SHAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

EXHAUSTING DAY.

Thursday, went Jewel. Free drinks all night.
Drank the first half of the night away.
Danced the remaining night away.
And I NEVER PUKED.
Went home at 7am+
I woke up with muscle ache.
WE HAD FUN YA!

Friday. BORING!
Imagine clubbing with aunties.
Went midnight movie. Evan almighty.
Hilarious.
Went work straight away.
HOW SHAG AM I NOW. Take a guess.
K.O during lunch breaks.

GOD I HATE WRITING SUMMARIES ON MY BLOG.
But im too stoned to write a full detail.

Dreams - The CRANBERRIES

Still feeling it.

Cant kick the mind.

Trish just stop it.
Its 12 hours to exam.

WHY IS MY LIFE EVOLVE AROUND THINGS I DONT FEEL GOOD IN.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday - EXAMS
Wednesday - Pub + Club.
Thursday - PLAY, lesbian club. ;]
Friday - FREE
Saturday - Work
Sunday - Work

Holler me, if you wanna join any of the funs above.

Sorry, I still dont feel belong.
Please. I have been in these for so long.
I went there more then any of you girls.
I know what to expect and whats not.
I dont need no nanny.

Need a break from all of you.

Cant seems to forget yesterday's night.
His cheeks, his perfume, his hair.
New sweetness.
I thought it was all a dream.

Pictures and the talks.

MY huge bed in GAP.



The toilet life.

I FUCKING QUIT DRINKING!

How many days was it?
Drinking til im dead drunk.
Having new numbers everyday.
Every night was a blur.
But luckily it wasnt, "Every morning, I wake up with a stranger hugging me."
Just like years ago.
Im pretty much screwed up.
Having others picking up my mess that I left.
Thanks Mom, thanks Guppies.

Yesterday.
Went wc at 7pm+. Drank til 12.
Went to Boat quey. Continued drinking. Dance a little.
Guys are pretty much the same.
They are like a alcohol supplier.
Its so easy to get drinks anywhere.

Yesterday's yesterday.
Went to wc. Drank til 2. Went home.

Few days ago.
Drank at Kopitiam. Went home at 6am. HAHA.

I really dont know what to say man.
No more drinking for me.
Its either drink til im dead drunk or nothing at all.

We gonna get what we desire.

Candy, your right man.
I was gonna upload it anyway.



Work tires me out very much now.
God I need a drink to free my mind.

P.S I wish those smiles meant something. Could you please tell me something, anything?
P.P.S "Before the night is over."

A1

In the process of dying of hangover.
Yesterday night, Disccussion.
With Emie, Jadon, two of his friends, XY and her BF.
Two bottles Martell. Ftw.

Okay. Remember the guy I was talking about, some months ago?
The one we stole ciggie from?
Karma is here!
Trying to devour me.
Fuck. Im smart tho im drunk. ;]
Im still brilliant. HA
He prolly suffer alot more than the "drunk me".
TRY AGAIN, THINK AGAIN. HAHAHA. So whos gonna get it?
SUCKA!
Gossips to share! MAN XIAO HUI COME BAAACK! I MISS YOU ALREADY.

After drinking, the whole of Disc-cusion went clubbing.
The waitresses keep pulling me along, saying Boss is there! He wants you to come!
And I didnt want to! Cause I knew I wasnt okay already.
I know I couldnt drink no more, but my hands keep taking the glass up to my mouth.
Damnit.
The funniest thing was, we reached the entrance of the w/e club name 96 or something,
I sat at the stairs of the entrance, they went in, left me, XY, ciggie guy, jing wei.
Sat there sat there. Went down, cabbed home.
HAHAHAHA we was already at the entrance but YET we didnt went in. Stupid?

MAN Guess what am I listening to?
A1!
HAHA! Reminds me of my childhood days.
I SLEPT WITH THEM! I meant their posters.
ROFL.



The top I wanted!


I know my mouth is opened. I was talking ADUR.

I thank hell for making life on earth miserable.

Tonight's supper was somehow, ... ... depressing.
I never thought I would get so agitated and tensed up the moment the thoughts of him came into my mind.
I was so work up that my words couldnt come out right.
The sentence to curse, came out like a retarded slur.

