Shocked? I guess you dont know me that well as I thought you would.

Shocked? I guess you dont know me that well as I thought you would.

Ok ok... You've got to stop man, you really gotta stop.... You are right pissing me off... Yea i admit im sorry i once talk about your future... But yo really gotta stop yo another version of fucking me... yea yer got it damn right fucking me... Whats so great about it? Yea yo can street talk all da way if yo want but it gonna sound whack. Yo not a true fan at all. Yo do not like his music yo just like his person. He gonna feel insulted and annoyed. So do not insult him by annoucing that yo a fan.... ... ... Are yo a dyke??? I would really want to have the answer to this insulting qn... Yo keep talking about yer homies and others and what exactly are you heading? Yo just wants ppl to ask you. 'Hey Who is that?''Why is that?''What happen?''Izit to the extend of 143?' Yo are just so naive. Yea U dont even know what is love. Sympathy? nah...

And blah blah blah fucking blah...

Im sorry mama...

Fuck it! I hate this house this family! Why am i born in this kinda family! This is the lousier family I ever guessed! I hate it i hate it i hate it! Why cant i have a perfect fanily?! If they decided to treat me like this then y bother to send me to this world! Change your charactor man! You are starting to piss me off! If you want to be like this dont blame me if i have grown up and be the same way that u do! You are so damn fcking calculative! I've never met anyone like this ever ever ever ever! You are so over! Im so amazed i can find such rare species still here... You totally hit and broke my nerves!

Thank you. Yo have just betray my trust. =)

The night was whack! Far from what i had expected! I shoulda listen to muh dad! A waste trip... In the end?! I had the runs! LAO SAIIIIII!!!! LOL. Luckily got xh acc me to toilet here and there... And luckily they went home already if not they sure complain me so troublesome... heeh... A trail of unwise and unlucky desicions... and the cigarette is taken by xy... damnit no more to smoke... Nth to brood over about already...

While i was surfing the web today... i spot an article which rose my interest more in strange phenomenon and psycology... I finally know the magician's secret and how he mislead and misdirect us... People with intelligence will be easily baffled by the magicians and small kids will see through his trick more easily than people with in telligence because people with intelligence will use their mind and through the theory and why is it possible.. but kids will use the power of their eyes and see where the coins have gone... They will not be misdirected easily because they do not have the basic knowledge to think through.
I have read another article on the phenomenon of synchronicity. Im amazed by those incidents of chances which people thought it was god which helped them through... The real reason or theory, no ones knows...

Haiz! Ytd and today was my fucking mock exam.. I guess i did not do very well ya? I just hope that god could enlighten me and change my fucking charactor of extreme laziness.. damn! So i can study hard enough.. The english paper 1 compo I did it halfway... I did not want to do it at first so i slept throughout then all of a sudden two teachers came to disrupt my world.. Then they kept forcing me to think of something ter write! So when i finally got a good one I havent finish the fucking bell rang. damnit!

After school we hang around outside sch then something fly into muh eyes and got tuck in there.. then fuck! My eyes was like burning! Then michelle walk past she call out then i couldnt answer her cause it was damn pain! Thz fer xy keep waiting fer until i finally dig that fucking dust out...

And i totally forget all about conselling! I suppose to meet her at 2.30pm but i stay in sch till 4.. Now i have to meet her at 5.30pm... damn... Im so so beaten...

Wookiez... Now i needa get ready ter go...
Ps: I still fucking think shes a fucking dyke...

This could descibe what i feel:

Just as your idea comes to fruition, you now get a case of cold feet. An irrational feeling may be holding you back just enough for you to tie up loose ends before pushing forward again. If your dreams were unrealistic, there may be no quick fix. It's time, anyhow, to try and bring them back down to earth.

