Do people welcome unsolicited compassion?

Is pity/ sympathy from the bottom of your heart ever geniune?

When i see people of colors not being appreciated for what they do and contributed during work or outside work, i always think they deserve to be treated better for the effort they put in. In a way I do pity them at times.

But today, i question myself if the sympathy i feel for them true and real?  

If we are not in their shoes, we are not treated the way they are treated, in a broader perspective, is that a truth?

Or is it that it is in human nature to feel pity because it trigger off a sense of superiority? If thats so, then is it right to say that if a person is not in the same situation, they are not displaying true sympathy that stems from a purer intention? 

Anyway, today i think, in the far future, you might not be able to understand me as well as I thought you could.

You might not have the respect and trust to give me.

And you might not be able to comprehend my complex ideas, possibilities and my way of eliminating problems. 

And that is a problem.

do come tonight. any night.

I wanna die in my sleep.I wanna die in my sleep. I wanna die in my sleep.I wanna die in my sleep. I wanna die in my sleep.I wanna die in my sleep. I wanna die in my sleep.I wanna die in my sleep. I wanna die in my sleep.I wanna die in my sleep.

We could stay young forever

Theres a face I recognise in the crowd. In the sea of faces, your sillouette is the only shadow I look for.

Always been someone I could depend on. To rely on. Someone whom I could trust. 

To know that everything he did is always for me. Always thinking for me. Thinking about me. With pure intentions and little motives. Just by knowing, keeps my heart at ease.

My head is filled with thoughts of him. Flashbacks of what we used to be. Memories of those nights we've spent. Oh how much Ive been charmed.

I love seeing you in my mind. I love remembering you in my mind. 

A love so pure and untainted.

And why does he love me so?

INFP/INTP in love..

 “Dreaming about being an actress, is more exciting then being one.” - Marilyn Monroe 

“I would look up at the moon and see that it was not the smooth orb we had all believed, but a pitted and scarred world with no air.” ― Christopher Pike, The Last Vampire

Like work, in the beginning, its a wonder, its refreshing, and its fascinating. You get so engaged by it. Absorbing and interacting with much enthusiasm.
But like work, you get disillusioned easily. Disenchant, jaded. Appalled by the reality of how things is actually.
Like beer, it loses it effect after an hour making you craving for more and disappointed by how fast it ends.

You realized that, in life, nothing makes you happy.

facade

Everyone is in a facade that they have a relation with someone. That they are close to him/her. That they know someone. 

We are all under the pretense that we have someone to depend on in times crisis. In times of needs. 

You might have them. But everyone need everyone with a motive. You might have them, but it doesnt mean you truely know them.

In the end, we are all just strangers. Alone in this big world.

i hate myself

It would kill my personality.

And i always had a value, to live life at my truest self. 

What is life if you have to live behind a mask? An unfamiliar mask. A life you lived as a stranger to yourself.

I cant multi task. I cant switch roles as quickly. I cant blend my roles in.

If i continue to do what society expects of me, there would be no Trisha.

Dont i always wished i was somebody else?

I am not meant for this.

Not meant for any of these.

Can someone help me be and feel normal?

One of those days where theres nothing in the future i look forward to.

So what Ryan.

So what money.

So what job.

So what family.

It all meant nothing.

Life #7

Im not a genius.
I did not study well.
I cant play guitar well.
I cant play my keys well.
I cant sing at all.
I dont earn much.
I didnt live a life im proud of.
I didnt live a life true to myself.
I didnt live a life that I could die happily.
I lived a life I'd die just to be out of it.

What can I really do?
I know Im meant for something, but what?

Born in a wrong country, in a wrong family, in a wrong body.
I can blame everything but till this day, i know, its myself to blame.
Im not hardworking enough.
I fear too much.
I think too much, I do too little.
At the end, would I live a life true to myself?

coma

My thoughts of dying is a constant dull aching existence in the back of my mind.
And its becoming more intense each and every passing day. I hate this life.

You see,

part of me, is fighting the urge to think back, to contact.

What joy is maintaining friends, over enemies...
I miss a part of us.

Higher than high... I want it.

I wonder if he is good for me.
My fire burns brighter than anyone else.
My devotion drills deeper than I had ever felt.

Is this the feeling that I had been seeking for?

If it it, then, is these good for me?
What if, loving someone is not better than being loved?

He loved me better than anyone had.
He's sincerity beats anyone that tried.

But, what if, it is better not to love at all?

