Nao chino!

A dumb decision I made today. I am NOT taking Chinese. And instead I went to register for a stranger subject. Nice move girl, way to go dumbass.
Speaking about dumb, I nearly drowned myself in the shower today.

Verity.

Deleted an old private blog. It was named as Red-verity. Direct antonym to my current name as Deceit. It was created to suffice my needs to surcease every anger, sorrow, displeasement in me. I read on my private blog, lots of hidings going on. And why did I decided to delete it? I dont see a need anymore as there is nothing to hide anymore. Friends had drifted, who should bother to pass a judgement on what this blog says. My blog is just all about my humble true thoughts.

Qoutes I came upon today,

"A person's greatest strength is always their greatest weakness."

"Ignorance is the beginning of wisdom."

And I hope my ignorance will finally pass on as wisdom.

LiLi said hi. I ignored her. Didnt meant to but no one interrupts my reading period. >D

My instinct tells me that im gonna stink on Audition today. So no point logging in. And im tired to strike up a convo with anyone in particular so I'll save the awkward moments.

Theres no sympathy for the dead - Escape the fate
Deuce.
P.S Onion really makes me FART alot. Lots. Theres even a distinct pain in my gut as the gas seeps its way through, down and out.

Ugly is the new beautiful.

Some of the quotes I stumbled upon.

"The only unnatural sexual behaviour is none at all."

"An idle mind is the devil's playground."

"If your not that stupid, I can at least explain how stupid you are."

"Why do monks choose to be a monk?
Its better than working for a living."

Finished watching the last episode of Ugly betty. SEASON TWO COME QUICK!
I cant stand the suspense forever.
And maybe I should start a summary or review of every episode of Ugly Betty.
Heh, just a thought.

Happily ever after.

And they lived happily ever after.
Thats how the story ends. Naw just kidding. There no happily ever after. Not in this world.
I was so excited to show you me without glasses. Cause you havent seen me with contacts yet. But I guess there wont be a chance for that.
I was suprised. That after all that happens. I show no twinge of sadness. Maybe like I said, I am numb towards all these nonsense. But still, I am not yet giving up searching. I guess I left many memories for them all. But who had left me with memories? Nothing but sorrow. Yes I am numb to it now. If you ask, only one left me with great memories and laughter. Will never forget that guy on the net. Reminds me of the song "Love on the internet." Very talented guy who wrote that song.

Wanna know my opinion on this issue? It is disappointing.
You said you love me, then why decided to end it? Because you cant handle all the issues that cropped up? Then what about me. I endured the pressure of being with you. Its stress to wake up everyday and think about "Will he be please if I wake up too late?" And you even made me look down on myself. Well. It doesnt mean a thing. Its the last goodbye. I dont 'eat the past grass' is what they say in chinese. Thats my rule.

The search continues.

Far away - Nickelback
Lates.

Sweet cancer.

I dont wanna sound cynical but I really despise people who obtain songs from the FM. Or mainstream listeners. I hate to feel this way but I cant really refrain myself from having that thoughts.

My friend and I was standing outside his car yesterday, having a taste of the sweet cancer when I noticed the car beside his was 'rocking'. What the face? For heaven's sake. Find a hotel. Guys these days have to even save a cent for these.
-
In any case, I dont accept silent. Id take that as an end.
So, you can stop looking me up if this continues.

You're not alone - SAOSIN
Chaw.
P.S He said I looked better with contacts and I look like a kid with the glasses. LOL. I feel so weird without my geeky glasses though.

Agony

The difference between tolerance and acceptance.

-In the process of dying from hangover.-

I quit!

After rounding up an all nighter BBQ party, I went to my school to give a letter of 'resignation'.

The walk to the school was depleting more of my energy. I was nervous and uptight about stepping into the school at the same time. I dont want to step in the school ever again. I followed Liyan with a sinking apprehension as she leads the way from her home to the school. An adventurous walk INDEED. We reached the FENCE of the school and we didnt want to walk a huge round, round the renovation blockage. The only way we saw, is a tiny grass path through it. Breathes of curses.

The wet, squishy sound under our slippers as we trot cautiously through the path. We didnt want to get our feet wet and dirty. Its like a walk through a forest. A dead snail, a dead moth, and a dead lizard. Sticky filthy mud acts like a quicksand under us. I pant slightly, sweats seeping out from my tiny pores, adding more humidity to the atmosphere. Oh I wish it was the cold season everyday. Ahh, finally.

