Love en en!

I will try to be my happiest.

LeeYun's beautiful wardrobe!!
I FKIN LOVE IT!

This is fatal.

Did we actually took so many pictures?

If loving you means letting you go.
You will not hear from me.
And I will use every means to forget you.
I will not bear any hopes of us being together ever again.

All out.
Wow he realky knows how to step on my Achilles' heel.
He could really pick my cues.
Thanks for the talk.
It awaken me consciously.
I dont really know.
It just hit me.
But I dont really wanna take it.
Am I still in denial?

Its true, I miss him.

Perhaps you had wanted this all along.
This ordeal just given you the courage to move on.
I already knew the answer.

P.S Can you really get me out of this?

Im exhausted!
But I still couldnt sleep.
And I CANT bath either, you know why. Hehe.

And we all headed out to EARLY MORNING movie,
after the night is over.
Its funny how its not called late night movie.
With a pack of 18 peoples? I think lesser.
You actually have to shout across the rows.

Im still bored.
Pictures soon, I hope.

P.S 'Where got ghost?' is kind of creepy. Yet hilarious.
P.P.S Shake x1, shake x2, shake x3! Freaking combo.

MySpace Music Playlist at MixPod.com

First few episodes candidates were most likely,
to be skinny ladies to obese ladies/guys.

THIS TIME ITS
SKINNY BOY VS OBESE LADY.
Oh my.
Lets hope there will be a food fight in the feeding clinic.

Note to everyone.
Do not take unlicensed diet pills!
It does work, you can lose 2 pounds in a week.
BUT it increase heart pressure and you could die suddenly from heart attacks.
What are the world thinking?

Party to heal these painful nights...

My chinese results would be out soon.
I kind of, dont want to see it.
Not looking forward to it, definately not.

I dont even know if I can make the decision to retake or not.

This guilt.. is killing me.
I have to forget it somehow.

Everything just went out of control...
You had enough.

He told me it was nothing, was a cat fight.
CS told me he told him, he bang your head against the wall. Bruises everywhere.
She told me you brought it upon yourself.
He told me I wasnt doing anything.
He told me I was slutty.
You told her someone touched me.
He told me I was just talking.
She told me you were drunk.
You said you were sober.

FUCK IT. FORGET IT.
Whats done is done.
Everybodies' been telling me stories.

If only I knew the whole story.

I just cant believe how heartless I was.

One thing for sure, I should have been more sober.
And you should have cooled down.
To handle that situation that way?

Another thing for sure,
whatever you are thinking before you got high will be the things you always be saying and doing when you got high.

I dont know what leads to this what leads to what.
This is my consequences and thats yours.

You dont deserve this.
I dont deserve you.
I wont hurt you anymore.
Never ever will.
You will find someone who deserve your love.

I hope you be ok,
i hope those wounds would heal quickly.
I hope you be strong.
To go through this tough time.
Be strong...

-

Today, DA SHOU HUO!!
For so long I didnt spend like theres no tomorrow.
Just get it, just get it.
Although theres not alot that I really like, but I just feel like spending.
Next week one more shopping trip! I hope.

We had Fish And Co!
My grilled calamari is L.

P.S The days will pass me by.

UP is entertaining!
Love those dogs.
I havent eaten Bak Kut Teh in such a long time.
And I didnt regret eating tonight.

There is so many nice upcoming movies recently!
I cant wait to watch them.

YAYY! Someone's sponsoring me shopping!
Happeeee.
I havent bought anything for my body this year.
=D!!

P.S My browser is a little weird tonight.

You always said, 2 years already leh! Even if its still a long way to go.
Now, its really nearing but we couldnt make it.

But you know what?
What ever happen, happens for a reason.
Im sure God planned many surprises for me along the way.
And im glad we got on.
You were right, we needed to do this.

I have gained somehow. =)

Ok so I finally get the whole story.
Yes I was high, I couldnt remember.

You were high when we first went in FASH.
I went over to try and sober you up. You couldnt. You step me several times and your hands nearly hit me. you look like your enjoying yourself so I let you be.
And I danced with Aaron. My bums didnt really met his.

