When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out In Your Arms

From PY's blog.
In fact I saw this story years ago, but reading it the second time, its still enjoyable and sweet.

When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out In Your Arms

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.

This was the scene of ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water. We had a kid, I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school. Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.

Dew came into my life.

It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her. Dew said, "You are the kind of man who best draws girl's eyeballs." Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we just married, my wife said "Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls." Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn't help doing so.

I moved Dew's hands aside and said, "You go to select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company." Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me. However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together or, I was lounging before the computer, visualising Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slight joking way. "Suppose we divorce, what will you do?" She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.

Once again, Dew said to me. "He Ning, divorce her, O.K.?" Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. "I've got something to tell you". She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want to divorce. I raised the serious topic calmly. She didn't seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, "Why?" I'm serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me. "You are not a man!" At that night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again. She brought up her divorce conditions. She didn't want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month's time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal life as possible. Her reason was simple. Our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage broken. She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, "He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?" This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, "I remember." "You carried me in your arms." She continued, "So, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning." I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. "No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce." She said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms.

She closed her eyes and said softly. "Let us start from today, don't tell our son." I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realised that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, "The outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there."

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualisation of Dew became vaguer.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger.

I didn't tell Dew about this.

i felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, "It seems not difficult to carry you now." She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, "All my dresses have grown fatter." I smiled. But I suddenly realised that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger.

I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head. Our son came in at the moment. "Dad, it's time to carry mum out." He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, "Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old." I held her tightly and said, "Both you and I didn't notice that our life was lack of such intimacy."

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, "Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious." She looked at me, astonished. Then she touched my forehead, "You got no fever." I moved her hand off my head. "Sorry, Dew. I can only say sorry to you. I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you."

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into cry. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.

When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favourite. The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote. "I'll carry you out every morning until we are old."

Stab me if I ever forget this.

Dreams - Cranberries

Like this forever.

Im gonna see a sleep doctor tomorrow.
Hopefully, these three years dilemma would have a closure.
And for now, I think Timbre would be my new hang out. Heh heh.
LG Life's good. ;)

P.S My mom wants me to 'delete' my 'japanese moustache'.
What do you girls think? Yes no?

Last summer, last summer.

The Ataris - Boys Of Summer

Apparently, theres a peek at the cleavage again. Im just too busty for my shirt.

-

The road will be bumpy again.
Sigh, tough love.

Timbre

I have to admit Timbre was fun.
The music the ambiance.
From pop to classic ballads.
Oh my, not forgetting the pizza was heaven.

Was fun til.............
Trying to heave Macson to his house.
From 3+ til i reach home was 4 near 5am.
And the way he sa jiao just sounded like him.
That skinny monster weigh just like 70kg.
I cant believe i sweat so much.

Time to stop my holidays and start going to classes.

Having less power is more power.

Power over yourself, being in control of your emotions is true power.
You can change no one but yourself. :D
For the good of every relationships.

Honestly think my mom should look at this too.
My mom and her mom. HAHA!

Putting An End To The War

1) Stop Blaming – It is absolutely pointless for you to blame yourself or the other. Blame stops you from seeing the truth. While we are engaged in pointing a finger, and making the other feel guilty, we cannot see what is really going on. Blame is a way to keep the fight alive. TAKE A VACATION FROM BLAME FOR ONE DAY. Instead of thinking of all the ways the person has hurt you keep your eyes open to watch how you may be stoking the fires. Focus upon what the person has done for you, instead, the ways in which they have been kind.

2) Realize The Price You Are Paying For These Fights Unless we truly realize the terribly toll fighting is taking on us, we will continue it automatically. Honestly take note of the consequences each fight brings, what it is doing to your body, mind and spirit. Then ask do I truly want this? Haven’t I suffered enough? Why not stop it today?

3) Choose To Be Happy Rather Than Right - You have to become aware that there is a better way to be in a relationship. This is the time to expand your view. Define success as being happy rather than being right. Learn other tools and techniques which will de-escalate anger and make a positive relationship possible for you.

4) Build A Strong Sense of Self-Worth - The basis of all good relationships is a feeling of worthiness, a desire to honor, gift and pleasure yourself, and to do the same for the other. Choose this kind of relationship and let go of all that opposes it.

As we have the courage to let go of anger, not only does our health improve, but soon we notice many kinds of wonderful, new people and experiences entering our lives. We attract what we focus upon. When we focus upon well-being, forgiveness and love, that is what will fill our lives.

