitor down so it will not fall out.
To ignite the bomb I suggest you take a VERY long wire and connect it tothe electrodes of the solar ignitor and run it very far away. Then connectthe battery at the other end of the wire. DO NOT touch the battery to theelectrodes of the bomb for even a second, because it WILL explode!!!
Remember take a long two conductor wire and connect it to theelectrodes and run it far away and then connect the battery to it. If youmade it correctly it will explode upon contact with the battery! Remember,this can kill you. This also can do a lot of property damage.

Yay! i just found out that kipland kinkel will be released from prison when he is 21.. he went to jail when he was 15 and it was around may 1998 so IS THIS YR! Imma happy fer him! I hope everybody will give in to him and not tease him and I really really truly hope he will be happy always... forever. He's a poor thing.. I hope he will not be a sadistic person anymore... no killings fer him... not even animals... heard he has been torturing them... Hope he will find a new life...

This is the journal of kip... poor thing

I sit here all alone. I am always alone. I don't know who I am. I want to be something I can never be. I try so hard every day. But in the end, I hate myself for what I've become.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The only reason I stay alive is because of hope. Even though I am repulsive and few people know who I am, I still feel that things might, maybe, just a little bit, get better.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Every time I talk to her, I have a small amount of hope. But then she will tear it right down. It feels like my heart is breaking. But is that possible? I am so consumed with hate all of the time. Could I ever love anyone? I have feelings, but do I have a heart that's not black and full of animosity?
I know everyone thinks this way sometimes, but I am so full of rage that I feel I could snap at any moment. I think about it every day. Blowing the school up or just taking the easy way out, and walk into a pep assembly with guns. In either case, people that are breathing will stop breathing. That is how I will repay all you . . . for all you put me through.
I feel like everyone against me, but no one ever makes fun of me, mainly because they think I am a psycho. There is one kid above all others that I want to kill. I want nothing more than to put a hole in his head. The one reason I don't: Hope. That tomorrow will be better. As soon as my hope is gone, people die.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I need help. There is one person that could help, but she won't. I need to find someone else. I think I love her, but she could never love me. I don't know why I try.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I sound so pitiful. People would laugh at this if they read it. I hate being laughed at. But they won't laugh after they're scraping parts of their parents, sisters, brothers and friends from the wall of my hate.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Please, someone, help me. All I want is something small. Nothing big. I just want to be happy.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My eyes hurt. They hurt so bad. They feel like they are trying to crawl out of my head. Why aren't I normal. Help me. No one will. I will kill every last . . . one of you. The thought of you is still racing in my head. I am too drunk to make sense.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I want you to feel this, be this, taste this, kill this. Kill me. Oh God, I don't want to live. Will I see it to the end? What kind of dad would I make? All humans are evil. I just want to end the world of evil.
I don't want to see, hear, speak or feel evil, but I can't help it. I am evil. I want to kill and give pain without a cost. And there is no such thing. . . .
If there was a God, he wouldn't let me feel the way I do. Love isn't real, only hate remains. Only hate.

Hey guys this is the story of kipland kinkel... quite sad actually althought he did kill his parents and friends... I actually pity him... He feel so sad and depressed he is not at fault man... is those ppl keep making fun of him and teasing him and some more he felt so lonely and depress... just read it... the journal was sad too... I got some pics of him too... Unfortunately it cant be posted... I can almost feel the sorrow and misery of him...