I walked into the MRT and sat down.
My eyes sting from the sudden wetness as the terrific thoughts of the huge lamp that shone brightly above, white ladies with masks, stared at me from above.
The horror, the trepidation will never be recognised by anyone.
The helplessness and fear.

Thanks. The anger keeps me going.
Keeps me pushing myself forward every single day.

-

If you would ask me what do I fear the most, I would answer you, People and the society.

-

Joy! If it happens that anyone cant sleep tomorrow night, feel free to drop by Discussion. Anyone's counting down to payday except me?

Yearning for.

Does anyone felt this way before?

You're stuck in foreign quest.
You hate absolutely everything about it.
The people, the work, everything.
Your itchying for a growth, a change.
You worked hard for the change.
It happened.
You gradually began enjoying the foreign quest.
It aint foreign to you anymore.
But you dont realise it.
You complain of hating it.
You complain about everything, like, the way you did, the first time here.

Suddenly, you have to leave this "foreign" place.
And your placed in a totally strange place.
With a new quest you set out to.
You began hating it here and began reminiscing the old, familiar place that you once hate.

Sounds familiar, dont it?

I would do anything for everything that would make me sleep.
Damn it I will.

Another sleepless night, and yet I gotta work in three hours time.

Made in China.

I want to laugh at China.
Theres problems with their food.
Problems with the toys.
Now, theres problem with their clothings.
It caught fire. HAHAHAHAHA.
MAN. How desperate China can be.
Dare me to buy things "Made in China".

I just realised, I wore my short the wrong way.
Days without work, had me eating much.

Nights.
P.S I like the way you call me Dee.
P.P.S I like the way you called me Trisssssssh. Reminds me of Lan.

Just do it.

MAN. Is this hilarious or what?
I am FORCED to take off.
Isn't a part timer whose willing to commit, good enough?
Why are the complains of working too much.
MAN Im still alive and kicking dont worry.
Seriously, I DONT NEED NO OFFs.
Aff.

Plans for tomorrow.
Stroll with granny, study, jog.
Stroll again I hope.
MAN. I need an outdoor activity.

No shopping for me till 26th.
I AM a compulsive shopper.
Please stop me at all cost.
I am splurging my savings EVERYWHERE.
Please for Trish's sake.
Self CONTROL.

I seem to lost all my self control.
Be it waking up or stop eating.
EVERYTHING.
Just do it.
Fuck the Nike's brand.

CHAW.

Saw Fiona Xie in person today at GAP.
Pretty and stuck up.
She looks taller than what she looked, on tv.
MAN. I wish I was her. A FUCKING BEAUTY.

w580i

Changed my LOV-LEH phone!
No more mirror anytime anywhere anymore.
w580i!



Love the lights.

I LOST MANY PHONE NUMBERS.
AND I hope my flu will end by tomorrow. Work.

Your Birthdate: May 29

You may watch someone from afar before you finally decide to make your move. It takes a long time for you to develop an attraction to someone. Generally, you prefer to pick who you love. Anyone who tries to rush you is in for some heartache. Number of True Loves You'll Have: 3 Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 5 You are most compatible with people born on the 2nd, 11th, 20th, and 29th of the month.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

BROKE.

Went shopping after work with YT today.
Splurged on LEVIS and MOOKS.
Eff im broke.

Work was great.
I made a total of $1100+ sales from Baby and adults.
ITS THE FIRST TIME.
Man im so proud of myself.
The first step.

Boss asked for the fourth time THIS YEAR [for this year ONLY] to work for him.
$10+ and more PER hour.
Its so tempting.
You know I could really work for him after work at GAP.
But I dunno. I prolly might.
I get to drink ya know.

Nights.

Lazyness will never ever be my reason again, or my second option.

Disc-what?

Working's smooth today.
'Cept for a few complains I just gotta get it out.
LINA YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
BabyGAP babyGAP.
I know I fare pretty well than the last week.
Time was faster when Eileen came.

Xhuii, I left a note for you in the locker.
Do read it before you do something stupid like stealing food. HA.

