I've seen him for the last time. Didnt have anything better to say to him. Cause I am afraid. I am afraid to show. Afraid of rejection. Afraid of loving someone. Now I have to wait.

Im already missing. Waiting patiently. What for gal? For a happy ending? Fuck you dream on. There no happy ending just look at you. They are just entertaining a fucking you. Nvm just wait its only months.

Im down with words

Now I know. You are just entertaining a fucking me.

Bye.. Saw your friendster... nth to say. Im the one sticking out. Im sorry but I cant go on. Bye.

Lol. After ytd that msg he didnt called me already. Phew. But im sorry.

Fuck that server so lag. I wonder how they guys lvl up so fast with that laggy server. I thought the server had capped players at 500. It was way off better. Damn. Its off.

Lol. Watch hide and seek alone at home in the dark really creeps me out.. The sound effect was good. Damn it scare me a million times. And i pause a while give myself a rest later then continue. Lol. Nice way to pass my time.

I still miss you.
I still want you back.
Do you remember me?

I given everything
I love you endlessly
But when it comes to me
You dont even notice me

Blah blah blah blah blah
I cannot slp le ar!

Lol... Stupid i dont understand why ppl choose to call at odds hrs of those times...
Damn i keep trying to slp but keep waking up by the song of Collide... My ring tone...
I already have difficulties in slping they still keep waking me up...
Damn it...

I want to smoke! No ciggie

He's so irritating! I feel that im beginning to dislike him now. What he says I dont even understand. And plus he keeps calling me. And talk those 'un'understandable talks, oh pls im using hi card damnit. Plus we cant even communicate well I guess this have to end.

Hahz. Best damn site in singapore. It was sure hella funny. Here's an entry.


Want to piss me off? Just go "LOL"

If you are the few lucky people who don't know wat "lol" means, i envy you. "lol", for the blissfully ignorant, is an acronym for "laughing out loud" and its been overused too much by every single geek who has ever chatted online. Now there's nothing wrong with using lol if something really made you laugh out loud. Problem is, no one actually laughs loudly or even laugh at all at something they replied lol to. Don't know what i mean? Here's a sample conversation between 2 chatters:
1: i saw "spiderman 2" yest, it was so LOL!
2: LOLx! (don't ask me what the x or z means)
1: seriously i lol thruout the movie
2: LOLz!
1: lol(continues on and on with their lol orgy)

There's no meaning behind this acronym anymore cause it seems to be an automated response to anything remotely humorous. The only thing worse than reading someone lol their way through a conversation, and most likely cause they're so boring they have nothing else to say anyway is to meet someone who uses lol in his speech like that moron in my class who says "L-O-L!" whenever he hears something funny. If you're trying to be different come to school wearing a straw hat with a ribbon or your shirt inside out or something, otherwise you're just pissing the shit out of everyone you LOL'ed at. It's not funny, it's not witty, just let it go.

If you're still gonna be a hyporcrite and pretend to lol or rofl or lmao even when you're not actually laughing, why not take it one step further? Use this other kickass acronyms to show everyone how fucking loud you're laughing and how different you are. If you want to be cool and mysterious don't bother explaining what any of it means, just go "LOL you dun even know wat ROFLTMRCI means!" and theyll all be going "you're so cool LOL!"

I need anger management. One day i will kill myself. I might kill them all. Kill us all. Kill you! Still feel like squeezing things. Feel like crashing thing. Feel like breaking things.

I HATE MUM!I HATE MUM!I HATE MUM!I HATE MUM!I HATE MUM!I HATE MUM!
I want go jb! Fucker HER! The last time i shouldnt give you back MY passport! Fuck YOU!

Honestly speaking, I MISS YOU STEVEN!! heeh

Ytd went to wait for xy because she just found a job at a restaurant. And that fucking restuarant cost me $4 for two cup of juice. Im already so broke. Then waited for sometime then too bored. Called ming kar then after that go play billard. Haha he lose me pool and billard. But then after that when i go meet ma baby with xy at hougang my billard totally sucks. I dont understand. I really really dont believe it. I dont believe i only hit two balls in. It totally sucks. After that we went to a ktv pub at east coast, drink two glass of beer then went off. What a waste of time two glass?! After that xy went home i went to find ma baby. Just reach home now. But later xy say maybe got chivas drink. But i dunno want to go not. Tml go jb de pub. Not sure i can manage to get or find my passport not. Fuck them.

I guess I dont really understand you. Tell me something... Just tell me anything abt you. I really wanna know. We dont even talk on the phone. Guess we really cant communicate at all. I hope i had a way. I hope this will grow.. Cant possibly stay this way. And plus i dont know what I really wants. And im confused.