When Kinkel was taken from school after being expelled for having a loaded pistol, he was terrified of what his father would say. He'd long felt belittled and ashamed that he couldn't live up to his popular and athletic older sister, his only sibling and six years his senior, and this incident would just make things worse. He felt that he had nowhere to turn and no choice but to end his parents' lives. From that moment forward, he planned how he would do it, and then (according to some accounts) how he would make sure that he, too, would die—but not before getting back at classmates who'd made him feel worthless. Yet there was something else about this kid besides just failing to be part of the popular crowd. The way he planned and carried out what he did on May 21, 1998, speaks to something a bit more malignant: He may have been psychopathic. Child psychologist Jonathan Kellerman, author of Savage Spawn: Reflections on Violent Children, includes him in a list of children who have acted out violence with cold calculation. He recounts how Kinkel slew his parents, spent the night with their bodies in the home, booby-trapped the house with bombs, stole the car, and drove twenty minutes to school the next morning with a semiautomatic rifle and Glock pistol, with the intent to spray many rounds of bullets into people he knew. This was his world and he was wantonly destroying it over something as minor as a school violation. He even had a knife strapped to his leg and some pepper spray, which he tried using against the arresting police officer. His crime showed a finely honed and detailed sense of premeditation, and in fact, over the previous few years, he'd been slowly arming himself with numerous guns and explosives.
"What turns them on," says Kellerman about children like Kinkel, "is the kick, the high, the slaking of impulse…the subjugation of the rest of us." According to him, "Bad people are really different." They can seem quiet and shy, but that may in fact be the emotional flatness that signals psychopathy and that keeps them calm throughout their violent episodes. A good predictor of dangerousness in children, he says, is the combination of a certain temperament with a chaotic environment. Yet Kinkel did not come from a chaotic home---or could it be that the placid environment his sister Kristin had known for several years before he was born had changed and was thus chaotic to him?
A younger Kipland Kinkel (AP) By early adolescence, he set about making himself into someone that others regarded as "dangerous." He hung out with kids who got him involved in petty theft, and when he was caught, he knew this was yet another disappointment for his parents. He framed the lyrics from Marilyn Manson's song, "The Reflecting God," to the effect that there was no salvation, and then became fascinated with explosives. His was a disturbed mind, and he embraced emblems of despair. Unbeknownst to his parents, Bill and Faith, he collected a small library of books about making bombs, and classmates viewed him as something of an expert. Thus, he accomplished a sense of mastery, power, and dangerousness all at once. He was not about to give it up, and instead he added to it by collecting guns and hiding his stash from his family. In 1999, PBS's "Frontline" produced a thorough documentary of Kip Kinkel, called "The Killer at Thurston High." They interviewed friends, school personnel, and even Kristin Kinkel to try to find an answer as to why he'd want so badly for others to regard him as dangerous. From all appearances, he'd been raised by two schoolteachers who were good people, who wanted to get the most out of life, and who provided a nice home out in the country. How could they possibly have raised a killer?
While there's no formula for knowing exactly what goes wrong in the life of a kid, there appear to be several factors that joined in just the wrong way for Kinkel—factors that were not true for his sister, who was raised in the same home:
His parents went to Spain for a year when he was young and put him into a non-English-speaking school, which placed him at a severe disadvantage. He experienced other failures early, such as an inability to perform athletically like his sister, and once back in Oregon, an inability to do well in school. He was dyslexic in the midst of a family that was immersed in academics. He was clumsy, while his father was a star tennis player. He came to believe that he disappointed his parents, probably through watching their complete approval of their firstborn. He was small and weak, and he looked for ways to empower himself. He had a poorly-managed temper and he participated in some antisocial activities, such as throwing rocks at cars. He claimed he'd also blown up cats and a cow. His father, too, had a temper, which frightened Kip, and he was quick to show judgment. He expected a lot from both of his children. Kip set off explosives that he made himself to vent his feelings. As he learned about the power of firearms, he struggled against his father, who wanted to keep guns out of the home. Then he changed his mind and allowed Kip to take some gun safety lessons and bought him some rather high-powered rifles, as well as a lethal hunting knife. Eventually, Kip's parents took him to a therapist—a move his father was against---and while the therapist felt that Kip should not have guns, he proudly talked with Kip about his own Glock 9-mm handguns. Thus, Kip got a dose of ambivalence about guns from several authority figures. Kip was put on Prozac for depression, but when he seemed to be doing better, he stopped taking it. He wrote in his journals about how much he hated himself, how lonely he was, and how he wished he were bigger. He had a crush on a girl, who did not share his intense feelings, so he identified with a brutal version of Romeo and Juliet, starring Leonardo DiCaprio, which was then in vogue among teenagers. In this film, violence and suicide are highly glamorized. Kip also wrote about his "cold, black heart," and added, "As soon as my hope is gone, people die." To his mind, love only inspired hate. Given all these factors, which is most to blame? Did Kip's parents inadvertently handle things badly? Was Kip born with a predisposition such that, no matter what they did, he would have turned out to be violent? Was he influenced by the songs and films that advocated hopelessness and death? Or was there something else?
According to Robin Karr-Morse and Meredith S. Wiley in Ghosts in the Nursery, the roots of violence develop in the first two years of our lives, starting at conception. "With the exception of certain rare head injuries," they claim, "no one biological or sociological factor by itself predisposes a child to violent behavior. The research underscores that it is the interaction of multiple factors which may set the stage." In other words, it's not due to a negative experience, a brain disorder, genetics, or mistakes in parenting, but it could be the result of a cumulative effect of a combination of factors, along with the failure of normal protective systems in the environment.
Among those factors associated with violence, they list
harmful substances ingested by mothers during pregnancy chronic maternal stress during pregnancy low birth weight early maternal rejection or abuse nutritional deficiencies low verbal IQ ADHD lack of consistency among caregivers in early life ineffective discipline severe neglect While none are considered causal, in certain combinations and with certain dispositions, they can provoke anger, lack of anger management skills, and violence against self or others. If these kids don't connect early, there can be problems later in life. "Babies reflect back what they absorb," the authors say, and that notion has serious implications. If we fail to address the issues of competent child-rearing and healthy pregnancies, one in twenty babies born today will end up behind bars, as Kip Kinkel did.
Because he had access to funds and to people selling stolen guns, he was expelled, but even before that, the negatives were obviously accumulating. Then the police took him away and called his father to come get him, a humiliation in itself, and he had to think once more about what Bill was going to say about this disgrace. He decided then and there that all hope was gone. He went to his room, got his semiautomatic rifle, and then returned to the kitchen and shot his father to death. Then he called a friend and talked for a while as he waited for his mother to come home. She arrived around 6, parked in the garage downstairs and began to go up the steps. Kip came and told her he loved her before he shot her six times.
He covered the bodies of both of his parents with sheets and as he waited through the night, he placed homemade bombs around the home, putting one under his mother's body. He then turned on the soundtrack to Romeo and Juliet to play continuously, and left a note, "I have killed my parents. I am a horrible son." In his journal, he'd written, "My head just doesn't work right. Goddam these voices in my head."
Victim, Ben Walker (AP) Then he went to school with his rifle and a pistol, and in less than a minute shot 48 rounds into his classmates. He put a rifle to one boy's head and killed him. He'd also fatally wounded another and hit eight more. Fifteen kids were hurt in the stampede to escape. Some kids wrestled him to the floor and he begged, "Just kill me." When taken into custody and questioned about why he'd done this, he just kept saying through tears, "I had no other choice…I had to." Kipland Kirkland, mugshot (AP) Though he was 15, Kinkel was certified to be tried as an adult. He'd initiated an insanity defense, but dropped it and pled guilty to four counts of first-degree murder and twenty-four counts of attempted murder. He was sentenced to 112 years in prison without parole.
Things seemed quiet for awhile in schools around the country. Then nearly one year after Kinkel's rampage, on April 20, 1999, on the anniversary of Adolph Hitler's birthday in 1889, the school killings reached their apex with the tragedy that occurred in Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado. Two more angry kids acquired guns and bombs and plotted a day their classmates would never forget.