24th of this month.
Disc-cussion first then MOS.
Interested suspects, pls call.
IT IS CONFIRM.
No last minute back out from me.

Went home with Candy after waiting for her to finish playing CATCHING with Anthony.
HA. Interesting girl with loads of different kind of stories to tell.
DISC-CUSSION AT PAYDAY OKAY!

Im dope.

To cope with the anxiety and the senseless worries every single day, drains me out mentally.
Sometimes I just need to stop being so obsessive about things.
The point is, I cant stop.
I just cant get my mindset straight, the right way.
The pointless trains of thoughts is killing me. Or rather, ruining me.

Right now I just feel so fed up and fucking thwarted.
Its like you ran up the hill and have to fucking get to the top but you realised you couldnt because of the obnoxious still rock and you couldnt get down either. Either way, your screwed up. You want to get down so gravely but you got that far and no one realised it.

Its hard. Its really hard for me.
I am starting to believe that my attributes doesnt accomodates one another.
I got nothing to gratify my satisfication either.
I NEED TO!
Thats like a potion to boost my morale.
GOD!
EDIT. No sorry. I dont believe in God.

I gotta start worrying about other things instead.
I tried and tried a few thousand times.
If the number of tries could turn into money, I be richer than Bill Gates.

Dan asked me the question he asked, four years ago.
WTF?! I mean. Its really crazy.
We hadnt seen each other for monkey years.

I appreciate Heng Yong for making me feel comfortable in GAP.
Some are just fuct up.
I cant help but feel so mad today.
I mean, man, let me prove it before you condemn me.

Just so hard to try and be myself.
It always turns out the wrong interpretion.
Or worse, I might look dumb.
Even worse. People think im weird.
THATS WHATS GOING ON IN MY HEAD. SEE. Man im dope.
I have just lost my soul and my fucking brains.

Night.
P.S MAN I need a drink, man and a massage... Or a drunken massage.

The pictures and the talks.

A real relaxing week for me.
Thanks to Heng Yong.
Pushed myself off my limits and its working out fine.
At least its not like the old me who cant take any pressure and responsibilities.
Every single, I reminded myself, to keep pushing!
GIRL you can do it.

Night.
P.S You dont want me there? You will see me there.

Monday, 9am - 11pm
Tuesday, OFF
Wednesday, 9am - 7pm
Thursday, 9am - 7pm
Friday, 9am - 7pm
Saturday, OFF
Sunday, OFF

Wow I only got four working days. Aw damn.
Okay im so half hearted. I want to work less but i still wanna work more.
I dont know damnit.

Hello, I dont look like Hallo panda.

Days of sobriety drowns my euphoric drive.

Saturday, 9am - 7pm
Sunday, 9am - 10pm

I need some exitement in my life.

Just a picture. I hate my blog now.

I liked that feeling.

I would suicide in BabyGAP.
Tomorrow is my off day.
I hope to study.
I doubt my results are gonna pass off very well even if I did.
How long am I gonna procrastinate til?
Another two more years?
To just get an O levels? What joke!
This plan isnt coming on too well for me.

P.S Lina is getting afraid to go out with us. The drunkards.

My wish.

The prince charming and the average lady.
And he held my hand and led me thru the crowd like a princess.
Fairy of the night, please grant me my drunkard wish.

Another night at Discussion.
WE WILL MISS YOU AH LONG!
The atmosphere was so sweet like a huge family.
The usual chatterings, the familiar laughters.
The whole back room of Discussion was ours to hold.
There was 17 people!
We had a group photo. [Will elaborate on that later. AKU TAK SUKE!]
I was damn wasted.
And again, how did I woke up for work this morning. *Applause*

Work.
NURUL pasted the group photo on her locker. WTF?!?!?!
I LOOKED AT MYSELF.
I WAS SO DISGUSTED! FUCKING FAT, DISGUSTING UGLY BITCH.!
I wasnt ready for the camera and i was in such a FUCKING awkward position.
WTFFFFFFFFFF! Man. I am so not gonna post that group picture HERE!
So im sorry for people looking for jokes on the net.
Jeff kept laughing everytime he saw me. EFF.
I bet Heng yong is gonna do worst.
Cant wait. - .-

After work.
Went to a cafe outside Heeren called NYDC or w.e after work with Lina and Nurul.
Had a long chat.
Nurul really motivates me.
I guess all these years of being a weakling and a failure, its time to make a change.
I hope.
Siti joined us.
They left for midnight job.
Me, home.