Love, or be loved?
Be loved, or indifference?

Separate lives or die lonely? (Not much difference there.)

P.S Im happy, but will it last?
P.P.S I can already feel, a little, that hes already getting used to these, while im still dying to feel him.

P.P.P.S Used to be 2 bottles, now, its more than that.

Worth a thought.

And they claimed writing down what you have learnt for the day and your reflections in 400 words every single day would give your brain and IQ a quick boost.

Oh crap its only 30 words.

You know whats depressing?

The only stimulant I have in life is love, sex, drugs, money, rock n roll, food and booze.
Nothing else seems to get me excited at all.
I need to exercise soon before my mood weighs me down.

Fear for a right reason

When love comes around, fear is inevitable.
The art of growing is acceptance.

Self sabotage is no longer a choice although at the very moment it sounds feasible.
Escapism is just a momentary solution to the torturous emotions.

Thats me in a corner. Thats me losing my religion.

The minute I was agitated, I knew I was wrong.

The imagery of my mom.
The scene of the kitchen
She, tearing and hanging the clothes of everyone of us.
How was it fair?
How do people wanna be one of them?
The indignancy.

How does everyone repel these treatments?
How is it that everyone doesnt know that these are the injustice that comes with marriage?
How did my sis decided on marriage?
Where did that kind of courage comes about?

I thought I knew. But I dont.
After tonight, I dont.


The females out there, do not give up.
Never ever give in to them.
The egocentric guys.

Life #6

You can choose to live in denial.
You can still choose to live like the sky will always be blue and where the flowers will always bloom in the fields.
You can choose to live an idealistic live like how you always want it to be.

But truth is, we all have to grow up someday.

And its no fun anymore.

Life #5

Life is like the waves of the sea.
The passer-by of the sea.
At the end of the day, the sea still exist like the waves never been there.
It comes it goes.

Like someone mentioned, we are just the passer-by of life.
Taking up a fraction of the timeline.
After we die, the timeline still goes on, like you never been here.
After a century, who would remember, who would have known that you had ever existed at all..
End of the day, is there really any meaning to all of these?
We are just a tiny fraction of the whole population, tiny fraction of the ever going timeline, the world is too huge.

I want to live with the world than live within a society.

Too dead to die

"This was never my world,

You took the angel away.

I kill to make everybody pay."

After all Ive nurtured,

I still,

hate myself.

I fell in love with the intensity in her music, and her eyes..

Such freedom in expression.
Rather than being tied to the technical limitations of our instruments.
Such freedom..
I want such freedom to express.


"Today im dirty,
And i want to be pretty.
Tomorrow, I know that im just dirt

We are the nobodies
Wanna be somebodies.
When were dead
They will know just who we are."

Marilyn Manson - The Nobodies

different shades of the same

I used to think love was just a perception.
That it was just a kind of chemistry.
That love was something to do with your
hormones.

I used to think love was an explainable force.
That love was just pure science, an equation, and that you could make love happen by choice if you align all variables.

I used to think love was replaceable.
That it was just a matter of choice.
That you could switch it on and off by command.
That is doesnt matter who your with, the feeling, the cycle, the thoughts that come, will be all the same.
That 1+1=1. And that would be just me.

That there was no such thing as magic.

Would this be different? Or am I just as usual, living in the spur of a moment..

Anti-cholinergic

Looking back, I might not have grown up much at all.
Except by being plagued with more practical worries and realization that the reality doesnt seem as fulfilling and idealistic as it seems. Jaded pretty much more than the past.

The only comforting thought was that, I did managed to get away from my past of an even more disorganized living than the current state. Although right now wasnt to expectations of society, but, still manageable and bearable.

How long can I sustain this? Not really sure.

How long can I go on being like this? Not really sure too.

Funny how I asked myself the same question way back then, years ago.
Looks like im regressing or..., im still wisdom-less.
______________________


P.S. Funny how Anarex and Atarex sounds the same.
Pretty much the same effects and classification too.

Love/hate relationship with Nolstalgia

20 years down the road.
I would still look back and feel the same way.
Like life would be perfect somewhere else, faraway...

The setting of an illuminating orange sun.
Out there where nobody sees you.
Nobody hears you.
Where you could be you.

Only God knows.
Only He sees the truth.
___________________________

I could be as carefree as I want to be.
I could be a million things in my head.
Feeling the breeze on a long winding empty road..

the girl with golden eyes

At first it seems so sweet,
And then you wake up next to a monster.