After this I got up the podium. I was either on my own or with Janice or Aaron. And Aaron is your friend. You got jealous over him?
After you got sober, you ignore me when I spoke to you, or you replied coldly. So I just let you be.

Shots after shots of tequila.
We went to the smoking area.
I was talking to everyone.

`TRISH¯ says:
was i flirting around in the smoking room?
qwerty says:
no?
qwerty says:
u were talking to everybody
qwerty says:
in fact
qwerty says:
everybody was talking to everybody
qwerty says:
even ramesh man
qwerty says:
but nick didnt
qwerty says:
except for him
qwerty says:
i thought he black out cause of the shots

And I thought I really did something overboard.
With your friends msg and all.
And I was thinking where did I get that huge lump on my thigh and elbow.


qwerty says:
all of us just walk into bump as usual
`TRISH¯ says:
then why did confronted me?
qwerty says:
then he just drag u
qwerty says:
or maybe u danced with aaron a little bit
`TRISH¯ says:
what did he say when he confronted me?
qwerty says:
idont know i couldnt hear
qwerty says:
he just grab u by the shoulders
qwerty says:
then u fell down
qwerty says:
thats where the mayhem began
`TRISH¯ says:
oh god
`TRISH¯ says:
LOL
qwerty says:
but i saw him at the smoking room
`TRISH¯ says:
i fell down?!?!
`TRISH¯ says:
LOL
qwerty says:
he black face already
qwerty says:
yea u fell
qwerty says:
hahahaah
`TRISH¯ says:
that explain that unknown bruises
qwerty says:
forgot that part?
`TRISH¯ says:
i was thinking how the hell i got all these bruises
`TRISH¯ says:
and then and then
qwerty says:
ahahahah
qwerty says:
okay after he grab u
qwerty says:
the bouncer came and like warn him
`TRISH¯ says:
uh huh
qwerty says:
but he didnt let go then u were struggling and all
qwerty says:
so another guy came in and took him out
qwerty says:
yea
qwerty says:
then u like emo emo
`TRISH¯ says:
i was on the floor struggling or what?
`TRISH¯ says:
....
`TRISH¯ says:
turtle?
qwerty says:
hahahahah
qwerty says:
yea kinda with the pumps
qwerty says:
u couldnt really stand so all of us help u up
qwerty says:
actually only aaron and nick i think
qwerty says:
i was a lil bit behind
qwerty says:
yea he kinda stoned like shock
qwerty says:
then after u were up he grab ur shoulders and u kinda stuggled
qwerty says:
yea thats where the action kicked in lor
qwerty says:
2 big gorillas came in

If its your pride and jealousy for breaking up with me,
honestly, I dont know.

I dont know what to ever expect.

And then I just became the bad girl.
I spend days in guilt.
When I dont even know what happened.
I honestly think you dont either.

After knowing these, I felt kind of relieved.
I felt lighter.

qwerty says:
but u were cute that night
qwerty says:
u got everyones attention
`TRISH¯ says:
why!
qwerty says:
damn i must be lucky
qwerty says:
hahahaha
`TRISH¯ says:
hahahaha
qwerty says:
must be ur dance moves
`TRISH¯ says:
maybe because of the way i dress
`TRISH¯ says:
too slutty
`TRISH¯ says:
and sleazy
`TRISH¯ says:
=x
qwerty says:
how come u chose that dress?
qwerty says:
to agitate him?
`TRISH¯ says:
nop he wanted me to wear that but i didnt want to, but i wanted to make him happy
`TRISH¯ says:
haha
qwerty says:
WHAT!
qwerty says:
hahahah
qwerty says:
u serious!
qwerty says:
he wanted u to wear!?
qwerty says:
for what!?
qwerty says:
so that u can attact other guys!?
`TRISH¯ says:
he said hes proud of me people can see but not touch only him

Do you think, I wore that on purpose?
Even if I didnt wear that, do you think shit would happen?
Perhaps, you just had enough of me.
You just had enough of what you couldnt stand.

You felt indignant.
The way im treating you.
Are you afraid that I would love someone else for one night?
My heart never left you.
I want you to know that who ever I am talking to, my heart is still with you.
I want you to pick yourself up.

What if that night, you hang out and had fun with knowing new friends?
What if that night, you enjoyed their company?
What if that night, I cared more about your feelings?
What if that night, I were more attentive to you?
What if we didnt contact during the cooling off period?
What if, what ifs.

