The loss of spiritually

Like ants, we are rushing for something to look forward to.. something to do, somewhere to belong to or someone to love.
Something to proof before we die; that we have not lived in vain.

Beauty could not be bought by materials. Its all surrounding us as we breathe..

The leech

It grabs on to you, hangs on to you relentlessly. 

If you tuck at it, you hurt yourself.

You burn it, you kill it off.

Only one will survive.

After the blood has dried off, your skin have withered, it then, stealthily trail off. 

Off to another prey in the sunset..

I miss our memories
I miss the you I used to know
I miss our happy times while you were still you
That careless and free spirited soul just aching for protection
I hated how you became this monster
I hated how things changed
I hated how what I wanted is different from the past

We could never go back
and we could never ever be together

our memories will always be in my heart.

marilinglatenighttalksanslaughterssupperlongwalksexploringexotic
areasyourlaughtersyourjokeyourstupidmalayaccentsyoureyesyourlips
yourtattoosyourarmsandthatsexyvlinehowithoughtyouweresomanly
thatsmell..

What I wanted was already long gone since a year ago.

Goodbye great memories, leave the bitter ones behind.



Ohh baby baby its a wild world..

wanna be nobodies

No matter how you try and try, you could never know a person 100%
Makes me wanna get away. How ironic life is, knowing theres so many close and loved ones around but, loneliness tends to creep in on you.
Life is THAT melancholy, and still is..

A pill to make you numb
A pill to make dumb
A pill to make you anybody else
All the drugs in this world, wont save you from yourself..
-Coma white, Marilyn Manson

大家好聚好散
开开心心的做人。。!

And I chose not to Fear, so I chose God.

I guess he is too immature to handle a relationship.
Sometimes I really wonder why I do I always make wrong decisions in relationship.
I guess this is karma for me by taking Nick for granted, now someone else is taking me for granted when I tried wholeheartedly to devote myself to this relationship.

It takes two hands to clap.
If one wants to move forward, the other wants to stay in his comfort zone, the relationship will never be fulfilling nor satisfying.
Changes are inevitable, people have to realise that than to protect themselves by fencing up their comfort zones and not growing.
If the quote, "don't try to change your partner" exist, why have I changed so much to grow out of my own fears for him?
Why does long married couples changed overtime?
If people would realised that fear creates the phrase of, "do not try and change me" a relationship would proceed in a more faster pace than just a word of 'divorce'.

Fear creates stagnation.

I love you, Fernandez Wilfred Wenceslas.

Drugs and such.

Im gonna find my joy.
Im gonna take responsibility of my life and not push it aside the best that i can.

Past few weeks have been spiralling down. Somehow that point of time i couldnt find my way back up. My old habits that leads back to depression. Im not gonna let that happen again.
As true as how sobriety pains me, it too exhilarates me.

And i thank God for my mere existence.

Razbliuto

I know one day, I would listen to this same song and feel the same feeling.
I would look to this day and I would look back to what I've missed.. or in fact gave up on. Deeply etched in my memory.

Is life supposed to be this emotional and melancholic?

Whats happening?

Taking a break from studying, I decided to take stroll back memory lane.
Embarrassing and saddening path I have chosen to walk.
They say God only wants the best for you, so I guess at that point of time, God's work havent manifest itself yet.
Looking back, I could only smile at how foolish I have been, how much I have learnt from this life of mine and so much I have grown. So much stronger, wiser and so much more determine. Ive found comfort in it.

Life, go on let it prosper!
Let God do His work on it!

Cant believe im such a fool.

My iPod of 4 years. Finally its gone.
Thinking back, it was him who got it with me.
Every song is a piece of memory.
2k songs, good bye.

Maybe, maybe.
God wants me to let the old memory rest.
I shall redownload songs again as soon as I get a new one.
But every 2k songs? I doubt. Sigh.

This feels like the past.
Sort of.
Motivating aesthetically.
Thank you Youtopia.
Cause you be lighter than air.

Just needed to post a new post after a long hiatus.
How long was I away?
A year?

What had changed, what hasnt...
Im still melancholy.
Have a good christmas.

Soon to goodbye 2010

What have I accomplished this year.

I became single.
I got my O level results.
Learnt keyboard.
I partied non stop!
I got drunk countless times.
I had lots of fun.
Attained a "party like a rockstar" title at the endless VIPsss seatings.
HAHA.
I made a bunch of new friends.
I got attached.
I became single again.
I loved/hated Chuck Bass.
I got into Poly.
I got an A for grades.
Didnt score too well for 1st semester because of endless club.
2.5 GPA.
Endless suppers and exploring new places.
Jb trips for lunch and shoppings.
I presented, overcoming my fears of stage fright.
Had a dance routine workout for a day by cheographer.
Made a bunch of Polymates.
My first attachment in KTPH.
Seen many unsightly humans in their worst states.
Stayed at the coolest hotel, MBS.
Lost an inch or two off my waist.
Improved my guitar.
Improved my piano.
Jamming sessions with D.
Countless drinking and roaming the streets with D.
He confessed his feelings.
Got into trouble in school many times.
I stopped clubbing for sem 2.
My first Genting trip in December.

So much more. But I couldnt think of anything now.
What have you accomplished?

ITS A GREAT YEAR!! (=

Goals for next year.
Improve my GPA!
GO BANGKOK!!
MORE DIET!!!

This year was really really fast.
Too fast.
Its like my birthday had just past.

And its already November. (:

Life is great!
And its already September! <3

Why?
Is nightlife a habit?
Is it a hobby?

Its not the loneliness in me, that keeps me going.
Its the boredom.

Eight months past so fast.
Im over you in a few.
Its amazing how life changes in an instant.
Its even more amazing that most stay stagnant.
But the truth, single people changes the most.
And me, always love changes and unstablity.

I got so much I want to do, but I only have limited resources.
Sigh.
Does anyone never ever get bored of life?
Because boredom is my weakness.

For comfort, for entertainments.
But never for love.