I mustered up my confidence as I stepped into the General office. I gave the letter to the clerk who had no least respect for me on my first day of school till the day I left.

"Ms lau right?"

"Yes."

"So... why do you want to quit school? Wheres your letter? You look so different now."

I certainly do looked different and thats why your finally speaking with respect towards me now? Its all about the look?

"Yea, heres the letter."

"Okay...." She studied the letter carefully, satisfied, "Fine. I will get your name out of the records then. Thanks."

"Thanks, bye."

Im just glad we didnt have to walk back through that modification of the forest again. The other route, though, was harder and longer.

"Are we reaching yet?" I complained to Liyan.

"Nop"

"Is it gonna be long?"

"Not really."

"Have we halfway there yet?"

"I dont wanna answer you. You've got so many questions."

I smirks and continues walking. I bids her goodbye as I went on to the bus stop.

I feel that 90% of the people here, just came out of NS or had never seen a lady before. I've got the sex appeal? HAHA. I reckon that. It felt good though.
Ahh, the comfort of the air-con and the seat. I stared out of the window thinking. You know when you look at the view that flashes in momentary outside the window, your mind will wanders. And my wandered to every possible places I could be. Shall not elaborate. Im worn out.

A little girl boarded the bus. She was wearing the Woodlands primary school's uniform. An old man was in front of her, and hes walking slow and unsteadily as his legs deteriorate from old age. The girl was fustrated because she was late for school, she gives a sign of impatient and almost immediately, her expression changed to guilt and gave a smile of embarassment. She was guilty of feeling mad and impatient at the old man blocking her way. She sympatized and understood that age-ing people moves slowly. Somehow, I felt proud of her. She is such a sensible girl at this young age. She dropped off at the next stop. I noticed she was a prefect. The three ladies in front of me, was looking at her as she got off. A lady in her near 50s teared her look away from the girl and shaked her head slightly in disagreement as the bus continues the ride. I understood the lady, the girl was late for school.

The bus ride home is always interesting.

The dream.

The lady whimpered in fear. The man was scrawny and deranged. He grimaced menacingly, hes eyes gleamed with wrath. I reckon the man had a saddening past. The man raised his axe, a high shriek of trepidation rings through the gloomy and ominous house.

I woke up. The windows were opened widely across. I refused to open my eyes. I lain in the comforts of my pillows and blankets. The warmth of the noon made me felt drowsy. I listened to the cadence of the conversation outside the room and the soothing music of 'War and Beauty [instrumental]', it was assuring.
"I really feel that hes a good man..." Thats the last I heard from my Sis as I dosed back to sleep.

The man sliced his blade through the air, and off the lady's neck. A hydraulic 'Plop' as the her head hits the ground. The man smiled slightly, his eyes wrinkled as he squinted through the blood-stained curtains. He sighed a breath of accomplishment. He turned off the tv, sat on the couch and sipped on a glass of Dirty Martini.

I woke up abruptly again. Ahh, I wonder why's that dream. I havent read crimelibrary for a long time. This is weird. I shifted with difficulty and picked up my clock. It was 3.45PM. Did I sleep that long? I closed my eyes again, reluctant to acknownledge the world just yet. I sang to the song 'Damn regret - The red jumpsuit apparatus' that was playing in the background. I picked my phone up and looked at the msges. I looked at the time again, it was 12.45PM. I glimpse at the time again suspiciously.

Hopped off my bed and started my day.

I keep a sinister smile and a hole in my heart.

Ahh finally able to talk to Lili. <3

Well shes still the same, insecurity about going into relationship. For me, it doesnt matter. As my heart is already dead. So it wont hurt that much anymore. Maybe, its not dead, its just filled up with the photos of the past. Nothing or no one can ever get in anymore.

Lucas isss soo inlove with her! She was like, "No more LDR for me." And I told her, "Yea same for me, as it usually doesnt work out. None for me! But uhhhh, if only its Lan, then maybe, I might. =D" "LOL"
Me: "Lucas........ should get a GF."
HAHAHA. I feel bad for him. >_< So many insecure people around tho in a different extent.

Lili plays on InstinctRO now. And she told me she donated again on that server more than what she donated on Kaz3RO. I told her, "Aint you afraid history might happens again?"
If I were her, I wouldnt. Shows how rich people are. Mmm. Generous.

The policy of playing in bbgRO, "Just talk to the right people and you will survive."

Then we went on, gossiping about our friends. Hee hee. But ya, at least someone feels the same way I do about that particular person.