These few days i have been confusing myself with things that maybe isnt reasonable or with some lame stupid stuffs.. Been feeling depressed lately..

Sleepless nights continued. I dont know why i cant sleep at night. And some time in the day when i really tried sleeping. I cant. I feel so so tired but everytime i lie down images and thoughts keep squeezing into my brain and its so vivid, it never gets blurry. Dont say i never try hard enough. i lie there for hrs and hrs its just wasting my time. Even though if im really tired I still cant fall asleep. And i really really wants to sleep. So thats y everytime i got a chance to feel sleepy i immediately take these chance to sleep well. And i will put everything aside just to get some rest. I even cancel my appearance for the hang out of the day just to slp. Some will understand. And things has started to get so bad that i starting to vent my anger on friends. I sorry xy if these few weeks i've been really irritating or boiling. I know you could understand. You havent shouted or screaming at me. Thanks fer ya patience. Thats really the person i should thank.

Money is slipping out like fine sand get blown away by the wind and I will never get it back. Or will i? k stop crapping. Jobs? Suckers. What kind of fuck do they really want? Diploma to work in a restaurant as a waitress? Stfu! I dont understand it. Why dont you just call? So many i actually cant believe none of them called.

Ima bitch! I dont really understand what i want. Whats wrong with me?! Ever since kwang broke up with me. Im starting to act like a slut. Do what sluts do. I really really hate myself but i dont understand why i did things like that. Im a fugly fucking fucker+sucker. Xy pls i need you to help me. Only you i can seek advice for. Only you knows what happened all the way. And I really meant all that way. Im a stupid bitch!

Friends? If there are many looking for a perfect one. Im sorry theres no human like that exist at all. Maybe to the planet Z. Look if you want. Im sorry but you've got to have the unlimited patience to withstand their bad points. And i 've empathsize these many times but seems like no one really understand or is that they understand but nth is done but gossiping. I know, I have done some gossiping too but these only the one and only one i gossiped about. Ask yt she knows. Lol. Look. My tolerance level is high thats y i can stay with xy for a long long time. And now we became really close. Take a stand.

I can say this is the first time i sleep during these three days... Lol that chalet was quite boring but it was worth it.. Got to know some ppls.. lol and got a free hi-card.. Heeh! happy.. Then before that i bought jim beam then we all drank at paradiz.. And i can say drink the most there... As i drink it nik and can say is more than anyone... Then after that sit that fucking bus so rocking then head abit dizzy then vomit... Then reach there le go see ah gua lol. then taxi uncle bring us go see ah gua.. hahahz. so funny that uncle... The most funniest part is the part we reach le then gostan.. Friends want to know ask me.. lol. Then meet yixiong outside then i and him finish the jim bean half half... xy dun dare drink.. Then we went in drink again.. lol sian cia whole day was like drinking then i have an empty stomach and that was a 43% exciting volka it says lol.. then drink till dawn sun rise already then go vomit again.. But nth to vomit all come out water... Then after that my stomach very very pain cia.. and hungry. After that at night le sit cab home lor sian waste money...

This few weeks.. Thoughts are flashing pass fast. And the day that i went out with Alphy, he really enlighten me and open up my mind. We can only be young once. And enjoy our sch life once. Once its over we have to work hard. But what about me? Thinking of slogging for life? No way. I really wanna go back sch and study hard. But what really stopped me is the loneliness in sch... And what if i wasted anotehr yr again and all sorts of possiblility. But i really wants to study. But theres no determination at all..

Ha.Ha. Ppl can change their mind want lor not so straight lor.. Anyway is you keep forcing then i say yes want lor... If you dont want me like that, then dont force me anymore. When i say i dont want means i dont want lor

I dont understand why. I really just dont understand why. I dont understand why ppl like to 'force' me do things that i dont want to do. After 'forcing' one thing they 'force' me to do anything again. And their 'force' is so call persuading me only. Then after persuading im still the same no motion they started to get angry. What for? Whats the use?

Wah.. Just came home then need to go out again haven slp for the whole day... ytd he bring me out meet me at ard 3am plus.. then go eat supper.. Nice! Eat that thing call gong bao tian ji... With porriage damn nice! Getting spicier every min...Then after that go play pool n billard.. Shit ass no form lor.. Totally... I i sian diao.. My skills like deproving... Deprive of practices... Then after that go where ar? .. Lol i forget... oh ya Mount fable.. Quite nice la... Then sit there talk cok very funny he's jokes... Lol.. Then go eat breakfast.. Nice! the you tiao at Geylang Lor 18.. Then the shao bin and taiwan mian xian.. Damn nice.. Then after that go hotel play poppers.. Another name call rush ar he say.. Quite shoik la... But the kick last for mins only.. So short...Then i keep sniffing lor... lol then he go slp i watch tv... Watch two show very NICE man.. got hbo want cia... Then i try to slp cant slp cia! Out side so fucking noisy lor.. Construction worker outside drill drill drill... Then come back home got ppl drilling upstairs wtf... Then whole day havent slp so fucking tired... Waiting for my friend's call just afraid that i would fall asleep...