Realising this, we really should stop contacting for sometime now.
Maybe we would know what we really want, maybe not.
For better for worst, I hope you would find a decent girl more suitable for you than me.

Someone who would treat you the way you deserve to.
Someone who can admire you the way you want her to.
Someone who can make you your favourite steak.
Favourite dishes, your favourite beef, ice lemon tea, milk tea, western snacks and breakfast. Your Macdonalds, chicken wing rice.
I tried to learn but I cant do that do you.

Someone who would take long rides on the bus with you, letting you listen to your iPod full of videos.
Someone who would accompany you eating your favourite snack as a meal.
Not like me, quarrel over food.
Someone who would let you buy whatever you want without trying to lessen your spendings so that we could do more things together.

I remember so much about you that I tried to forget.

Just someone other than me.

I trust God, would want the best for me.
Whatever happen, happens.

I cant cling on anymore.
Maybe our small fate ends here.
Since I was 6. You were 7.

I would never forget that.

Sixx AM - Girl with Golden Eyes.
That afternoon. Was so sweet.
Sex had never been that good.

Our penang trip.
Our NZ trip.
Our zoo trip.
Roller blading? Till now...
We said to have jamming together..
I didnt want to. Only you knows why.

Im doubting my ability to numb this pain anymore.
I have the urge to just go up to your house to look up for you.
You know I cant do that.
You know it hurts.
You know its a risk.
You know everything would be back in a cycle.

Perhaps what we need is time.

During the first time when I said I love you on your bed at 4am+, I meant it.
You were asleep, smiling slightly.

I said, ni hen xiang. I meant it.
Till now, you still are.
Your natural body fragrant is irreplaceble.

During the night of Butter factory, I told someone I love your body.
You know, i meant things when im tipsy.
Just like the night, you held me in your arms for the first time.
I told him, your a jealous man but you care and love me so much.
We have too much issues.
Is it suppose to be this way?

Now, everything on my blog is flooded of you.
And you. I cant seems to control myself anymore.
I have to let out somehow.

Your smiles. I cant seems to forget your smiles.
Your cheeky laughs while we were watching ice age.
Boy, you were so charming.

Whatever that I've ask for, you gave them to me.
I looked at you, you just wanted me to be happy.
You were just like my father, who wanted the best for me.

I thought we could go through this tough time together.
But boy, I was so wrong.
How long did we drag this on?

Your still the best man I have ever met.
Your wits, your humour, your cheerfulness, your positive attitudes, your hardworking attitudes, no one else would understand.
I dont care what they say.

I hope to see you as a pilot some day.
Or a great guitarist.
Or a lawyer.
Or doctor.

Your home that you always wanted.
Someone would make it come true for you.

Jealousy indeed ruin a relationship.
Dont let it happen again.

You have dreams.
Go fulfil them.

So long...
Goodbye.

Im watching Supersize VS Superskinny!
Wanna lose an extra pound?
That reality show will teach you more than just that.

And I just realised I am having trouble with
Will, Would, Shall, Should.

20 years of my life and I just realised that. Fuck!

Will it rain tomorrow?
Would it rain tomorrow?

Whaaaatt?

Just like that.
Just like a snap of my finger.
Just like a blink of an eye.

Aaron can go with you to NZ.
What you said came true.

He was my flesh.
He was a part of me.
Somehow or rather, its gone.

We wanted to go against the world together.
We wanted to grow together.
We said we would travel the world together.
All the hopes and dreams I had of you.
You were finishing Army soon too.
We were nearly there.

Now, I have to go to the zoo with someone other than you.
And you would be bringing someone else to the zoo other than me.

Now, you had become just a transition in my life.
I had to go on to a next phrase without you.
What will I do?
What could I do?

Those little things you love to see when you shop.
Those random things you would spend your money on.
Those cheeky comment you made to make me laugh.

Theres no one in the world like you.

The moment we are still in contact during our cool off period
was already a step closer to doom.
What could I do?

I have to go on somehow.
I have to accept this somehow.
God, why?

Jealousy kills. Alcohol kills.