Buried me with roses..

worthless.

As worthless as life itself.
Meaningless.
We are meant to be sheeps.
Even the shepherd will turn into the sheep he lead one day.

Even the sky is turning to be meant for only sheeps.

I didnt know I was lost

You changed my perspective.
Happy days ahead.
Balancing wasnt an easy issue. It still isnt.
But you made it achievable.
Life would be great ahead.
I think I understand what it means to be alive now..
I think I understand how to stay this way now..

I used to think it was all or nothing.
But I can have it all.

(:

Shangri La

Thank you my bb for making my birthday a 3 day celebration.
Thank you for bringing me to the many places ive never been.
Thank you for the 3 days staycation, for the hotel bigger than my living room.
Thank for the little suprises you still do and the gifts you still gave.
I love you my bb. #rysha

Gratitude

Thank you for all that youve done.
Thank you for all the capacity you have generously shown me.
Thank you for all the promises youve fulfilled.
Thank you for all the security and assurance youve gave me.
Thank you for the courage youve gave me because you know I lack of it.
Thank you so much. Thank you.
Thank you for being you.
All of me... I give to you..
Even the darkest part of my heart.
I love you, Ryan Yiap Zhan Hong.

"Everything so blurry and everyone's so fake... you could be my someone, you could be my scene. You know that I'll protect you from all of the obscene.  I wonder what your doing, imagine where you are..  can you take it all away?"

Your the only one thats real to me..

Life #4

So many words unspoken.
So many thoughts scattered.
Is life that meaningless?
You learn, you work, you explore, and then you give rise to the next generation, you teach them the way of life and then, you die.
I cant.
I dont belong here.
And I dont  want  to belong here..

I want you for the rest of my life

Bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb

The used-to weekly affair

Guess where?

-deine

The thought of it, a sip of it gets my bones aching for it.
As self destructive as ever.


I wish I was materialistic.
Materialistic people have the drive.
What drives me?

What makes me tick?
What makes me feel?
What makes me passionate?
Bound to be apathetic... #intp

The loss of spiritually

Like ants, we are rushing for something to look forward to.. something to do, somewhere to belong to or someone to love.
Something to proof before we die; that we have not lived in vain.

Beauty could not be bought by materials. Its all surrounding us as we breathe..

The leech

It grabs on to you, hangs on to you relentlessly. 

If you tuck at it, you hurt yourself.

You burn it, you kill it off.

Only one will survive.

After the blood has dried off, your skin have withered, it then, stealthily trail off. 

Off to another prey in the sunset..

I miss our memories
I miss the you I used to know
I miss our happy times while you were still you
That careless and free spirited soul just aching for protection
I hated how you became this monster
I hated how things changed
I hated how what I wanted is different from the past

We could never go back
and we could never ever be together

our memories will always be in my heart.

marilinglatenighttalksanslaughterssupperlongwalksexploringexotic
areasyourlaughtersyourjokeyourstupidmalayaccentsyoureyesyourlips
yourtattoosyourarmsandthatsexyvlinehowithoughtyouweresomanly
thatsmell..

What I wanted was already long gone since a year ago.

Goodbye great memories, leave the bitter ones behind.



Ohh baby baby its a wild world..

wanna be nobodies

No matter how you try and try, you could never know a person 100%
Makes me wanna get away. How ironic life is, knowing theres so many close and loved ones around but, loneliness tends to creep in on you.
Life is THAT melancholy, and still is..

A pill to make you numb
A pill to make dumb
A pill to make you anybody else
All the drugs in this world, wont save you from yourself..
-Coma white, Marilyn Manson

大家好聚好散
开开心心的做人。。!

And I chose not to Fear, so I chose God.

I guess he is too immature to handle a relationship.
Sometimes I really wonder why I do I always make wrong decisions in relationship.
I guess this is karma for me by taking Nick for granted, now someone else is taking me for granted when I tried wholeheartedly to devote myself to this relationship.

It takes two hands to clap.
If one wants to move forward, the other wants to stay in his comfort zone, the relationship will never be fulfilling nor satisfying.
Changes are inevitable, people have to realise that than to protect themselves by fencing up their comfort zones and not growing.
If the quote, "don't try to change your partner" exist, why have I changed so much to grow out of my own fears for him?
Why does long married couples changed overtime?
If people would realised that fear creates the phrase of, "do not try and change me" a relationship would proceed in a more faster pace than just a word of 'divorce'.

Fear creates stagnation.