Fucking angry with xy... I have already told her first hand.. Once i started slping it would be difficult to be up again.. Then in the end i wake up at 9pm then she dont want to go out already... Wtf she everyday just acc her guys can already.. Two guys would keep her fucking busy... If shes still free then go find more, more guys would be happy to have her companion..

Lol... sian.. wah lan eh... walk ard hougang then three bikers there following us then in the end get xy no... then go plaza with us... before tht i n xy go burn newspaper in the rubbish bin lol then the whole thing melt.. lol.. so fun then got ppl saw us then we run cia so thrilling so fun... lol.. then we walk walk walk then saw rubbish bin again then move the bin in the middle of of the road lol funny seh then the ppl come out of the car and put the bin back lol... stupid seh.. then those three reach plaza le then they go in and one of them have not reach the age limit but they smuggle them in then in the end kana ban... Then they downstair si bei dulan then throw the chair all that then ka zhua saw mahz also du lan then ka zhua say kua lan jiao then in the end like wan tio dai ji like that in the end shake hands settle le cos the ah yi c0me and stop them mahz.. say what u all now also nv chup liaoz still want fight then after that settle le... so lame lor... Luckily i think they dunno they know us ar... If not cia sway next time how to go plaza...'
wtf.. sway cia know them... They take xy no. that time i already sian diao liaoz... Then heard they want go plaza with us i more sian lor

... I still miss him.. I still love him... Pls want me back... Im sry yong yuan i know its not fair to you... because my heart still have my ex.. Im sry...

Anyway.. Feel like breaking him le... Got stead feels like none.. Wtf. Does he treat me like his stead.

Just woke up... Wondering why xy never call me.. I thought she told me to wake up at 4pm tehn after that meet her father why she didnt call? Ncm anyway.. ytd go clark quey.. It was whack.. But luckily we got a taxi driver to drive us around lol.. FREE. lol in the worning drive go eat drink smoke and talk cok. lol Now that was fun.. I haven laugh out in a while.. Hhahah anyways hope can like this again lol

Hearing those songs... His back again... His shadown is back in my mind.. Sobs... SAve me!

Wondering... Was it a trail of unwise decision? Or a blessing in disguise?

Wrong wrong wrong! Everything is going wrong! Save me!

Lol.. He so cute lor.. This few days keep talking to him on phone.. yep.. Then feel that he very cute lei... Dunno lei then i just scare that he would be disappointed to see me looking like this... Maybe he thought that i will look pretty then he jio me want... Then dunno la.. whether to accept anot... Then we can get along quite well.. I dunno if he is sincere anot but he sounds not really sincere lei... Like just finding a stead to acc only... soo..... Dunno lahs...

Hm.. Today went to ps actually plan to go look for a job but we wear kinda too improperiate to go for an interview so we plan to go on monday... Then go there to repair my fucking shoes which i bought for just one fucking week and its fucking spoilt... And im fucking hot... Then after that went to look fer daniel.. After that I saw a two niggaz and they say hi i say hi back then they come over.. We chatted and he asked for number.. And guess what? They are from america!! o.m.g... Lol Very nice to chat.. Seem like a million things to talk about... Then they acc us walk to bugis and then we went seperate ways. then we went to find mingkar gabriel and his friends.. After that we went to his friend's hse before that i think they eat pills.. Then kinda weird... A while after we went off sit at bus stop chatted for a very long time... She say she dare not say cause scare i angry then don care her but i told nah just say out everything no need scare want.. Next time anything just say out... Then we chatted very very very long and after taht chat we felt even more closer.. And after then sit cab go home.. The taxi uncle also very good to chat lol.. Talk cok with him all that lol

Wtf Fuck you.. The moment i just thought of you u appear just at ma face.. And what is that fucking expression?! Don wanna see me again izit?! Wtf is that busy stuff? Busy going out playing pool or hanging around with yer girls.. Fucking ji hong. Ooooh soo cuuute with that fucking sunglasses on is it.. So cool so cute. Ugh! Pui! Yer taste fucking sucks! Eew! Pp EE U! So fucking short i guess even shorter than me.. So I guess you like toot toot innocent girls Y?! For you to fuck izit for yer to cheat again fucking right? Fucking geeks. Wtf Do you think you are mr Charm.. Charm any girls you want.. I sincerely spit on you... You ruin ma day.