P.S The prince. ;[
P.P.S I can post some pics but its too dark.

Red eyes are back.
I need help FROM myself.
Bad bad bad. Fuck.

The night at RAVE.

Notepad:
Its been nearly a month since I've written in here.
There's no time, no inspiration.
Look at my blog, its all the usual nonsense.
Working community has been going uphill for me, at least for the moment.
What joy!

On the MRT, everytime I lean my back against the door on the other side, I got this horrid feeling that it would suddenly open and I, be flying down and out.\

Heng yong, im not blur OKAY!

Heng yong dont let me work FULL on National day. - .-
"Take more MC la. Go drink dont want come work la. Double pay dont let you work full."
Ftw?!
?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Discussion today with Simon, cancelled.
TOMORROW!

Karma please.

I MANAGED TO GET UP TO WORK THIS MORNING. Geebus.
How the fuck did I do that?

Heng yong wasnt mad at me for busting off work on Monday.
LUCKY ME. I was soooo guilty.
Drinking always have the priority. ;]

Bruise from start of work til the end.
I was under the table getting new piece of shorts for customer.
Knocked my head hard before getting up.
She laughed. I laughed with her tho it hurt like fuck.
I "kiyup" my last finger on the same place.
End of work.
Three straight consecutive "OUCH!"
CAUSED BY XIAO HUI.

Sang the whole day at work.
Its SO BORING!
This classic rock "I live my life for you - Firehouse/Lifehouse" had become my current fav working song.

I served a filo couple today, and felt a tingling of sadness.
It was the man's voice and accent that caught me.
Tears just flowed suddenly when I looked at him.
I let them walked away.
He doesnt recognised me.
Perhaps I got the wrong person.

Had some angry talking session with XH during break.
I guess I have to just hope for karma.
Til it take its turn.
My conscience are clear and yours arent.

National day's eve. CLUBBING with them girlies!
Actually, I dont know who im gonna go who.
Its either with GAP or XY's usual suspect.
I hope I could go with both groups but I doubt its highly impossible.
UNLESS we went to the same one.
Then it would be like that night at Royal Pub.
No more drinks? Just go to the other table. HAHA.
Okay thats not my motive.

Its four months til Christmas. How time passes.


Night.
P.S Mom, I need my money.
P.P.S CRYSTAL! I NEED THE PICTURES! ;P

We had a celebration yesterday for Crystal's last day.
Lina told me she cried at work! She was so touched. Theres even a video!
Its sad that I didnt really get to know her that well and shes leaving so soon.
Lina told me, "I realised after that day at Disc-cussion, we seems to be more close."
Man, I totally agree with you on this.
We had Swensens yesterday at Orchard.
Last min trip to clark quey.
It was okay. Kinda boring for me cause theres nothing left to DRINK!
Well okay back to work. - .-
NO FUCKING LIFE.

I FIND IT SO HARD TO PUSH MYSELF THESE DAYS.

Oh the boring life.

If I dont push myself, who will?

Gonna be out with Gappies later. Wonder what fun will I get.
At least its not alone at home on my off.
Jog.Shower.Study.Out.Thatsit.

Back to work.

Yesterday went Discussion with GAP!
SO LONG since leisure for me.
Ever since I started working, theres no LEISURE.
I LOVE DRINKING!
I loses all my inhibition to just be myself.
No more social anxiety!
Therapy session?! It is profitable.

Boss told me Discussion gonna close down soon.
My 2 year memory. =/

P.S I left my newly bought ciggie there. Not the first time. - .-
P.P.S I had fun.

Constipation = farts.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Fucking cellphone. AUTO SHUT DOWN.
I should be in Discussion now if it hasnt SHUT DOWN!
So long since I drink. I MISS DRINKING.
And yes, we will wait til our pay XY.