I love you, Fernandez Wilfred Wenceslas.

Drugs and such.

Im gonna find my joy.
Im gonna take responsibility of my life and not push it aside the best that i can.

Past few weeks have been spiralling down. Somehow that point of time i couldnt find my way back up. My old habits that leads back to depression. Im not gonna let that happen again.
As true as how sobriety pains me, it too exhilarates me.

And i thank God for my mere existence.

Razbliuto

I know one day, I would listen to this same song and feel the same feeling.
I would look to this day and I would look back to what I've missed.. or in fact gave up on. Deeply etched in my memory.

Is life supposed to be this emotional and melancholic?

Whats happening?

Taking a break from studying, I decided to take stroll back memory lane.
Embarrassing and saddening path I have chosen to walk.
They say God only wants the best for you, so I guess at that point of time, God's work havent manifest itself yet.
Looking back, I could only smile at how foolish I have been, how much I have learnt from this life of mine and so much I have grown. So much stronger, wiser and so much more determine. Ive found comfort in it.

Life, go on let it prosper!
Let God do His work on it!

Cant believe im such a fool.

My iPod of 4 years. Finally its gone.
Thinking back, it was him who got it with me.
Every song is a piece of memory.
2k songs, good bye.

Maybe, maybe.
God wants me to let the old memory rest.
I shall redownload songs again as soon as I get a new one.
But every 2k songs? I doubt. Sigh.

This feels like the past.
Sort of.
Motivating aesthetically.
Thank you Youtopia.
Cause you be lighter than air.

Just needed to post a new post after a long hiatus.
How long was I away?
A year?

What had changed, what hasnt...
Im still melancholy.
Have a good christmas.

Soon to goodbye 2010

What have I accomplished this year.

I became single.
I got my O level results.
Learnt keyboard.
I partied non stop!
I got drunk countless times.
I had lots of fun.
Attained a "party like a rockstar" title at the endless VIPsss seatings.
HAHA.
I made a bunch of new friends.
I got attached.
I became single again.
I loved/hated Chuck Bass.
I got into Poly.
I got an A for grades.
Didnt score too well for 1st semester because of endless club.
2.5 GPA.
Endless suppers and exploring new places.
Jb trips for lunch and shoppings.
I presented, overcoming my fears of stage fright.
Had a dance routine workout for a day by cheographer.
Made a bunch of Polymates.
My first attachment in KTPH.
Seen many unsightly humans in their worst states.
Stayed at the coolest hotel, MBS.
Lost an inch or two off my waist.
Improved my guitar.
Improved my piano.
Jamming sessions with D.
Countless drinking and roaming the streets with D.
He confessed his feelings.
Got into trouble in school many times.
I stopped clubbing for sem 2.
My first Genting trip in December.

So much more. But I couldnt think of anything now.
What have you accomplished?

ITS A GREAT YEAR!! (=

Goals for next year.
Improve my GPA!
GO BANGKOK!!
MORE DIET!!!

This year was really really fast.
Too fast.
Its like my birthday had just past.

And its already November. (:

Life is great!
And its already September! <3

Why?
Is nightlife a habit?
Is it a hobby?

Its not the loneliness in me, that keeps me going.
Its the boredom.

Eight months past so fast.
Im over you in a few.
Its amazing how life changes in an instant.
Its even more amazing that most stay stagnant.
But the truth, single people changes the most.
And me, always love changes and unstablity.

I got so much I want to do, but I only have limited resources.
Sigh.
Does anyone never ever get bored of life?
Because boredom is my weakness.

For comfort, for entertainments.
But never for love.

I rarely have the time nor energy nor focus to do any other commitments right now.
I really wanna start my music grading...

Oh god. I just find him so interesting.
I want him.
I wanna own him.
I want him mine.

Fuck. Im just so obsessed.
Since Day 1.
Come to me Chuck Bass.
You need no other girls.

A letter of tranquillity. I wrote.

To: Nicholas Ooi Jing Wen

I got so much to say to you but I dont know how to start... I know it might be shameless of me to ask for forgiveness the fact that Ive hurt you too much but I hope that some day down the road you would find it in your heart to forgive me.

After 6 months it finally struck me, that your far away now.
I told you about that I regretted because I just had to let you know... not because I want things back the way it was. I just had to let you know. Because I think, for you to know that, you must be happy knowing it. And I dont mind letting you know for its a piece of me. And that I was the one losing something valuable, not you.