Man... im finally sick man... sick isnt a very good thing to feel about I finally tasted the worst. God really damn me.. Heat in the brain and aching everywhere. The camp is damn boring. We are having extra cme lesson for a full i think 4-5hrs man. That was god damn sucky. Then most of the time we were sitting around. Cos most of the time we were sitting just sitting. Dawg.. Then the next was the same too, just fart around and along. I just do not give a shit about what they gonna do man.. the sun was blazing man and we still need to do those lame obstacles courses. Those peeps just told us to try it for some experience. I rather climb a real mountain for a damn good experience. Doesnt it make some sense? I stay in the sun for about three whole motherfucking hours. Man then at that time im really getting 38 hot dawg.. They really lose it man... But many funny things happen in the camp which is memorable hahahz... So funny man those peeps.. Next i wanna complain about the sleeping time... THAT MOTHERFUCKING FLOOR IS GOD DAMN HARD TO SLEEP MAN!! Dawg! I cant believe they are gonna let us sleep on that hard hard hard floor. I cant sleep 24/7 man!And the cold was so unbearable and i dun even have a blanket... Then my pain came again... Some peeps there were cool... But some there was just a BG... There was one guy who gave me a deep impression.. wow... But Its not to the point of 143... I cant believe that girl seen one guy then was like 143 already... So ___ ... dunno what to describe her... Tml i still need to go to a prison visit... Wtf they want us to go in izit.. damn... Lucky im sick today tml i go take mc then everything will be alright.. Eminem new encore album the songs was alright too... only some doesnt appeals to me... Yea... aight... hope that i will lose more weight... Bye homs

This part of the lyrics is meaningful... You shoulda check it out.

They say music can alter moods and talk to you\Well can it load a gun up for you , and cock it too\Well if it can, then the next time you assault a dude\Just tell the judge it was my fault and i'll get sued\See what these kids do is hear about us totin' pistols\And they want to get one cause they think the shit's cool\Not knowin' we really just protectin' ourselves, \we entertainersOf course the shit's affectin' our sales, you ignoramus\But music is reflection of self,\ we just explain it,\ and then we get ourchecks in the mailIt\'s fucked up ain't it\How we can come from practically nothing to being able to have any fuckin'thing that we wanted\That's why we sing for these kids, who don't have a thing\Except for a dream, and a fuckin' rap magazine\Who post pin-up pictures on their walls all day long\Idolize they favorite rappers and know all they songs\Or for anyone who's ever been through shit in their lives\Till they sit and they cry at night wishin' they'd die\Till they throw on a rap record and they sit, and they vibe\We're nothin' to you but we're the fuckin' shit in they eyes\That's why we seize the moment try to freeze it and own it, \queeze it andhold it\Cause we consider these minutes golden\And maybe they'll admit it when we're gone\Just let our spirits live on, \through our lyrics that you hear in our songs