Recieved my package from BFTE this morning again.
Guess what, they sent the wrong order again.
The last time they sent it with many missing items, this time,
they sent it with TOO MANY EXTRAS!

Wtf. I honestly cant believe it.
Now I have all this ridiculous amount.
Im selling all my extras.

This is the pigments I have now.



And these are all the EXTRAS.



Will do a few swatches next time for you to view the colors. Those who wants to purchase them im selling for 14$ each.

P.S Suddenly life becomes colorful and exciting... =)

We cant avoid this.
Its just problems after problems.
Just meant to be.

Here to show my pig face

A comfortable heart talk with someone I barely know.
Thanks, theres some encouragement and motivation to my life somehow.

No tomorrow, no tomorrow

Mad World - Gary Jules

Bright and early for the daily races,
going no where, going no where...

I realised I have lost myself with all the compromises.
I used to, back off and detach myself when theres conflicts and tiresome on goings in the relationship.
Right now, I am so dependant and couldnt let myself go of the situation, and right now when I take a step back, I thought, being that way doesnt makes me any happier.
I need to find myself back.

I read the past entries.
We been through these cycle again and again.
I can only detach.
But this time, detach lovingly not detach with hatred.

BFTE haul!

Good news is I have recieved my package from BFTE.
Bad news is, theres a few mistakes in my order.
Eight colors I have yet to recieved and three colors that I am not supposed to recieved.
After its fixed, I might do a few swatches!

____

A new idea I just found on the net.
Dry chapped lips sticks with me for as long as I remembered.
And I have found an effective remedy!
Is to exfoliate lips by using........ toothbrush. W.T.F

1. Apply a layer of Vaseline on your lips.
2. Gently use your toothbrush and brush your lips in circular motions.
3. Wash and apply Vaseline to moisturise!

There! Done! Healthy glowing lips!

You can use the toothbrush tactics on your face too.
But honestly I think its rather aggresive.

This is bad year for my family.
So much things have been happening to friends and family.
Few weeks ago, YT and us had a car accident.
Plus my parents just got robbed at JB.
God bless, both of them are unharmed.

I hope after this everything will goes smoothly for everyone around me.
And I pray that the next bad thing will not be 'us'.

Lord, please send your Holy Angels to stand guard over the people around me.

Slip of the tongue.

This is real meaningful.
We deserve to think about it, when I say 'we', I really meant me.





My glares burn through her.
And I’m sure that such actions aren’t foreign to her
because the essence of her beauty is, well, the essence of beauty.

And in the presence of this higher being,
the weakness of my masculinity kicks in,
causing me to personify my wannabe big-baller, shot-caller,
God’s gift to the female species with shiny suit wrapping rapping like,
“Yo, what’s crackin shorty how you livin’ what’s your sign what’s your size I dig your style, yo.”

Now, this girl was no fool.
She gives me a dirty look with the quickness like,
“Boy, you must be stupid.”
so I’m looking at myself,
“Boy, you must be stupid.”
But looking upon her I am kinda feelin’ her style.

So I try again.
But, instead of addressing her properly,
I blurt out one of my fake-ass playalistic lines like,
“Gurl, you must be a traffic ticket cuz you got fine written all over you.”
Now, she’s trying to leave and I’m trying to keep her here.
So at a final attempt, I utter,
“Gurl, what is your ethnic makeup?”

At this point, her glare was scorching through me,
and somehow she manages to make her brown eyes
resemble some kinda brown fire or something,
but there’s no snap or head moement,
no palm to face, click of tongue, middle finger,
roll of eyes, twist of lips, or girl power chant.
She just glares through me with these burning eyes
and her gaze grabs you by the throat.

She says, “Ethnic makeup?”
She says, “First of all, makeup’s just an anglicized, colonized, commodified utility
that my sisters have been programmed to consume,
forcing them to cover up their natural state
in order to imitate what another sister looks like in her natural state
because people keep telling her
that the other sister’s natural state is more beautiful
than the first sister’s natural state.
At the same time,
the other sister isn’t even in her natural state,
because she’s trying to imitate yet another sister,
so in actuality, the natural state that the first sister’s trying to imitate
wasn’t even natural in the first place.”