The fat ass that is sitting on singapore has the dumbest little brain i have ever seen in his world of dumb arse! He had been complaining about greying population here and yet he is murdering his people over minor trivia matters! I cant believe that people can serve a life sentence just by having oral sex! That is totally ridiculous! What against the law of nature! Maybe is not allow fer christians but that doesnt mean fer THE WHOLE OF SINGAPORE!!! What in the universe he get the idea from?! What a useless lame snobbish law of fuckED up singaporeans. I saw a news that a minister or someother bitches says oral sex is totally uncivalized and that his mother also dont approved of it blah blah blah fucking blah. If yer bitch dont agree or you the bitch's son= Son of THAT bitch dont approved doesnt mean the whole singapore dont approved aight! Its just one of yer own wishful thinking! Go fuck yerself up! So why did u dig out people's hearts organs to other people?! Its against the law of nature also to me!~ We are meant to go to heaven in a complete body plus body PARTS! You are destroying one allowing another.. ISNT IT DA SAME?!?! If you want to do something do it completely! Destroying everything i've got to say against you! CAnt do that?! Then let somebody else so it fer ya! Stop thinking that you can control me!~ I will not be like the other singaporeans! Like a slaves to yer! No way! Those signaporeans have no pride! I sincerely spit on them! Well. Send me fer life sentence fer chopping muh own hands off. Kill me fer killing a dog! Whip muh courpse fer suicide! Do all you want imma not going to bow my head down to yer! Death penalty fer those who just killed ONE FUCKING BITCH?! Take a HUGE look around the world! CAVE BITCHES! Yea yea... Greying population?! Kill all you want! See if greying population will cease anot?! Fuck it! Use your fucking brains and think! Stealing and fighting can be send to detention camp .. fucking blah... You are a drama king! You are exagerating! This is a waste of manpower and talent! I've got more to say! Godamn those people that are distracting me in this fucking house!F-Fuck those ignorant fucking brag snobbish cave bitches! Bring yer glock stuff it up yo' ass. Lata playas!

Now let me just say I get pissed off in reading the idiotic letters in the Forum page demanding that professional wrestling be banned from TV because "they are eroding my children's values". What they really mean is, "I can't seem to control what my children watch on TV and I need the government to do it for me."

I wish i can leave this sickening place. Singapore is not meant to be lived by the poor. Only the rich can have a comfortable and respectable life here. A place where capitalism has won and has created a shit hole fascist city state. I totally say tt Singapore is a major shithole! They, being guys, are forced to serve in the freakin' Singapore Armed Fuckers for a freakin' 2 or 2 1/2 yrs. The allowance they give is so fuckin' little. After their studies & the army, by the time they can come out to work, they're already in their mid-twenties! That's how they marry and reproduce in late stages of our lives & yet, the fucked up government is still complaining bout graying population. I would say Fuck the government of singapore!In reference to the previous post, we get up in early morning to work/sch, go home at late evening or even night, slp, then continue the whole fuckin' cycle again. the routine goes on & on.

Singapore is the worst place imaginable, I could go on and on about all the bad things that are happening in this fucking shithole. This place is HELL or worse. I wish I had the courage to commmit suicide and end this suffering though I am not giving up. I am still comtemplating of ways to do this with minimal pain and also 'Legally' so the Fucking government cannot desecrate my corpse by whipping it for suicide.

Why singapore sucks?



How about a little quiz?
1) OK, this one is easy. In which of the following countries is oral sex a criminal offense, "unless performed as part of foreplay"?
A) IranB) SudanC) Singapore



2) Which of the following groups is considered by the Government of Singapore to be a dangerous and subversive organisation, possessions of publications of which and membership in which are illegal?
A) the German Nazi partyB) the Klu Klux KlanC) Jehovah's witnesses



3) How much cannabis resin (hashish) do you have to be caught with in Singapore for death by hanging to become mandatory for you?
A) more than 1,000 kgB) more than 50 kgC) 200 grams (enough for about a joint a day for one year)



4) The penalty for smuggling which dangerous controlled substance into Singapore is one year in prison?
A) HeroinB) CocaineC) chewing gum




The correct answers (of course) are: C, C, C and C.
1) Oral sex, if not followed by vaginal intercourse, has been ruled as an "unnatural act" under section 377 of the Singapore penal code which carries a maximum sentence of life imprisonment.



