I dont wish to wake up tomorrow.
I wish to sleep until wednesday please.
Its only the 2nd week and a project is ongoing.

Its weird how im such a baby in front of him...
Bii, siu siu. =)

"The best revenge is to be happy."
I wonder how many knows that.
This year I met two that doesnt embrace this idea.
Its saddening, its pathetic.

Especially you.
You dont have to prove to the world, just prove it to yourself.
Wheres the confident? Wheres the esteem?
Get a grip and perhaps stop holding a grudge against me.
If im being sensitive then perhaps this is just your charactor.
Social ethics? None. No wonder.

Seriously in need of a career advice.

IMH or KTPH?
Interest, goals or exposure and working near from home?
Specialised or general?
Think I need more time to think about it.
Id better ask my mentor or lecturers.

I joined 4 CCAs!
Guitar, Foreign Bodies, Wushu and Squash!
HAHAHA!
People laughed when I mention Wushu.

And I still do belongs to the mud gang!

P.S "Bii say S."

EXHAUSTED!
A new spot for socialising apart from clubbing, SCHOOL!
Yahoooooooo! Have fun tomorrow Trisha!

Oh and whats fucking fly is that David asked me to perform with him at some bar and its PAID! Freaking a.

Phuture with KorKor and then last half an hour to PH!
I love my KorKor! I think I can get drunk with him around!
No worries at all. Except hes too playful haha.
Saw many unexpected people at Phuture today!
Am HAPPY! I saw Eilemon and Faizal! They've changed quite abit.

This is gonna be the 'last' clubbing night before my school starts.
I was hoping to go NaNa rather than PH.
I WANNA SEE ALVIN!
But its okay I can see him in school =D
Night people!

Wondering whats with David...

Btw, I am VERY very addicted with 80s poprock right now. (am always addicted I know)
But! I have found a whole load of new batch.
And its rocking my world.

Its just a few days to OPENING OF SCHOOL!
Guitar club, adventure club, dragon boat, dance, tennis here I come!!
Perhaps I should join martial arts too. Haha!
I dont think I should have any sports cause I dont wanna get darker, but heck!
If time allows, I wanna join all of them.

I think hes feeling better right now.
He sounds better.
Think im gonna see him later.

Im back again to my solitary enjoyment.
Right now, this moment, I am really enjoying my time alone.

But at the back of my mind, i am very worried about Bi.
Hes on high fever. Hes whole body is burning.
I skipped ladies night to take care of him althought I didnt feel like it because of some issues lately but I just couldnt bear to leave him alone.
I came home today just cause I think I should.
When I saw him, I see some hope for our trust issues.
I think I just couldnt bear to see the sadness in his eyes...
And I never regret looking for him. (:

-

I find no reason to feel remorse anymore.
We dont owe each other anything anymore.
Good luck with you and your GF.
You dont have to flaunt it to me, you dont have to proof yourself to me.
Your still the same old you to me.
Do your part and think sensibly.
And to think that I was sincerely apologetic.
Or actually wanted you to be better than before.
You might 'treat' me as your good friend but I dont anymore.
I dont think of you as someone nice to even talk to.
Your just annoying me like how J, or other irritants.
I might entertain you if I have the mood.
Im just nice but I could be mean.

Whats between us is over. Entirely.
We could never be like the past, totally.
So there is no point trying, understand?
Even just friends. We can never be.
Given the way you spoke to me. Never.

-

Horray for starting of school!
Im so gonna mass join many CCAs.
PRETTY GIRLS IN CLASS IS <3!

-

I dont know what Ive done
Or if I like what Ive begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me its all or none

There were sounds in my head
LIttle voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening

Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I dont know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you aint leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside

And I wont be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do

Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood

Can you hear me running?
Can you hear me calling you?

Thanks for all your efforts done and I know you have tried your best!
Sorry that I unintentionally blurted out those words that hurt you.
And I didnt know I meant that much.
And why do I meant that much.
Im the kind of person who needs to know why.
Reason reason reason, not feelings feelings feelings!
=[ You do care...

But I dont really know, do I?
And this is what makes you interesting.
I cant read you like a book unlike the others.

And it still does sting a little whenever I think about it.
No 1... No 2... No 3... No 4... No 5...

-

Wheres David?
Sigh.

Next week is my orientation.
The feeling isnt that great as I expected it to be.
The trepidation im feeling to step into another unfamiliar zone,
yet excited.

This year is full of the unexpected suprises...

Whats next?
I hope more.

I realised, you could never forget, but to accept it as part of your life.

Back from a week of vacation.
I got so much to do!

I realised I havent truly let go of whats bothering me about the past relationship.
But the more I let go, the more I see the beauty in him.
Theres so much difference.
I learnt to appreciate better.
I learnt to encourage.
I learnt to listen.
I learnt to expect lesser.
I learnt not to hurt the ones who love me.
I learnt to keep negative feedbacks to myself, because I realised, honesty in some ways doesnt mean its healthy.

This year romance has definitely been a focal point.
From the start, Ive been involving in NAD.
Issues from NAD had been affecting me and my life.
Things are worth to think about, to reflect about if it did have effects on you.

Three viewpoints, three perspective of things I see.
But its blurred.
The more I think about it, the more I dont get it.

