These few days i have been confusing myself with things that maybe isnt reasonable or with some lame stupid stuffs.. Been feeling depressed lately..

Sleepless nights continued. I dont know why i cant sleep at night. And some time in the day when i really tried sleeping. I cant. I feel so so tired but everytime i lie down images and thoughts keep squeezing into my brain and its so vivid, it never gets blurry. Dont say i never try hard enough. i lie there for hrs and hrs its just wasting my time. Even though if im really tired I still cant fall asleep. And i really really wants to sleep. So thats y everytime i got a chance to feel sleepy i immediately take these chance to sleep well. And i will put everything aside just to get some rest. I even cancel my appearance for the hang out of the day just to slp. Some will understand. And things has started to get so bad that i starting to vent my anger on friends. I sorry xy if these few weeks i've been really irritating or boiling. I know you could understand. You havent shouted or screaming at me. Thanks fer ya patience. Thats really the person i should thank.

Money is slipping out like fine sand get blown away by the wind and I will never get it back. Or will i? k stop crapping. Jobs? Suckers. What kind of fuck do they really want? Diploma to work in a restaurant as a waitress? Stfu! I dont understand it. Why dont you just call? So many i actually cant believe none of them called.

Ima bitch! I dont really understand what i want. Whats wrong with me?! Ever since kwang broke up with me. Im starting to act like a slut. Do what sluts do. I really really hate myself but i dont understand why i did things like that. Im a fugly fucking fucker+sucker. Xy pls i need you to help me. Only you i can seek advice for. Only you knows what happened all the way. And I really meant all that way. Im a stupid bitch!

Friends? If there are many looking for a perfect one. Im sorry theres no human like that exist at all. Maybe to the planet Z. Look if you want. Im sorry but you've got to have the unlimited patience to withstand their bad points. And i 've empathsize these many times but seems like no one really understand or is that they understand but nth is done but gossiping. I know, I have done some gossiping too but these only the one and only one i gossiped about. Ask yt she knows. Lol. Look. My tolerance level is high thats y i can stay with xy for a long long time. And now we became really close. Take a stand.

I can say this is the first time i sleep during these three days... Lol that chalet was quite boring but it was worth it.. Got to know some ppls.. lol and got a free hi-card.. Heeh! happy.. Then before that i bought jim beam then we all drank at paradiz.. And i can say drink the most there... As i drink it nik and can say is more than anyone... Then after that sit that fucking bus so rocking then head abit dizzy then vomit... Then reach there le go see ah gua lol. then taxi uncle bring us go see ah gua.. hahahz. so funny that uncle... The most funniest part is the part we reach le then gostan.. Friends want to know ask me.. lol. Then meet yixiong outside then i and him finish the jim bean half half... xy dun dare drink.. Then we went in drink again.. lol sian cia whole day was like drinking then i have an empty stomach and that was a 43% exciting volka it says lol.. then drink till dawn sun rise already then go vomit again.. But nth to vomit all come out water... Then after that my stomach very very pain cia.. and hungry. After that at night le sit cab home lor sian waste money...

This few weeks.. Thoughts are flashing pass fast. And the day that i went out with Alphy, he really enlighten me and open up my mind. We can only be young once. And enjoy our sch life once. Once its over we have to work hard. But what about me? Thinking of slogging for life? No way. I really wanna go back sch and study hard. But what really stopped me is the loneliness in sch... And what if i wasted anotehr yr again and all sorts of possiblility. But i really wants to study. But theres no determination at all..

Ha.Ha. Ppl can change their mind want lor not so straight lor.. Anyway is you keep forcing then i say yes want lor... If you dont want me like that, then dont force me anymore. When i say i dont want means i dont want lor

I dont understand why. I really just dont understand why. I dont understand why ppl like to 'force' me do things that i dont want to do. After 'forcing' one thing they 'force' me to do anything again. And their 'force' is so call persuading me only. Then after persuading im still the same no motion they started to get angry. What for? Whats the use?

Wah.. Just came home then need to go out again haven slp for the whole day... ytd he bring me out meet me at ard 3am plus.. then go eat supper.. Nice! Eat that thing call gong bao tian ji... With porriage damn nice! Getting spicier every min...Then after that go play pool n billard.. Shit ass no form lor.. Totally... I i sian diao.. My skills like deproving... Deprive of practices... Then after that go where ar? .. Lol i forget... oh ya Mount fable.. Quite nice la... Then sit there talk cok very funny he's jokes... Lol.. Then go eat breakfast.. Nice! the you tiao at Geylang Lor 18.. Then the shao bin and taiwan mian xian.. Damn nice.. Then after that go hotel play poppers.. Another name call rush ar he say.. Quite shoik la... But the kick last for mins only.. So short...Then i keep sniffing lor... lol then he go slp i watch tv... Watch two show very NICE man.. got hbo want cia... Then i try to slp cant slp cia! Out side so fucking noisy lor.. Construction worker outside drill drill drill... Then come back home got ppl drilling upstairs wtf... Then whole day havent slp so fucking tired... Waiting for my friend's call just afraid that i would fall asleep...