Naruke, khoa WANTS me in surgeRO. HAHA!
Dennis and Nii wants me too.
Lili wants me in InstinctRO.
Seth wants me in some server I forgot.
But if I really do play, I would so much rather go to darkRO. Cause hes there.
I dunno, Lili might hook me up with stuffs. Heueahuea. Its a BR server. Nice. Eu gosto BRs! Eles e legal e LINDOOOOO! Hee hee, reminds me of Bruno. DOCE~ Meu lindo amo.

Hero, heroine - Boys like girls.
Chaw.
P.S I cant refrain myself from comparing. To live over again and to deal with the pain you brought me, I will still choose you.
P.S.S I did promise to what you wanted, do you even care what I really wanted? All you do is say a whole lot of stuffs to proof you aint wrong. This wont work out, I promise.

E-drama.

Stupid brainless racist peoples.
I was like, "You got a problem with that?"
Nub'O fag[not exactly his name]:Got
Me:Suck it up then
Nub'O fag: You then lor
*LOL, is that all you got? Retarded come back, does he even understand what I said*
-Pointless dramas continues-
Me: Learn english and learn one-two party before talking to me. Faggit.

Typical singaporeans.

Perfection will not come.

This old song seems to fit you.

There are certain people you just keep coming back to.
She is right in front of you.
You begin to wonder could you find a better one
Compared to her now shes in question.

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and
The right thing are the same.
Maybe you want her, maybe you need her,
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there.

Looking for the right one you line up the world
To find where no questions cross your mind.
But she wont keep on waiting for you
Without a doubt.
Much longer for you to sort it out.

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her, maybe you had her, maybe you lost her to another.

When darkness turns to light.

My fear of regrets always helps me at different times. Times where I dont need it.
Sometime, I had already made a small note to self, more like a decision.
When its time for me to open my mouth, I just couldnt get myself to do it.
Theres always this inhibition that stops me. That is my fear of regret.
I always regret in w.e decision I made. It be, choosing of food, ending of stuffs or w.e. It always seems I cant make decisions.
Whatever it is, I shall procrastinate til theres a change.

I guess there is no one in the world that will ever look up upon me.
People would most prolly look down on me. And no one in the world could ever know me.
This is crazy but my will for life has been wavering for a long time.
The only thing that stops me is the title of infilial.
If my parents are gone, nothing could ever stop me again.

Things are not that easy as you seems.
Stuffs like that, could be easy for you, but im sorry, I CANT.
It is not easy for me. Try being me. Its not like I dont want. I want to. But I cant.
You are what you are, I am what I am. Doesnt it make so much sense?
You can do it doesnt means that I can do the same and as easy as you can do it.
No, it doesnt. And it wont. Even if Id try, its gonna be ugly. Its gonna look as bad.
Im sorry I aint perfect. Im prolly the only thing that isnt perfect in your life.
Just one word, you can just give me a word, and I'll go.

It ends tonight - All american rejects
Bai.

Life is great.

I hate the Great Eastern Life commercial.
They sang, "Life is great~"

How bored are you?

You Communicate With Your Ears

You love conversations, both as a listener and a talker. What people say is important to you, and you're often most affected by words, not actions. You love to hear complements from others. And when you're upset, you often talk to yourself. Music is very important to you. It's difficult to find you without your iPod.

You Are a Pundit Blogger!

Your blog is smart, insightful, and always a quality read. Truly appreciated by many, surpassed by only a few

Your Personality is Somewhat Rare (ISFP)

Your personality type is caring, peaceful, artistic, and calm. Only about 7% of all people have your personality, including 8% of all women and 6% of all men You are Introverted, Sensing, Feeling, and Perceiving.

You Are Really Not Happy

You may have noticed that things aren't going too well for you lately. Your life never used to be like this, but it seems like happiness is slipping away from you. You definitely need a change, because whatever you have going on isn't working. It's time for you to shake things up - even if it means totally changing your life path.

Your Social Anxiety Level: 64%

You have high social anxiety. You have a pretty serious social phobia, and it effects your life more than you may realize. It's possible that you've made yourself comfortable by avoiding situations you dread. But don't be fooled - you still probably need professional help.

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

Your Depression Level: 76%

You seem to have moderate depression. Your symptoms are bad enough that they're effecting your everyday life. You would benefit greatly from professional help.

You Are 88% Bipolar

You have some serious ups and downs, maybe to the point of endangering your own life. Consult a doctor to see if you may truly have bipolar disorder.

