Backmasking.

Backmasking/Backtracking

I read, those sublimal messages actually register in our subconsious mind which motivate the individual to do what they heard. Mmm is it really true?
I found the song which I listen to a few years ago, Jimmy eat world - The middle
The sublimal messages was something like eat Sushi eat sushi. Its amusing. But did I crave for sushi at that point of time? If yes then its true.

Nothing better - The postal service
Deuce.

All is full of love.

And I shall accomodate to you. Thats all this is about, isnt it? =]

Your heart is an empty room.

Cause all you see is where else you could be when your at home.
Out on the street are so many possibilities to not be alone.

You seem so so out of context in this gaudy apartment complex
A stranger with your door key explaining that i am just visiting
And i am finally seeing why i was the one worth leaving

You are egocentric and so am I. How can we survive?

To be with you - Mr. Big

I will go down with this ship and I wont put my hands up and surrender
there will be no white flag above my door, Im in love and always will be.

And he said sweetie.

When we get home, I know we wont be home at all
This place we live, it is not where we belong
And I miss who we were in the town that we could call our own
Going back to get away after everything has changed

I miss us.
Are you moving on yet?
Everytime I carry a hope with me, that everytime will piece up like before.
The feeling is different.


You left me something to hold on to. You left me hanging with that very question.

Crash and burn - Savage garden
Bai.
P.S Im sorry, im a sinner.

You dont care, you dont bother to know what went wrong.

Smurf #1: Yo, Smurf, that party last night was freakin', Smurf!
Smurf #2: You bet your smurf it was!
Smurf #1: Hey, I saw you leaving with Smurfette.
Smurf #2: Yeah. Right when we left the party, she started smurfin' me.
Smurf #2: Shut the smurf up! Right in the smurfing parking lot?
Smurf #2: Oh, yeah.
Smurf #1: That's freakin' smurf!
Smurf #2: You betcha.
Smurf #1: Freakin' smurf.

How to do your friendster profile.

Uproarious =] I dont have to emphasize my dislike of 'leet speak'.

-
EDIT: I have ` in front of my friendster name. Im cool.

Abstract thoughts

Well, quite obviously, Ive done the template with some leeching here and there. I dont know if it works on all browser tho.

Kevin said, "because I think you have a good caliber."
Wow and thanks. I didnt believe so.
"why do you keep yourself at home?"
No answer.
"Just so many potential untapped, but somehow, something is between you and you fulfilling your potential."

Mmm, myself is obstructing me from maximizing my potential.
I wish I am without inhibitions.
There was never a final closure within myself. No satisfying closure.
Sometimes even to the state of regression.
The same question I asked myself for the past four months.
"Am I out of the fence yet?" Mmm, not quite.
Sometimes, I feel mirthful, joy and hopeful of life.
But facts on how I depress myself? No idea.
-
Mmm about that issue.
I chose avoidance and isolation. Maybe like what J had told me, people take things for granted. Well its so true.
I rather isolate myself than start any unneccessary issues.
-

Currently on the book,
Malignant self love, narcissism revisited
By Sam Vaknin

Hes a victim of NPD himself. Its rather interesting and intriguing to read the thoughts of a narcissist. He had a usage of highbrow vocab to create an aura of grandiosity.

"I am constantly envious of people. This is my way of interacting with the world. I begrudge others their success, or brilliance, or happiness, or good fortune. I am driven to excesses of paranoia and guilt and fear that subside only after I "act out" or punish myself. It is a vicious cycle in which I am entrapped."

Text extracted from the book.

Someday you will be loved - Death cab for cutie
Laters.

My lovely bookshelf.

AHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHH HHHHHHHH HHHHHH HHHHH HAHAHAHA HAHAHA HAHHAH AHAHHA HAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHHA HAHAHHAHAH AHAHAHAHAH AHAHAH HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAH HAHAHAHHAHAH AHHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHHAH AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHHAHAHA HHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHHA HAHAHHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAH AHHAHAH HHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAH AHHAHAHAHHAH AHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHHAHAHA HHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHHAH AHAHHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HHAHAHAHHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHHAHAHAHH AHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHHAHAHA HHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHHAHA HAHHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHHA HAHAHHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHH AHAHAHHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHH AHAHAHHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHHAH AHAHHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHH AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAAHAHA HAHAHAHHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHHA HAHAHHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA HAHAHHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHH

I just saw something, terribly uproarious. My dad, wore my Si Ling sec UNIFORM, to WORK.
So risibly weeeeird.

Yesterday, I felt a 'rush', a pressure, to talk. To keep talking. It was weird. Then, whether it was the works of my mind or i did really heard the sound around me, i really got scared. The feeling was so ominous.

Good good, everything is going smoothly. Well at least my life is. Better than usual. Ah and I dont really wanna look for a job. Its a distraction.
The more I work, the more I spend, the more I spend, the more I wanna earn! That eventually becomes a distraction to my studies. But honestly, its really just a self justifiying excuse to not look for a job. =]

For the numerous time of my life, I am addicted to reading, again.
www.suite101.com

A secret manifesto.

Ciao.
P.S And yes, I am self obsess.

The world is so unpredictable that it is by far better to improvise.

IM BROKE.
Im beaten, totally. Slept like a few hours, and woke up at friggin 9am.
Whole day I was out, and just eaten a half foot of Italian B.M.T for the whole day.
I need a gawd damn job.
I suddenly realised, theres so much things to do!