Is it your intolerance, or my impulsiveness?
Is it your jealousy, or my insensitiveness?
Is it your insecurities, or my fears?
Is it our dependence and spitefulness?

You win. I shall back off.
Always be missing you.

Our situation had become to a point where theres no more salvation.

I shall go through this myself.
I cant breathe.

Pictures time.

These are some pictures taken at Butter Fact on National's day.
I wouldnt dare to post cause I looked so nasty shit.
But the lightings are dope!

Andre and his glowstick.
What a raver. haha!




Nick is shiok shiok here!







Yes thats my bra. Its showing everywhere la!
I shouldnt have wore that.


And some of the pictures from rebel I just recieved.

He looks really good here.
It would be our picture if shit doesnt happens.

Enough is enough.

Please.
Your not the only one going through this break up.
Deal with your own emotions.

There is no right and wrong in relationships.
But I do admit my faults.

Having your friend msging me.
Confirmed my decision to let you go.

Dont I feel miserable too?
I beg God to make life easier for you.

We drag on for too long.
And we ended with contempt.
Its not what I wanted, not what you wanted either.

Our memory was once.
For me to keep.
It was good. It was great.

But we have to move on.

I love you.
But love itself doesnt keeps a relationship going.
I think you should know that too well.

And I want to just remember your smiles.

I just heard a tragic news from my sister that happened to her colleague.
We should be complacent with what we have now.
We are blissful compared to her colleague.
Life is that scary and real.

Leave it all
The fights and all
Summers getting colder
Drive all night to hold you tight
Back to California
Days went by
We waited and I guess we are getting older
We couldnt win in the end

These two years had no doubt been one of my happiest.
You gave me happiness.
I will never forget that.
I do more harm than good.
I caused more pain and hurt.
I have no rights to make you stay.
Honestly, I knew I lost you that night.
Tho I cant remember 50% of the night.

If you want to know why I flaunt my single status around,
its because I hate the fact that we are having this issue.
And I want you to hate it too.
Do I get over friendly with guys when im with you?
I guess this time, I went over the limits.
Too much.

Theres just too much issues and mistakes between us.
It might be easier to just end it.
I get how you feel.

Time can heal us.
Remorse and regrets,
I have to deal with that myself.
You changed me and I wont denied that.
Mistakes we both made, we will learn.
This time, I have lost.

I still love you and misses you.
I have to thank you for everything.
And im sorry for everything.

Spread your wings and fly.
Hope to see you up there someday.

My prelims are coming but my mind is stuck on something else.
Argh. This year is just torturing.
Its gonna be hard.
Shit happens for a reason.

I lost your heart but I gain a lesson.
An important one that will follow me through life.

Dont ever lose that cheeky smile of yours!

P.S I still hope to hear those from you.
I would never get a closure, hearing it from someone else.

Im probably the baddest person around.
You should hate me.

Tonight's gonna be a good night?
Nah FML.

I think Janice's right.
Im single.
Theres only black and white.
Theres no grey.
Hopes and wishes doesnt solve things.
She's right.
We both have to face the reality that,
We are fucking single.

Im fucking single...
Sigh.

Buttttttt.
Im not gonna say the night is that baddd.
Cause I did enjoyed myself!
What an awesome clique!
;D

Days like these demoralised me.
Days like these I dread.

I suck at discipline!
And I suck at time managing.
I have to study.
I have to jog.
I have to wake up early and sleep early.
This is what I tell myself.

But I never done any of that.
I HATE MY SLEEPING HOURS.

But I never done anything to change it.
Honestly I have tried.
I still fall back to the bad sleeping patterns.

And clubbing kakis getting back to the norm.
Means, getting lesser and lesser people wanting to club.

I have to go out to look for MOOORE!
Heh heh. Equals, I have to club often to find more kakis!
Wooo.

I have to get my energy somewhere,
and I chose clubbing for that energy source.

-

Oh and I love the Ion's top floor's supermarket.
Its glamourous, for a housewife.

Since the day, I still havent truely felt single.
Are we meant to be attached so strongly together?
That even we broke up, I still take you as someone significant in my life.

Its only because we havent truely let go yet.

I still feel unfair for myself.
You can have the freedom you yearn for.
Yet, I couldnt.

