Frankenstein

It may not be the truth of human kind, but it depicts a true common traits of human nature. It left me doubtful, with a sense of diminished hope. There is no hope for mankind. I love this story, as depressing as I.

In a recent event, the light for hope of change in mankind is dim. My hopes high, for an alteration of perspection in human ability for introspection and wisdom, sank.

Mary Shelley is right. Human, clouded their judgements with emotions and convenience would not recognise what is true in front of them. But to wallow in their self pity and self indulgence. Human, weaker than their own creations. Human's benevolence only served what is good for them and their parochial justifications and opinions.

Not all man are created equal. It is such a pity for myself to cast a judgement of disgust to this lowly creature that I have contacted recently, as I had also became clouded by emotions of disgust.

Maybe awareness and reflections are not a forte of humankind.

Reflections

I had this thought in my head today, "I wanted to do that, lets go do that now."
Lets go do that now since people around me recently had brought up this observation about me, that I do whatever I want, I decide without seeking opinions and does what I had decided without further considerations.

Before this, I had not realized this about myself. I had always thought that I am fickle minded, I procrastinate alot. Never would I believe that, that observation was one of my traits. Listening to that, it made me swell up with pride and confidence. I had always love independence and had always aimed to be someone that doesnt needs anyone. I felt an accomplishment that I am somewhere near who I wanted to be.

In contrast, I had not realized that, the person closest to me, thinks I had left no space for discussion, that I did not seek his opinions or inputs.

Its time, I be a little more sensitive and aware about my speech and actions.

In pursue of happiness

Sometimes, we know it. We just chose not to see it. We chose not to choose happiness. We turn away from happiness because it is easy. Resuming life as it is because it is easier than creating happiness. It is a hard work of moulding and shaping ourselves in the pursue of happiness.

One can turn away from happiness without consciously being aware of it. One can also deliberately chooses to reject happiness.

She chose to consciously reject it. Not because she hates happiness. She loses the strength and vitality to pursue it. He is stronger than her, but he lack awareness. He unconsciously turn away from happiness. He lost the wisdom to see the path.

We are without guidance in the face of human nature.

Our undying love

I wish the way i feel for you is like the way i felt for you when i fell for you...
I wish for the passion to never end like how the evening and the sunset would stay beautiful permanently.
I wish for our love to be an everlasting diamond in my heart.
That the night would never end, the rain would never stop.
Our stomach would never get full from eating, we would never pass out from drinking.
Now that the tide had fallen, the leaves had turned orange.
The season will come again.
To renew our undying love.

Do people welcome unsolicited compassion?

Is pity/ sympathy from the bottom of your heart ever geniune?

When i see people of colors not being appreciated for what they do and contributed during work or outside work, i always think they deserve to be treated better for the effort they put in. In a way I do pity them at times.

But today, i question myself if the sympathy i feel for them true and real?  

If we are not in their shoes, we are not treated the way they are treated, in a broader perspective, is that a truth?

Or is it that it is in human nature to feel pity because it trigger off a sense of superiority? If thats so, then is it right to say that if a person is not in the same situation, they are not displaying true sympathy that stems from a purer intention? 

Anyway, today i think, in the far future, you might not be able to understand me as well as I thought you could.

You might not have the respect and trust to give me.

And you might not be able to comprehend my complex ideas, possibilities and my way of eliminating problems. 

And that is a problem.

do come tonight. any night.

I wanna die in my sleep.I wanna die in my sleep. I wanna die in my sleep.I wanna die in my sleep. I wanna die in my sleep.I wanna die in my sleep. I wanna die in my sleep.I wanna die in my sleep. I wanna die in my sleep.I wanna die in my sleep.

We could stay young forever

Theres a face I recognise in the crowd. In the sea of faces, your sillouette is the only shadow I look for.

Always been someone I could depend on. To rely on. Someone whom I could trust. 

To know that everything he did is always for me. Always thinking for me. Thinking about me. With pure intentions and little motives. Just by knowing, keeps my heart at ease.

My head is filled with thoughts of him. Flashbacks of what we used to be. Memories of those nights we've spent. Oh how much Ive been charmed.

I love seeing you in my mind. I love remembering you in my mind. 

A love so pure and untainted.

And why does he love me so?

INFP/INTP in love..

 “Dreaming about being an actress, is more exciting then being one.” - Marilyn Monroe 

“I would look up at the moon and see that it was not the smooth orb we had all believed, but a pitted and scarred world with no air.” ― Christopher Pike, The Last Vampire

Like work, in the beginning, its a wonder, its refreshing, and its fascinating. You get so engaged by it. Absorbing and interacting with much enthusiasm.
But like work, you get disillusioned easily. Disenchant, jaded. Appalled by the reality of how things is actually.
Like beer, it loses it effect after an hour making you craving for more and disappointed by how fast it ends.