2) Jehovah's witnesses: How can anyone respect the government of a country that feels so insecure that it can't even let its people make up their own minds about the "Watchtower"? Actually, the reason Singapore jails all Witnesses or people found holding their literature is that their religion forbids military service as all killing of fellow human beings (remember "Thou shalt not kill"?), which is the same reason why Hitler sent them to concentration camps.
3) No one has ever died of a cannabis overdose. Scientists say it's about as habit forming as coffee and does not lead to harder drugs, yet the government of Singapore is prepared to kill people they find in possession of it. Singapore is unique amongst tiny countries (the city state has only 3 million inhabitants) in executing some 50-80 people every year, many of them for being found with drugs. Imagine if Japan was executing 3000 people per year and holding 400,000 citizens in concentration camps for using illicit substances and you've got things in proportion. Despite these barbaric punishments the number of illegal drug users in its five drug rehabilitation centres (where people can be detained against their will if they have used illegal drugs) rose from around 5000 in 1990 to 8700 in 1994 [1]. That means two decades after making the death penalty mandatory for a range of drug offences as many as 1 in 300 Singaporean citizens are now undergoing forced drug treatment, tendency rising...
4) Chewing gum: On the other hand, no one has been sentenced for smuggling gum yet. There was a case recently though where a 16 year old boy was sent to a detention camp for two years for being caught with a pack of cigarettes.UPDATE: In May 2004, the government of Singapore lifted its blanket ban on gum sales. 19 "medicinal" and "dental" gums may be sold in pharmacies, provided users show valid ID. Selling chewing gum without checking ID makes the seller liable to a fine of S$5000 (US$3000) and up to two years in jail.

Something really has gotten into me... i guess i dont really know what it is... Im so alone.. i dont know why im always alone.. The emptyness inside, you can see it in da eyes.. I dont know what is happening but i feel that something is changing inside me. I can feel it so strongly since last year til now. Can god tell me what is happening?!?! PLEASE HELP ME WILL YA! Stop dreaming! No one will help you now! I guess I cant carry on...... .... dont let me...

WHOOO HOOOO!!!!!! Ytd im sooooooo happy!!!!! I love ytd!!! I hope ytd can repeat man! But nvm i forward to the new year again! Ytd my crew and I when to orchard first and on the way there LOL some thing very funny happen at the mrt!!! lol But yt say she dont want anybody to know cause its really embarassing!lol!!! Then we walk walk walk.. me yt ly all tired liaoz then mich still want to walk so i acc her then ly and yt sit on the chair waiting fer us... cause they two are sick...hahahaz.... one had stomachache another had a headache... Then i and mich go buy a get well soon card fer them two hahahahz then i buy those glitter to throw ppl cause glitter will stick to ppl want hahahah its difficult to wash off... Then after that they get over their sickness already then we walk to plaza singpura then go arcade, eat, walk to wards orchard then change desicion go singapore river... then they is a party there! Then after that we bought snow spray and went in the party started playing... hahah then got one small boy keep spraying at us man.. then we four spray him back then he not happy all that... then i dont care.... Then i love those caucacians man!!! They rocks!!! Then after that the music start i keep dancing all that...Then everyone was having fun man!!! Then everyone was singing and shouting then all is english songs then my friends dont know what songs is that then they feel so weird there i suppose... lol... lucky i love english songs... LoL Then they started the countdown 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!!! I RAN OUT OF SNOW!!!! GRRR! luckily i wear a cap then they cant spray my face hahaha! Boo Hoo Toooooooo bad hahaha! neni neni po po! LOL! Then too bad the party end so soon.. Then we go see the bungy jump... Then when ppl sit that ride.... i keep screaming DIEEEE!!! LOL very funny.... then finally we sit yt's dad cab home then i car sick i keep wanting to vomit... then finally reach home bath and quickly sleep then now i just woke up and write this thing... hahahhaz haiz im still reminising... lata!

These are the facts: Kip Kinkel, age 15, opened fire in a crowded cafeteria at Thurston High School on May 21, 1998...killing 2 students and wounding 25 others. He also had murdered both his parents either the night before or earlier that morning. The day before, May 20, he was expelled from school for having a loaded gun in his locker. He is now serving a life sentence of 111 years without the possibility of parole...in Oregon.

"Thurston High School---May 21, 1998"
by Aimee

Dead. “That’s such a big word.” Elijah, a senior Varsity wrestler, probably for the first time in his life felt his heart stop. I look around the room and know everyone has simultaneously been punched in the stomach with a sharp knife. Time stops. Silence prevails. The skinny, white-haired history substitute keeps talking frantically, but no sound is heard. He suddenly realizes what he has said. He stops, turns, and leaves the room. Suddenly cold, Megan starts to shake and her boyfriend Jason holds her tight without noticing. Morgan, never lacking for words on the stage or in a debate, sinks quietly into a desk. Igor shakes his head. Nothing like this ever happens in Brazil. I blink. I must not be awake yet. I’d pinch myself if I could remember how, but I can’t feel my arms. My world clouds into nothing. My world no longer exists.