Fucking angry with xy... I have already told her first hand.. Once i started slping it would be difficult to be up again.. Then in the end i wake up at 9pm then she dont want to go out already... Wtf she everyday just acc her guys can already.. Two guys would keep her fucking busy... If shes still free then go find more, more guys would be happy to have her companion..

Lol... sian.. wah lan eh... walk ard hougang then three bikers there following us then in the end get xy no... then go plaza with us... before tht i n xy go burn newspaper in the rubbish bin lol then the whole thing melt.. lol.. so fun then got ppl saw us then we run cia so thrilling so fun... lol.. then we walk walk walk then saw rubbish bin again then move the bin in the middle of of the road lol funny seh then the ppl come out of the car and put the bin back lol... stupid seh.. then those three reach plaza le then they go in and one of them have not reach the age limit but they smuggle them in then in the end kana ban... Then they downstair si bei dulan then throw the chair all that then ka zhua saw mahz also du lan then ka zhua say kua lan jiao then in the end like wan tio dai ji like that in the end shake hands settle le cos the ah yi c0me and stop them mahz.. say what u all now also nv chup liaoz still want fight then after that settle le... so lame lor... Luckily i think they dunno they know us ar... If not cia sway next time how to go plaza...'
wtf.. sway cia know them... They take xy no. that time i already sian diao liaoz... Then heard they want go plaza with us i more sian lor

... I still miss him.. I still love him... Pls want me back... Im sry yong yuan i know its not fair to you... because my heart still have my ex.. Im sry...

Anyway.. Feel like breaking him le... Got stead feels like none.. Wtf. Does he treat me like his stead.

Just woke up... Wondering why xy never call me.. I thought she told me to wake up at 4pm tehn after that meet her father why she didnt call? Ncm anyway.. ytd go clark quey.. It was whack.. But luckily we got a taxi driver to drive us around lol.. FREE. lol in the worning drive go eat drink smoke and talk cok. lol Now that was fun.. I haven laugh out in a while.. Hhahah anyways hope can like this again lol

Hearing those songs... His back again... His shadown is back in my mind.. Sobs... SAve me!

Wondering... Was it a trail of unwise decision? Or a blessing in disguise?

Wrong wrong wrong! Everything is going wrong! Save me!

Lol.. He so cute lor.. This few days keep talking to him on phone.. yep.. Then feel that he very cute lei... Dunno lei then i just scare that he would be disappointed to see me looking like this... Maybe he thought that i will look pretty then he jio me want... Then dunno la.. whether to accept anot... Then we can get along quite well.. I dunno if he is sincere anot but he sounds not really sincere lei... Like just finding a stead to acc only... soo..... Dunno lahs...

Hm.. Today went to ps actually plan to go look for a job but we wear kinda too improperiate to go for an interview so we plan to go on monday... Then go there to repair my fucking shoes which i bought for just one fucking week and its fucking spoilt... And im fucking hot... Then after that went to look fer daniel.. After that I saw a two niggaz and they say hi i say hi back then they come over.. We chatted and he asked for number.. And guess what? They are from america!! o.m.g... Lol Very nice to chat.. Seem like a million things to talk about... Then they acc us walk to bugis and then we went seperate ways. then we went to find mingkar gabriel and his friends.. After that we went to his friend's hse before that i think they eat pills.. Then kinda weird... A while after we went off sit at bus stop chatted for a very long time... She say she dare not say cause scare i angry then don care her but i told nah just say out everything no need scare want.. Next time anything just say out... Then we chatted very very very long and after taht chat we felt even more closer.. And after then sit cab go home.. The taxi uncle also very good to chat lol.. Talk cok with him all that lol

Wtf Fuck you.. The moment i just thought of you u appear just at ma face.. And what is that fucking expression?! Don wanna see me again izit?! Wtf is that busy stuff? Busy going out playing pool or hanging around with yer girls.. Fucking ji hong. Ooooh soo cuuute with that fucking sunglasses on is it.. So cool so cute. Ugh! Pui! Yer taste fucking sucks! Eew! Pp EE U! So fucking short i guess even shorter than me.. So I guess you like toot toot innocent girls Y?! For you to fuck izit for yer to cheat again fucking right? Fucking geeks. Wtf Do you think you are mr Charm.. Charm any girls you want.. I sincerely spit on you... You ruin ma day.

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-ji hong kia!!
-ji hong kia!!
-ji hong kia!!

-decided to slowly take my time to it...
-sort things out clearly before i make move
-and not to make those same fucking mistakes again
-try to change ma self first though

.. Haiz.. I really dunno what to say.. Feel like calling him but i cant find the courage to call him... Its like very thick skin and im also not very chio then like very bo bian and dun want face like that... Thats what i felt.. It really saddened me that y do i look this way... Then today he rejected me.. Like so paiseh lor... Not really a big deal cause it just an offer to go out lol.. Im just waiting for him to ask me that fucking qn that wont get out of his mouth... haiz... how long do i have to wait... But i do really hope if i got a chance i hope it last long.. Cause im kinda sick and tired of short relationship... Im afraid if i called then there would be some mins of sinlence cause it would be awkward if there were nth to talk about.. Im in a dileima now! Should i call or not?

-sry i hate it when theres much spelling mistake in my entry...
-lol kwang called me in the afternnoon
-Should i call him?
-Still thinking about the taxi thingy
-Nice one heeh