AND theres a yearly parade, I forgot whats its called. Its actually exciting.
At Cineleisure, GUESS WHO I SAW! Remember the show on channel 8, 7pm? The teacher, Yo yo who wanted to be a star? I saw one of her student, 'Situ Bi'! OUTSIDE CINE! I was like AWWWWWW SO CUTE!

Anyone have an idea where to alter my jeans?

Rum is for drinking not burning - Senses fail
Chaw.
P.S Mmm... sick of you?

I wake up and think dreams arent real,
I sleep so I dont have to feel,
the truth that you can never be
the one person that wont ever forget me.

I hope that dreams come when I die,
So we can talk, I wont wake up,
Ill ask how your life worked out,
Ill never know that Im just dreaming.

Let me sleep somemore.
Let me sleep somemore.
Let me sleep somemore.
Let me sleep somemore.
Let me sleep somemore.
Let me sleep somemore.
Let me sleep somemore.
Let me sleep somemore.
Let me sleep somemore.
Let me sleep somemore.
Let me sleep somemore.
Let me sleep somemore.
Let me sleep somemore.
Let me sleep somemore.
Let me sleep somemore.
Let me sleep somemore.
Let me sleep somemore.
Let me sleep somemore.
Let me sleep somemore.
Let me sleep somemore.
Let me sleep somemore.

Just act.

Text extracted from Matt Levenhagen.

It becomes a terrible cycle. Going from one thing to another... fighting to keep it going. And often, we fall and loose the little motivation we did have and sink into depression or wonder around aimlessly looking for answer that never come.

Sometimes we have to struggle and sacrifice for a long time to get what we want in life. If any one of you have gone to college, you'll know what im talking about... Years of studying long hours and spending money to go to school not knowing what lies after.

We cant really see the light at the end of each tunnel many times. We have to ignore all good things happening around us to focus on something that we cant even touch yet............ and dont know with 100% certainly it will happen.

Am I being a financial burden to my family?

THEODORE ROOSEVELT:
Its not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause, who at best knows achievement and who at the worst if he fails at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.
-
I bargained with life for a penny,
And life pay no more,
However I begged at evening,
When I counted my scanty store.

For life is just an employer,
He gives what you ask,
But once you have set the wages,
Why, you must bear the task.

I worked foe a menial's hire,
Only to learn, dismayed,
That any wages I asked of life,
Life would have willingly paid.
-
PETER MARSHALL:
When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure.
-
Actions will provide you with motivation. Its not the other way round.
You dont get motivated to act, you act to get motivated.
Just act.

Oh my life.

Shared folder, 10.8GB, 1,242 files.
+
My music folder, 525MB, 592 files.
+
More songs folder, 3.14GB, 321 files.
+
More more songs folder, 172MB, 50 files.
+
Other folders, 1.22GB, 314 files.
=
15.9GB, 2519 files.

I cant think of the days if one day I'd lost them all. Oh my life.

I love deep thinkings.
I love movies, articles, questions that provoke deep thinking.

Its not the girls around you, the only thing I needed the most is emotional affection.

Im glad these years of 'lazing around', staying at home, had pull my bond closer with my family.
-
If you feel discouraged when theres a lack of color here
Please dont worry lover, its really bursting at the seams
from absorbing everything the spectrum's A to Z.

This is fact not fiction for the first time in years
All the girls in every girlie magazine cant make me feel any less alone,
Im reaching for the phone to call at 7:03 and on your machine,
I slur a plea for you to come home.
But I know its too late, and I should have given you a reason to stay

Passenger seat - Death cab for cutie
Deuce.
P.S I love you. <-- reminds me, P.S I love you - The all american rejects

"Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the
way things turn out."

How life comes at you today is determined by your past. How you
take it is determined by your present.
-
He said, "the feeling its like we have been together for a very long time."
I told him, "Its just our time, our time to feel love and be love."

But sometimes or somehow, I felt that the feeling is not mutual.

Lux Aeterna - Clint Mansell
Lates.

Humm, Summer overture. Lux Aeterna would be better but Summer overture was played at the emotional climax of the movie. Lux Aeterna, definately more melody.
From the soundtrack of Requiem for a dream.
I recommended it more than once I suppose.

Kthxbai.

Wow the local channel tv programme commercial just played Saosin song, wow thats new. Im suprised.

Woke up at 7am+ today. Mmm wth, previously the night, I couldnt get to sleep. I was too afraid to sleep. I remembered waking up after two hours of sleep in the middle of the night. I woke up and felt terribly afraid. I was so desperate to hear some familiar voices. I keep thinking that someone is after me, wants to kill me. Then I keep hearing footsteps outside the room. For like half and hour, I stayed awake, listening to those footsteps until my sis moved, the footsteps are gone. I AM, still afraid to move nor sleep. Eventually, I began to fear my sis as well.
Finally, I heard my mom outside the room. I was relieved and fall asleep.
Ahh im so exhausted now.

J came early in the morning to tutor me. How sweet =D
Went to watch Norbit. Home.

3rd measurement in C (Acoustic)- Saosin
Bai.
P.S Can I say im addicted to you.

When a person's sense of personal identity is in question, anti-social behaviour or even alienation can result.

And yes again. Who am I? What am I here for? Whats the reason, the life long mission im suppose to complete. What am I strong at? Can I even complete simple tasks? Im always trying to prove myself. What am I proving? Can I even grow up? I stay stagnant. People's growing every stages while I stay stagnant and falls down back. The mentality, instead of growing older, I retrovert.

And of course, the pointless blabberings. Sleepless nights. Ahh sleeping pills, please?

My guardian angel - The red jumpsuit apparatus
Bai.