wah sian.. now at lan thherer then all go blog update then i also come join in the fun nor... lol.. ytd my bday so sian not special want.. but then xq,py,yt and ly come my house give me bday cake so touch. Then that stupid xy never come acc me still saY what sistaz cia... So angry then she come liaoz already 12.15AM liaoz then already after my bday liaoz never give me face. Then i keep saying her. Then so funny. Actually i not angry want then kay kay abit mahz lol. then got one kay po help me type dunno type what then delete. then saw me type this then help me delete again so KAYPO. LOL.

Im starting to get irritated~ You better watch it and stop it or you better try to save it or lose it. But I hate heading back. Watch it.

I wont let you be our obstacle. You wont pressure me.

I love you~... Do I want to? Heeh what the hell. Hecka that.. love you willingly... Muacks!

Not really myself nowadays. I cant believe that im really falling for him? I really dont know. I can see that he is serious to this relationship but I dont know what i really wants. I now dont mind his negative side already but I dont like falling for a person! It makes me miss the person so much that I felt boring without him. I cant believe this is me. I always thought that i wouldnt care if my stead would care about me or not or would he call me or that he really love me. How i wish he wouldnt care much about me or treated me so good. It makes me so sick. Haiz... its so tiring. I want me back! Nvm I just hope im happy.

Im sooo happy! Im finally back with her again! Friends forever! I hope i dont do anything wrong again. Oh man really regreted it.

Did something i never thought i will do.

Cousellor lecture me again.

Happiest moment: At the playground ;)
Suffocating in your care, concern and love.

I hope i can balance those things right...

-Use com still need limited hours want ar. Dont think you are my dad so you can like that lor. I sincerely say fuck.

- I dont care already. Let it be anyway this is life. I hate life. I sincerely hate life.

- Why is it always so whack. What is me? I sincerely hate myself.

Do you really think you can control me by force?! I dont think so. Im stubborn so are you. You do this to me I will do the opposite! Fuck this house!

Im sorry. Please please forget. I will be gone soon. I will cherish it if you are willing to give me another chance. -sniff-

I dont wanna think anymore... Thats the way i am and thats too bad.

Finally we are back together again
But now all efforts are in vain
I wanna sit forever in the train
I wanna walk forever in the rain
I'm at loss and nothing gain
Our memories kept appearing in my brain
I wanna hit myself with a cane
Blood flowing out of my veins
All i felt was fucking pain
I try not to be insane
I try very hard to refrain
Myself from hiding from reality
But it is damn hard to maintain my morality

Please give me another chance
Please give me a second glance
Please accompany through the song and dance
I don't mean to offense
I know it make no sense
But I don't wanna lose you as a friend
So please give me another chance

Now my best friend hate me even a fucking stranger hates me too. I think the god hates me. The fucking mac stranger... Y does he hates me??? Like as if he knew me very well like as if I dis him. MAjor problems kept coming I dont think I can take it. Pls god help.

So much pretending
waiting for a happy ending
So long did i waited
So much time did i wasted
Mum finds my pillow wet at night
Friends dun even know if im alright

It hurts so badly inside pretending im not
Ever so deeply it hurt mending no spot
Tears pour through the lonely nights
Still pretending im not. Im just polite.

Smiling as ever. Frowning never.
Tease talk play smile
Please stop grey style
unease angry walk make way slow frown

Becoming apathetic to everything
Dun look as pathetic as it seems
Out?
Doubt.
Returning everything with a sulk
My whole lot of feelings at one time
Right now I have no choice but to end this rhyme
I have no lighter that burns much brighter
But i have a message for the god damn writer
Too bad your are not as pretty
Or miss personality
Im sorry its a pity.

Some day I just keep pretending. Dreaming of a different ending. I wanna hold on but it hurts so bad. I cant keep someday that i never had.

1. :)
2. Inconsideration of other people's feeling.
3. I wish we had not met again.

I had wonderful dream last night! The best dream i had in my lifetime. I dreamt im back in the band! Then my conductor gave me back the stock custom back to me. YEA!~ Then me and my Mr right dance together then i was like can feel the happiness in the dream. WOW! How wish im still dreaming. Haiz... Its over.

I hate the something that is within me. It is overtaking my mind; is controlling me. I can feel it. How i wish i can release this devil that is inside me. My extreme laziness is getting out of control. Im afraid i have to let it be. I have no motivation in my life. I have no motivation everytime i wake up in the morning. I cannot find the motivation in the morning to go to school. How i envy michelle. At least she have the motivation that makes her want to go to school. Her special *her. The way she always wrote it ya? How i wish i can find someone to motivates me...

Just as i thought. So my instincts were right on that day. Yo guys were out. I understand how you feel now.

... ... Like what the fuck?! Everytime i tryta change you guys started scolding me... Im so fucked up. My motivation immediately went down down! Thats what Im talking about! Yea i tryta change yea i wanted to quit smoking. And u know that aight u know that i didnt smoke fer days! Then what did u say today when i take a puff in the toilet. You immediately shouted at me 'I saw the cigarette i throw away!' shouted at me right away! You know my fucking flu came? Everything was fucked up. And today like fer example. I dont wanna go to sch because of that fucking flu u guys scolded me nagged at me. You guys can never know what im feeling. Yo guys keep asking me to tell ya whats on my mind what im feeling whats the problem why like that or blah blah blah fucking blah... How do u ever expect me to talk to ya. When like i ever started talking you guys keep nagging nagging and nagging and maybe ever scolding or say im ridiculous. How can i ever talk to ya. Anyway i dont see the point to go to sch. Maybe thats one. Fer N' levels. Then that nth else. I rather study at home. Its more more MORE effective that way. Take the physics fer example. I study study study and what i get? I know what u expected i will say nth right? NO. lol I understand it all! Thats what i mean. Im even one chapter ahead of the class. When i go to sch, I saw the teacher teaching those things and i know what they were saying like for the first time?