BZZZZ. . Go!! Shut up already! Smack! Wait a minute...How many times have I hit that this morning? What time...? Crap, I’m late! Again. “C’mon, Gabrielle, get up. You’re going to be late for school. You know that Granny drives slower than Mom and Dad.” My eight-year-old sister is sprawled completely sideways across our temporarily shared bed. Her blond hair is all tangled around her face, and her blue eyes are swollen shut with sleep. Up. Shower. Dress. Goodwill jeans, a huge blue men's T-shirt and my cream polar fleece vest. Just like every other day. Way to be creative. Oh, well. No time for make-up, as usual. Hair up in a scrunche. Brush teeth. O.K. “Gabrielle, let’s go. You ready?” I grab my books while she grabs her black Tweety backpack and we’re off. Another day at school. Its okay, though, just seven more after today. Graduation.. Finally.

I turn and see a blond-haired, blue eyed boy sitting in one of the ugly brown chairs in Thurston High School’s counseling center. It seems almost like he’s waiting to change his schedule. I place a hand on his shoulder. His empty eyes don’t even blink. “Hi.” No response. “What’s your name?” Nothing. I ask again. “I’m Aimee.” He jumps like he just noticed I am there. “I’m Ryan.”
Someone kicks me in the leg. It should hurt. I look at her for a second. She is screaming hysterically. She seems to have no control over her body. She is ripping out her tangled, dirty brown hair and kicking wildly. No one notices. I blink and look at her again. Her over-sized, once brown cords are soaked with blood, and her black T-shirt is turned almost completely around. Suddenly, I notice her. I jump up and almost tackle her, holding her arms at the shoulders as tightly as I can. I get hit in the ear. Damn. I pin her to the ground with my knees on her thighs and my hands on her arms, this time just below her elbows. She’s at least four inches shorter than me, but about my weight and with her adrenaline pumping I can hardly hold her down. I yell at a teacher for water. Decades later she brings me a glass. I move my legs to her arms, and pour the water down her throat while being kicked repeatedly. “Swallow!” As it starts pouring out the sides of her mouth, she finally swallows. I can feel her body relax beneath me. She sees me for the first time as she is thrust back to the present.

“Three. Jake and Jennifer on one side and another girl on the other. I thought it was a skit. You know, like for the ASB elections or something. It couldn’t be real. It just couldn’t. There was so much blood... All three of them hit the ground before I even moved. You know, I just transferred from Mohawk because it burned down. I’ve been here less than a year, and... .I must be a curse or something. Three.” Adam, the sophomore drummer in the jazz band is barely breathing. He towers over me. I try desperately to comfort him, but I don’t even reach his shoulder. “Three.” “Have you eaten? I’ll get you a bagel and some juice. Stay right here, okay.” A woman from the State Crisis Counseling Center floats over to the table we’re standing at and asks if we need to talk. I just look up at him. “No.” “Have you eaten?” “I was just going to go get him something.” “Umm.. Are you friends?” Her last ditch effort at conversation flounders. We’ve never even met before. I shake my head slightly. He looks down at me and smiles. “I guess we are now.”
I drive up to school in a hurry. I hale being late. Its 7:58 and I’m going to get another detention. Crap. Why are all these people here and in my way?!? I can’t get another detention. That’d be three detentions at an hour each. Why is there an ambulance with its flashing lights on pulled in front of the walkway to the courtyard? Did I forget about the Emergency Awareness Day with HOSA again? I thought that wasn’t until next month. I look again. Dang it, there’s a cop car there, too. I must have forgotten. To my left Mrs. Carlisle, the blond teacher that helps out with HOSA, is answering a question from the car behind me. All I can see from her lips is the word ‘‘Shooting.”