What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU. What the fuck?! FUCK YOU.

-ji hong kia!!
-ji hong kia!!
-ji hong kia!!

-decided to slowly take my time to it...
-sort things out clearly before i make move
-and not to make those same fucking mistakes again
-try to change ma self first though

.. Haiz.. I really dunno what to say.. Feel like calling him but i cant find the courage to call him... Its like very thick skin and im also not very chio then like very bo bian and dun want face like that... Thats what i felt.. It really saddened me that y do i look this way... Then today he rejected me.. Like so paiseh lor... Not really a big deal cause it just an offer to go out lol.. Im just waiting for him to ask me that fucking qn that wont get out of his mouth... haiz... how long do i have to wait... But i do really hope if i got a chance i hope it last long.. Cause im kinda sick and tired of short relationship... Im afraid if i called then there would be some mins of sinlence cause it would be awkward if there were nth to talk about.. Im in a dileima now! Should i call or not?

-sry i hate it when theres much spelling mistake in my entry...
-lol kwang called me in the afternnoon
-Should i call him?
-Still thinking about the taxi thingy
-Nice one heeh

Hai... Fucking family... Friends my sim card kana confiscated soo... Don msg nor call... Call me directly to ma house or xueying to find me... thz...

-Bad gastric
-Nv eaten most of the times
-I need a fucking job!

lol. Nice one Tsk... You are so wasted. After going to Indonchine, vomit in the cab... taxi uncle was 38 hot.. I was like sorry... lol. Reaching hougang plaza alone.. went up to the toilet and fucking vomited again... Lie down in the toilet kiao ka and slp lol... For half an hr... ppl keep calling dunno wtf they wants.. When to meet ah long then slp all the way until andy bring me to stairway then we talk all the way... then after that dunno go where then i go home...

-In cab.. darren what r u tryna do?
-Anyways.. nice one
-Slow and soft... :P hahz

Bored to tears... Wonder later going boat quey or not... Free liquor again yea.. that rox..

-Will he be mine?
-Im too ugly fer him?
-em bore with me?

... don like this template.. its just not me.. not my style... no time change..

Why did he do that? Why did he call me up for a chat with me when he has been ignoring me for the past months... Or is he just wants to have that sleipnir... Wants me to teach him how to make that and mixture??? Then i ask him to teach me make that arch angel wings he told me he forget... like wtf? Its like keeping all the good stuff to himself without want to share... All i did was give and he all he did? Take... After that we chatted for a while and he just suddenly said everytime he lie on his bed he will think of me and that... I was like the 'huh' expression... And it sucks... And he ask me did i missed him all that.. And said he'd missed me.. I immediately felt that he was just using me as a spare tyre and trying to make me fall deeper for him.. Then suddenly say all this, the next day wont even have a msg sending to my hp.. Fucked up by it. And wasnt going to care about that and that phone call was just entertaining a fucking me...

I bet shes going back.. This is totally whack.. How should it goes.. My regrets..


Why did he do that? What does he wants??

What is he trying to prove to me??... fuck it...

I want to say thank you Alphy for this few days... lol.. He will be leaving in less than two months time to uk... aww so sad... dont want you leaving so fast wor... If not no one bring me out le.. lol...

Let me introduce you to my thinking process.
Murders happen all the time, right? Well, what's so fucking bad about it? The person doing the murdering is doing a huge favor by killing, as this life is a waste of time, and is pointless, as everyone I hope, knows. But, if the murderer is put into a jail cell for the rest of his life, that won't do much. One, it takes up space, and two, this will make the murder more pissed. So, if they were given a death penalty, like a beheading, it would be better, and also, it would reward them, for they will get removed from this life too. It's like doing people a favor, killing. See what I'm saying?
And hanging heads and dead bodies around places would warn those who are afraid to die, so they woudn't do a crime, like stealing for example.
Also, what's so good about this 'god'? It's just not in a person's true nature to go through life like a Barney episode. It just makes more sense the other way around. It's just way too hard for me to explain on how I feel about this. It really is. Jesus was probably indeed an actual person who SEEMED to do great deeds and had messangers at his side. Angels are what 'messenger' means in a certain language; I forgot which. And people probably later looked at this Jesus as a 'god' and worshipped him. And he died and one of his messengers, Lucifer, betrayed him, for reasons I can completely agree with, and so god just bannished him to a place actually better than heaven.
If people keep being all happy and continue breeding, this world will evantually be a huge trash pit. Full of houses, roads, pollution. And if this 'god' didn't want his world to suffer, he wouldn't let it, would he? He is a fraud. And if indeed he did 'create', then people are the worst possible mistake you ever could make. Did he create people to become his allies against Lucifer? IS HE THAT WEAK? IF HE IS GOD THE ALMIGHTY, WHERE THE FUCK IS THIS 'MIGHT'? WOULDN'T LUCIFER BE DESTROYED BY NOW?
As I said before, this is all very hard for me to explain how I feel. But let me just sum it up: Do we want to live in a world so bright it blinds us?