And you said I am never satisfied, but your wrong, I find myself couldnt love anyone anymore right now how I tried. No one was near comparable to what we had. Our connection was important to me...

I thought hard and long about it before sending this msg.
I looked back into our good and bads that happened and I smiled.
I sent this msg because of the acceptence of you being gone now.
Because of the acceptence, I had the courage to send it.
You are still the best thing that ever happened in my life.

Now that you are the star in someone else's sky, I shall find my star too. And it might take long years to find someone better than me. Someone who can converse about everything under the sky. Someone who want the same things in life. The shared goals and motive. I wouldnt settle for the second best anymore or just anyone that im curious about like Andrew. Because life has more to it than guys like him.
It would take long years to find someone greater than what we had.

But im not afraid anymore.
You used to give me courage, now, you still do.

Oh and about the last quarrel that we had, im sorry about the harsh language I used. I think its abit of jealousy plus the fact that I felt offended when you talk about your sex life. We used to be close enough to talk about intimate stuffs but at that point of time, we are not anymore.

And I have to say, the tone of this letter, when im writing it, it sounded really peaceful in my mind. Somehow, I think God wanted me to sent this letter... I was praying and this came to mind... Maybe it marks a closure for me, and maybe you too. I hope you feel better after reading this letter.
Lets work hard together for our lives! =)

Oh and listen to this,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UdtOxwRXmVM

and

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFTvbcNhEgc

These two artist always have relaxing music.

With love,
your sister,
Trish.

P.S I really hope you can tell me about your O levels results when its out!
P.P.S I dont why I put sister, but because your like a brother to me.

I wanted so much for him to know how I miss him.
And that I couldnt bring myself to love anyone else anymore.
A million words, a million tears, a million regrets couldnt bring him back.
Til the day, I would open up my heart to another guy,
I must stay strong.
I must become a better person.
I must be happy, single.

And he said to stay away.

You, you, you.

Oh god, I miss '08.
I need to either get out of my house or study.
Not none of the above.

Sometimes, when everything was going crazy,
when your lost and confused,
you lost yourself.

You forget who you are and do things that you dont find familiar.
But think about it, theres a positive side.
A side of you that you didnt knew.
That energy you get from wanting to run away from everything.
That energy that keeps you trying out new experience.
I want that energy every single day of my life.
Im not saying I need to feel lost, btw.

P.S I havent been clubbing for sometimes now.
I dont miss clubbing, I miss the clicks!
I will hit the clubs once I feel like it, but right now, im just bored by it. =(

P.P.S And I used to tell him, "I help you save money, so you can spend it on me!" =)

The wound left behind... for the each of us...

If you just walked away
What could I really say?
Would it matter anyway?
Would it change how you feel?

I am the mess you chose
The closet you cannot close
The devil in you i suppose
'Cause the wounds never heal

But everything changes
If I could
Turn back the years
If you could
Learn to forgive me
Then I could learn to feel

Sometimes the things I say
In moments of disarray
Succumbing to the games we play
To make sure that it's real

When it's just me and you
Who knows what we could do
If we can just make it through
The toughest part of the day

Then we could
Stay here together
And we could
Conquer the world
If we could
Say that forever
Is more than just a word

Irrationally prideless and a 1cent worth of dignity.

If you think I felt threaten, then please wake up.
If you think you caused me tears, your wrong.
And you did brought me laughters and entertainment.
He brought me a thought of how untrustworthy and immature he could be.

The only guy that ever brought me tears was only one, but of course, not the one you've 'loved'.
Its not my fault you got hurt because of what Ive read.
I blamed him not ever you.

So please.

And ya, I have plenty of time on my hands now. =]

What's going on?
And I say, hey hey hey hey
I said hey, what's going on?

and I try, oh my god do I try
I try all the time, in this institution
And I pray, oh my god do I pray
I pray every single day
For a revolution

The thing about moving forward it can means by reaching out, or reaching back.
The start of a new journey can starts on a single step or ends with a single misstep.

Gossip girl made me realised that we brought out the worst in each other.
I had never seen myself on the darker side.
Thinking back, I catch a glimpse of my less than good side and I didnt like it.
I didnt like who I had become and what Ive done.
And that I have done things that I didnt recognise.
We both seems crazy at some period of time.
And I thought I was going crazy.

Guess we have to learn to understand ourselves the hard way.
And what pushes our buttons.
He told me once, that he wasnt like this before.
But indeed this dramatic and turbulent r/s was memorable.
The best relationship of all wasnt free from mistakes.
And that it ended, I couldnt find anyone else like you...