Now I’m thinking, “Damn, this girl’s kicking knowledge!”
But, meanwhile, she keeps spitting on it like
“Fine. I’ll tell you bout my ‘ethnic makeup.’
I wear foundation,
not that powdery shit,
I wear the foundation laid by my indigenous people.
It’s that foundation that makes it so that past being globalized,
I can still vocalize with confidence that i know where my roots are.
I wear this foundation not upon my face, but within my soul,
and I take this from my ancestors
because I’ll be damned if I’d ever let an American or European corporation
tell me what my foundation
should look like.”

I wear lipstick,
for my lips stick to the ears of men,
so they can experience in surround sound my screams of agony
with each lash of rulers, measuring tape, and scales,
as if my waistline and weight are inversely propotional to my value as a human being.
See my lips, they stick, but not together.
Rather, they flail open with flames to burn down this culture that once kept them shut.
Now, I mess with eye shadow,
but my eyes shadow over this time where you’ve gone at ends to keep me blind.
But you can’t cover my eyes, look into them.
My eyes foreshadow change.
My eyes foreshadow light.
and I’m not into hair dyeing.
but I’m here, dying, because this oppression won’t get out of my hair.
I have these highlights.
They are highlights of my past atrocities,
they form this oppression I can’t wash off.
It tangles around my mind and twists and braids me in layers,
this oppression manifests,
it’s stressing me so that even though I don’t color my hair,
in a couple of years it’ll look like I dyed it gray.
So what’s my ethnic makeup ?
I don’t have any.
Because your ethnicity isn’t something you can just make up.
And as for that crap my sisters paint on their faces, that’s not makeup, it’s make-believe.”

I can’t seem to look up at her.
and I’m sure that such actions aren’t foreign to her
because the expression on her face
shows that she knows that my mind is in a trance.

As her footsteps fade, my ego is left in crutches.
And rejection never sounded so sweet.

Fate is a part of one's life. 2nd.

I love my sister!

My bed crashed last night. Must be the fights going on, too disappointed too agited between N and me. I got too fustrated to fix the bed. And so, I slept on the floor.
And just like what YT said, I couldnt wake up for class again.

Why do we always make up in the end?
Then whats the point of quarreling?
And whats the point of repeating the same thing over again?
Please let me see.
"I will make you forever happy."

The package from Beauty From the Earth havent arrived yet. Maybe I am impatient.
Its my Sis's birthday present for me! And so I chose some pigments from their site to try it out! Im excited. =D

This year I have gotten so close with my sister and I love it, love her! I hope that eventually we are still as close, no matter what the future brings. ;p

The drag.

Gotta push myself on track. Cant get over this holiday sickness!
Its time for class but im sitting here procrastinating. Booshit.

This year passes so fast, things had gotten too familiar, too used.
Does appreciation still comes in time?
Does excitement still comes in time.
Jie I envy you ;]

When relationships are concerns, no words matter.
No promises matter.
Theres only a choice to trust or not to trust.
And only your choice matters.

Gonna get more of MAC Dazzleglass, its amazing.
Words cant justify it.

P.S Who would let me lean on?

Dont get sick of my face yet.

Okay you can get sick of my face now HAHA <3

-

This month back at guitar lesson, Amir change a whole new approach to his teachings and I TOTALLY LOVE IT! In 45mins, he teaches 5 segments of different genres and stuffs. Love it love it love it. A bit of metal, blues, jazz, acoustic and other stuffs! I always wanted to learn a little here and there because different genre has a different feel to it. I want to know what suits me best. Plus it is more interesting! =D!!! Happiness.

Im looking forward to Saturday!
Beach partayyyyyeeeeeeeeeee!

This is misery.

I found my life incredibly BORING since I started BMC. (It doesnt helps when I couldnt get along with the BMC girls.)
No more parties, no more boys (boys had become singular tense since few years ago), no more drunk and trashy scenes from the girls, no more scamming drinks from dirty old men, no more extra money to spend and the ultimate, no more dressing up beautifully.

No money = no shopping
No shopping = sloggy and boring clothes
Sloggy clothes = no dressing up

In addition, my year has been school, guitar lessons (oh and I just resume my guitar lesson this month), routined supper. = No reason to dress up.
Its so exciting that I could cough out dopamine. But yes, it drains out all my dopamine level, which means I am chemically imbalance in my brain right now.
I NEED DOPAMINE!
On a brighter side, I have regular exciting sex routine, it helps. Yes the roleplaying does helps.

I cant wait to finish O'level that has been delayed and delayed and delayed.

Complacent now.

Somes a keeper,
some are not.
Right now,
OUT OF MY LIFE.

I dont feel a pinch in my heart nor a twitch in my conscience,
cause there is no reason to.