... Today i sms him hows ya.. he told me let like lor.. now a days got group togethre with a lot of ppl then in the group got one girl closer with me... I was like.. damn it..

No im free... I cant be trapped inside his palm anymore... Damnit... Who the fuck do you think u are

The job is so fun. Lol answering phone and just pressing com. lol But some things are quite complicated... So fucking complicated and no confident in doing things...

Most ppl always think that scooter is lok cok and and sucks. I think so too. But now i've tried and its not so bad... Very comfortable and good to sit... Can move about too. Lol. And its damn cold at night just wearing a tube and riding a scooter. Omg i was shivering man.. So cold... But song lol

Yippe!~ Chivas! Here I come!! Yay today xy father come back from overseas then she called him to buy Chivas come back then he's coming back today! Yea i love hard liquor! Bye bye reality! Come back ma world!

I finally a job... Can get on with my life but kinda little pay with tough working days... but... nvm at least i wont think too much...

Hai today i look at a fucking chain mail and cried.... Xuan qing do you know how i miss you...
I miss you so badly, dearly... I MISS YOU!!!

I got soo wasted last morning.. I even vomited on the bus with no one here talking care of me... I remember the last time i got wasted he took care of me greatly... I will not forget it... His strong arms and his gentle care... But in the bus it felt so cold so lonely so pathetic so weak...

Your not here when i needed you
But its time to face the truth
I will never be with you
You just dont get a clue
Why do i feel so blue
I finally see you through
Your not as good...

Or do i really see you through?
No I dont...

Why cant i just forget you??

WAR OF THE WORLD!!!
Overall a nice show...

The best was the sound effect and the suspension... But what really makes the show bad was the ending. I was really bored off by the ending. Its like too simple and 'too dramatic simple' was like a children ending with a good explanation... But i really really like the suspense in the movie. I could really feel the fear and their acting was superb. They really act out the fear and make it look real. The sound effects were thrilling. I was so engrossed in the movie. I watched every sec and min of it without fail. I even ignored my sis qns. The graphic was ok. Some part of it was funny too. But i really must stress on the suspension. It was really really god damn fanastic. I dont know how should i stress on the word fanastic and i dont know how should i describe it. But i know it was the best suspension movie i've seen. So check it out will ya?

Another day is going by

I'm thinking about you all the time

But you're out there

And I'm here waiting

******************

And I wrote this letter in my head

Cuz so many things were left unsaid

but now you're gone

And I can't think straight

**********************

This could be the one last chance

To make you understand

**********************

I'd do anything

Just to hold you in my arms

To try to make you laugh

Somehow I can't put you in the past

I'd do anything

Just to fall asleep with you

Will you remember me?

Cuz I know I won't forget you

**************************

Together we broke all the rules

Dreaming of droping out of school

And leave this place to never come back

***********************************

So now maybe after all these years

If you miss me have no fear

I'll be here I'll be waiting

**********************

This could be the one last chance to make you understand

And I just can't let you leave me once again

**************************************

I close my eyes

And all I see is you

I close my eyes

I try to sleep

I can't forget you

And I'd do anything for you

Who the fuck do you think you ar?! OmFg! Just look at yourself do yer think ur any man that can charm any girls. Dont be too confident punk. So what do you think ur doing avoiding me here. You suck your words suck even more. I will not take any more of your sweet little lies. I finally see yer through. No way am i gonna fall into ur trap again. Ur just wearing a perfect mask.

Perfect by nature
Icons of self indulgence
Just what we all need
More lies about a world that

Never was and never will be
Your not real and you cant save me
And somehow now your everybody's fool

Look here she comes now
Bow down and stare in wonder
Oh how we love you
No flaws like your pretending
But now i know she

Never was and never will be
Have no shame dont u see me
You know you've got everybody's fool

omg I cant control my emotions now. He really just made me look like a crying doll... I have no expression now. The blank look on my face... The sad smile i often gave... The look in his eyes that made me cry omg omg omg im really going mad.

Its over! ITs over! Its over! Its over! Its over! Its over! Its over! Its over! Its over.... .... GOD DAMN IT! WHY CANT YOU JUST ACCPET DA FACT THAT ITS OVER!!!!!