P.S Today, I understood why my mom exert this phrase, "understand a person for a long period of time before making any progression". I really do undertand now. What you see isnt what it seems most of the time. Huge sigh!

HOLIDAYS FEELS SO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

We went to have organic food yesterday at the farm.
So much herbs!
Did I mention we all look like VILLAGERS!
Just came out from kampong.








Golf was freaking awesome. =)




This really feels like the holidays.
Doing different things everyday!
I feel so healthy now.
Golf in the morning, study and guitar in the evening/night.

Lovin life!

P.S I hate to stay stagnant.

Today we had an excursion.
Been to almost all the farms in CCK.
But all the most, I love farmart!
THE PARROT!!!
THE LOVEBIRDS! I WANNA GET ONE!
From there, we went kite flying and then to Lacasa to swim.
I WAS FORCED.

My goal for this year:
1. Get the sponsorship.
2. Psycho my mom to have a little parrot at home.
3. To ask myself at the end of December, whether I was able to forget him.
4. Have fun!


P.S Gonna be out for golf-ing TOMORROW!




Oh! And I feel like getting Sarah Harding's hair!
Should I or should I not?
My dilemma is my huge wide face.

How immature can people get?
Emotions get the better of them.
Get OVER it.

There's a reason why is it called the world wide web.
I bet you can't do any better in rl either.
Such arrogance.

When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am...

Last day of sch tomorrow!
Here comes the holiday.
It has been a lifeless week.
Where my energy?!

P.S Just a hint and i'll take it and give everything.

I got posted to KTPH!!
So great. And my sis is jeeeeaaaalous! <3

O mi viejo amor,
We met on a lonesome night,
where the busy rustled amongst the city lights.
In the midst of those jewels,
your sparkle Ive found.
Like a story everyone seen,
we depict a classic whirl around.
In the lake you lay,
your sparkle flows.
As it disappeared beneath the horizon,
your the sparkle Ive lost.

-Your summer mess.

We are connected yet on a different level.

I dreamt of a great party.
I got them. A bunch of them.
I dreamt of accomplishing my incompleted studies.
I got them.
Now, I dream of having the great city life.
The high and glamourous life.

When can I achieve that?

P.S the one great thing about movies is that they allows you to experience something you couldnt in real life.

Sigh! Batam trip cancelled.
I think these two weeks is gonna be hella busy for me plus money depleting.
I NEED MONEY!

Hospitals, please contact me faster!

Erm so cute...
Honestly, I really miss you.

Three day holidays are over. =[
It was too relaxing.

Batam soon during my two weeks holiday!!
Which is coming in two more weeks!
MASSAGE, SEAFOOD HERE I COMEEEEE!
Oh ya and my first boat trip! <3

I NEED ppt, word in my com.
Seriously.

-

P.S Should have known myself, the never satisfied one.

XH! I wish to join youuuuu!!

I FINALLY HAVE TIME FOR MYSELF!!!!
Firstly, thanks for the birthday supper girls!
Yous is love!
And im hyper about tomorrow's event. :)
Da May + boooooooze + girlies!

Lastly, I gotta memorize those fucked up anatomy now.
Good bye!

Sibei turn off ar!! Sigh. =[[

Wow man... just wow.
Totally speechless.
Well im sorry.

I dont know why but suddenly, I dont feel very attracted to him anymore.

Days that past.
And I am getting fatter and darker.
Not good.
Not good at all.

Unfortunately, there's no break to life...
Things won't wait for me, time won't wait, the world won't wait.
It's times like this I wish to rest...
To take time off from my flighty feets.
To not move forward with time...
To take a step back from the world.

I should migrate to a place with a slow pace of life...

How much can one love when you have the perception of finding the right one?
Right now I am feeling so bliss in his embrace, the feeling, so much I can't contain...

I will never forget our first kiss and the serenade with you...

Spent 5 hours in TTSH.
My poor eyes.
I shall not abuse my eyes ever again.

No time, no time. =[
Three parties in two days.
Exhausting.

Timbre soon again.

Tomorrow ICA presentation.

Just back from Guitar Club.
Boring, honest.

Andrew, cant get enough of him.

XH, David, misses them much.

I, obsessed with DoodleFind and Plants VS Zombie.

I, misses spending time with PS3 and guitar.

I want my social life back.

I pray for sponsorship with KTPH.

GIMME GIMME GIMME!