I blink. I must not be awake yet. I'd pinch myself if I could remember how, but I can’t feel my arms. My world clouds into nothing. My world no longer exists. Sarah Chambers crumples to the floor in a heap. “She’s dead. Theresa’s dead. She was leaning her head against my back and she just fell. He shot her in the head. She’s dead, I know it, she’s dead. 0h God, don’t let her be dead.” I put my arms around her shoulders and run my fingers through her hair. Amazing. There’s not a drop on her. “Breathe, Sarah. Come on. It’s okay, God’s got her.” Words tumble from my mouth and I hear them as if someone else is saying them. I’m surprised to realize that it’s me. The words comfort her and she starts to nod her head, but she’s still crying so hard she can’t breathe or see. Mrs. Sundahl, my creative writing teacher, comes into the room. She gets mobbed. We’ve seen no one from outside except the sub. We know nothing. “Are there any witnesses here?” She directs the question at me. “Just Sarah.” She is still sobbing inconsolably in my arms. “She needs to go to the counseling center for crisis counseling, and she needs to give a statement.” She tries to get up, but can’t. I look to Mrs. Sundahl for direction. “Take her.” I nod. “Sure.” I leave the secured classroom for the chaos of the counseling center.
“I saw Kip in the hall. He had a funny look on his face. He’s in my Science class.” I listen to Ryan as he tells his story for the first time. “I said hi and he just looked at me. He said, ‘I like you. Go away. Go and don’t come back. Go now.’ I just looked at him. I don’t know why, but I turned to go. He looked serious, I guess. I heard shots before I even finished a step. I turned back around and two guys were laying there two steps behind me. Kip just turned around and shot two guys point blank in the head. Why did he do that?” He takes a drink of the water I brought to him. “I’m glad I was nice to him.”

I maneuver Sarah through the halls. I take her the long way to avoid seeing the cafeteria as much as we can. I almost have to carry her. I was told to be careful. We still don’t know if they’ve caught him, and I don’t want Sarah to go through any more. Finally we get to the door, and someone pulls us in and slams the door behind us. The room is packed. She immediately sees friends of hers and runs to them. “Have you heard anything?” The room smells of something. What is it? I know this smell... Blood. 0, God, its blood. I think I’m sick.
I see Mrs. Graham. Thank God. We smile and hug. Her face is the first welcome thing I’ve seen all morning. She is my mentor and art teacher. A true woman of God. “I wore this cross today and I didn’t really know why. I guess I do now... It’s so good to see you,” she says with a smile. “I’m so glad you’re here. Can I help or will I be in the way?” “You can do as much as any of us. Stay. It’ll be good to have you here.” “Thank you.” We squeeze hands and offer up a quick prayer as we go our separate ways.

I start to shake. I'm so cold. I can’t get through to Tyler or my grandparents. ‘Dear God, please give me wisdom. Let me help here. You put me here, give me something to do. Let Tyler have a peace about me. Tell him I’m alright. Please let something good come out of this. Please.
I'm walking around passing out more water and I trip over a girl. I didn’t see her. She’s sitting on the floor holding her knees, head in her lap, just rocking. Just rocking. I bend over to talk to her, then decide to sit next to her on the floor. She’s shaking, too. I talk to her and she responds. That’s a nice change. “Are you cold?” “A little.” “Here.” I take off my vest and place it around her shoulders. I want to cover some of the blood that is enveloping her. I hand her the water I have, and she drinks it. “I’m Aimee.” “Shelley.” “Hi. Come on. Let’s go clean you up.” She looks like a frightened child you just took from the corner they were hiding in. She looks back. Her eyes are empty. Her blond hair is brown with blood. I’m sick again. She has blood drying on her face, arms, clothes, under her fingernails, even on the bottom of her shoes. We head to the teacher’s industrial sink in the library. We wade through a sea of people packed too tight to breathe waiting in line for the phone, but as they see her, blood-stained, they part like the Red Sea. The room around us grows quiet. “Come on.”
I take a wet paper towel to her face and move her arms under the running water. She has to look away. “It was my boyfriend.” The knife in my stomach twists. Don’t think. I wipe the water all the way up to her shoulders. I dry her off and carefully step her aside so I can wash myself. I make the mistake of looking. I just watch as someone’s lifeblood pours down the sink like dirt. The water turns pink against the terribly white sink. I’m going to throw up. ‘0, God, I’m sick again. This person is dead and I’m washing his blood off like dirt. I don’t even know his name.’ I’m so nauseous. DON’T THINK! Take Shelley back and sit her down. Just don’t think. Don’t think...

I take 10 seconds aside to breathe. I walk to the one semi-quiet corner between the counseling center and the library to just be there with Mrs. Graham. We both breathe for the first time in hours. Lifetimes. Mrs. Bellissimo scurries past us then stops and turns around. She needs a break, too. “I feel like I should be doing something for these kids. They haven’t eaten in hours. I have some donuts in my room. Should I go get them?” She’s talking so fast I can hardly keep up mentally. She looks at us helplessly. I say, “No. Don’t give them sugar.” “What do they need? I don’t know what you kids eat.” “Bagels. They need bagels and cream cheese and fruit and juice and more water. We’re almost out. Muffins, too, maybe.” I can’t believe the authority in my voice. Thank you, God. She looks at me and smiles like a little kid you just gave the privilege of bringing you the remote control. She runs off and twenty minutes later I turn around and there are tables upon tables of muffins, bagels, cream cheese, oranges, apples, bananas, and at least three different kinds of juices. Even water, bottled this time.