I look so skanky here. LOL.

Baby set me free from this misery
I cant take it no more
Since you went away nothings been the same
Dont know what Im living for
Here I am so alone
And theres nothing in this world I can do

Chorus
Until youre back here baby
Miss you want you need you so
Until youre back here baby yeah
Theres a feeling inside I want you to know
You are the one and I cant let you go

So I told you lies even made you cry
Baby I was so wrong
Girl I promise you now my love is true
This is where my heart belongs
Cos here I am so alone
And theres nothing in this world I can do

And I wonder, are you thinking of me
Cos Im thinking of you
And I wonder
Are you ever coming back in my life?
Cos here I am so alone
And theres nothing in this world I can do

Damn blogger. I cant upload my pictures here!


I love this picture.
Sexay me.
Looks so pure, so decent.
Just right for my kind of girrrl.
Hei hei.




Sweaty us!
Another fun clique.
Ya hoo!

I miss my guy...
My man.

Its a raining day...
And im feeling kind of dejected, and lonely.
Maybe its the song.

MySpace Music Playlist at MixPod.com

This will be etched into my memory, for life.
Just like you.
All the best to us and our future. Jia you!
=)

The only way to get out is through it.
I realised escaping from my feelings doesnt help.
The only way to feel peaceful is to acknownledge its presence.
I accept this sometimes harsh reality.

This is the first time I felt so free to do whatever
I want while having fun without anything in mind.
=D happy! Wednesday ya!
I vant my pictures.

No its not better this way.
I spent the whole day having a good thought about things.
You gave me a chance to apologise.
I was thinking if I wanted this chance.
And I thought that even if you gave me this chance now, I dont know whether if I even wanted this chance.
I was determine that yesterday was just an adrenaline rush to get you back for the sake of it.
The whole day I was sure its just a rush and not for love.

You told me to write lovely things.
I went back and I just couldnt.
When I thought of you and us, all I thought was anguish, pain, resentment and hurt.
I didnt know how. I dont know how to love. I just saw contempt.
When we spoke yesterday, I so much wanted to just run away into the arms of another.
To run away from you. This relationship is too much for me to take.

But when I look at your friendster profile picture, I remember how I fell for you.
I remembered why I fell for you.
I remember why I wanted to give my all. Too much I guess.
I said I missed sexing the clubs, what I really miss is sexing you in the club.
I dont know if this choice is right, but I decided to make this another try.
This time we have to make it right.

To forgive or not, is really up to you.
Til then, I wont bother you.

It is probably better that things turned out this way...

The crossroads

Do you believe in past life?
In soulmates, fate and destiny?

I never thought I would but after I met him some years ago.
The word soulmate instinctively appeared.

Our paths met.
Our yearning, our desire.
The mysterious guy.

We past each other today.
The overwhelming rush and feelings.
Its almost magical.
Something I couldnt put it in words.
I felt I've known him all my life.

5 seconds after we past,
he and I turned for one last glance behind our backs before we continued with our lives.
Without each other.

After his fated appearance,
I felt rejuvenated.
Spiritually healed and emotionally healed.
I felt... unusually, complete.

I wonder if he felt the same way I did some years ago.
If not, why would he turned?

Okay I admit, I was embarrassed when I turned and saw him turning.
This whole post is rather corny but it just felt so real.
So surreal..

P.S At least grant me one more time this year.
I would make the best out of it, if I dont get nervous.
He's the first I felt nervous over.

A coincidence or what?
Few days after I puked for no reason, now its his turn to puke.

Who says Gin Tonic is disgusting? hmhp!
Days get easier, and its really working.
Im suprised how easy it seems.
Im beginning to doubt my ability to sense his presence.

Right now I have to regain my own interest back.
My guitar is fading. My life is fading. My joy my interest is fading.
And finally Im starting to see its sillouette once again.
Wahoo!

Im beginning to enjoy what it meant by single once again.
Just like before.

P.S Just give me a weekend day job and a new group of cool friends and im good to go. ;]

The on going cycles in a relationship.
At time I kind of agree with what Mr Andre told me.
Its either make it or break it.
Sigh. Its no time for Big O, its the Big R.
Hahaha.
We all should hang out!
Cheese Bun. Haha.