Nth will ever be the same again. Not if we are friends.
Because no.
I cant turn to you knowing that you will cheer me up again because no you left me that very day i cried.
I cant live in your love and concern anymore because no you dont love me anymore.
I cant hug your arms no more because no you left me here all alone knowing that i needed you.
I cant look at your brown eyes any closer now because no you have to go the moment i was missing you so badly.
I cant often see your msg on the phone now because no I dont even exists in your heart now.
I cant see you that often now because no you are beginning to feel irritated about me.
I cant be your lady now... because no... you left me that very day... ...

Every single day i live with a new hope that you would just msg me automatically just to let me know that you'd miss me or that a miracla would happen or i can see you today. Just a simple wish from you but every end of the day my hope gets broken. I hate the feeling of disappointment repeating just over and over again. Its like living on the day you broke up with me. I cant stand this kind of hurt and sorrow. God please return to me the miracle salvation. I still believe in you... I still believe you would change your mind and come back to me. I still beliee we can make it through this. Im still waiting for that very day. Please dont disappoint me again. Dont hurt me again. Can I see you now?

We broke up... It just happen so abruptly.... Still in the state of shock and confusion. To a point of self-loathing and self-blaming... I will quit sch this time.

Never believe in love no more.
I wait. You will never call.
I am a girl you will never adore.
Somehow everything i see is bloody gore.
I love you to the core, but you made me become a crying doll.
I hate walking alone in the mall
Im here for you to ignore.
Why do you love me in the past? What for?
Im here waiting for your care and concern to store.
Never fall in love no more.

I look at your message on the phone.
I really dont wanna let you go.
Please tell me why i seriously wanna know.
How could you let me go?
Do you still love me? Please dont say no.
Please dont say the word. I know i cant cope.
I dont wanna be there all alone.
I dont want anyone else except you in my zone.
So please dont leave me here lying cold.
You are my only one. My only hope.

So much love so much security in the past... How the fuck did things change so fast.. I dont understand i just dont understand... Pls tell me the truth..

I try to kill the pain but only brought more...

Thank you for completing me
Thank you for making me see
Thank you for accepting me as who i am
Thank you for making my lonliness end
Thank you for holding my hand when im fallin
Thank you for being there when im calling
Thank you for making my everything
Thank you for loving my everything
Thank you for not complaining
Thank you for not blaming it

Ever since the day you went away and left me lonely and cold

My life just hasn't been the same ohh baby, nooo

When I looked into your eyes the moment that I let you go I just broke down

Baby if I ever get the chance to be with you again I would sacrifice

Cuz the feeling that I feel within

No other man would ever make me feel so right

Its nice to smile when I get your phone call at night

But I'd rather have you here with me, right next to me

I miss the way you hold me tight

I gotta let you know I feel so weak without your touch

I never thought that I could ever love a man so much

I gotta let you know I think that we are destiny

For you I'd cross the world, for you I'd do anything

Thats right baby I'm going crazy

I need to be your ladyI've been thinking lately

That you and me, yes we can make it

Just ride with me, roll with me I'm in love with you baby

Break it down now I'll tell you what I feel

From the moment that I met you its been so damn real

My heart seems to skip another beat

Every time we speak, I can't believe I feel so weak

Tell me that you really need me and you want me and you miss me

And you love me I'm your lady

I'll be around waiting for you

I'll put it down be the woman for you

I'm falling so deep for you crazy over for you

I`m calling, calling out to you what am I going to do?

It's true, no fronting

Its you and no other i can no longer go on without you I'll just break down

If you want to kick me one side then why did you jio me in the first place... i hate you for that... think what ai mai ai mai ar. im not a HoR go to geylang if you want some.. I cant believe you actually said that to me... My eyes just sting... I hate you... I love you

I knew it from the start. U still cant let go of the past relationship. I know u would love her more than u do love me. This few days u kept talking about ur ex. Like what would she do in this that situation. At where when. It hurts me so bad even though i always put up a tough front and makes u think that i do not care. If ever u had a chance i bet u would rather go back to her. I know u still miss remember the time i asked you. Do you ever missed her. U told me you do still. Im so afraid you would go back to her. I cant stand you having another lady occupied another space of your heart. I felt incomparison to her. I felt so small, afraid, tiny and weak. Shes just too great... Shes just too perfect... Shes seem the only one just perfect for you. Even thought ur right beside im know u dont only see me in your eyes. How you wish im her. Im sorry im not her. I cant be her. Shes more unique than me on ur eyes. I always saw something in your eyes that you are beginning to get fustrated about me. It makes me feel afraid. Did you know i even cried? I doubt you don even ur here. Im beginning to treasure. Im beginning to feel it. The pain... I beg you dont push me away. Dont neglect me....