Water. Finally. A shower. I can’t get it hot enough. Why won’t this blood come off me? I kicked all my clothes off and threw them into the hail to be washed. They’ll be done by the time I finish with my shower. I’ve washed my hair four times! Why can’t get it clean?!? The water is so hot I am burning myself and I can’t get clean. I can still feel it and smell it. I drop my head to the wall and cry. ‘Why, God? Why?’

I walk around the counseling center passing out water, bagels, oranges; listening, hugging. I hear half conversations. Everyone talks, no one listens. “I wonder when 3rd period is today?” “The one night I actually did all my homework.” “Have you heard anything?” “I guess the test in history won’t be today.” Allen just stands there, staring. “Allen... Allen, talk to me. Please.” “I should have stayed. I shouldn’t have left him.” “What is it, Allen?” “I should have stayed.” “Allen, talk to me please. I’m listening.” “He got shot and he fell. There was so much blood.” Allen was blank. “Tony told me not to leave him. I had his head in my lap. He said not to leave him.” I turn around, half expecting to see jungle or hear enemy fire. The bookshelves and carpet surprise me. “They made me. I shouldn’t have left him... I shouldn’t have left him...”
Through the glass windows I can see across the courtyard and into the cafeteria. Blood. Chaos. Stretchers. So many people. I start to shake. I’m so cold. Don’t think. Just don’t think.
So many people here. “I don’t know you.” “I’m Karen from the State Crisis Counseling team.” “Oh. Hi.” “Have you given your statement to the detectives yet?” “No, I didn’t see anything. I’m just trying to help out.” They are everywhere. The whole library is taken up with detectives at tables, city, county and state police, three or four different crisis teams. They all want to hear your story. You have to sign out before you can leave the room. “Leave your phone number.” I look up at the clock. 10:35. Damn. I’m hungry, but I can’t eat. I can’t even swallow. Adam is talking to a detective now. He can’t get a hold of his parents and he doesn’t drive, so we’ll take him home. Me and whoever is out there waiting for me. I hope Tyler is there. I miss him right now. ‘0, God, please let Tyler be there.’

I walk back down the connecting hall between the library and the counseling center. Stacey is quiet now. We got her to a room all by herself, just her and the water tanks. She seems to have stopped kicking, but I am still leery. She sees me, and I go in to see her. She won’t let go of my arm. “Please don’t leave me.” I calm her down, and take her to a detective. They can’t reach her family, but at least this will give her something to do while they try. My bet is that they are waiting outside. No one comes in, people just leave. Walking or on a stretcher, people just leave. The detective pries her off of me, and gives me a sympathetic look. He asks if I’ve eaten. I pretend not to hear. I just want to go home. I find Adam and we sign out. 10:50. Three hours. I get a teacher to unlock the classroom that my bag was abandoned in and we walk down the deathly still hall.

The sun is shining. It hurts my head. 1 wish it would rain. It should be raining. Usually the sun offers hope; today it just seems to be mocking us, all of us. This seems like it will never be over. Five more steps. We cross the police line. I can feel the air against my face for the first time today, but it is stale. There is no life in it. It still reeks of blood.

Tyler is there sitting on a bench. Good I knew he would be. He stands and walks to me. He looks tired. We hug. I want nothing more than to go home and get lost in his hug. “I love you, Aimee.” I hardly hear him, but his words and the sound of his voice hit me on a much deeper level. He will take me home, and I will cry. That doesn’t seem to make sense, but nothing makes sense to me today. I haven’t really felt anything since I heard the words “Shooting” and “Dead.” I just want to wake up. I just want to get lost in Tyler. I just want to go home. He holds me. For the moment nothing else matters. I can not change it. No one can change it. All we can do is to deal with it, and hope someday to sleep and not see an industrial sink.