David says, 'I have a flair for the dramatics."
Thats why I said, we could be long lost siblings.
Thats just too similar to me.
Apart from having a passion hating peanuts, papayas and FUCKING RAISINS!

Andrew seems to have that aura that calms me down.
Its just peaceful with him.
No drama intended when im with him.

And this is my new eye candy.

Genuine.






Stone sour - through glass

Im going to get pocket money from Bii very soon!
Happy!
Bii told me he had my number long before he knew me, 5 months ago before he first met me when I was still with Nick.
But he didn't dare to text until the second time we met, I find that really cute.
I think cs gave him my number. Hehe! =D

On another hand, this is gonna be a busy week for me. ;(
I have no time to catch up with EVERYONE! =[
No more mass socialising apart from the same few clicks in school.
Big sigh!

"I tissue."

I saw this on XH blog.
Find this oh so very true partially, and touching!

I wanted to tell him that I will never be sorry for loving him. That in a way, I still do - that maybe I always will. I’ll never regret a single thing we did together because what we had was very special. Maybe if we were ten years older, it would have worked out differently. Maybe. I think it’s just that I’m not ready for forever.

-

Youth = freedom
Freedom = time
NO TIME = SOUL'S DEAD.

I need to get my creative juices flowing. ;(

So many things happening especially to my closest friend.
I will always love you! Dont worry!

He gets up damn early in the morning despite the lack of rest every morning to make sure I have had the breakfast he made for me.
He sends me to and fro school whenever I wanted him to despite the hot glaring sun.
He encourages me everytime I gets demoralised.
He gives the best listening ears and the best advice I needed to hear.
He makes sure he cleans he's room every week to give me the best of rest.
Even his fan and bedsheets.

=)

I dont wish to wake up tomorrow.
I wish to sleep until wednesday please.
Its only the 2nd week and a project is ongoing.

Its weird how im such a baby in front of him...
Bii, siu siu. =)

"The best revenge is to be happy."
I wonder how many knows that.
This year I met two that doesnt embrace this idea.
Its saddening, its pathetic.

Especially you.
You dont have to prove to the world, just prove it to yourself.
Wheres the confident? Wheres the esteem?
Get a grip and perhaps stop holding a grudge against me.
If im being sensitive then perhaps this is just your charactor.
Social ethics? None. No wonder.

Seriously in need of a career advice.

IMH or KTPH?
Interest, goals or exposure and working near from home?
Specialised or general?
Think I need more time to think about it.
Id better ask my mentor or lecturers.

I joined 4 CCAs!
Guitar, Foreign Bodies, Wushu and Squash!
HAHAHA!
People laughed when I mention Wushu.

And I still do belongs to the mud gang!

P.S "Bii say S."

EXHAUSTED!
A new spot for socialising apart from clubbing, SCHOOL!
Yahoooooooo! Have fun tomorrow Trisha!

Oh and whats fucking fly is that David asked me to perform with him at some bar and its PAID! Freaking a.

Phuture with KorKor and then last half an hour to PH!
I love my KorKor! I think I can get drunk with him around!
No worries at all. Except hes too playful haha.
Saw many unexpected people at Phuture today!
Am HAPPY! I saw Eilemon and Faizal! They've changed quite abit.

This is gonna be the 'last' clubbing night before my school starts.
I was hoping to go NaNa rather than PH.
I WANNA SEE ALVIN!
But its okay I can see him in school =D
Night people!

Wondering whats with David...

Btw, I am VERY very addicted with 80s poprock right now. (am always addicted I know)
But! I have found a whole load of new batch.
And its rocking my world.

Its just a few days to OPENING OF SCHOOL!
Guitar club, adventure club, dragon boat, dance, tennis here I come!!
Perhaps I should join martial arts too. Haha!
I dont think I should have any sports cause I dont wanna get darker, but heck!
If time allows, I wanna join all of them.

I think hes feeling better right now.
He sounds better.
Think im gonna see him later.

Im back again to my solitary enjoyment.
Right now, this moment, I am really enjoying my time alone.