So much farting stories at work.
No time to write it out.

CONSTIPATION FOR FOUR DAYS.

Nights.
P.S You have no rights to say that as you did as well.
P.P.S I need friendSSSSS.

THE APALLING AND HOPELESS OFF DAYS.

SOMEONE ANYONE please go to SINGfest with me!
I wanna watch A7x and The academy is...!
I NEED A MALAY FRIEND FOR AFF SAKE.

SINGfest

SINGfest

Wednesday, 8 August
Cyndi Lauper
Pet Shop Boys
Sasha Bach Band
Shaggy
The Stranglers
Sugar Ray


Thursday, 9 August
The Academy Is...
Avenged Sevenfold
Cobra Starship
Great Spy Experiment
Gym Class Heroes
Hinder
MxPx
The Noisettes
One Buck Short

2 Day Pass available at $200 NOW!
Tickets range from $150 (til 1st August), $175 (2nd to 7th August) and $200 (at the door).
Buy your tickets from Sistic.
http://www.sistic.com.sg/cms/events/index.html?content=1070


Fuck. I wanna watch A7x and the academy is. At this point is where I need a Malay friend the most.

That guy.

-

Another day of barely four hours of sleep.
WORK FULL!
In the morning, I was still having my tummy upset.
Was so reluctant to go for work. Im glad I did. It shows that I have changed. HA.

Night.
Was walking home from Admiralty, dozing off.
I saw someone that made me smile through the walks.
MY PRIMARY SCHOOL FRIEND!
Couldnt remember his name.
I saw him and hes like, *Wave hands frantically*
SO CUTE! That malay guy.
Must remember to ask xhuii whats his name.

Ask me out!
Thursday and Friday OFF.
Saturday FULL.
Sunday AFTERNOON.

Chaw.

Bubbled dreams.

Things I wish to fulfil and yet im drifting away from,
because of not reminding myself.

`Learn the guitar.
`Learn dancing.
`Losing weight. (This is what i remind myself away and yet its progressing very SLOWLY.)
`Learn portugues. Tho I know the basics.
`Learn tagalog.
`Go to Poly. (This is what I have been drifting away from.)
`Learn everything about Psychology and Crimes.
`Everything about overcoming Social Anxiety.
`Books and bookselves.

Pictures.

Yesterday felt like I just been through hell.
I literally slept for two days. Yar no shit.
I dont even feel like talking to anyone because my head hurts when i starts speaking.
I dont even feel like moving. Cause it hurts to move.
I feel so breathless even tho I aint doing anything.
I feel so cold even tho I sweat alot.
I dont feel like eating tho my gastric hurts.
It make me feel like puking.
I just wanna sleep and have a full body massage.

I remember this line I was saying when we had Michelle's celebration.
"I hope I kena food poisoning then I dont have to work."
Great.
Now its food poisoning and high fever.
Though I suspected it was Dengue fever.

-




From this picture onwards, i am in every background HAHA.














My punishment for being late.

F u 2.

Mom : "... ... but your family wont ever do this to you, that I realised."

To that, she broke down crying. I cried too.
It hurts me. It pains me to see you cry.
Be strong Ma. I love you.

-

Bad day? Kind of.
I had barely 4 hours of sleep.
Yet I have to face my fears.

Dont think I can make it to work tomorrow.
Food poisoning. Might be.
Fever. Body aching. Bone aching. Headache. Vomit. Dizzyness.
BU SU FU!

How small is Singapore?
Guess who did I actually saw today.
BARTENDER MENG LOL! He is actually Yong kang and Ah long's friend.
I dont know why but I felt kind of awkward.

Maybe I need a therapist, instead of being a therapist.

Worn out.
Nights.
P.S It sucks to not be myself even when you tried that hard.


EDIT:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHELLE!
Yesterday was although not much activities and excitement,
but it was relaxing and its not like we get to meet up often.
And catching up pieces of their lives.
Reached home like 4am. Slept at 6am. Woke up at 10am.
Prepared for work although late.

Pics to be posted soon.