Wow! I cant believe it!! I went there on my own on bus ytd at around 7... Then wow they already started cooking le... then i could smell it from the lift... the door was open wide open like inviting me in like that... lol... The food i ate a little... then michelle came later and they have already eaten finish... then i helped her bbq those food cause i find it quite fun... lol Then i drank a can of beer then they open red wine then i drank abit.... then much later on they mix it with champagne it taste much nicer... then then started the present thingy... then py gave me the clothing that i wanted that time at sun tec city.... Then im soo touch by it man... I cant believe it!... Then after that most of the people return home.. then four of us left were staying at yt house... then they started gambling... then i felt bored by it.. then i have no choice but to play along lor... then heng wwe started i went out and watch it... then i came back in they are still gambling... then nvm bout it... i keep playing and keep making a fool about everything... Then it was very funny i just need to laugh... The whole was very funny but some times quiteboring.... Then we talk throughout the night.... Going out of the house a few times just to take a puff... Kinda troublesome...

I dont know if he will be release from jail or not.. one of the article say he will be release when he is 21.. but i believe he wont be release... he will be in prison for more than 111 years for killing 4 and injuring more than 24... without any possibilities of parole... sad man...


Jennifer was one of his victim... she was called for a testimonial.... Many were called too but i posted this one....

Kip shot Jennifer Alldredge in the hand and chest.

Just in case you want to put a name and a face with count 9, I am Jennifer Alldredge and you tried to murder me.
I got to school early that day, because it was my boyfriend, Jake Ryker's birthday. I sat down at the middle front table with all of my friends and we were joking around and talking about a surprise party for Jake that his mom was throwing for him. Several minutes later, I looked up at the clock to see it was time to go to class. When I stood up to give Jake a hug, the cafeteria side door opened and you walked in. There were strange noises, like fireworks, and I thought you were campaigning for class elections like the rest of the popular group you hung out with.
Instead, I felt intense heat and pain hit and spasm through my hand. I watched blood splurt and pour out of my two fingers as my entire hand throbbed. Nauseated and scared I tried to scream, but you had shot me again, this time through my lung and blood gurgled out of my mouth. I fell and went in and out of consciousness. The whole time I had no idea that you had shot my boyfriend as well. I had no idea what events took place that day until several days later when I looked up at the TV when I was in ICU.
The paramedics deemed me a lost cause. Todd Ferguson, one of the emergency paramedics, stepped over me and saw that I was almost dead. It wasn't until I spit a lifesaver out of my mouth that he finally decided to take a chance on me. It hurt to breathe. My body felt heavy and constrictive. My hand throbbed and pulsated with blood everywhere. I could smell it, I could taste it and the memory of seeing it still haunts me. I felt so cold and I just wanted to go to sleep, but the paramedics wouldn't let me. A respirator breathed for me for two days and they removed it the third, after a few attempts to wean me off, but my lungs weren't strong enough and they would collapse again. My index and middle fingers are now fused in one place. I will have my hand deformed for the rest of my life.
In the summer, when I wear a bathing suit or a tank top, people gawk and ask questions about the scars from the bullet holes, 42 staples, 3 chest tubes, and hand scars. I feel as if I have done something to be ashamed of. As if I have done something to deserve to look the way I do. I had to alter the way I hold a pen and write; each day at school and work people look at me questioningly.
I want you to know that I am not falling for this poor little mentally sick rich boy. I don't buy that whole act of burying your head in the table. I'm not going to feel sorry for you or claim you were misunderstood. Do you know that everyone felt depressed and as if they were not seen for who they really are in middle school and their freshman year? I don't buy that excuse. Your parents loved you and supported you, offering to get you help for your depression. You were part of the popular group at school, you were on the football team, and had it made. You had the high school life many of your victims never got the chance to experience.
You made the rest of my high school life absolute hell. I became someone other kids avoided because I reminded them of you and the shooting. Other so-called friends tried to use me to get attention. I became this story and no longer a person. I became the object of people's pity, and that sickens me. My name became "victim" and everyone felt compelled to discuss every gory detail of the shooting and its aftermath with me. I felt alienated from everyone. Between therapy, meetings, doctor appointments, surgeries, and dealing with my own fear that you will one day try to hurt me again, I am so tired of having all of this run my life. I have had to continually deal with the consequences of what you have done. That, to me sounds as if it is a harsh punishment just for sitting in the cafeteria. The fact that you will spend at least 25 years in jail seems so inconsequential.
You killed the two people in your life who loved you unconditionally. Guess what? Mommy can't kiss it and make it better anymore, because you killed her. And not just shot her once, but six times maliciously. Daddy isn't able to bail you out of jail anymore. No one can hug you and tell you everything will be okay, because it won't. It won't ever be okay until Mike and Ben can walk and talk with their families again, it won't be okay until my friends' surgeries are done and the scars have miraculously erased. It won't ever be okay again until every memory, every fear, and every consequence becomes non-existent. And that won't happen unless you can go back in time.
I hate you. I hate what you have done. I hate what I have become because of you. I hate living in fear each day. I hate seeing my family falling apart. I hate hearing the sound of my mom cry at night. I hate how it has become so difficult just to go up to my dad and crawl in his lap and have him reassure me. I hate losing my high school friends because the strain of the shooting always seemed to come between us. I hate that I can't go back to Thurston to visit, without pausing and remembering that I almost died there. I hate that so much of my life for the past year and a half has been devoted to all of this. I hate how difficult it has been to move on and try to find a moment's peace from my anger. ...
I hope you spend the rest of your life in jail. You can't be cured. And if a medication was found to sedate you enough, I don't trust you to take it. You don't deserve to be out of jail. You don't deserve to have the same freedoms your victims have. ... I never want to worry about you hurting my friends and me ever again. I never want to send my kids off to school one day and worry if you have been released. I'm tired of being scared. I'm tired of letting you have that much power over me. You shouldn't ever be able to have that power again.