You realized that, in life, nothing makes you happy.

facade

Everyone is in a facade that they have a relation with someone. That they are close to him/her. That they know someone. 

We are all under the pretense that we have someone to depend on in times crisis. In times of needs. 

You might have them. But everyone need everyone with a motive. You might have them, but it doesnt mean you truely know them.

In the end, we are all just strangers. Alone in this big world.

i hate myself

It would kill my personality.

And i always had a value, to live life at my truest self. 

What is life if you have to live behind a mask? An unfamiliar mask. A life you lived as a stranger to yourself.

I cant multi task. I cant switch roles as quickly. I cant blend my roles in.

If i continue to do what society expects of me, there would be no Trisha.

Dont i always wished i was somebody else?

I am not meant for this.

Not meant for any of these.

Can someone help me be and feel normal?

One of those days where theres nothing in the future i look forward to.

So what Ryan.

So what money.

So what job.

So what family.

It all meant nothing.

Life #7

Im not a genius.
I did not study well.
I cant play guitar well.
I cant play my keys well.
I cant sing at all.
I dont earn much.
I didnt live a life im proud of.
I didnt live a life true to myself.
I didnt live a life that I could die happily.
I lived a life I'd die just to be out of it.

What can I really do?
I know Im meant for something, but what?

Born in a wrong country, in a wrong family, in a wrong body.
I can blame everything but till this day, i know, its myself to blame.
Im not hardworking enough.
I fear too much.
I think too much, I do too little.
At the end, would I live a life true to myself?

coma

My thoughts of dying is a constant dull aching existence in the back of my mind.
And its becoming more intense each and every passing day. I hate this life.

You see,

part of me, is fighting the urge to think back, to contact.

What joy is maintaining friends, over enemies...
I miss a part of us.

Higher than high... I want it.

I wonder if he is good for me.
My fire burns brighter than anyone else.
My devotion drills deeper than I had ever felt.

Is this the feeling that I had been seeking for?

If it it, then, is these good for me?
What if, loving someone is not better than being loved?

He loved me better than anyone had.
He's sincerity beats anyone that tried.

But, what if, it is better not to love at all?

Love, or be loved?
Be loved, or indifference?

Separate lives or die lonely? (Not much difference there.)

P.S Im happy, but will it last?
P.P.S I can already feel, a little, that hes already getting used to these, while im still dying to feel him.

P.P.P.S Used to be 2 bottles, now, its more than that.

Worth a thought.

And they claimed writing down what you have learnt for the day and your reflections in 400 words every single day would give your brain and IQ a quick boost.

Oh crap its only 30 words.

You know whats depressing?

The only stimulant I have in life is love, sex, drugs, money, rock n roll, food and booze.
Nothing else seems to get me excited at all.
I need to exercise soon before my mood weighs me down.

Fear for a right reason

When love comes around, fear is inevitable.
The art of growing is acceptance.

Self sabotage is no longer a choice although at the very moment it sounds feasible.
Escapism is just a momentary solution to the torturous emotions.

Thats me in a corner. Thats me losing my religion.

The minute I was agitated, I knew I was wrong.

The imagery of my mom.
The scene of the kitchen
She, tearing and hanging the clothes of everyone of us.
How was it fair?
How do people wanna be one of them?
The indignancy.

How does everyone repel these treatments?
How is it that everyone doesnt know that these are the injustice that comes with marriage?
How did my sis decided on marriage?
Where did that kind of courage comes about?

I thought I knew. But I dont.
After tonight, I dont.


The females out there, do not give up.
Never ever give in to them.
The egocentric guys.

Life #6

You can choose to live in denial.
You can still choose to live like the sky will always be blue and where the flowers will always bloom in the fields.
You can choose to live an idealistic live like how you always want it to be.

But truth is, we all have to grow up someday.

And its no fun anymore.

Life #5

Life is like the waves of the sea.
The passer-by of the sea.
At the end of the day, the sea still exist like the waves never been there.
It comes it goes.

Like someone mentioned, we are just the passer-by of life.
Taking up a fraction of the timeline.
After we die, the timeline still goes on, like you never been here.
After a century, who would remember, who would have known that you had ever existed at all..
End of the day, is there really any meaning to all of these?
We are just a tiny fraction of the whole population, tiny fraction of the ever going timeline, the world is too huge.

I want to live with the world than live within a society.