No comments... Just waiting. I know its coming. Is my happy ending coming? I doubt it.

finaly!!! Im back home!! Chill out for four days... Whack out of chip. But kinda lucky some how

Only today i just realise something very important in my life. I didnt know that i ever love him so much... After going to his house when we were talking he suddenly said something thatrunk me unexpectantly and it really pains me to think of his sentence. What if it really going to happen. I dont think i would take it and it didnt happen and I reacted already so what if it happen. I dont wanna think of it. I didnt expect I would reacted that way and i totally screwed up. I tried to control nut failed. Im gonna miss him.

I miss his brown eyes. His playful look. It trips me off ... I love him. Willingly. I finaly dare to admit it. I love you.

Haiz fucked up life... spoke to him on the phone... Thinking* how stress he is with his family... so sad.... Felt very guilty of treating him this way like everytime pang seh him when im with friends. Then i cried silently on the phone even though i dont feel like crying... Stress*
Quit sch mum cried. He cried. Some conflicts. Tired. Sick. Real tired. Broke. Damn. Fucked up.
FUCKED UP LIFE!!!! I HATE YOU!

Like wat the fuck. Some dyke was fucked up and so she went to fucking wrote in her fucked up webbie. And now i was like wat the fuck expression.

Yipee! lol i finally got hp. *like finally*~~ hawhaw... Still not thinking right. Still not making any choices. * bye~ shitting

wah sian.. now at lan thherer then all go blog update then i also come join in the fun nor... lol.. ytd my bday so sian not special want.. but then xq,py,yt and ly come my house give me bday cake so touch. Then that stupid xy never come acc me still saY what sistaz cia... So angry then she come liaoz already 12.15AM liaoz then already after my bday liaoz never give me face. Then i keep saying her. Then so funny. Actually i not angry want then kay kay abit mahz lol. then got one kay po help me type dunno type what then delete. then saw me type this then help me delete again so KAYPO. LOL.

Im starting to get irritated~ You better watch it and stop it or you better try to save it or lose it. But I hate heading back. Watch it.

I wont let you be our obstacle. You wont pressure me.

I love you~... Do I want to? Heeh what the hell. Hecka that.. love you willingly... Muacks!

Not really myself nowadays. I cant believe that im really falling for him? I really dont know. I can see that he is serious to this relationship but I dont know what i really wants. I now dont mind his negative side already but I dont like falling for a person! It makes me miss the person so much that I felt boring without him. I cant believe this is me. I always thought that i wouldnt care if my stead would care about me or not or would he call me or that he really love me. How i wish he wouldnt care much about me or treated me so good. It makes me so sick. Haiz... its so tiring. I want me back! Nvm I just hope im happy.

Im sooo happy! Im finally back with her again! Friends forever! I hope i dont do anything wrong again. Oh man really regreted it.

Did something i never thought i will do.

Cousellor lecture me again.

Happiest moment: At the playground ;)
Suffocating in your care, concern and love.

I hope i can balance those things right...

-Use com still need limited hours want ar. Dont think you are my dad so you can like that lor. I sincerely say fuck.

- I dont care already. Let it be anyway this is life. I hate life. I sincerely hate life.

- Why is it always so whack. What is me? I sincerely hate myself.

Do you really think you can control me by force?! I dont think so. Im stubborn so are you. You do this to me I will do the opposite! Fuck this house!

Im sorry. Please please forget. I will be gone soon. I will cherish it if you are willing to give me another chance. -sniff-

I dont wanna think anymore... Thats the way i am and thats too bad.

Finally we are back together again
But now all efforts are in vain
I wanna sit forever in the train
I wanna walk forever in the rain
I'm at loss and nothing gain
Our memories kept appearing in my brain
I wanna hit myself with a cane
Blood flowing out of my veins
All i felt was fucking pain
I try not to be insane
I try very hard to refrain
Myself from hiding from reality
But it is damn hard to maintain my morality

Please give me another chance
Please give me a second glance
Please accompany through the song and dance
I don't mean to offense
I know it make no sense
But I don't wanna lose you as a friend
So please give me another chance

Now my best friend hate me even a fucking stranger hates me too. I think the god hates me. The fucking mac stranger... Y does he hates me??? Like as if he knew me very well like as if I dis him. MAjor problems kept coming I dont think I can take it. Pls god help.

So much pretending
waiting for a happy ending
So long did i waited
So much time did i wasted
Mum finds my pillow wet at night
Friends dun even know if im alright

It hurts so badly inside pretending im not
Ever so deeply it hurt mending no spot
Tears pour through the lonely nights
Still pretending im not. Im just polite.