You're Totally Sarcastic

You sarcastic? Never! You're as sweet as a baby bunny. Seriously, though, you have a sharp tongue - and you aren't afraid to use it. And if people are too wimpy to deal with your attitutde, then too bad. So sad.

You Are 82% Indie

You're so indie, it's kind of amazing that you actually found your way to this quiz. Generally, your tastes are genuinely indie... but sometimes you like something just because it's weird!

Your Scholastic Strength Is Deep Thinking

You aren't afraid to delve head first into a difficult subject, with mastery as your goal. You are talented at adapting, motivating others, managing resources, and analyzing risk. You should major in: Philosophy Music Theology Art History Foreign language

You Are A Jealous Ex

You're not quite over your past, and you are hurt that your ex is moving on You're no longer in love, but you're not done with being pissed Jealous of any happiness that comes your ex's way, you still can't let go

You Are an Emo Rocker!

Expressive and deep, lyrics are really your thing. That doesn't mean you don't rock out... You just rock out with meaning. For you, rock is more about connecting than grandstanding.

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside. You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think. You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences. Some of your past dreams have disappointed you, but you don't let it get you down.

Oh you do?

Why do so much, ponder about life?
After all, life is just all about these four W questions.
What
When
Where
With

I mean, I ask questions to myself everyday. And I beg for an answer.

Crimson.

Like I said before somewhere buried in the archives, optimistic ruins me.
I always thought that this tide will ease and everything will goes smoothly like its planned out. But no, this "crisis" is far longer than I've expected. For years.
Can I sit here anymore?

Went to Pub. Wow, so hard to actually find a place to chill out. Too late, everything is closed. Found one, its fucking rowdy. I would so much prefer pubs in Chinatown. Reason I dont like to go to Boat quey. Sit around for like an hour or two, they are closed. Think we will get back to finish the Chivas. Nyah. ;]

My knife, your throat - Scary kid scaring kids
Lates.

Smashed into pieces.

Never Again.
Ill slit my throat with the knife I pulled out of my spine.
Maybe when you find out that Im dead,
youll realize what you did to me.

And if my lungs still let me breathe,
would you be there for me?
If I can make myself believe,
Ill give you back what you took away.

No, I wont let it go.
Douse myself in gasoline.
So dont save me when you come into the fire.
Id rather die than have to see your smile.

Do you swear? "Fuck no."

For boundaries that you not even suppose to cross.
I thank hell for making life on earth insufferable.

The Zodiac Killer.

Cryptogram sent by the Zodiac killer. On 1969.

I LIKE KILLING PEOPLE BECAUSE IT IS SO MUCH FUN

IT IS MORE FUN THAN KILLING WILD GAME IN THE FORREST BECAUSE MAN IS THE MOST DANGEROUE ANIMAL OF ALL TO KILL SOMETHING GIVES ME THE MOST THRILLING EXPERENCE

IT IS EVEN BETTER THAN GETTING YOUR ROCKS OFF WITH A GIRL

THE BEST PART IS THAE WHEN I DIE I WILL BE REBORN IN PARADICE AND ALL THE I HAVE KILLED WILL BECOME MY SLAVES

I WILL NOT GIVE YOU MY NAME BECAUSE YOU WILL TRY TO SLOI DOWN OR STOP MY COLLECTING OF SLAVES FOR MY AFTERLIFE EBEORIETEMETHHPITI


The last letter on 1978.

Dear Editor
This is the Zodiac speaking I am back with you. Tell herb caen I am here, I have always been here. That city pig toschi is good but I am bu [crossed out] smarter and better he will get tired then leave me alone. I am waiting for a good movie about me. Who will play me. I am now in control of all things.
yours truly:
[crossed circle] guess
SFPD - 0

-

Ironically, a movie is about you is out finally on 2007. Your prolly dead with your "slaves" and never ever gonna see it. Thats too bad.
Freaking 40 chapters on crimelibrary. Its sad that he never got caught and no professionals can get to understand him. The case was boring.
Time for the Zodiac movie, got it off bittorrent.

The Zodiac Killer

Cat and mouse - The red jumpsuit apparatus
Chaw.

The magic.

I like the part where she sang
"Cant ever keep from falling apart at the seams
Cant I believe you're taking my heart to pieces"

I love the feeling every piece of music gave me.
Different song, different feeling.
Unspeakable feeling. *Spaced out silently*

Ahh well. Lots of thoughts, racing thoughts.
But I cant really put it down.
No idea how to.
FOCUS girl.

November rain - Gun N roses
Deuce.