But at the back of my mind, i am very worried about Bi.
Hes on high fever. Hes whole body is burning.
I skipped ladies night to take care of him althought I didnt feel like it because of some issues lately but I just couldnt bear to leave him alone.
I came home today just cause I think I should.
When I saw him, I see some hope for our trust issues.
I think I just couldnt bear to see the sadness in his eyes...
And I never regret looking for him. (:

-

I find no reason to feel remorse anymore.
We dont owe each other anything anymore.
Good luck with you and your GF.
You dont have to flaunt it to me, you dont have to proof yourself to me.
Your still the same old you to me.
Do your part and think sensibly.
And to think that I was sincerely apologetic.
Or actually wanted you to be better than before.
You might 'treat' me as your good friend but I dont anymore.
I dont think of you as someone nice to even talk to.
Your just annoying me like how J, or other irritants.
I might entertain you if I have the mood.
Im just nice but I could be mean.

Whats between us is over. Entirely.
We could never be like the past, totally.
So there is no point trying, understand?
Even just friends. We can never be.
Given the way you spoke to me. Never.

-

Horray for starting of school!
Im so gonna mass join many CCAs.
PRETTY GIRLS IN CLASS IS <3!

-

I dont know what Ive done
Or if I like what Ive begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me its all or none

There were sounds in my head
LIttle voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening

Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I dont know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you aint leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside

And I wont be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do

Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood

Can you hear me running?
Can you hear me calling you?

Thanks for all your efforts done and I know you have tried your best!
Sorry that I unintentionally blurted out those words that hurt you.
And I didnt know I meant that much.
And why do I meant that much.
Im the kind of person who needs to know why.
Reason reason reason, not feelings feelings feelings!
=[ You do care...

But I dont really know, do I?
And this is what makes you interesting.
I cant read you like a book unlike the others.

And it still does sting a little whenever I think about it.
No 1... No 2... No 3... No 4... No 5...

-

Wheres David?
Sigh.

Next week is my orientation.
The feeling isnt that great as I expected it to be.
The trepidation im feeling to step into another unfamiliar zone,
yet excited.

This year is full of the unexpected suprises...

Whats next?
I hope more.

I realised, you could never forget, but to accept it as part of your life.

Back from a week of vacation.
I got so much to do!

I realised I havent truly let go of whats bothering me about the past relationship.
But the more I let go, the more I see the beauty in him.
Theres so much difference.
I learnt to appreciate better.
I learnt to encourage.
I learnt to listen.
I learnt to expect lesser.
I learnt not to hurt the ones who love me.
I learnt to keep negative feedbacks to myself, because I realised, honesty in some ways doesnt mean its healthy.

This year romance has definitely been a focal point.
From the start, Ive been involving in NAD.
Issues from NAD had been affecting me and my life.
Things are worth to think about, to reflect about if it did have effects on you.

Three viewpoints, three perspective of things I see.
But its blurred.
The more I think about it, the more I dont get it.

D once said to me, "Whats sad is that, you didnt know how much he loved you."
And I dont wanna hurt either NAD anymore.

-

Life is an experience.
I wished I had more of an experience.
An adventure.
Music is too, an adventure.
So much things undone. So much things to learn.
So much things to experience. Why stop?
Why let the routine of life take you down.
When we were young, we desire for freedom.
We search for freedom.
But when things get rougher, life brings us down, tie us back to our old boring routine. Because we get used to it.
Dont let the too common or too different people/things scare you. Because it is too an unforgettable experience.
But I never want to stop seeking.
Never want to stop experiencing.
How crazy can life get.
Freedom is youth.

Im still 21, and I still want to learn.

Love?
Not really.
Just great companions of my life.
Because I just realised, I have lost the love of my life last year.

I HAVENT CLUBBED THIS WEEK,
AND I HAVENT BEEN TO PH FOR TWO WEEKS.
I miss the awesome crew! :[

Ever since Dbl o closed. I hadnt the mood to club at all.
Im reserving all of my days for jammings and guitar-ing!
And of course, tattoo-ing.
CANT WAIT FOR THE 2ND ONE!
Its an addiction.

But tonight is solely meant for Clash of the Titans.
And some steamboat.
And some booze.
Hopefully with some rock n roll.
<3

Sucker love, a box I choose.
No other box I choose to use.
Another love I would abuse,
No circumstances could excuse.

In the shape of things to come.
Too much poison come undone.
Cuz there's nothing else to do,
Every me and every you.

Sucker love is known to swing.
Prone to cling and waste these things.
Pucker up for heavens sake.
There's never been so much at stake.

I serve my head up on a plate.
It's only comfort, calling late.
Cuz there's nothing else to do,
Every me and every you.

Like the naked leads the blind.
I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind.
Sucker love I always find,
Someone to bruise and leave behind.

All alone in space and time.
There's nothing here but what here's mine.
Something borrowed, something blue.
Every me and every you.