Smiling as ever. Frowning never.
Tease talk play smile
Please stop grey style
unease angry walk make way slow frown

Becoming apathetic to everything
Dun look as pathetic as it seems
Out?
Doubt.
Returning everything with a sulk
My whole lot of feelings at one time
Right now I have no choice but to end this rhyme
I have no lighter that burns much brighter
But i have a message for the god damn writer
Too bad your are not as pretty
Or miss personality
Im sorry its a pity.

Some day I just keep pretending. Dreaming of a different ending. I wanna hold on but it hurts so bad. I cant keep someday that i never had.

1. :)
2. Inconsideration of other people's feeling.
3. I wish we had not met again.

I had wonderful dream last night! The best dream i had in my lifetime. I dreamt im back in the band! Then my conductor gave me back the stock custom back to me. YEA!~ Then me and my Mr right dance together then i was like can feel the happiness in the dream. WOW! How wish im still dreaming. Haiz... Its over.

I hate the something that is within me. It is overtaking my mind; is controlling me. I can feel it. How i wish i can release this devil that is inside me. My extreme laziness is getting out of control. Im afraid i have to let it be. I have no motivation in my life. I have no motivation everytime i wake up in the morning. I cannot find the motivation in the morning to go to school. How i envy michelle. At least she have the motivation that makes her want to go to school. Her special *her. The way she always wrote it ya? How i wish i can find someone to motivates me...

Just as i thought. So my instincts were right on that day. Yo guys were out. I understand how you feel now.

... ... Like what the fuck?! Everytime i tryta change you guys started scolding me... Im so fucked up. My motivation immediately went down down! Thats what Im talking about! Yea i tryta change yea i wanted to quit smoking. And u know that aight u know that i didnt smoke fer days! Then what did u say today when i take a puff in the toilet. You immediately shouted at me 'I saw the cigarette i throw away!' shouted at me right away! You know my fucking flu came? Everything was fucked up. And today like fer example. I dont wanna go to sch because of that fucking flu u guys scolded me nagged at me. You guys can never know what im feeling. Yo guys keep asking me to tell ya whats on my mind what im feeling whats the problem why like that or blah blah blah fucking blah... How do u ever expect me to talk to ya. When like i ever started talking you guys keep nagging nagging and nagging and maybe ever scolding or say im ridiculous. How can i ever talk to ya. Anyway i dont see the point to go to sch. Maybe thats one. Fer N' levels. Then that nth else. I rather study at home. Its more more MORE effective that way. Take the physics fer example. I study study study and what i get? I know what u expected i will say nth right? NO. lol I understand it all! Thats what i mean. Im even one chapter ahead of the class. When i go to sch, I saw the teacher teaching those things and i know what they were saying like for the first time?

So now i finally understood. Im really just another person in the hood.


Sitting here all by myself.
Wishing I was somebody else.
Head in my hands, nothing to do.
Just thinking I was with someone, anyone, even you.
I’m so bored and I’m so mad.
Can’t go anywhere, because im fat.
Today is so boring.
Oh I know, I wish I was an angel in the great sky soaring.
Life can be fun, life can be boring.
Here I am now, listening to my dad snoring.
All the other kids out playing at the park.
From when the sun comes up until its dark.
I wish I could be them.
Oh I wish I had an M&M.
Here I am sitting here all by myself.
Wishing I was somebody else.

Homework, homework thats all i do,School, work, nothing new
Teachers pushing
Works rushing
All this stress
This whole big mess
It's just a hassle, i must confess
I can't wait till grad day
Or even my payday
Mayday Mayday
I'm going down
hit the ground
gather around
Homework, homework thats all i do,
School, work, nothing new
I have a life
how about you?
English, Biology, Algebra 2
I could add more
Oh, what a bore
There's no more room to store
My brain is packed
A long days task
I just wanna relax
Is that too much to ask?

Haiz... i hope all of this never happen

Im so not right down pissed off. Im just literally pissed by ur 'pissed'. I dont think we should carry on this way. Yea and whats the big deal anyway?! Ur just another clone freak of that girl ur pissed off by. Huh! Ur just as easily tempered as her huh. U know. So whats wrong with me getting back at u? Yo did that pretty soon everytime as i get u too. Everybody does that too so whats wrong dude! Just because im easily bullied? But dude yo got me in get back mode so whats the shit about that dis? But whether is it stating me i do not know but i know one thing that if it stating me then yo so over! Come on! I am so sorry that yo didnt see through me right from da start[like as if i am that sort!]! I am sorry that Im the one THING in ur life that isnt perfect! And you know what its none of my BI business! And if yo wanna carry on, go ahead and be my guest! I dont know whats gotten into you and i dont wish to know I just wanna get out of this childish games. And im so sorry that i cant be ur dog anymore. So is that what yo pissing off at?