Im angry for what she have said to him... I hope she will understand the feeling of being kip... imagine having those voices in her head... To feel worst is to feel pain and worst inside you.. Being worst is feel worst about yourself... You want to die more than anything else and thats feeling pain and worst... Not some kinda injuries that hurt sooo much.. That can be cured right? But the feelings inside of you cant be cured...

damn it! why cant you all understand him!!

This is the letter of kip kinkel after he had just killed his parents...

I have just killed my parents! I don't know what is happening. I love my mom and dad so much. I just got two felonies on my record. My parents can't take that! It would destroy them. The embarrassment would be too much for them. They couldn't live with themselves. I'm so sorry. I am a horrible son. I wish I had been aborted. I destroy everything I touch. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I didn't deserve them. They were wonderful people. It's not their fault or the fault of any person, organization, or television show. My head just doesn't work right. God damn these VOICES inside my head. I want to die. I want to be gone. But I have to kill people. I don't know why. I am so sorry! Why did God do this to me. I have never been happy. I wish I was happy. I wish I made my mother proud. I am nothing! I tried so hard to find happiness. But you know me I hate everything. I have no other choice. What have I become? I am so sorry

This is a piece of his journal...

Love Sucks
No, I don't believe in love at first sight because love is an evil plot to make people buy alcohol and firearms. When you love someone something it is always taken away from you. I also would like to add that I hate each and every one of you. Because everything I touch turns to shit. I think if you think you fall in love with someone at first sight it might just be lust. Love at first sight is only in movies. Where the people in the movies are better than you. That is why you go to a pone [pawn] shop and buy an AK-15 because you are going to execute every last mother fucking one of you. If I had a heart it would be gray.
It is easier to hate than love. Because there is much more hate and misery in the world than there is love and peace. Some people say that you should love everyone. But that is impossible. Look at our history it is full of death, depression, rape, wars and diseases. I also do not believe in love at first sight. But I do believe in hate at first sight. Therefore love is a much harder feeling to experience.
I really wouldn't know how to answer this question because my cold black heart has never and never will experience true love. I can tell you one about love. It does more harm than good. I plan to live in a big black hole. My firearms and [illegible] will be the only things to fight my isolation. I would also like to point out Love is a horrible thing. It makes things kill and hate.

I have spent days trying to figure out what I want to say. I have crumpled up dozens of pieces of paper and disregarded even more ideas. I have thought about what I could say that might make people feel just a little bit better. But I have come to the realization that it really doesn't matter what I say. Because there is nothing I can do to take away any of the pain and destruction I have caused. I absolutely loved my parents and had no reason to kill them. I had no reason to dislike, kill or try to kill anyone at Thurston. I am truly sorry that this has happened. I have gone back in my mind hundreds of times and changed one detail, one small event so this never would have happened. I wish I could. I take full responsibility for my actions. These events have pulled me down into a state of deterioration and self-loathing that I didn't know existed. I am very sorry for everything I have done, and for what I have become.