D once said to me, "Whats sad is that, you didnt know how much he loved you."
And I dont wanna hurt either NAD anymore.

-

Life is an experience.
I wished I had more of an experience.
An adventure.
Music is too, an adventure.
So much things undone. So much things to learn.
So much things to experience. Why stop?
Why let the routine of life take you down.
When we were young, we desire for freedom.
We search for freedom.
But when things get rougher, life brings us down, tie us back to our old boring routine. Because we get used to it.
Dont let the too common or too different people/things scare you. Because it is too an unforgettable experience.
But I never want to stop seeking.
Never want to stop experiencing.
How crazy can life get.
Freedom is youth.

Im still 21, and I still want to learn.

Love?
Not really.
Just great companions of my life.
Because I just realised, I have lost the love of my life last year.

I HAVENT CLUBBED THIS WEEK,
AND I HAVENT BEEN TO PH FOR TWO WEEKS.
I miss the awesome crew! :[

Ever since Dbl o closed. I hadnt the mood to club at all.
Im reserving all of my days for jammings and guitar-ing!
And of course, tattoo-ing.
CANT WAIT FOR THE 2ND ONE!
Its an addiction.

But tonight is solely meant for Clash of the Titans.
And some steamboat.
And some booze.
Hopefully with some rock n roll.
<3

Sucker love, a box I choose.
No other box I choose to use.
Another love I would abuse,
No circumstances could excuse.

In the shape of things to come.
Too much poison come undone.
Cuz there's nothing else to do,
Every me and every you.

Sucker love is known to swing.
Prone to cling and waste these things.
Pucker up for heavens sake.
There's never been so much at stake.

I serve my head up on a plate.
It's only comfort, calling late.
Cuz there's nothing else to do,
Every me and every you.

Like the naked leads the blind.
I know I'm selfish, I'm unkind.
Sucker love I always find,
Someone to bruise and leave behind.

All alone in space and time.
There's nothing here but what here's mine.
Something borrowed, something blue.
Every me and every you.

I finally found the song I've been looking for, for months.
That song that was playing at Cold Hard Beer.
"Hurts so good!
Come on baby make it hurts so good!"

The best thing was, I woke up listening to it.
Ahh, the blues, the rock n roll.

Note to self:
I got to stop drinking Cookie Spin during work.

Reasons why:
I am getting fat.
I am prone to being diabetic.
My eyes and nose are already itchy due to the sweetness.
Coffee make teeth yellow. Smoking already did its time.

I wonder, is that spite?
Or he's habit kicks in again.
Should I or should I not?
I know he would do his 'thing' again.
Think i'll just wait til im ready. =)

-

P.S STEREOPHONICS ARE HEADING TO SG! Im so looking forward to it.
P.P.S D said he would have married me if I were older......
Why does he touch my heart so...
Its been 4 years since I knew him.
I wont cross the line because of our great friendship.
I wont lose this friendship because of a mistake.
I know that theres always him to count on when things doesnt go the way I want to...

Sorry David... =/
And I kinda miss you.
Our emotional bonds are something I cant imagine losing..

Right now, Don Henley can do his job.
Classics like this, can fix me.

It was just weird.
Seeing him there.
Seeing him reminds me about everything about him.
I couldnt help to be harsh when the topic about him was brought up.
I guess it was the bit of jealousy mixed with some facts.
But I guess the lack of communication with him will always bring bad word for the both of us. Still, ...
Well, the past couldnt be changed. The future can.
Lets all just reflect and grow from it.
Definately I need to.
Maybe 5 years down the road... Who knows.

-

She was pretty unhappy when she saw me.
Think I tried my best to not affect her night already...
And I actually thought we could be normal friends, but the unheard words could be felt...

I saw alot of familiar faces yesterday.
Regulars were exchanging numbers when they know that it would be the last time to see each other. My second home is movingggggggg. :[

Yesterday night was just awesome awesome awesome.
The party of the month.

I'll just go along, and hopefully things will pass soon.
Its was kind of terrible at the start, but when the last evening came, it starts to get better...

The thing I hate most about him right now, is the guilty look on his face.
I dont want to listen to anymore apologies nor see you feeling bad.
Because I have already forgiven you and let us just move on, shall we?
I wanna see you smile and joke with me again.

-

I.cant.wait.for.CLASH.OF.THE.TITANS!
Great friends or soulmates?
Did I hurt you by doing that?
Its selfish of me but im sorry.
Without you, im just nothing.

Your always there without fail...
Will you still be there tomorrow?
Next month? Next year...?
:[

Such perfect trust.
Such perfect feeling.
Such perfect impression.
Ruined.

Flawed evening...

Spinned a web of lies,
trapped a whole load of insecurities.

Today I realised, forgiving is a very loving act.
When I forgave, I learnt to love myself a little bit more.

She wanted one last week with him.
I said okay.
XH said I was very generous.
But I guess this is who I am.
I dont mind alot of things, the only thing is not to lie to me.

Today, I learnt a great deal about myself.
<3

Life is great.

I didnt teared a single because of the recent incidents with Andrew.
Yet I teared because of David.
A million thank you couldnt be enough.
You really touched my heart...

Im overwhelmed by some unexplainable emotions.

My buddy, thank you!
You stand an important place.